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Is Dating A Necessary Stage In the Process Of Meeting Someone?


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..Because I really think I'd rather not.

 

Maybe it's just my definition of dating, but as far as I'm aware there isn't anything exclusive about it?

 

Aren't 'dates' just get togethers that people go to when they have free time, not really expecting anything to come from it, but they attend 'just to see' what happens? But if nothing does progress, they aren't that concerned? - All the while still being very much open to other offers, should they come along?

 

If so, I don't really want to be caught in that dynamic with anyone. I want to meet someone who likes me from the beginning that I can spend time with, whom grows to genuinely care about me. Not someone who dates me and numerous other people then picks the most suitable one once she's decided.

 

But is that an unrealistic expectation? Can I actually find someone without having to jump through dating hoops to prove to someone that I'm worth it?

 

Can't I just hope they see something in me from the start and take a chance on me?

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dating = you go on dates. you don't owe them anything and you aren't exclusive. but you go expecting something to come from it and that is that you are compatible enough to continue.

 

i'm not sure where you are headed with your analysis of dating, but you have a bit of a distorted view in two different directions it seems.

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dating = you go on dates. you don't owe them anything and you aren't exclusive. but you go expecting something to come from it and that is that you are compatible enough to continue.

 

i'm not sure where you are headed with your analysis of dating, but you have a bit of a distorted view in two different directions it seems.

 

I've never been on a date myself, so I can't use personal experience.

 

Although I do have a friend (female) who was at one point texting three guys at one time and going out to places (like for a dinner or a drink) when one of them offered to her. She didnt do anything with them, but was obviously just spending time with whichever one offered to take her out while she weighed them all up against each other to make a decision.

 

I wouldn't want to become a part of that process, personally.

 

Although even your definition of it isn't appealing to me, I wouldn't feel comfortable going out alone with a woman if she was still keeping herself 'open' to other offers. It's a sure fire way to feel vastly unimportant.

 

Hence why I'm curious if meeting someone can happen without entering this sort of process.

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ok so....

 

yes dating is basically like an interview to see if someone is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. and there are alot of people who will go out on dates with multiple people and pick the best offer. but (someone correct me if i'm wrong about this) i think for the most part the being non-exclusive part stops after a few months.

 

the way i see it there are basically 2 ways of dating. there is the "person i'm going out with" kind of dating. where it is non-exclusive and the people just go out a few times and see if it goes anywhere. and then there is the "boyfriend/girlfriend" or "relationship" dating. where it is pretty much exclusive and the two people are openly a "couple"

 

and of course there is the "engaged" dates that guys have to take girls on and then the "married" ones too but thats a different story

 

anyways. i think you have to go through the non-exclusive part at least for a little while when you are dating. there are ways to shorten how long this time is by doing stuff like not going out with other people, which tends to make the other person feel a bit bad for doing it. or you could just be open and honest about how you feel on the subject when you go out the first time. that way your date knows exactly what you are expecting from them. of course that does come with the risk of them not wanting to go out with you because they do want to date around.

 

so bottom line.... i think you need to put up with the whole non-exclusive dating for a bit with each person you want to go out with. until you two are officially a "couple"

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When I "dated" I stopped seeing or dating other people when I met someone I felt a connection with, even after one meeting. But I had to date to find that person. Im just not one to overlap people, once Im interested in them anyway. But thats not to say they stopped dating as well. I don't think you can expect anyone too right away. Most people just aren't like that.

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Hmm, I think what I'm describing (i.e. what I'd prefer to do), is just meeting someone and having some sort of connection with immediately and deciding to give it a shot from there.

 

Obviously it wont be certain what will happen, but there will at least be enough interest there to not look into anything else until it has proved not to work.

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Hmm, I think what I'm describing (i.e. what I'd prefer to do), is just meeting someone and having some sort of connection with immediately and deciding to give it a shot from there.

 

Obviously it wont be certain what will happen, but there will at least be enough interest there to not look into anything else until it has proved not to work.

 

So you want to be guarenteed that the first person you meet will be your wife? Is that what you are saying?

 

yeah, i'm stumped.

 

how do you get there? by dating.

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But is that an unrealistic expectation?

 

I think so, yes. The point of dating is to meet people. A lot of people are dating someone they met online, or someone they recently met while out with friends, etc. In other words, they don’t actually know each other. Sure, there may be that initial physical attraction, but that doesn’t mean they are ready for marriage and kids.

 

People date to have fun, to hang out and to get to know the other person. Yes, people often date multiple people, this does not mean they are sleeping with all of them. I don’t know if that’s your hang up or not. Once they make that connection with someone, then they often move into the exclusive stage. There is nothing wrong with dating multiple people as long as you are honest about it, and as long as you don’t do anything you aren’t comfortable with doing.

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First you meet them,

then you date them,

then you fall in love,

then you have exclusive relationship (with sex and misunderstandings)

then you break up*

then you are broken-hearted,

then you come on ENA and everyone tells you to try again with someone else.

 

I don't really see how one can NOT follow this pattern or skip any steps.

 

*happy every after is another available option

 

lol, i love it!!!!!

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So you want to be guarenteed that the first person you meet will be your wife? Is that what you are saying?

 

Not at all, no.

 

I'd like to meet someone, who I like to a satisfactory extent intially, and continue to see them for a bit.

 

I suppose it would be a bit like dating only I wouldn't be open to other offers until it proved to not work out.

 

All I want is for the sentiment to be returned. i.e. Them like me enough initially to take the same course of action.

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