Do some people push away the people they have strongest feelings for?

[In the Dark]

I just recently learned that yes, people can do this. I was intrigued with the same thing and started my own thread asking the same question, lol. It still fascinates me that people can do this.

 

Yeah thats why I started this thread. . . .I mean, I wondered if it was psychologically possible?

This person wrote that she expressed herself to me more than any other person I had come accross, I even told her what she was doing was overwhelming.

I had never recieved such affection.

Then she panicked as she realized she is now in something she never wanted in the first place as the wounds and memories conflict with her true self whenever something similar to her old relationship would pop up.

So she started pushing me away with no reason except for the wounds and baggage she carries. . . .

 

Just typing this post makes me very sad.

[ellandroader]

Hey CAD,

 

I'm sorry about this. He doesn't deserve you. But I think it brings up a really good point ... you may be great for them, but they are not great for you.

 

I am also sorry CAD

 

Ms Darcy - This line also sums up my experience earlier this year. In fact, this whole thread, as insightful as it has been and useful to read, made me somewhat sad because underneath the shell of insecurity and fear that my ex hides in is a truly wonderful woman. The truth is, I do feel I could have helped her turn things around has she let me, but the way she was treating me was detrimental to my own well-being. This lends itself to your theory.

 

I think it is tragic when certain relationships don't work out because of reasons that seem to be unexplainable and obvious to the everyday man/woman. But then not everybody is able to handle their fears and express their emotions.

[browneyedgirl36]

Hey CAD,

 

I'm sorry about this. He doesn't deserve you. But I think it brings up a really good point ... you may be great for them, but they are not great for you.

 

Yep. Agree 100% with this....

 

[langford]

yes ive done it abour four times,but they could also simply not like you.

[and again]

If someone is not ready for a relationship and finds the perfect person emotionally, would they push them away?

 

Yes and im going through it now, ex has many issues from past lets me in so far and even says im best thing ever then runs and puts up a front. The problem is over the last two months she has told me so many insights in to her thinking that i see through her every action. But it pulls your mind to bits because when speaking i can hear the pain in her voice. Im trying it every way to give space yet still be there, but she is so sure she isnt good enough for me etc and wont try to work through her problems, that im on verge of walking away for ever. Very sad situation.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Hey CAD,

 

I'm sorry about this. He doesn't deserve you. But I think it brings up a really good point ... you may be great for them, but they are not great for you.

 

I agree. I seem to also find some friends like that...I am there for them but they are not there for me.

[cat_lady]

I think so.

 

My ex bf - we were perfect for each other in every way possible. But it was LDR, he was in school under A LOT of stress, slightly insecure and jealous and annoyed that I get easily hit on guys - and while I'd never in a million years cheat on him, this was always on the back of his mind, cultural issues (he grew up with the idea of marrying a gf of EXACTLY the same cultural background as him).. well, these are a few issues to begin with. So he broke up with me for those reasons and decided that it would be just better if we didn't really bother with each other again, since what's the point?

 

I wondered, and still wonder, whether it was the case of him liking me as much as he said he did but not being able to handle all of the above, or a sugar coated "i'm just not that into you".

[nicknick]

No! If someone has feelings for you that are strong and sincere they would never push you away. Why would they? Think about that........

[mca1975]

I don't think this is a load of BS. It is definitely a defense mechanism. I care and love my boyfriend but I am ruled by so much fear, I push him away at times. I told myself for five whole years that I would never love again. It's been hard, but 8 months on, our relationship is getting much more settled and I, and he, are both feeling much more comfortable within it.

 

I have had many, many times when I have had intense fear and felt like running away, but I refuse to. You have to keep at it and go through the fear if you feel that you have something special. It's all about being brave basically

[ladydayblues]

This is an old thread but wanted to comment on it anyway.

 

Yes I have totally pushed someone I loved away. I suppose you could say in general the timing was bad and I was unsure and scared in general.

 

-I loved him very deeply but I wasn't mature enough to understand my emotions and communicate that properly with him.

-I wasn't sure if we were compatible and didn't want to fall more deeply in love for fear of hurting each other.

-I wasn't sure if I wanted a relationship in general at that point and didn't want to ruin his life with the fact that my life was not figured out.

 

I pushed him away to the point where he felt unwanted, and basically sabatoged a relationship which could have been amazing had I just allowed myself to love openly. He was perfectly fine, it was mostly my issues that messed things up.

 

I'm still trying to figure out how to move on from this and I'm not proud of it. But yes, sadly this does happen. So if you find yourself being pushed away... it may not be your fault at all... the person who is pushing away may not even understand why they are doing this...