confusedmama Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 I have to go BACK to court on Tuesday for ANOTHER round of child support arguing. I am soooo tired of this and since we were in court in December I haven't been able to have an interest in anything. I just don't care anymore. He has been calling my work to get copies of my schedule (my job & schedule haven't changed much in the 8 years I've had this job) he called the daycare to get a financial statement- HE DOESN"T PAY DAYCARE, the amount of CS he pays me doesn't even cover daycare for the month. I still can't get up the gumption to call my lawyer. He won't turn over his tax returns/W-2s, but expects me to do so. I have NO faith in the court. Is he allowed to get the information he is asking for? But then again, it doesn't seem to matter, he gets what he wants all the time anyway Link to comment
metrogirl Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 But he can only so as much as you allow him.......You not calling your lawyer is like saying to your ex husband.. Rake me through the coals, it's ok. You call the lawyer and tell him to act on your behalf and make the nonsense stop. Link to comment
CarrieB123 Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 I would only do what the Court tells me to do. The Court would ask you to turn over records, if necessary, it sounds like your ex is just nosey. Dont help build his case by giving him information that you don't have to. Link to comment
AutumnBorn Posted May 29, 2009 Share Posted May 29, 2009 Let your attorney handle everything. Do NOT turn over anything without your attorney's approval. Link to comment
confusedmama Posted June 1, 2009 Author Share Posted June 1, 2009 I haven't turned over anything-HE is going to the source and asking for the information. I am just so frustrated and tired of the games. YOu put your trust in the court system and it fails so many. I understand it is difficult to get all the information in an hour, BUT shouldn't the judge have to do some background checking after all our file is as long as "War and Peace" Link to comment
retired1 Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 The judge is there to make a ruling. The lawyers slug it out and demand the information to make their case. You need to inform your lawyer on what's going on in the background. Your lawyer should be able to get this behavior stopped. Link to comment
confusedmama Posted June 8, 2009 Author Share Posted June 8, 2009 unfortunately, rules don't seem to apply in this case-anything that is agreed on is not followed by him, unless it fits for the exact issue. At least this time when we went back the judge put CS back to where it should be (the other judge had lower it because I MIGHT have to work over) and now we are asking that he pay the back support (6 months). DOn't figure I'll get that but at least it didn't stay as low as it was. He was also told to stay out of my business. I'm simply hoping for a reprieve from court for the summer. I am so tired of this Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted June 8, 2009 Share Posted June 8, 2009 This is very draining but don't let him control your life. You employer should not be turning anything over without court approval. This kind of thing usually backfires sooner or later. Leave him to his petty dealings. Your life is still yours unless you allow him to control it. Lost Link to comment
sharsachan Posted June 8, 2009 Share Posted June 8, 2009 my friend's ex takes her to court as often as he can [every six months in our state]. some people are just that way. in regards to the information he's trying to get, your job should definitely NOT be giving him any information unless you have okayed it or they are given a court order to produce the info. you should call your lawyer asap. let him/her know what is going on because it is not okay. Link to comment
confusedmama Posted June 9, 2009 Author Share Posted June 9, 2009 I did tell my lawyer andmy work is not turning anything over-schedules can be gotten online if he chooses. Daycare has turned over items but I am unsure how the law reads on this one. Lawyer seems to think its no big deal (BUT he wasn't married to him and hasn't dealt with the sh*t for 18 years). Unfortunately there isn't ANY time span/limit on how often he can take me back into court in my state. I simply wish he had put all the money he has spent on lawyers on the kids-new shoes and haircuts would be nice Link to comment
confusedmama Posted June 9, 2009 Author Share Posted June 9, 2009 I am trying not to let him control my life-but unfortunately it is happening. Hard to move on with other relationships when I feel like I'm still fighting for my life. I am unsure if it is fair to another party to have them involved. Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 It isn't fair at all. By controlling your life I mean your thoughts and moods. Your happiness may not be easy for a while but it is possible. Try running it like a business. Have the files and paper work in a drawer. When you need to deal with it take them out and work on the job at hand. When done put them away (in your mind and the filing cabinet) and resume your life. It will take time for you to do this but you find it liberating. good luck Lost Link to comment
confusedmama Posted June 10, 2009 Author Share Posted June 10, 2009 Thanks i do put everything into a file and try to put it away, but with children I have to see him on a weekly basis and while I don't speak I do have to contact him via email/txting at least weekly. He seems to always find a way to get a jab in, plus it seems as if I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop and wondering what crap he will pull next. One would think he would want to move on with his life-I KNOW i want to move on with mine! Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 We ALL want to know everything will turn out good. Waiting for the other shoe to drop is your imagined mind doing that to you, not him. It isn't real, at least not yet. When, and if it drops then deal with it then. I too have to see my ex but she knows I want nothing to do with her. I don't even look at her. She could have purple eyes and I would never notice. It is all business and very short. Form a pattern that suits you the best. Try and stick to it as much as possible so there will be less need to talk to him. Ignore the "jabs" as they are nothing unless you react to them. Consider the source and what he is trying to do by making the comments as well. You can control this and you will little by little. Lost Link to comment
confusedmama Posted June 11, 2009 Author Share Posted June 11, 2009 Thanks again, Lost! I KNOW you are right about reacting to the "jabs" and I simply try not to allow him to see me react. I also simply try to deal with stuff as it comes up and I realize the feeling of dread is something I have to handle. Past history makes it difficult not to have that feeling as it has been almost religious that he pulls me back into court about every 2-3 months. I thought I had hit rock bottom right before we went back this last time and I am still not certain I hav climbed up from that. I try really hard not to react, not to allow him to control me, and to move on with my life, it just seems that when I almost get there-he slams something else back at me-or the kids. Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 You can start to use his predictability to your advantage. Mark on your calendar just before the next round will start so you can start to prepare mentally. Taking control back can come in many ways. Just keep looking and they will appear. Resist the urge to strike back. Take the high road at all costs. In the end you will emerge the good person you really are unsoiled by this process. His ego drives much of what he does. He keeps trying to prove you wrong in any way. Even if it is the slightest adjustment in child support. See through his childish tantrums and you will find humor. I have witnessed many pathetic actions by my stbx that at one time would anger me, now I just think they are sad to see what she has become. PM me anytime you wish Lost Link to comment
confusedmama Posted June 12, 2009 Author Share Posted June 12, 2009 I think it would be easier to find the humor in his sad control issues if it didn't affect the kids and I have to deal with the ripple effect. I do get better the futher apart the court dates become. Guess I always have my head in the clouds and try to assume that all have the best interests of the kids at heart. At least I can almost sleep again all night Link to comment
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