Dumper wants dumpee back-part 3 (get the tissues)

[radio_head]

Jesus.

Jesus Christ.

I can't believe I am back here.

 

Those of you who know my 'Dumper want Dumpee back' stories will know - o yes I was in the position every dumpee waits on! He wanted me back - texting, calling the lot! (had to wait 3 months of absolute nothing mind you!) But the day had come! It was great! Got some good advice on how to handle the situation from you guys, and I did follow it. I promise I did.

I acted cool WITH HIM (totally un cool when I was on my own!)

He had wanted to meet me in 3 weeks so I agreed.

Panic station!! what to wear, how to have my hair, shoes! need new shoes! god, if I need new shoes got to have a new handbag, ear rings, necklace, bracelet, make up to match the shoes!

so off I go! shopping spree with my best friend Lloyds tsb credit card! how I love my credit card and he loves me too!

I shop EVERYWHERE (as us women know, keeping in mind what our ex's liked us wearing!) So I end up looking like a bag with a woman somewhere beneath it all! buy everything new - so with a successful shopping trip behind me I'm glowing.

At this point, I hadn't heard anything from him for a few days - but that was ok coz he wanted me back!

 

Writing this is killing me.

 

Another day goes by without anything so I text him a short but witty message (as I do!) went something like this:

"Hey, hope you're ok and you get your phone buttons unstuck, I know it must be difficult sending messages with broken fingers and amnesiac - so just a reminder that I'm here xx'

It was a joke, and I knew he would laugh - imagining him smiling makes it so hard not to cry, his smile made me go all funny inside, my heart would beat a hundred times faster. How I miss that smile. The way he looked at me. The way I looked at him. His eyes... I never thought I wouldn't see those eyes again. If I knew that the last time I would see him would be the last time I EVER saw him - I would have looked at him more, taken everything in, so I'd never forget.

 

The next night.. lying on my bed staring at my phone. He had to reply surely? After a few hundred beers and wearing my 'I WILL SURVIVE' t-shirt, I start to get angry! I couldn't believe I was back here. So I threw my phone out of the window (could have got a spot in the England cricket team with that over arm!) Anyway I fall asleep. When I awake a few hrs later suddenly it dawns on me what I did! MY PHONE S**T! Showing Linford Christie up, I run downstairs, open the front door, and there it is... in pieces! O my god! what have I done!! so I get a torch and go hunting for the pieces of my broken heart and phone. 2 hours later I find everything and go in to do some diy on it!

I get it working, turn it on and still nothing!! I blame it on the fall!

 

Wake up on a miserable Sunday with yet another hang over and wait... The last time I spoke to him he said he'd call that night. That was over a week ago.

I do the worst thing possible and call. He doesn't answer. The psycho inside of me calls again. and again. and again. and again. NOTHING! NO ANSWER!?

I start to worry then, maybe something has happened to him! maybe on of our trams have ran over him?! (them things don't stop you know!) so I leave a message saying

'Hi ya, only me - are you alive? if not can I have your car? give me a call either way and I'll give you an update on my toothache'!

hang up..

That was a bloody stupid message! toothache?! car? o god! he is never gonna call me now!

BEEP BEEP! mobile goes! heart stops. Its him.

'Sorry for messing you around, but I have been thinking and I don't think it would work if we got back together. We would be better off as friends.I hope we can be friends one day xxxxx'

 

NO. NO. NO. NO. This can't be happening. NO! I can't cope with this! NO! I reply

'ok.'

Have heard NOTHING since and that was 8 days ago.

Saying I have been in a state is an understatement. I feel like I am back to square one in the healing process but much worse. My world seems to have shattered again. I have spent time with my friends but I can't stop this hollow feeling. WHY? what was that all about? why???!!! I feel sick. physically sick.

 

Has anyone out there got any idea what happened?

I beg you to try and give me some insight. Anything.

