Am I being selfish?

[Imissher]

Hi everyone,

I have a little concern here. I have the chance to leave for China for 10-12 days soon.

 

My girlfriend does not have her passport currently so she is unable to go with me. I talked to her about me going for the 10-12 days and she said its ok, but she had that upset undertone when she said this.

 

I'm worried that maybe if I go without her I am being selfish. I just don't know how often I will have the chance to go to China. I work nights and she works days so it wouldn't be much different as far as our time schedule. I would just talk to her at night (in China) which is day for her. We broke up a while ago (for 6 weeks) and we have now been back together for 6 months. We have currently been together over 3 years. So I ask..

 

Is it selfish or unfair of me to go to China for 10-12 days without her? I don't want to come back and have things be a lot worse. I have always wanted to go to China though. :sad:

[HouseKitten]

Why are you going and who are you going with? Is this a work oppurtunity or has a friend offered you a spot?

 

Also, how far in advance did you know you'd be having the chance to go? Some countries have a speedy passport option which is more expensive but if you want to go somewhere and don't have time to waste, can work.

 

And is China somewhere she's expressed an interest in visiting as well? She may be hurt if you're intending to visit somewhere when she can't if it's a place you'd both previously said you'd like to go.

[Imissher]

Why are you going and who are you going with? Is this a work oppurtunity or has a friend offered you a spot?

 

Also, how far in advance did you know you'd be having the chance to go? Some countries have a speedy passport option which is more expensive but if you want to go somewhere and don't have time to waste, can work.

 

And is China somewhere she's expressed an interest in visiting as well? She may be hurt if you're intending to visit somewhere when she can't if it's a place you'd both previously said you'd like to go.

 

HI HK,

I am going to stay with a friend out in China. He has offered me a room in his home for the time I would be in China. It's just a little visit to get away from work and all of that.

 

I only found this out about 5 days ago. I can pick up my ticket today, and its no problem. I have a passport because I frequently am overseas.

 

She never really wanted to go to China (that I know of), but she did want to travel far overseas very badly with me. Anywhere, she didn't really care as long as she was with me.

 

I love this girl and I don't want to upset her. I just don't know when I would have another chance to go to China. I have been offered a round trip ticket for $400

[timetogrow]

Are you coming to China for work or what? I think you'd better explain to her your reasons for coming here before you leave. But 10-12 days is not a long time. You can call her every day or talk on the internet.

[d24]

why not postpone it until she has her passport too?

It sounds like a last minute arrangement so what's the rush/urgency?

also: you can get a passport in 24hrs for £60 extra if you go to london or liverpool (if you're uk that is).

[Honey Pumpkin]

Good lord, absolutely you should GO. What a fabulous opportunity for you! She doesn't have a passport, you do. It's not like she can go if you don't go this time. Just explain to her that you're sad she can't come, but get her passport sorted out and you'll go away together next time, and go and have a ball.

 

She should be really happy that you've got this opportunity, and in no way expect you not to go because she can't go. I wouldn't even think about it, it's not like it's a planned vacation you're excluding her from, it's a fabulous opportunity that has come up and you'd be mad not to go!!

[bulletproof]

You should absolutely go. It isn't selfish. There will always be times in life when you can't do every single thing together. She should really be happy for you and encourage the trip.

[amipushy]

Go. I know if my bf had an opportunity like that I might feel a little upset that i wasnt able to go but I certainly wouldnt deny him the chance. It's not like its 10-12 months, its less than two weeks and that is no time at all.

[Unknown1607307972]

In the UK you can go up to London (I don't know but other cities probably do it too, I just live near London) and get your passport done all in one day. It's a very very very long process having to wait for aaaages but at the end of the day you have it renewed. I had this when my dad booked a last minute two week holiday to Greece and my passport had expired. I don't know where you're from but you could look it up and see if it's possible.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Good lord, absolutely you should GO. What a fabulous opportunity for you! She doesn't have a passport, you do. It's not like she can go if you don't go this time. Just explain to her that you're sad she can't come, but get her passport sorted out and you'll go away together next time, and go and have a ball.

 

She should be really happy that you've got this opportunity, and in no way expect you not to go because she can't go. I wouldn't even think about it, it's not like it's a planned vacation you're excluding her from, it's a fabulous opportunity that has come up and you'd be mad not to go!!

 

I absolutely, 100% agree.

 

China sounds absolutely amazing from what my friends who have gone or lived there have told me.

 

She can pout all she wants, you WILL regret not going.

 

If things DO get worse once you get back, she's probably not the one for you.

 

If I were your girlfriend, I would MAKE you go to china.

[alli]

If I were in your gfs situation, I would be disappointed that I couldn't go but happy for you that you could. She is no worse off if you go than if you don't; either way her end result is the same. I'm sure she can handle a week and a half on her own, and if she freaks out about it and asks you not to go, she is just being selfish.

