Daligal83 Posted June 30, 2009 Share Posted June 30, 2009 I'm still talking to that guy that lives an hour away. You can check my other threads for the story. We still talk just about every other day. If we can't talk that day, we text to say we'll call later. It's consistent and we're doing an equal amount of calling. We still talk for a long time. On Thursday and bit the bullet and asked if he wanted to figure out another time to get together. He said "yea we can do that." It didn't seem very enthusiastic to me. I let him know I'd be going back to where he lives this weekend and the weekend after. He went, two weekends in a row?? I explained why and he's like, oh ok well yea we can figure something out. He didn't get any more specific than that though. So at this point I've figured that I've let him know I want to see him again and when I'll be in his area. If he wants to see me, he can bring it up. We talked yesterday and I mentioned being there but no plans were brought up. I really don't feel like I should have to ask again if he wants to get together. Am I overthinking this? He should be calling me tomorrow. I'm hoping he'll bring it up since I'm going there on Thursday after work. I just don't get why he calls, we talk for an hour, but he's hesitant to make plans. Last time he was the one to bring it up about seeing each other. Link to comment
hers Posted June 30, 2009 Share Posted June 30, 2009 I'd wait to let him bring it up and go about your trip as planned. Make your plans but if he says spontaneously while you're there that he'd like to see you, don't cancel and plans you had, even if you have to tell him he'll have to wait till the next weekend. Is he still apprehensive b/c of that breakup he went through? Link to comment
D_Lish Posted June 30, 2009 Share Posted June 30, 2009 Having been in this situation and with a guy who sounds EXACT same as the one I was involved with, (ie: he would call constantly} yet had seemed flaky and despite us having met, I'd say don't waste your time.... A guy who wants to be with you, will be with you and no matter what. Guy in my situation was only 2 hours away and if travelling 2 hours is too much like hard work for them, then they arent worth your time IMO. I read stories where people fly thousands of miles to be with each other....an hour/2 hours is neither here nor there.... Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted June 30, 2009 Author Share Posted June 30, 2009 He was just engaged 4 months ago...so I'm being patient with him. hersmudders...I'm not sure what he's thinking. I'm super laid back about it because of that, but I don't know where he's at emotionally. He was asked if he was ready to date before given my number and he's on match, so I can assume he's ready. Or at least wants to be. But who knows how ready he really is. I don't know if he's cause he's shy, not ready, or not interested. I just don't get the investment in calling and talking for so long if he's not interested. Link to comment
hers Posted June 30, 2009 Share Posted June 30, 2009 It sounds like just apprehension to me honestly. Like he's unsure of how fast he should be moving. That's why I wrote that response--to keep you from feeling let down, but also to be able to figure out what to do later. If he doesn't try to see you this weekend, you have other plans and you can then move on from him if he's not keen on meeting up for whater reaason. I think this weekend will be more telling than what we could come up with. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted June 30, 2009 Share Posted June 30, 2009 He's obviously not that heart broken if he still has a profile on a dating site and if he's logging on. He's either actively looking...or keeping his options open. My guy was the same. Although he wasn't recently out of a relationship as your guy, he was still very active on a dating site and despite having called me for a YEAR, EVERY DAY and meeting 4 times over a period of 4 months! It's obvious the guy likes you and enjoys chatting to you, as my guy obviously did with me, else they wouldn't have called as much as they do and did. That is where it got confusing for me. I couldn't figure why he'd call, but no concrete plans to meet and that surely if he wasn't interested, he wouldnt call either? But hey, I still would take his daily calls, hung on in there and as you are doing and guess what.....it ended up nowhere. Liking someone and 'feeling' it for someone, are two entire different things....and sorry hon, but I just think a guy who is feeling it for ya, would make an effort to be with you. He's sure making the effort to visit this dating site!!! Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted June 30, 2009 Author Share Posted June 30, 2009 I don't know how much he's really active on there. I check sometimes and there was a time he didn't go on for a week. And I do know that I was his first date since the breakup and that was about a month and a half ago. And I didn't meet him on the site. We were set up. I guess my only fear with leaving it to him to make the plans is that he's thinking since I'm the one who brought it up, I should be the one to bring it up again. I just don't want to feel like I'm forcing him to hang out with me or anything. If it looks like at the end of our conversation tomorrow he's not going to say anything, could I bring it up and ask if he's got time and let him know that it's OK if he doesn't? Or should I just say nothing? Link to comment
