need some advice please

[joethe]

ill try to make the story as short as possible..

 

Me and my girlfriend have been off and on for about 3 years, we have a 2 year old son together.. 3 months ago we broke up and she moved back in with her mom 45 min away from where im living. (we did set up a schedule so i get me son half the time) We broke up 2 weeks ago and when i was on vactation she told me she was willing and ready to move back in together.. I am a full time student working part time, i am almost done with school and am going to pursue of dream of being a police officer as soon as im done with school. Now she wants me to move back where shes living so we can get a place, but the only thing is that we cant afford a place out there but where im living we can. What should i do i have tried telling her that we cant fanicially afford it. Plus my school is out where im living and so is my work, and she is going to be on dissability for a year. She wants to stay around that area because all of her family is there, which is totally understandable, but she must look at it through a different perspective and figure our whats good for our family. Should i tell her that if she cant come to the agreement with me about moving where we can actually afford it that were not going to work? how can i persuade her decision?

[joethe]

oh and when she said she was ready and willing to move back into together she meant around the area where im living. Now she doesnt i dont get it?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

What do you mean on and off for three years? Who keeps doing the breaking up? Why did the two of you never get married? If you are supposed to be a family then she needs to make the sacrifice to go with you where your job is and where it is cheaper especially since you will be the sole breadwinner.

[joethe]

yes i agree.. And we were talking about marriage for a while but then we had our son and just have been taking things slow.. what am i supposed to do about this whole situation? should i give her time? should i let her know that im not going to move out there?

[surfNski]

This is just one mans opinion but your responsibility is to your child and that means you have to have work and you have to have some sort of future. Your gf may come and go but your boy is going to be there for the rest of your life. I would concentrate on whats best for him.

Good luck man

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I have to wonder if there is a disconnect here because of the whole marriage thing. Is it possible she doesn't feel like you are completely committed to her because there is no marriage. Maybe she doesn't feel like a real family because of that and that is why she doesn't want to move with you. Why the "taking it slow" regarding marriage. You already have the baby, why not make the union legal and be a legal family with all the rights that a legal union gives. I can't say that I blame her for not wanting to move away from family for someone who she is not legally bound to.

[joethe]

so i told her that i looked up a ton of places out where she is living and none of which we can afford.. and then i told her it sucks because i was ready to take this relationship to the next step.. now she's trying to tell me that i didnt even try and that i did all that just so she can move out here.. ](*,)

[joethe]

she just wrote me a text an hour ago (which i have not responded yet) saying

 

"Listen our relationship is going no where. Im not going to invest anymore of my emotions especially to you who only took a day to look for a place for us"

 

she is saying this because she wants me to move to where she is living, 45 min away from me where both of our families live, but i told her numerous times that we can not afford it out there right now. But where im living we can afford a place. What should i say back to her? help please?

[Poe]

Tell her you can't afford it. Why did you go looking for a day? Thats neither the right approach (since you can't afford it), nor enough time in the long run. You need to get off your rear and talk to her and find a compromising situation, that you can afford. You will have to make sacrifices, and so should she.

[joethe]

i agree.. i just think that shes not looking at the big picture, and just wants to stay out there and is in denile about being able to afford a place out there.. I told here that i wrote down all of our expenses and that we would be left with next to nothing at the end of the month.. She is saying that i only looked for a day but i looked at every place available to check for the cheapest price..