Jump to content

The Only Way To Get Over Someone Is To Get Under Someone Else?


Recommended Posts

Is this true? Do rebound sex/relationships help you get over your ex? I ask this because the first few weeks after our break up, my ex was plotting to get me back. Then when he got with another girl, had sex with her, and even after she dumped him for her ex girlfriend, he told me that he doesn't think he can be with me, and that we're not "right" for each other. Despite the past year and a half he told everyone how he's going to marry me and all this, blah blah blah.

 

He also had sex with another girl and had a BJ from another one

 

But I think that, if none of these people gave him sex, wouldn't that mean he'd still be all over the ground heartbroken about the break up? I mean, I don't want to have someone be in pain for so long, but I think this whole rebound sex thing is sorta... disturbing.

 

What are your views?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 59
  • Created
  • Last Reply

I agree to an extent. Always thought with my ex, during the first breakup, that as soon as she was able to cross that threshold and sleep with another guy, that I would never have a chance with her again. Provided she enjoyed it.

 

This time she is with another guy anyway, and I have not spoken to her again since finding out they had kissed - that was enough detail for me. Naturally they would have gone all the way many times since, and so I guess my rule stipulates she is totally over me now. I never considered she would come back regardless.

 

But I don't know the real answer to what you are asking. They could certainly reflect one day that it isn't the same since it's not you they are doing it with, but its unlikely. It is pretty likely that regularly sleeping with someone else extinguishes the flame they had for you, and only vapors remain.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Some people rebound quickly to show that they're not hurting and that they're already over it and that they're not phased by a breakup.

 

I've rebounded with sex and ya know waht I figured out? I was doing just what I said some people do. And it didn't heal me faster; in fact, it took longer b/c of it.

 

Time is the only healer.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It is like treating the symptoms and not the cause. It will make you feel better for a while but sooner or later it will come back. Some times it comes back much later after you think you have completely gotten over it.

Some people heal quite quickly while others take some time. Learning about yourself seems to be the big key. If you didn't loose to much of yourself in the relationship then you can heal quicker.

 

Lost

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't like them. My ex started dating someone 3 days after we broke up from a 3 and a half year relationship. I think it is totally disrespectful to me (the dumpee) and the relationship because it seems like he doesn't even care. It's stupid for the rebound girl to get involved as well cuz she is letting herself be used. (in my situation, she allegedly knows everything so as much as I want to be happy for him I can't because I've lost all respect for this girl).

 

As far as just rebound sex...I'm not sure. My ex and I were each other's firsts so it kills me knowing he is probably sleeping with someone else. We did make a promise to each other to not sleep with anyone else until we were in a committed relationship but I feel like that means nothing since he moved on to someone sooo fast. It kills me knowing he is probably having sex with another girl, so since then I've considered the whole rebound sex thing myself. But I'm undecided...the thought of being with someone else after being with one person for 3.5 years is kinda weird/scary

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Okay, oh my gosh, there is this website, it's "Adult Friend Finder", that sounds so naughty... but I think I deserve something after all of this.

 

Ugh. I feel bad because I have spoken to someone here on ENA about sex and how precious it is... I don't know. Maybe, just for once, I can have a little bit of fun, and then just call it a day.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It is like treating the symptoms and not the cause. It will make you feel better for a while but sooner or later it will come back. Some times it comes back much later after you think you have completely gotten over it.

 

Wise words, Lost,

 

I certainly agree... if there is a cause, it will come back to haunt you sooner or later, no matter how much you might try to move on and ignore it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think a lot of people use the rebound approach just as a distraction from the pain. I myself am guilty of doing this. But I never sleep with a rebound. I just go out and have fun and enjoy the male attention rather than sitting home and grieving.

 

But the rebound thing can backfire. You can end up falling for your rebound and then get dumped by them, you can really hurt them and then feel like crap, lots can go wrong. So I don't really think it's the best of ideas.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

We might as well be the same person.

