FriendnorFoe Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 I can see this thread turning in an ugly direction. So, friendnorfoe, are you saying only your view is correct? nothin is gettin ugly here hun, and no it is not the only if there is any right and wrong for this, its just kinda like religion you do or dont believe I too used to believe in the cosmic order and it's plans, but strayed away from fate's delusional promises IMO, but I am not trying to attack anymore here, just trying to gain alittle more insight to why they believe what they do. Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 so if you randomly take off tomorow for hawaii pennyless, just to prove that your fate dosents dictate or control your life, are you saying in then it was fate that you went there? Interesting. But it could go both ways. Obviously if you went on a whim with no money, stayed for a few weks or months and things didnt work out, like you couldn't get a job or find a place to live etc, then you would end up back at home pretty quickly in which case the trip to Hawaii would be a small blip, a little detour from the path. On the other hand, things could turn out well. You find a job, meet someone there and settle down and have kids and live happily ever after. Link to comment
dreamwarrior Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 nothin is gettin ugly here hun, and no it is not the only if there is any right and wrong for this, its just kinda like religion you do or dont believe I too used to believe in the cosmic order and it's plans, but strayed away from fate's delusional promises IMO, but I am not trying to attack anymore here, just trying to gain alittle more insight to why they believe what they do. Well friend, sometimes in life you just have to experience things first hand to see the other side. I have a story to tell you that happened to me at work, but I cannot post it here or they may close the thread. I will tell you later on tonight when I come back. I will pm you if you don't mind.... Hey John, where did you go?...hahahaha Can't start a thread and cut out on us like that....*smiles* Link to comment
FriendnorFoe Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 Well friend, sometimes in life you just have to experience things first hand to see the other side. I have a story to tell you that happened to me at work, but I cannot post it here or they may close the thread. I will tell you later on tonight when I come back. I will pm you if you don't mind.... Hey John, where did you go?...hahahaha Can't start a thread and cut out on us like that....*smiles* sure dont mind Link to comment
COtuner Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 How about instead of blaming it on fate or some force of the cosmos that control the future (neither one I have much creedance with), it just does not work for us? That's pretty much what I was trying to say. Link to comment
COtuner Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 I agree. Yes, people make choices and have a certain degree of control over their destiny..but there are also outside forces which can prevent that destiny from happening..in other words, it wasn't meant to be no matter how you worked at it to make it be. Yes, I have had a lot of "externally forced" change in my life that there was very little I could do about it, unless I was very prescient or had a lot more life experience than I had at the time. And even then, I would wonder... Link to comment
90_hour_sleep Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 i think i'm of the school of thought that this is a bit of a cop-out. i don't think it relinquishes your responsibility...but i definitely believe that by acknowledging this idea...you're giving up control of a part of your life. i think for some it's an essential part of healing. it offers comfort. it might make for easier acceptance and forgiveness. on the other hand...it seems completely possible to me that this kind of attitude can be detrimental to personal growth. you may continue to make the same mistakes...and stumble down the same road because you're never in the position to do otherwise...because you accept that it's simply ''meant to be'' this way. what's meant to be for any person is the result of many events and many situations where choices were made...thoughts were expressed...actions were taken. i think people of religious faith have an easier time accepting this whole concept. the two mentalities seem very much alike. Link to comment
DaveTrump Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 When two potential lovers meet, they are indiviudals at various stages in their life journey. You can have a great time with each other but you BOTH have to be ready if you want it to last forever. I think to be ready you have to learn from failed relationships and not make the same mistakes again, or you'll just end up on a merry-go-round of "it wasn't not meant to be". Identifying and conquering your own faults is a big step in finding true love. Link to comment
dreamwarrior Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 When two potential lovers meet, they are indiviudals at various stages in their life journey. You can have a great time with each other but you BOTH have to be ready if you want it to last forever. I think to be ready you have to learn from failed relationships and not make the same mistakes again, or you'll just end up on a merry-go-round of "it wasn't not meant to be". Identifying and conquering your own faults is a big step in finding true love. Your so right...but sadly it seems many people are continuing to bang their heads up against a wall time after time. Link to comment
waveseer Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 When someone says it wasn't meant to be that means they don't want it. Now they may have a very good reason for that but the fact remains it is a statement of unwillingness to continue the relationship. Link to comment
