calls consistently...but not sure if he wants to see me

[hers]

I dunno. I thought M liked me. He didn't. But the wondering, though the surprise of it all when I found out, was over and it felt better. We're still friends (though I still love him...)

 

I think it's safe to ask him to the bat mitzfah but I dunno, you guys have been hanging out and talking lots. How slow can one guy take it?

[Daligal83]

Well talking lots yea, but not hanging out lots. I mean when we do, it's usually for a long time. But it's only been four times of hanging out and two of them really long. I think what I'll do is ask him on Monday if he wants to come to see me this weekend. I'm going to be out of town for the two weekends after that. If he says yes and comes, well that's a good sign! And if he still doesn't make a move, I can just say something like, the last thing I want to do is put pressure on him, but I also want to make sure we're on the same page. And make sure he knows that I have no problem going slow. As long as I know it's going haha. What do you think?

[Batya33]

I would not make a move (just continue the flirting) or ask him where you stand -- after you've gone out 10 times and been seeing each other 2-3 months I give you permission ;-). It sounds like it's going slowly, but going.... and it might be too early to invite him to the bat mitzvah but I am not 100% on that opinion.....

[Daligal83]

It has been 2 months since we've first met. And I won't be able to see him that many times over the next month. If he comes to see me this weekend, that's the 5th time. But then I'm out of town for two weekends. Then I'll be back there, but that's 4 weeks from now! The distance is not making this any easier lol.

[cat_lady]

It has been 2 months since we've first met. And I won't be able to see him that many times over the next month. If he comes to see me this weekend, that's the 5th time. But then I'm out of town for two weekends. Then I'll be back there, but that's 4 weeks from now! The distance is not making this any easier lol.

 

Why do you want to develop a relationship with someone you hardly ever see?

[icarus27]

OP, I could write more here because I've recently been in a mirror-image situation where the woman called consistently, but made no future plans to meet, kept turning down my suggestions.

 

Only you know the nuances of the situation, but in my case, I had to give up after repeatedly trying to read any signs of interest, over a three-week period after meeting her. I am a little surprised at how long you've held out for him to finally come through - but only you know the nuances, so if you want to hang in there, I encourage you.

 

D_Lish, I also read your posts on this thread.

I'm going to speak my mind and be very frank. You sound like you might be from a British-Indian background like myself (Who knows I may be wrong). . The man you described, the one who phoned you everyday for a year, but funnily enough only met you four times in four months .... sounds like a classic British-Asian type that I have heard of. The type that is fascinated by a pseudo-relationship created purely on the phone (or internet chat), but when it comes time to man up and take the r'ship into the real world where you make commitments to spend time with each other, they evaporate.

 

I'm also kinda surprised you put up with it for so long.

[Daligal83]

cat_lady...he only lives an hour away. I've done long distance before (and it was a lot farther away) and can do it again if there are eventually plans to be in the same city. I like this guy a lot and could see this going somewhere, so why would I let one hour get in the way? We could see each other on the weekends. Just lately I've had a lot of things to do, so this past two weekends were the first time I was able to see him regularly. When we first met, I was in the middle of moving so we had to wait a month to see each other again even though he asked after less than two weeks.

 

icarus-I've held out because he does seem eager to see me. He seems shy about a lot of things, but doesn't turn down opportunities to see me. He's never said no and he's asked me to get together. If he didn't want to see me at all, I would have ended this awhile ago. But considering we do get together when we can and he has made our dates long ones, it makes me feel like this is a case of being shy more than not being interested. Shy or just needing to take it slow because of his ex.

[annie24]

is it possible he only likes you as a friend? maybe he's not really ready to date and is just looking for casual hanging out. just a guess. i would keep my options open at this point. who knows, he may come around when he sees some other guy wooing you, who knows?

[Daligal83]

I thought about that...but it's not like we met randomly and started hanging out. We met on a blind date, so to me everything that has followed goes under the assumption of dating. Plus he has said that he's not good at calling people, so if he was just looking at me as a friend I don't think he'd be calling me like he is.