 

Please x

[makaw]

I've been dealing with somewhat the same thing. Don't know how long you've had this relationship but mine went on for five years. Yo-yo back and forth all the time. I would be so tolerant when he didn't show up, didn't call.....you know the drill.

 

This last time I called it quits. He hasn't called me in eight days. After day four I sent him an email stating for my own mental health I had to get my life on track and work toward my happiness. He knew how to reach me if he wanted to. Really don't expect that to ever happen. I still love him very much and vice versa but could never get him to make a decision and stick with it. It was up to me.

 

It's EXTREMELY difficult. I know. But try and refocus your energies toward you. It's futile to try and figure these guys out. What's their motivation and all that. I've tried and tried and all it's added up to is he's emotionally immature otherwise he would have noticed what a catch I was. (truly) But he CHOSE to throw it away. We can't control other people's actions, only our own. We can't control what people do to us, but we can control how we react to them. Don't let this guy mess with your head!! Rise above it. Show him you have strength and will do better without him. And above all, LET IT GO. Remove yourself emotionally from the situation. Call it a life lesson or something and get past it. Easier said than done, I know, but for your own survival, you must. Remember, you are a good person. He, apparently, is too ignorant to see it.

[lil_mamarains13]

The only thing I can suggest is to start healing all over again, and don't let him do this to you again. You need to move on now, and not think about getting back together. It is hard, and you are not going to want to do it, but I think it is better than getting your hopes up to watch them get slammed in your face. If he tries doing this again explain to him that you are not strong enough for him to play with your emotions of saying that he wants you back and then he doesn't. Don't just tell him that, but tell him if he tries to do this again to you. Well I don't have much more to say, but I hope things start to look better for you. Good Luck!

[jasminebose]

Yuck..what a horrible situation. Men really can be mean. and women fall for it over and over again. I think you must have become ex's for a reason and you should remind yourself of all the reasons you broke up or how he doesn't make you happy. Be specific, make a list- for example- 'he doesn't call me when he says he will (unreliable)' or 'he doesn't appreciate me'. When you feel like you really miss him and want to call him READ THE LIST!! You will get over him in time. Don't call him!!

[GeeCee]

Radio_Head

 

Oh ^%$£!

 

I am so sorry - I was thinking about you the other day and the fact that you had not posted - assumed that everything was swinging along really well. I am soooo sorry. You did not deserve this - you were beginning to heal. Of course, I have no answers. Drink - shout - swear - rely on your friends. And do your utmost not to allow the bastard to ever do this to you again.

 

You started getting over this before, you will do so. Get very &^%$ing angry, Radio_Head.

 

Good luck.

 

G xx

[lisaria]

Hey radio_head, I am so sorry you are going through this. That was a cruel, awful thing for that guy to do. I can't believe men are so damned mean. And that was mean. I've not heard anything for nearly a month which I think I'm thankful for. It has helped me get over his sorry butt. Ok, kind of...sort of. Ok, I'm still working on it. I still hope he's going to call one day or email me. But I think that's my ego wanting it more than my heart. Because I know now how he is and I don't think I could trust him enough to be faithful and it would hurt too much to go through a reconciliation just to be suspicious everytime his phone rang. Anyway, I hope you know that you've got people that care on this site. I've never met you and my heart goes out to you. Why do men do that? I guess women do it too, but it seems like men get a kick out of knowing that we wait for them and put up with so much crap from them and still we'd take them back in an instant if they'd come back. I hope you get strong soon and whatever happens DO NOT CALL him. He sounds like such a jerk. He should not have led you on like that. Now just concentrate on yourself. Don't let him back in. Get out and exercise, spend time with people. Your friends and family, people who love you. Make lists of all the good things in your life and all the lousy things he did while you were together. Stay in touch and let us know how you do. If you need to vent or rant and rave or cry, anything that will get you through this, then do it. I screamed in my pillow lots of nights. Just get it out. I wish for you strength and quick healing.

