John Bendix Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 I am a little confused when I read this saying, "that it just was not meant to be", in regards to realtionships. What is that really trying to say? I know that I might be opening up a can of worms but I really do not understand the reasoning behind this. Link to comment
retired1 Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 It's that kismit thing.. Fate.. Karma.. What will be, will be. Not sure I buy into it myself, but sometimes I have to wonder if that's the only reason we can really apply to some things. Link to comment
Mutley Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 Just another saying to help people deal with the random unpleasant realities of life. Link to comment
John Bendix Posted June 12, 2009 Author Share Posted June 12, 2009 Mutley, I appreciate your candor more and more when I read your posts. Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 i don't know what it really means, but it's nicer to think that some universal force wants a different partner for us, rather than some guy thinking i'm too fat or not cute enough or whatever to date. Link to comment
John Bendix Posted June 12, 2009 Author Share Posted June 12, 2009 Meant to be- Who determines what it is supposed to be? Is there an outside force somewhere that determines what relationships survive and which dissolve? One that we have no control over? Link to comment
Mutley Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 Mutley, I appreciate your candor more and more when I read your posts. Thank you. I appreciate that. Link to comment
tastytoothpaste Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 While reading my response, please keep in mind that I'm a total realist and some consider me a cynic. So a lot of people may disagree lol. Well, I think the whole "it wasn't meant to be" line cushions the blow when things are going wrong or a relationship ends. I don't believe in fate, I don't believe in love at first sight, I don't believe there is one perfect person for everyone. "It just wasn't meant to be" is code for "wow that sucks...and I don't know who or what to blame it on," so they just blame it on fate. It's like a way to make yourself feel better by keeping in mind that there's something else meant for you. And there is always something better at the end of a relationship, I just don't buy into "fate." Link to comment
John Bendix Posted June 12, 2009 Author Share Posted June 12, 2009 i don't know what it really means, but it's nicer to think that some universal force wants a different partner for us, rather than some guy thinking i'm too fat or not cute enough or whatever to date. If I read this right, then it is rationalization by our egos that it cannot be us that causes some relationship to go under? A way to not accept responsibility (blame) for it because that would just be too mentally/emotionally painful for us to face? Sounds kind of dysfunctional- Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 or maybe an inevitable situation? i dunno. like, i met this guy, i thought i really connected with him, and i think he liked me too and we sort of dated for a bit. maybe i liked him more than he liked me? i don't know. i wrote about him in my dating journal. the one who just moved overseas. some people say, 'if it's meant to be, it will happen.' i don't know if he didn't want to get involved because he was moving away or because he wasn't 'all that into me.' but an ocean apart can be a strain on any relationship, especially a new one. sigh. Link to comment
COtuner Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 I don't think it's going to far as to push away blame... sure some people do that... but I look at my own relationship and think we were not meant to be because of 5 years of trying like hell to make it work. To me "not meant to be" = not a good match, incompatible, wrong place / wrong time... all those "no real reason" labels we assign to dead relationships that we still have feelings invested in. Link to comment
John Bendix Posted June 12, 2009 Author Share Posted June 12, 2009 How about instead of blaming it on fate or some force of the cosmos that control the future (neither one I have much creedance with), it just does not work for us? Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 To a certain degree I actually do believe in things that are meant to be or not meant to be not just in relationships but in everyday life...I have experienced this kind of thing with respect to my career. What I had originally been striving for and worked very hard to find was not meant to be...because I was destined for something that makes me much happier...sometimes the pieces don't fall into place until much later. Link to comment
atelis Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 It's a bit like the other overused cliche 'things happen for a reason'. Sure there are things outside our control in everyday life, but i'm a big believer that we choose most of what happens to us in relationships and therefore, we do have control for our part in what happens in a relationship and to some extent, the way our partner behaves too Link to comment
melrich Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 Wasn't Meant To Be I have never read this as literal...I have said it myself and I have no belief whatsoever in a divine force or "karma". I always thought it was just a throwaway....like "Oh well". Link to comment
dreamwarrior Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 How about instead of blaming it on fate or some force of the cosmos that control the future (neither one I have much creedance with), it just does not work for us? I believe in the cosmos, I am not religious at all, I do consider myself more of a spritual person because of events I have been through in my life, which I won't discuss on this forum because it's very personal. Everyone has their way of seeing things, and doesn't make their views less real or important than yours. I believe everything happens for a reason...and no amount of debate will make me budge from this belief. Link to comment