DaveTrump Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 Your so right...but sadly it seems many people are continuing to bang their heads up against a wall time after time. People please stop head banging now! He/She is out there. It's a place called hope and yes it is meant to be one day for you. Don't forget that. Link to comment
ellandroader Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 "The future is not set....there is no fate but what we make for ourselves" I think it is just an excuse to justify things not working out, often when there is a glaring reason why but one or both parties are in denial of it and refusing to accept it so therefore, place the blame and reasoning for it failing on something that is speculative at best - fate. I am a firm believer that you make your own luck and shape your own fate. Some things you will not be good at, but nothing is ever literally, empirically impossible. You won't score if you won't shoot. If you're not in it, you won't win it. If you don't fix that hole in your chassis, then you will always have the weakness. That's my 2p. Link to comment
ellandroader Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 I meant to add....Hope is a great asset to have, in reference to Waveseer's post. If you have that and hang in there, you never know what might happen. Link to comment
waveseer Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 I meant to add....Hope is a great asset to have, in reference to Waveseer's post. If you have that and hang in there, you never know what might happen. You do mean hope in one day having a relationship that was meant to be (where both parties are ready, willing, and able)? I'm not too sure about that, I know it's possible but highly improbable for me unless I go through some drastic changes in the next few years. Link to comment
atelis Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 So, did I not want things to work? Sure I did, but apparently no amount of hard work, love, or BS I had to withstand was going to help a drug addict...so if it was meant to be it would have worked out....now that he is out of my life romantically my life has been much better in nearly every way. I believe in both ....you have to make choices, decisions, and then sometimes things just happen...it can go both ways. But you chose to have a relationship with a drug addict. This was not fate.......you made a conscious choice. Link to comment
atelis Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 When two potential lovers meet, they are indiviudals at various stages in their life journey. You can have a great time with each other but you BOTH have to be ready if you want it to last forever. I think to be ready you have to learn from failed relationships and not make the same mistakes again, or you'll just end up on a merry-go-round of "it wasn't not meant to be". Identifying and conquering your own faults is a big step in finding true love. well put Dave. When people say 'things happen for a reason' or 'it wasn't meant to be' they are basically ignoring their own faults and fears that contributed to a either the choices they made in a partner or the behaviour they exhibited in a relationship. My ex said the same thing to me a few weeks ago.......'things happen for a reason' when she told me she didn't want to conitnue with me. This was one week after she told me she had a lot of stuff going on in her head. In other words, it was easier for her to give up and blame it on fate or destiny rather than face up and work on her own issues that led to the break-up Link to comment
John Bendix Posted June 12, 2009 Author Share Posted June 12, 2009 That's pretty much what I was trying to say. I knew you were and just saying it again in another way.. Just becuase someone puts hard work into some project, that does not mean that the project will turn out the way they envision it. To say that the work and planning were done the way they should have been and it turned out "badly" only because it was not meant to be does not ring true to me. The future is an image created in our minds. An imaginary realm that does not exist. There are many possible outcomes to anything that we do. When we have the expectation of only one outcome, the one we covet, and refuse to accept any other, we can bring on the suffering of disappointment. A strong emotion that our ego has a very hard time accepting. It looks to the "blame and complain" game and says, "I guess it just was not meant to be", in order to divert negative attention from its vulnerable self to fate, or luck, or other forces that we percieve to be beyond our control. Link to comment
ellandroader Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 You do mean hope in one day having a relationship that was meant to be (where both parties are ready, willing, and able)? I'm not too sure about that, I know it's possible but highly improbable for me unless I go through some drastic changes in the next few years. I was referring to the concept of "Hope" in general - I guess the faith in that you will find somebody who you will click with and never have to question their commitment or intentions. So yeah, what you said If you lose that hope, you start seeing everybody in a negative light and that special relationship is less likely to come if that happens. Link to comment
waveseer Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 I was referring to the concept of "Hope" in general - I guess the faith in that you will find somebody who you will click with and never have to question their commitment or intentions. So yeah, what you said If you lose that hope, you start seeing everybody in a negative light and that special relationship is less likely to come if that happens. I need to lose that hope for the next few years. Since I am a hopeless romantic there's no way to keep me down. lol Link to comment