savagegirl Posted June 30, 2009 Share Posted June 30, 2009 If he wants to see you, and you have already mentioned you will be there and asked about making plans, then he should be stepping up and arranging something. I am a firm believer in that if he wants to see you, he will make the effort to do so. I would wait and see how the next conversation goes, and then go from there. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted June 30, 2009 Share Posted June 30, 2009 I'd say nothing. It's like this. The guy knows you want to see him and because you have made it clear that you'd like too see him. You have mentioned hanging out and the guy doesn't have Alzheimers Disease, in that he will have forgotten you asked him to hang out. If he wants to see you, I feel sure he will be the one to bring it up..... I got truly pissed off, with always having to make the effort and asking my guy, when he'd be coming to see me and being met with some excuses as to why he couldn't get here. Oh yes, he'd say he wanted to see me, couldnt wait to see me ...but something seemed to always come up that prevented him getting here. I started to grow impatient and resentful....I got tired of waiting on him and then it dawned on me. If he wanted to be with me....he'd be the one suggesting the plans, not ME!! Still you know, I didn't cut him off and I'd pick up the calls. We actually fell out due to a disagreement and we didn't speak for nearly 3 months.....then he called a few times and it went on to fizzle out...or appears to have anyway. Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted June 30, 2009 Share Posted June 30, 2009 He knows you're coming. I'd leave it at that. He'll bring it up if he wants to see you. Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted July 1, 2009 Author Share Posted July 1, 2009 OK...so I'm going to see him but it's kinda weird. He wasn't bringing it up at all. I mentioned a couple times about me being there and we talked about our weekends and he said he didn't really have any plans. Then we were talking about this flat screen TV I can buy through a friend. I want it but I'm worried about buying something so expensive through a person instead of a store in case something goes wrong with it. He said that he could probably go shopping with me and find me a bigger TV for the same amount. So I took him up on the offer and we're going to go. But it's weird cause it's not like it's a date. And I asked when he wanted to do it and he said anytime, but not the 4th of course. He didn't mention any plans for the 4th, but then says he can't do it. Makes my mind wander and think he's maybe got plans with another girl? That's my overthinking irrational side...but it's definitely possible. I honestly was hoping he'd ask to spend the 4th together, but I guess it's too soon for that. Or he's not that interested yet. My mom called and said she ran into this lady that does matchmaking that apparently I've met before. There's a 33 year old guy she knows that lives here and is looking to meet someone. I told my mom I'd think about it. I don't know. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 Well he likely hasn't made plans for the 4th with you and because you and the relationship you have with him, is not a 'priority' for him. He'd be dating you properly and he wouldn't be on this dating site looking either. I think it's nice of him to offer to go shopping with you though. If he was trying to avoid meeting up, he wouldn't offer to do this. And any face to face contact you have no matter how small, is another opportunity for you both to get to know each other that little better, may serve to bring you even closer....you never know. I'd keep my options open though at the minute, because that is obviously what he is doing. Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted July 1, 2009 Author Share Posted July 1, 2009 Yea I agree that's it's a positive that he wanted to go shopping with me. I just kind of wanted another real date. I don't think that being on the dating site means he's not dating me properly though. He was on there before he met me and we're not exclusive, so why stop using it? Actually, I kind of want him to go on dates aside from me because if we do end up together, I'll know that I'm not just a rebound. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 Yea I agree that's it's a positive that he wanted to go shopping with me. I just kind of wanted another real date. I don't think that being on the dating site means he's not dating me properly though. He was on there before he met me and we're not exclusive, so why stop using it? Actually, I kind of want him to go on dates aside from me because if we do end up together, I'll know that I'm not just a rebound. For me and when the guy I was involved with was still frequenting a dating site, I wasn't that happy and because I interpreted it all to mean that despite having met me, he wasn't 'that' into me, else he wouldn't still be looking. And while he was still continuing to phone me and daily and while being on this site, I kinda felt like I was being used and until something better came along, if you know what I mean..... The difference in my situation was, is that this guy I was involved with seemed to be quite serious about me and had me believe we were exclusive and because he'd talk like we were. Even down to making me promise I'd get involved with no other guy but him and he'd wanted me to add his photo to my profile, which I did! Yet despite this, he'd still frequent it a lot and he didn't place my photo on his profile! I just think if they were that into you, they would concentrate on getting to know you, they would want to see you more and spend more time with you, rather than appear to be still looking..... But I've been thinking that the guy you know, perhaps is not over his ex and he's likely not looking to rush into anything. Perhaps it would be best if you gave him a little more time, but I wouldn't wait around for months. Have you been intimate with him....as in having kissed him? Sorry if that is a personal question and you don't have to answer. I'm just trying to figure how close you two have actually been. Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted July 1, 2009 Author Share Posted July 1, 2009 No, we haven't done anything, not even hold hands. We met, then a month later had a real date. It's been about three weeks since that. So it's all very new. And I believe that it's OK to date others for as long as you're single. Because you don't know if it's going to lead to an exclusive relationship or not so why put all of your eggs in one basket? And he's not acting like we're together like that. It's kind of just getting to know each other. So he's either not that interested, taking it slow, or he was waiting for me to bring up hanging out again and this was his way of getting together. I'll just have to see how it goes. I think I'm going to tell my mom that she can tell that matchmaker to go ahead. Like you said, I need to take it slow with him (and I am and I'm understanding), but I'm not going to wait around forever. Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 6, 2009 Share Posted July 6, 2009 hey dali - how's it going? how did things go when you hung out this weekend? Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted July 6, 2009 Author Share Posted July 6, 2009 They went well, with a disappointment but it wasn't his fault. We got together Friday to go TV shopping. He drove me all around to the different stores and helped me get the TV into my car when we got back to his place. I'm really bored at work right now, so he offered to try to put a movie on my iPod, but it didn't work. We hung out for a little bit at his house. When we were leaving I mentioned that if he wanted to use his free movie ticket to let me know. He's like, well when are you around? So I told him and we said we'd hang out Saturday. I called Saturday morning and we worked out this plan. He was going to pick me up and we'd go to the mall to try to find something he needs, get some food, and go see a movie. Unfortunately his car wouldn't start. He drives a ton for work so he had to cancel so he could deal with it. I was pretty disappointed, but of course understood. But really really disappointed. I texted him later that day to see what happened with his car. Turned out he just needed a jump. He canceled a little before noon and we would have hung out until about 4:30...so I'm kind of disappointed he didn't call to at least hangout for a little once he got his car going. But then again, who know what time he got it started again. So now I'm going to wait around for him to call. During the texting I suggested we try again next weekend when I'm back in town and he said "sounds good." I'm definitely not making the first call. I really do hope he calls. OH! And while we were driving around, he mentioned coming to visit me here Unfortunately, my entire summer is planned out. I have one weekend in July and one weekend in August where I'll be here and the July one is booking up fast. But I'd of course figure something out if he wanted to come visit haha. Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 6, 2009 Share Posted July 6, 2009 eh, sorry things didn't turn out as planned. i agree with letting him make the next move at this point.... Link to comment
stella74 Posted July 6, 2009 Share Posted July 6, 2009 I agree with Annie. You've shown plenty of interest. His attraction seems lukewarm, so pull back a bit and wait for him to initiate a call or text. Also, don't suggest hanging out again. He knows you want to see him. If he really wants to see you, he'll initiate making plans. He should be able to follow through with them, even if he has to change plans due to some unforeseen situation like with his car. I know how hard it is! Try to keep yourself busy and focused on other things or people. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted July 7, 2009 Share Posted July 7, 2009 Great! I would keep the calls relatively brief and call him less than you have been so that if he wants more he has to step up to the plate and make real plans. I understand about his car of course but just hold back a bit and let the ball be in his court a bit more. Again, I'm glad he called! Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted July 12, 2009 Author Share Posted July 12, 2009 Update! I went back there again this weekend. I was supposed to go to an art festival, but it didn't happen Anyway, we talked Friday night and he asked if I wanted to go see a movie on Saturday. Of course I said yes. I called him when I got home from my plans on Saturday afternoon and he asked if I wanted to get dinner first. So I went over to his place at 5 and we went to this hibachi restaurant for dinner. Then we wasted some time at Barnes and Noble and then went to the movie. We hung out for awhile at his place after. Watched another movie and played with his iPod. I feel like he wanted it to be that way because last week when we were going to do those plans, he was going to pick me up. This time he wanted me to go to his place first which made it easy for me to hang around after. I stayed until about 12:30 am. So it was a long date!! But still nothing happened. He made no moves. I was trying to be a little flirty and sit near him. We were closer than other times and at one point I was sitting with my arm on his dog (who insisted on sitting in between us which didn't help! lol) and he got his iPod to show me a game and he kinda rested his arm on top of mine, but then moved it. I'm thinking it's the shy thing and the whole ex-fiance thing. I mean I'm really hoping he's not putting all this energy into it if he's not interested at all. And he'll tell me about how he's not good at keeping up with his college friends because he's bad at calling people, but yet calls me on a regular basis. We've hung out 4 times now, including the time we met. So I don't know when I should be getting worried about the lack of progress. I could just make a move myself, but I'm scared it'll freak him out. Link to comment
hers Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 alright...you're having a classic hersmudders/M situation (not sure if you're familiar with my stories of M). the thing you have to do is bite the bullet and tell him your'e interested and see how he takes it. otherwse, the waiting and wondering will drive you nuts. Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted July 12, 2009 Author Share Posted July 12, 2009 What if it freaks him out though? I mean I know generally if he likes me, he won't be freaked out. But I feel like he took a pretty hard punch being dumped in the way he did. The few times he talks about it, it's obvious he's still got some anger about it. I don't want him to feel pressured. The other issue is that I have a Bat Mitzvah to go to at the end of August in his city and I can bring a guest. I definitely need to bring someone because I'm not going to know anyone. Of course, I'd love to bring him. I'm thinking it's too soon though. What do you think? And if I do decide to bring it up that I'm interested in him...how do you think I should do it? Link to comment
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