 

We talked today and I didn't ask him about coming here yet. But he did say that on Saturday he's getting his couch delivered and he's got his cousin's birthday party at 2. So should I ask him to come in on Sunday for the day?

[Daligal83]

Oh and the other part is that he's on link removed. I know I've said that before...but what is he doing to do with that? I mean it's not like he'd meet someone from there and be like, yea I'm not ready to date. That's the whole point of the site! haha. Then again, I don't think he's met anyone from there cause I know a lot about what he does and it really doesn't seem like he's seeing anyone else.

[annie24]

well, i don't know. i've met guys on link removed who were most certainly not ready to be dating! some do it for fun, but not because they are looking for a relationship.

[Daligal83]

Good point. I guess I'll just have to wait and see how it goes and not turn down other opportunities. I have a blind date tomorrow night...but I'm not looking forward to it. I googled him and I'm honestly not attracted to him, but I'm waiting to see what happens in person.

 

I think I'm going to ask and see if he wants to come on Sunday. Worst he can do is say no and then at least I've tried.

[annie24]

well, give the guy tomorrow a chance. you never know, he could be cuter in person!

[Daligal83]

I hope. It's just really hard for me to think about another guy when there's already someone I have feelings for. I even feel kinda guilty going on the date! I'm ridiculous lol.

[annie24]

well, if this guy you are interested in still has his link removed profile up, i don't see anything wrong with you going on a date with a new guy.

[Daligal83]

Yea logically I know it's OK and the smart thing to do. I'm just not good at dating others when I already like someone. I'd rather just focus on one person. But logically I know that I don't know where this is going and it's stupid to turn down other opportunities.

[hers]

M and I met on a dating site. Went out a million times. Thought he was interested in me. Turns out he likes me only as a friend. Sort of acted like what you're guy is acting like. Not saying it's the same...but taht's why I say go ahead and ask so you don't have to wonder anymore.

[Daligal83]

So he just led you on without telling you that he wasn't interested?? That's awful!!! Ugh I'm always afraid of that because stuff like that happens to me all the time. I think I'll still stick with seeing if he'll come see me here. I doubt that he'll drive out here if he only sees me as a friend, but you really never know. I'm just hesitant to ask because I don't want to put pressure on him due to the whole ex factor.

[hers]

yeah i really thought M liked me...always paying for me, wanting to hang out alone, watching sisterhood of the freaking traveling pants with me! what guy does that for a girl he sees only as a friend?

 

ask if he wants to come out to see you. where will he stay?

[Daligal83]

I think he'd just come out for the day. Especially if he came out this weekend because he has plans on Saturday, he could come Sunday during the day. I've got a sleeper sofa though if it turned out he stayed overnight. I think I'm just going to bring up the idea of coming here generally and see how it works out.

 

When I got with my last boyfriend, we hung out for like two weeks before anything happened and we even knew that the other was interested through a friend. We were friends for years though, so it was kind of hard to make the transition at first.

 

Did you ask M why he led you on like that?? It makes me think that maybe he was interested, but just got scared for some reason.

[hers]

I think he'd just come out for the day. Especially if he came out this weekend because he has plans on Saturday, he could come Sunday during the day. I've got a sleeper sofa though if it turned out he stayed overnight. I think I'm just going to bring up the idea of coming here generally and see how it works out.

 

When I got with my last boyfriend, we hung out for like two weeks before anything happened and we even knew that the other was interested through a friend. We were friends for years though, so it was kind of hard to make the transition at first.

 

Did you ask M why he led you on like that?? It makes me think that maybe he was interested, but just got scared for some reason.

 

I never asked him. He just got back in town today from a 6 week road trip. We're hanging out later. I'm sure he'll try to pay for me b/c he always does. But I won't let him. He very well could've been interested in me but I decided never to ask b/c I'm not sure if I coudl handle the answer. I've decided it's b/c he knows I'm moving, but I don't know if that's anywhere near the truth.