John Bendix Posted June 12, 2009 Author Share Posted June 12, 2009 I was referring to the concept of "Hope" in general - I guess the faith in that you will find somebody who you will click with and never have to question their commitment or intentions. So yeah, what you said If you lose that hope, you start seeing everybody in a negative light and that special relationship is less likely to come if that happens. It is quite possible that you could start seeing everyone in that way. But it is also possible if you accept your life as it is now, you may not need the concept of hope. In hope, you spread your attention into the future. Looking to the unknownable events of the future to bail you out from what you might consider an unacceptable present life. Giving up on the concept of hope, you could concentrate your efforts in the present, the only place that you can effectively create change. Link to comment
Up and Down Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 Just another saying to help people deal with the random unpleasant realities of life. I agree with this! Link to comment
dreamwarrior Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 But you chose to have a relationship with a drug addict. This was not fate.......you made a conscious choice. On the contrary, when I met him he was clean and sober, working, so who am I to judge anyone. People don't get into relationships hoping it won't work out, but the point here is I tried my best, so in the end I had to let him go. Some of you on this thread are missing the point, sorry I cannot explain it better, guess you will have to open your minds a bit more to see the light...really there are many ways to view things...it's not all that cut and dried. Also, where did I say my relationship was fate...I never used that word. I am only stating in a general term that SOMETIMES things happen and we have NO explanation for them and somethings we cannot control, but then there are other things we can....you see where I am coming from? It's okay if the world disagrees with me, that still isn't going to change my views and I am not the type of person to agree with everything the majority thinks or does...I am me and I have my reasons to think the way I do. I am not picking on you...I am just responding to your statement, but trying to write it in a nice way on general terms...not directed towards anyone imparticular. Anyhow, lets just say you have your opinion and I have mine...no biggie! Link to comment
dreamwarrior Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 well put Dave. When people say 'things happen for a reason' or 'it wasn't meant to be' they are basically ignoring their own faults and fears that contributed to a either the choices they made in a partner or the behavior they exhibited in a relationship. My ex said the same thing to me a few weeks ago.......'things happen for a reason' when she told me she didn't want to continue with me. This was one week after she told me she had a lot of stuff going on in her head. In other words, it was easier for her to give up and blame it on fate or destiny rather than face up and work on her own issues that led to the break-up ahhhhhhhhhhhh so I see why you feel this way, but I am not targeting relationships, which seems to be the peev on here...I am saying certain things in life are going to happen that we are not in control over...not about choices...the two don't even have one to do with the other. Everything in life don't revolve around relationships. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 ahhhhhhhhhhhh so I see why you feel this way, but I am not targeting relationships, which seems to be the peev on here...I am saying certain things in life are going to happen that we are not in control over...not about choices...the two don't even have one to do with the other. Everything in life don't revolve around relationships. I completely agree. People here are taking that expression "things happen for a reason" or "it was not meant to be" and simply applying it to relationships..but there is whole other side of life, not just relationships..and yes, it can even apply to relationships. The problem is that people hear others OVER-USE that expression in order to make excuses for their BEHAVIOUR. The expression is really meant to be regarding outcomes, not behaviours. Link to comment
COtuner Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 This is PRECISELY my ex-boyfriend, at 52 years of age. He continued driving the relationship into the ground, and chasing me away... killing my love for him.. because of his way of looking at events. When we each faced a major crisis in our lives at the same time, the relationship was used as a blunt instrument to try and make himself feel better. When it did not, because I could not, the first mention of 'maybe we're just not meant to be and I am fooling myself" came up. He would wield that to hurt me, and it did for two years. I became afraid of him, living in fear of the hurt, and in fear of his leaving. When the point came that I used those words on him, but in the context of breaking up with him last August, saying we are not meant to be, we are incompatible because of his behavior, he wasn't hurt - he became enraged and then as is his wont, shut down cold and ran away. When we GBT several months later, those words were thrown around a lot by both of us, culminating in his "better to have loved you and lost you" statement at the end, which in context, was the same thing all over again. Passive aggressive and an unwillingness to address his major issues Link to comment
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