How much time is enough?

[tiff8434]

After a 2 year Love relationshp with the man of my dreams, he decides that he needs to be free and dosent want a relationship but he still cares for me and that is breaking up has nothing to do with me. He has never lied to me about anything so I believe. It has been like a month now and we have bumped into one another and had casual conversation but that has been it. He has not called or tried to contact me. I am still very much in love with him because we had started planning our "future" even down to going to the stores to pick out rings. I know it sounds crazy but I am willing to wait on him becasue he is so special to me. At what point do I move on. I dont want to hold on forever and maybe miss out on somehting else that God may have instore. But I also dont want him to think that I am not waiting I am not intrstead. I love him dearly. Please help.

[bleeder]

Tiff8434,

 

I can truly empathize with your situation. A moment when no concrete answers are given and partners are playing little games of hide and seek. It is nervewrecking, no doubt.

 

What you can do is to sound him out. Tell him how you are feeling and that you need some form of answers. He has to know that you are not searching for a commitment right now, but at least some confirmation of the relationship would suffice.

 

It is draining on you to be living like that. Especially when you are not even sure if you should continue dating other guys or just to wait it out.

 

I hope that you can see the light at the end of tunnel soon.

[devnull]

Try to look at it this way. I'm speaking from experience.

 

It may give you both time to grow as individuals. Something you could have probably not have done while together.

 

Sometimes people just need their space, we can only hope they come back. Good Luck.

[bubblerider]

Well bleeder said it really good. Do sit down and talk and figure out if he's coming back or not. If he says no then its time to start to look for closure. If he says yes he's coming back say well what do you have to do first before you come back? And then ask him how much longer he intends to be gone. And let it be known that when he does come back that you will not go through this again. The next time its over and that's it. Just so that he doesn't walk all over you again and again. But you need to follow what you're heart is telling you to do. How long do you want to hold on for? I think just talking to him about it will answer a lot of the questions you have about all this. Just be honest and see how he feels. Good luck

[tiff8434]

Maybe I should have included that we did have the conversation after we broke up becasue I was seeking answers. He said that he still cares for me and would do anything in the world for me but he just needs some time alone. So I ask him well, do you still see me in your future? He said I am so confused right now that I dont know what I see in my future. It sounds like he is scared but I dont know.

[strong1]

Have you read 'Men are From Mars....?' It has some good insights as to why guys sometimes panic just when you get closer (after vacations w/you..meeting your family..romantic evenings, expressions of love, etc.) I would NOT contact him or pressure him. Give him time. If/when you do contact him..don't talk about the future. They have a good Web site here: link removed and there is an article link on the home page about 'He Said/She Said: How to Resume Contact with a Caved (man who needs 'space') Man.' Check it out.

 

The 'Mars/Venus' book says that men and women do not look at marriage the same way. Men (and this is not true of all men of course) tend to look at marriage as 'giving up their freedom' while women look at it as 'security.' So by pressuring him...you are just validating what he fears most right now..'if I'm w/her...I've lost my freedom.'

 

Good luck!