atelis Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 Everyone has their way of seeing things, and doesn't make their views less real or important than yours. I believe everything happens for a reason...and no amount of debate will make me budge from this belief. the worrying thing for me is that quite often it's just an excuse used by people take less responsibility for their own choices and their own behaviour Link to comment
dreamwarrior Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 It's a bit like the other overused cliche 'things happen for a reason'. Sure there are things outside our control in everyday life, but i'm a big believer that we choose most of what happens to us in relationships and therefore, we do have control for our part in what happens in a relationship and to some extent, the way our partner behaves too I do believe there is some truth to this as well...I am quite the open minded person and will listen to what others have to say, whether I agree or not. Everyone has a right to their opinions and thoughts. But, I do have to say people have to take responsibility for their own feelings, behavior, and actions...cannot blame your SO for it....we can only control our own emotions...nobody can make us do or feel something unless we allow them to. Link to comment
dreamwarrior Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 Say for instance....my ex's mother was always saying it was my fault her son of 45 years old was out doing drugs...while all the day from dawn to dusk I am working like a dog to feed him....now as it goes both of us were wrong....No, I wasn't the cause of a grown man doing drugs...he had been doing this since he was quite young...now it was my fault was for making him more dependent on me, but at the time I thought I was helping him, but I wasn't...I was the strong one and he was to needy, which was sucking the life out of me and in the end, I had to let this toxic relationship go before it put me six feet under. So, did I not want things to work? Sure I did, but apparently no amount of hard work, love, or BS I had to withstand was going to help a drug addict...so if it was meant to be it would have worked out....now that he is out of my life romantically my life has been much better in nearly every way. I believe in both ....you have to make choices, decisions, and then sometimes things just happen...it can go both ways. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 I believe in both ....you have to make choices, decisions, and then sometimes things just happen...it can go both ways. I agree. Yes, people make choices and have a certain degree of control over their destiny..but there are also outside forces which can prevent that destiny from happening..in other words, it wasn't meant to be no matter how you worked at it to make it be. Link to comment
FriendnorFoe Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 I believe in random events, it could have bee any other guy/gay in any other cty/town, the ramdom series of events leading up to that moment in your life made the relationship possible, yours or theirs random interactions and upbringing dictated how you acted in the relationship which ultimately killed it depending on your situtaion, I guess I am talking about mine more here, but all I am saying is I dont believe in this fate thing either, throw it away and if it loves you it will come back if not it was never meant to be, thats just some bullcrap, cusioning either outcome which is random, its like being at chucky cheese where everyones a winner. Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 I think it's all to do with fate and destiny. It's whether you believe in it or not. Personally I believe that everything is mapped out for us. Yes of course we make decisions, but I would even go as far to say that we make the decisions that we are meant to make. I think each of us has a path to follow, each of us has an ending. We may drift away from the path slightly from time to time but ultimately we end up where we are "supposed" to be. Link to comment
FriendnorFoe Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 so if you randomly take off tomorow for hawaii pennyless, just to prove that your fate dosents dictate or control your life, are you saying in then it was fate that you went there? Link to comment
dreamwarrior Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 I can see this thread turning in an ugly direction. So, friendnorfoe, are you saying only your view is correct? As I said before...sometimes we have the ability to control things and other times we don't...it can go both ways....nobody has control over every single thing in their lives. Life is like a box of chocolates, never know what your gonna get...I believe this totally....quote from forest gump. Link to comment
dreamwarrior Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 I believe in random events, it could have bee any other guy/gay in any other cty/town, the ramdom series of events leading up to that moment in your life made the relationship possible, yours or theirs random interactions and upbringing dictated how you acted in the relationship which ultimately killed it depending on your situtaion, I guess I am talking about mine more here, but all I am saying is I dont believe in this fate thing either, throw it away and if it loves you it will come back if not it was never meant to be, thats just some bullcrap, cusioning either outcome which is random, its like being at chucky cheese where everyones a winner. Just because you don't believe in something doesn't make your way right or wrong, but don't diss on other people's views....look at it from another's shoes. Link to comment
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