vertigoxo Posted June 20, 2009 Author Share Posted June 20, 2009 OP, if that's what you want to do for YOURSELF then go do it! There's nothing wrong with it. But if you're doing it just to hurt your ex, then you'll only hurt yourself. I wanna do it for myself. For one reason being that I'm, well, devious these days. HAHAHAHA! I think my ex is doing the whole rebound sex to hurt me, which failed because they didn't bothered me much. Just comes to show how dumb he is to try and make me jealous. Link to comment
hers Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 It's ok to come back here and let us know how it went. We're just telling you from experience, it didn't end up well. Link to comment
vertigoxo Posted June 20, 2009 Author Share Posted June 20, 2009 It's ok to come back here and let us know how it went. We're just telling you from experience, it didn't end up well. Would you want to share your story? You can PM me about it. But only if you want to. I don't know. I am actually just dying of curiosity just to see what it's like to be with someone else this time. My ex was my first, so... yeah. Link to comment
onewithbooks Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 This thread reminds me from a scene in When Harry Met Sally... Sally Albright: I don't have to take this crap from you. Harry Burns: If you're so over Joe, why aren't you seeing anyone? Sally Albright: I see people. Harry Burns: See people? Have you slept with one person since you broke up with Joe? Sally Albright: What the hell does that have to do with anything? That will prove I'm over Joe? Because I **** somebody? Harry, you're gonna have to move back to New Jersey because you've slept with everybody in New York and I don't see that turning Helen into a faint memory for you. Besides, I will make love to somebody when it is making love. Not the way you do it like you're out for revenge or something. Link to comment
hers Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 It'll happen in due time. You can't rush healing. It doesn't work tht way. Time is the only healer. Twice I tried to use a new boyfriend to get over an ex (they were both long-term relationships and I started dating about a month after, thinking I was over them both). Turns out I treated both new guys like absolute crap b/c I didn't really like them and was still holding on to each ex (each situation was pretty similar). One other time I slept with someone almost immediately after the breakup. Felt good for a while; the guy and I ended up being FWBs for a while. That ended up badly (no feelings involved on either side but it ended and then I later realized I wasn't over my ex still and felt like crap). Time was the only thing that healed me. Link to comment
vertigoxo Posted June 20, 2009 Author Share Posted June 20, 2009 This thread reminds me from a scene in When Harry Met Sally... Sally Albright: I don't have to take this crap from you. Harry Burns: If you're so over Joe, why aren't you seeing anyone? Sally Albright: I see people. Harry Burns: See people? Have you slept with one person since you broke up with Joe? Sally Albright: What the hell does that have to do with anything? That will prove I'm over Joe? Because I **** somebody? Harry, you're gonna have to move back to New Jersey because you've slept with everybody in New York and I don't see that turning Helen into a faint memory for you. Besides, I will make love to somebody when it is making love. Not the way you do it like you're out for revenge or something. Yeah. Definantley a movie my ex needs to see. Or maybe I'm not getting the message here... Link to comment
vertigoxo Posted June 20, 2009 Author Share Posted June 20, 2009 It'll happen in due time. You can't rush healing. It doesn't work tht way. Time is the only healer. Twice I tried to use a new boyfriend to get over an ex (they were both long-term relationships and I started dating about a month after, thinking I was over them both). Turns out I treated both new guys like absolute crap b/c I didn't really like them and was still holding on to each ex (each situation was pretty similar). One other time I slept with someone almost immediately after the breakup. Felt good for a while; the guy and I ended up being FWBs for a while. That ended up badly (no feelings involved on either side but it ended and then I later realized I wasn't over my ex still and felt like crap). Time was the only thing that healed me. Oh man. I'm sorry that happened to you! *hugs* I have been using time to heal and I had a major relapse the other day, and I realize tonight that I'm done doing this, you know? I need a quick fix or something. I want contact from another human being, someone's fingers stroking me, telling me they think I'm pretty... Ugh. Link to comment
hers Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 If you're still having relapses, then no, you're not ready (at least in my experience you're not). It'll only hurt worse later when you realize you meant nothing and they meant nothing and you wanted just something. Link to comment
onewithbooks Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 Yeah. Definantley a movie my ex needs to see. Or maybe I'm not getting the message here... mmm, its a "universal" thing I think, lol. You are strong, you will take the path that is right for you. Know yourself. If you feel like you don't know yourself, then just wait, you will figure it out. Link to comment
vertigoxo Posted June 20, 2009 Author Share Posted June 20, 2009 mmm, its a "universal" thing I think, lol. You are strong, you will take the path that is right for you. Know yourself. If you feel like you don't know yourself, then just wait, you will figure it out. I guess you're right. I'll just sleep it out and decide what to do tomorrow morning. Thanks guys! I'm sorry for the immature behavior tonight, I guess I'm just losing it. Link to comment
