pumpkinmoon Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 I'm posting this to get some insight into the thoughts and feelings from the people who are not trusted by their partners. Whether you are being accused of cheating or being questioned about things or are just not trusted in general. This is causing a big problem for me. I have never really had to deal with it and have actually thought that if it happened to me it wouldn't bother me at all because it would at least show that the person cared, but lately I'm thinking maybe I am way off. One of the reasons is that lately I am being accused of lying about a few really petty things which is starting to make me realise that maybe this is how I would feel if I wasn't trusted by him. So what I am interested in is what it makes you feel like when you get this from your partner. Thanks for the advice. Link to comment
ellandroader Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 It happened to me and I was actually really angry, as well as hurt. It is almost as if I was paying for someone else's indiscretions. I had done nothing at all to imply any shady behaviour. To be honest, you kinda question why you are with them. In a way, it shows they are scared of losing you I guess, but it isn't fair to come out with things like that. It feels like you have to prove yourself over and over again. Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted June 10, 2009 Author Share Posted June 10, 2009 Thanks for the reply. I do have my reasons for not trusting him completely but lately I think it has been getting out of hand and I need it to stop. Usually I make comments in a jokey way and he has always said it affects him and he doesn't like it but stupidly I carried on. Partly because it became some kind of habit and partly because I thought it was ok because I thought I was joking. Link to comment
ellandroader Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 What reasons do you have? Can you be specific? Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 My ex did not trust me..he basically didn't bother to get to know me enough, kept me at arm's length and just assumed I was like everyone else...thing is...it really was him who was not trustworthy..he was the one who betrayed me...and he ended up marrying someone who was not trustworthy. What does it feel like when someone doesn't trust you...well, when you do your best and are always above board and yet someone doesn't trust you it is not a pleasant feeling..you feel like the person doesn't really understand you and doesn't care to understand you. I have noticed from observing people that often the ones who are most distrustful of others are themselves the least honest. Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted June 10, 2009 Author Share Posted June 10, 2009 Thanks for the insight, it's really helpful. I suppose I have never really looked at it like that before. I always just thought that it wasn't really that much of a big deal and it wouldn't bother me but I can see that it would really. I want to be able to do it but I'm not really sure how. Like I said, making comments, even in a jokey way has become somewhat of a habit and maybe subconciously I am convincing myself because the more I say it the more it is sticking in my mind. Link to comment
jahur Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 I have noticed from observing people that often the ones who are most distrustful of others are themselves the least honest. "He who mistrusts most should be trusted least” never a truer word spoken!! Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 I don't think this is necessarily partner specific..when someone has done no wrong and has been above board, it would be hurtful if anyone showed doubt in them, be it a partner, family, friends etc...because what it boils down to is being accused of something you did not do. Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted June 10, 2009 Author Share Posted June 10, 2009 It's not really that I accuse him of actual cheating, I have never done that, it's more to do with trusting that he won't cheat. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 It's not really that I accuse him of actual cheating, I have never done that, it's more to do with trusting that he won't cheat. Why do you assume he will cheat? Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted June 10, 2009 Author Share Posted June 10, 2009 I think it's a lot of things really. Probably the fact that I was cheated on badly before with my previous BF. The fact that he drinks a lot sometimes and doesn't know what he is doing and can't remember what he did or said the next day. I also worry because most of his friends who he goes out with are single and are always on the lookout, trying to find GF's of their own. And some other stuff that he has done in the past. When he met me he was with his ex gf and I was with my ex bf who had been cheating on my for a year, although I didn't know it at the time. Things were not going well with her and he basically thought that I was the best thing ever. He ended up cheating on her with me, and we got together when things ended with my ex and he ended things with her. And now things are not going to well and I just worry that he will meet someone and feel the same about them as he did about me and end up cheating or running off with them. Link to comment
jahur Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 I think it's a lot of things really. Probably the When he met me he was with his ex gf and I was with my ex bf who had been cheating on my for a year, although I didn't know it at the time. Things were not going well with her and he basically thought that I was the best thing ever. He ended up cheating on her with me, and we got together when things ended with my ex and he ended things with her. And now things are not going to well and I just worry that he will meet someone and feel the same about them as he did about me and end up cheating or running off with them. there lies your answer within, ive been here before, its the classic viewing someone elses life through your glasses, either trust, sort your insecurities and make it work, or get out and have time to yourself. i did this and it worked a treat. hope this helps......... Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 [/b] there lies your answer within, ive been here before, its the classic viewing someone elses life through your glasses, either trust, sort your insecurities and make it work, or get out and have time to yourself. i did this and it worked a treat. hope this helps......... Well, not only the fact that the OPs ex cheated on her..but also her current boyfriend cheated on his ex gf with her. The old "if he can cheat WITH me he can cheat ON me". Link to comment
jahur Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 Well, not only the fact that the OPs ex cheated on her..but also her current boyfriend cheated on his ex gf with her. The old "if he can cheat WITH me he can cheat ON me". thats a horrible place to be!!!! Link to comment
greywolf Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 I have noticed from observing people that often the ones who are most distrustful of others are themselves the least honest. Was about to say this, but noticed you got to it first CAD. I think it's just that some people can't trust because they know that they couldn't trust themselves... Link to comment
confusedgirly Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 Was about to say this, but noticed you got to it first CAD. I think it's just that some people can't trust because they know that they couldn't trust themselves... I do not trust my partner 100% and at the moment I am pretty insecure in that trust. But I myself am very trustworthy. Hmm. Link to comment
Aurian Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 It feels awful when your partner does not trust you. No matter what you do, you can`t prove that you are trustworthy. Someone who doesn`t trust you will contantly point out ways you could still do something bad. You cannot account for every second of your day. If you miss an email or phone call, then you must be out cheating. If you are a bit late coming home due to a traffic jam, they accuse you of stopping somewhere to cheat. They accuse you of hacking their computer, and point out viruses and bugs as "proof". They accuse you of talking bad about them, and point to your family and friends' dislike of them (you didn`t, but they act badly enough that people form their own opinion!). Etc. etc. etc. etc. etc...... You know you haven`t done any of these things, but it is impossible to prove a negative. They always continue to think you are doing something bad because you can never prove you are NOT. If you do not trust someone, then maybe there is a reason for it. - You yourself are untrustworthy, so you expect others to act badly too. - You have been burned in the past, so are afraid to trust again. - You have a gut feeling about the other person (and its it worth being with someone you can`t trust?). Link to comment
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