 

I was dumped after the same amount of time (there was a 10 month period of being friends only 3/4 of the way through), and she saw a movie with the new guy the same day she broke it off with me.

 

She also said she had discussed with this guy that she had slept with me just 13 days before starting up with him. Screwed up..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It is like treating the symptoms and not the cause. It will make you feel better for a while but sooner or later it will come back. Some times it comes back much later after you think you have completely gotten over it.

Some people heal quite quickly while others take some time. Learning about yourself seems to be the big key. If you didn't loose to much of yourself in the relationship then you can heal quicker.

 

Lost

 

yeah, well said.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think you are better off, if you need to throw caution to the wind and have a "screw this!" moment, to go have a night of drunkenness. Just bring a good friend who will watch your back.

 

You'll wake up with a hang over, but it's a lot better than waking up with that gnawing feeling in your gut and worries about whether the condom was slipping or not.

 

Sorry to be crude about it. But I think getting under someone to try and get over someone, is in fact a crude (more importantly, not very effective) way to go about things.

 

It's the easiest thing to do though.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't drink. I'll just have the person come over, have some fun, and that's it.

 

Hey. It worked for my stupid ex, why can't it work for me?

 

I don't know. I'm done being nice. I'm done doing the "right" thing. I'm just done.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You don't know if it worked for him. It appears that way, but unless you have a true way of getting completely inside his head, then you don't know if it worked for him.

 

Oh? Here's some proof:

 

Then when he got with another girl, had sex with her, and even after she dumped him for her ex girlfriend, he told me that he doesn't think he can be with me, and that we're not "right" for each other. Despite the past year and a half he told everyone how he's going to marry me and all this, blah blah blah.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Meeting a new person is a great way to get over someone, HOWEVER, sleeping with another person as a means of getting OVER someone puts undue pressure on one to feel as though they are moving on when they may not be, emotionally. Sex is just sex, and depending on the situation, can make you feel better or worse. People have all sorts of vices to deal with break-ups and whatnot, and sex is simply a vice or a distraction.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Words he says and actions he takes mean nothing if you really aren't inside his head. Like I said, it appears he's over it by what he does and says but you don't know--unless you have the magical power of reading his mind--what he's really feeling.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Okay, oh my gosh, there is this website, it's "Adult Friend Finder", that sounds so naughty... but I think I deserve something after all of this.

 

Ugh. I feel bad because I have spoken to someone here on ENA about sex and how precious it is... I don't know. Maybe, just for once, I can have a little bit of fun, and then just call it a day.

 

I think looking at that last paragraph that you arent ready to say "Just fling it".

 

Honestly someone once gave me this same advice after I had had my heart broken and it was the worst advice ever. I dated too quickly and I wound up not making a wise decision, as I just wanted to get over the pain.

 

As far as your ex goes, I dont think it worked for him either. If he was so "over" you why was he texting you about he latest conquests? If he was over you he would not have cared enough to want to be mean.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

We were together for 1.5 years. We are now broken up for 3 months now. So I don't know if he's lying or not. I don't know.

 

But I'm done with this, seriously. I'll just find someone and have some fun. Because in the end, I think that's all I'm ever good at; In the sack...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So your thread in sometime from now will say "I'm in so much pain b/c I slept with someone I didn't care about".

 

People here are speaking in experience. There's value in that. You don't seem like you're doing this for the most healthy reasons.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So your thread in sometime from now will say "I'm in so much pain b/c I slept with someone I didn't care about".

 

People here are speaking in experience. There's value in that. You don't seem like you're doing this for the most healthy reasons.

 

I don't want to regret things in my life anymore! I've done so much crap in the past, but I can honestly say now that I don't regret them anymore because they made me who I am today!

 

Honestly, if I ever "regret" about the fling I'm about to have, I'll just cry to myself and not say a word about it on here.

 

Do you have experiences over this? I wanna know.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.


×
×
  • Create New...