hers Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 I really love the "when harry met sally" excerpt (I tried to rep you but have to spread the love first, owb!). It's so fitting in this situation. Link to comment
onewithbooks Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 I really love the "when harry met sally" excerpt (I tried to rep you but have to spread the love first, owb!). It's so fitting in this situation. I know right. I am so glad yall saw the humor in that. I was worried first, and then I was like, oh poo, its just a post, it can be deleted. Link to comment
hers Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 It's not immature, sweetie. It's best that you came here to talk about it. Sometimes you need an outsider's perspective to put you in check. Link to comment
onewithbooks Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 I guess you're right. I'll just sleep it out and decide what to do tomorrow morning. Thanks guys! I'm sorry for the immature behavior tonight, I guess I'm just losing it. Its not lost, its just hidden. Link to comment
hers Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 I just watched "sleepless in seattle" so I had meg ryan on the brain anyway. Link to comment
onewithbooks Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 Love me some Meg! I have Sleepless in Seattle, When Harry Met Sally, When a Man Loves a Woman, Joe versus the Volcano, and I.Q. All I need is You've Got Mail and I can complete the Hanks Ryan trifecta. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 I haven't had sex OR a relationship in almost 2 years. People say to take time for yourself to get over your ex's. I've done that and still not met anybody who wants to date me. As for being able to find someone to date right after a breakup, I've never been able to do that. I've never been lucky enough to meet someone right after a breakup, let alone date them. I get dates rarely and relationships are even MORE rare. Link to comment
onewithbooks Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 Yeah but Ren, when you do, its gonna be wonderful. I have a hunch he will be worth the wait. Link to comment
hers Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 Love me some Meg! I have Sleepless in Seattle, When Harry Met Sally, When a Man Loves a Woman, Joe versus the Volcano, and I.Q. All I need is You've Got Mail and I can complete the Hanks Ryan trifecta. I have "you've got mail" and "sleepless in seattle". I've never seen "joe vs the volcano"--ill netflix it. I loooove IQ! Such a cute movie. Back on topic, taking time to heal is best for your heart but it doesn't mean you'll get back in a relationship once you're healed. Relationships come when they're supposed to (I'm a believer in where you are is where you're supposed to be) and just b/c you're in a spot of complete healed-ness (roll with me here), doesn't mean a relationship will come to you. You just have to be patient. I'm dying to be in a relationship right now but I'm not, so I need to just accept it and be patient, as hard as it is at times. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 Yeah but Ren, when you do, its gonna be wonderful. I have a hunch he will be worth the wait. Thanks! I really hope so. I haven't really been in the dating mood lately (could be the anxiety meds). I put up an ad, but took it down because my mood just wasn't in it. I've been busy with friends though, which is good. Link to comment
Ivory_Tower Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 Okay, oh my gosh, there is this website, it's "Adult Friend Finder", that sounds so naughty... but I think I deserve something after all of this. Ugh. I feel bad because I have spoken to someone here on ENA about sex and how precious it is... I don't know. Maybe, just for once, I can have a little bit of fun, and then just call it a day. Trust me, you won't feel better afterwards. Link to comment
vertigoxo Posted June 20, 2009 Author Share Posted June 20, 2009 So I've decided not to do it. You guys are right, I shouldn't have to lower myself like that. There's a saying that goes, "Good things comes to those who wait". I believe in that more than anything. I'll have to be patient and let love come to me. Link to comment
Seymore Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 vert, I posted my curiosity about FWBs and random hookups not long after my breakup. I felt like it would just shoot me past the "getting over" stage. I'm so glad I didn't go through and do it. I didn't believe it was right before, now I was going to overstep my own boundaries for a "quick fix"? For what? So I could disappoint myself and at the same time stoop to my ex's level? Not sure that she DID do that herself, but I know she has numerous times before. I still have my weak moments where if a girl just came up to me and said "Let's go", I'm not 100% sure I would turn her down, but I do know that if I did go through with it, I'd be letting myself down in the future. I'm glad you took the time to think about it and realized it wasn't the right decision for you. Link to comment
COtuner Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 I disagree with the original premise. Sex is sex. Distraction. No different than me buying the new car of my dreams and driving it around for a couple months, or getting a new promotion at work, or whatever. I think falling in love again helps, but passage of time and personal growth and acceptance is still really the best healer. Link to comment
hulk7280 Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 it never worked for me.. i just thought about my ex the whole time Link to comment
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