L

[kuhl282000]

Hey girl !!!!!!

 

Emotional pain has got to be the worst. I did the beer drinking thing. It helped to a degree. What really helped was controlling my thought process. The worst thing you can do is stare and wait by the phone. A short story my mother broke up with my father 25 plus years ago. and don't you know my mother has never dated another man and believe it or not still thinks when he gets through with want he is doing he is coming back. We'll within the family we all know she has gone over the edge a long time ago. Mom, please.....get a grip he is not coming back. Please don't be like my mom. Trust me on this, when they say lets be friends, it is over. I have never been friends with any of my ex's. But I am civil, but I believe it takes at least a year. Yeah, you blew it in a way, and in another way you gave it your best shot for round two. Well it seems as if you left your heart on your sleeve once again. And I know how you must be hurting. But don't be so hard on yourself. Some people come into our lives and stay and some leave, very few people stay forever. I liked your responses, I thought they were orginial. With 3 billion guys out in the world, I'm sure you will meet the right one when he pops his head up. I know in time you will heal. We all do except for my mom. Next year you will have a hard time remembering this blokes name. I know you loved him, but we can't make people love us back. Take everything that reminds you of this guy and put it in a box and tape it up for now. When he pops into your head, shout at the top of your lungs STOP IT! and yes you do have to stop it, or you will just prolong the agony and drive yourself nuts. It is all up to you now, he has moved on. Now it is your turn, yes that would be you girl, it is your turn. You can do this, we all have. I don't know a lot, but I do know that no matter what happens in life. One thing is for sure. and that is Life goes on, and so will you. So yes girl you have been kicked in the teeth and your down and out. But your strong, so pick yourself up and dust yourself off and get back in the game. Go out, meet someone new, have a few drinks, have some fun. and have a send off toast to this bloke. Because it was his loss.

 

Just when you think your at the end of your rope.......tie a knot and hang on.

 

Let it go girl !!!!!!! And whatever you do, don't call him, no one likes desperate. You are much better than that. I always believed that the one that gets dumped was the better person, because they have given it all they had. I know it is hard to believe, but if you got honest with yourself, deep deep down inside you really don't want him back because you would spend the rest of your life doubting......doubting the fact that he could do this to you again........and you don't want that, no one does. Take some time for you now and rest and heal, and examine what he has done to your self esteem. That is really what is messing with you. And remember you are better than that stuff. With the dumpee it is always about self esteem. Just think about it. He knows how to get hold of you, but I'll tell you the last thing I would be doing is having false hope and be waiting by the phone. I would be back in the single market and see whats hopping. One door closes another one opens. Now all you have to do is walk through it. Start walking girl, and make sure you wear some expensive heels. I'm sure you will turn heads. Don't let that shooping spree go to waste.

 

Kuhl

8) 8) 8)

[radio_head]

Thank you.

Thank you all so much.

To be honest I can't believe I woke this morning. Last nights pain was unbearable.

Its strange though, no matter how much you hurt your heart still beats and you still breathe. Body telling you this isn't going to kill you. (the alcohol might but not 'THEM'!)

Love sucks. It really bloody sucks.

I have a feeling my 'I hate men apart from my dad and liam Gallagher' mood is going to kick in soon!

I'd love to just whack him in his stupid face! oooo... here I go! anger! I'd love for him to have 10000's of paper cuts and then to stand on a plug with only socks on!

 

Kuhl - you have made me think. Is your mum happy? is she happy being on her own even if it is waiting for your dad to come home?

You said a lot of things in your post that made me stop, raise my eyebrows and nod. I thank you for that.

 

I'm sure there will be a lot more 'Dumper actually DOESN'T want dumpee back' stories posted on here!

 

I thank you for all the support you have given me. I only hope one day I might be able to do the same.

 

x

[tiff8434]

I wish I had words of wisdom for you but I dont. Bottom line it sucks and there is nothing we can do about it!