 

Maybe her undertone was just disappointment that she can't go. Does she seem happy for you that you have this opportunity?

[free2Bme]

I think her reaction is perfectly normal, she's dissappointed that she can't go, but telling you that you should go. It's natural for her to have the disappointed undertone at first, if she really didn't want you to go then she would be making it loud and clear, and then you would be asking 'Is she being selfish?'.

 

In other words - GO

[wgq]

Hi, just want to drop a line wishing you a great time in China.

 

After reading your post, I was thinking of rephrasing your title into "is she being selfish"? lol. No, you are not being selfish given the circumstance you describe.

 

I guess your g/f might be still very young and her reaction is understandable. Like some posters said, I would expect her to be happy for you to have this opportunity.

 

Next time, next time, you could make plans and travel together.

[free2Bme]

After reading your post, I was thinking of rephrasing your title into "is she being selfish"? lol.

 

Well, she's not asked him not to go, she just seemed a little disappointed, totally understandable.

 

Hey OP, how about sitting down and talking to her about how she really feels about it, then you won't have to do all the 2nd guessing you did in your original post.

[mca1975]

I think you should go. If its definite that she cannot get a passport in time and you cant delay the trip. The time apart will do you good probably! I dont think its selfish. It would be if you werent bothered about her feelings, but you are. Just one of those things.

 

If I was her, I would feel terrible If I stopped you going.

[Imissher]

Hey everyone,

Thanks for the feedback!

 

TimetoGrow, I'm going to China to visit some friends, and do a little bit of traveling. Thanks for the advice my friend, I will be sure to contact her each day.

 

Tux, Hey bro, I'm from the United States. Sadly I haven't found a place that I can get a rush delivery on my passport. The reason I'm in a bit of a rush is my job is offering me this ticket pretty much last minute for about 1/4 the price of a regular ticket to China. Thanks for the info!

 

Honey, Thank you for the fantastic reply! I think it would be a shame for me to miss this opportunity also. I honestly would rather have her with me though. I talked to her again today and things seem just fine. I'll write more information about it at the very bottom of this post. Thanks again!

 

Bullet, Thanks for the feedback!

 

Ami, thanks for the feedback, I'm glad to hear multiple people say I'm not being selfish. That's the last thing I want to do.

 

Unknown, thanks so much for the advice! I wish things were this easy out here in the States.

 

Debaser, Thank you so much for the reply! I really really want to go to China. I have wanted to go there since I was a child. I have always been fascinated by the culture. My girlfriend seems to be a lot happier about it now. I'll explain more at the bottom. Thanks again!

 

Alli, Thanks for the reply. She seems to be so much happier now, however I can definitely tell she is disappointed that she can't go with me.

 

Free2b, Thanks for the reply! What you said is very true. She seems to be very supportive but still a bit upset that she herself can't go.

 

WG, 谢谢! Yes she is very young still, we are both 19. She seems very supportive but still disappointed that she won't be able to come with. I am so excited about this trip I can't even explain.. I can't sleep haha!

 

Mca, Thanks for the reply! Yeah sadly from what I have seen it will take at least 2 weeks for her to get her passport. I love her very much and would like her to come with me but I don't think she will be able to this time. However she has been very supportive the more we have talked about it.

 

 

 

 

Well, long story short, we talked for several hours last night. I asked her again if she was ok with me going. She said she wants me to go and have a great time. She said "I won't lie, I'm sad that I can't go but I want you to have a great time. A chance like this doesn't come up very often." She said she is mostly worried about me being in a foreign country. I speak very little Chinese, and this worries her. She told me she wants me to go and have a great time. She just asked that I call her once a day if its even possible. She said she will be waiting at the airport for me to pick me up once I get home.

 

Everything seems to be just fine. Now I must rush and pack since I will be leaving in about a week! Haha wow... lots of things to do. I'll be sure to get some pictures for you all! Thanks again for all the help and feedback.

[Cognitive_Canine]

As for the chinese, it really depends on what areas.

 

Some of my friends said that they had forgotten all their chinese because most of the people spoke english.

 

My friend visited Japan and lived with a Japanese couple. He said he barely uttered a syllable of Japanese the entire semester.

 

I think that's a waste of an opportunity. But, you can go by not knowing much of the language.

[Imissher]

I speak a little bit of Chinese, but not enough to be out on my own. I have lots of friends in China though. They have already offered me a place to stay in their homes, and will travel around with me.

 

Like you mentioned though, lots of Chinese speak English. I know some regions that do not have many English speaking people.

[Imissher]

Came back from China. It was a great trip! She was very happy to have me back home, but she was very supportive the entire time. Told me she loved me each day, and she was here for me the day I came back!