I gratefully give up OR NOT! Still here!

[GeeCee]

Whose dog is it?

 

G xx

[SincerlyHurt]

GeeCee, we were together for 4 years when I got the dog. I have paid everything always, but we did pick it out together at the breeder.

[GeeCee]

SincerelyHurt

 

Ok, but I guess you got to let her see the dog. S/he will be missing the ex, you know, and we can't expect a pooch to understand the concept of NO if we struggle with it so much ourselves!! (Sorry - not funny)

 

G xx

[SincerlyHurt]

The ex just called. Really no good reason to do so, she could have texted me to ask for the dog, or e-mailed. She also asked for any mail she may be getting knowing she already put in a forwarding addy at the post office, and I will see her to give her any tomorrow at school. There was no real reason for her to call, either that or I did not talk to her long enough for it to come out.

 

I was at the post office, just opened up my tax return and it said I had an underpayment of thousands of dollars!!! She calls my cell phone 15 seconds after I read this. I am in quiet hysterics. I am upbeat when I am talking to her, if you remember last time we talked it was ugly, I was on a rampage for her invading my space. So I tell her my tax situation and say you called just in time, I can take my anger out on you. We laughed. I did not really say much of anything memorable that I can recall, I was just so upbeat it had to be alarming. And I did not have to fake it. I guess I faked it til I made it. I've arrived......hello. Ramble on->

 

So I get out to my car still on the phone and see my best girl-friends mom and she starts to come to talk to me, so I say to my ex hastily "Let me call you back", she said OK, and before I even got the phone hung up I am saying "Hi, how are you" to my friends mom. Im sure she heard it. Now she is waiting on my call and wondering who the heck I let her go to talk to so eagerly. Game on!

 

Oh, and the tax return thing was a mistake, MR CPA did not realize I had been paying quarterly, I get money back........bling, bling!

[GeeCee]

Oh me, oh my, D.I. this just gets stranger and stranger.

 

So, let me get this right - you owe money to the IR - but they will give it back, your ex calls and you can show her anger, legitimately, you meet a friends mum, but engineer it to sound like you were talking to a real hottie?!?!?

 

And we were saying something being tired of games????

 

Just different games. They are just never-ending!

 

G xx

[GeeCee]

Oh me, oh my, D.I. this just gets stranger and stranger.

 

So, let me get this right - you owe money to the IR - but they will give it back, your ex calls and you can show her anger, legitimately, you meet a friends mum, but engineer it to sound like you were talking to a real hottie?!?!?

 

And we were saying something being tired of games????

 

Different games. They are just never-ending!

 

BTW - you sound like you are marching to the beat of a different drum, these days.

 

G xx

[SincerlyHurt]

Actually Gee, I think I am grooving to a different drum, and it is LOUD!

 

I did not actually show the ex any anger, just candidly laughed it off. No anger whatsoever.

 

The friends mom is a real HOTTIE, but I have known them for 15 years, her hubby is a great guy too. Like family to me.

 

The ex has called back but before she did I had left her a message telling her it was OK if she comes into the house to gather Gabes stuff as long as I know she is coming. I wish I had added a comment about knowing ahead of time so I could put up the whips, chains, and swings. Darn it, see what I mean about getting it all out there, you never can. anyway, she had not gotten the message so I told her to check it so I don't have to repeat myself. She wanted me to gather all kinds of stuff and put it in the garage for her to get. My message basically told that if we are gonna do this she needs to be self sufficient. I told her of some happenings at work and then simply let her go. This is to be a long game.

 

Tomorrow at school should give me some insight into this game.

[GeeCee]

D.I. Self-sufficient is great. Especially for you. You don't need to be running around putting HER things in the garage. Damnit you have things to do.

 

G xx

[SincerlyHurt]

Ex just came by for the dog, an hour early. Lingered around the house while I was getting ready to go to dinner. Asked if her mail was in the truck, I said yes. Immediately walked downstairs to get it, gave it to her along with some other stuff. She acted like she wanted to linger around outside and talk and maybe get a hug. I gave her what I needed to and walked off after simply saying bye. She still looks at me like she has some feelings, I wont go as far as to say she still loves me, but she looks at me and her eyes light up some and she smiles.

 

I have months ahead of me, but if nothing ever comes of us that is alright too. I will have to see how tomorrow goes at school. I got 3 hours of time to spend with her ahead of me. And it will say alot if she still wants to hang out after we get out if we get out early. And then there is dinner, will she be there to eat with me, will she want or ask for another hug as we part for our last class of the night? I will soon find out.

[GeeCee]

You did everything just right when she came round for the dog. Maybe she has a lot to think about at the moment. Today you have to end your call with her (initiated by her), and now you are going out to dinner.

 

You are right, this is a long and slow process. But you are also right, inasmuch as sometimes the days pass a little faster.

 

Whatever happens, you are becoming a better person, more fulfilled and more independent.

 

Good for you.

 

G xx

[SincerlyHurt]

For Gawds sake, when have we ever been revered to the third page? A sad existence we all are indeed. So many people in dire straits, so much newer and worse off than we are. Why do I find that comfortring? Hmmmm?

 

Ok, here goes, foegive me for drunkin fingers, there may be a few typos here but just please get the jest of it. Bad day, nearly the worst, not hurt wise but reality wise.

 

The ex and I have a 3 hour class together. We smile, look at each other and deep down I know in I am through. She does what she needs to do to get through the day. I don't know what happened on their visit last weekend, or if it was my anger stage theatrics, but something was different. We looked each other in the eye, did not really feel much.

 

Ok, so class ends and I think I have a brilliant idea: ask her to dinner or out for a drink sometime, surely she will accept because she wants me to prove I have changed. She pauses, says I just think it would be awkward. I say "awkward for me or you?" She says" I don't want to lead you on." I say ok and deal. About a half hour later her comment from last thursday starts weighing on me: "I know you say you have changed but talk is cheap, you have to prove it." WTF?

 

So soon after this exchange my friends call and they are at Hooters (you Americanas know what Hooters is) so I leave school for the rest of the day to join them. On the way I decide to text her, it reads "So I will never be granted the chance to prove I have changed?"

 

Her response is "I dont want to hurt you anymore than I already have. Its hard to tell you this but I am happy besides what I am doing to you."

 

She is not the biggest literary on the block but I get her message, Im done!!!

 

My response text reads: " Dont be, I am livin larger than life and now I can be true to "them."

 

That was the last communication we had. I gotta tell ya, Im done. Walking away, that is sad, I am leaving here with no dignity because I chased and got shot down. But you know what, closure rules, now I know for sure. I really can be true to all my new conquests, I can go into it without wondering what if the future brings............?

 

Screw her, she is happy with a superficial long term relationship, and if it works out I wish all the best for her, and if doesnt, well $*&@ her, because Im done. It's over. The dreams have been dreamt. Nuff said!!!

 

On a side note, and GeeCee will understand this. I GOT CANADIAN CHICKIES NUMBER TONIGHT!!! Booyah, startin over never felt so good.

 

This situation with the ex I have gotten used to, so how much worse can it get? I pitty him on the day he shows up with her in front of me and all my friends, not to be shallow, but she knows we stick together. Take it how you want to but remember, her network of friends are my childhood friends, she is being selfish hanging on to those parts of my life.

[GeeCee]

So, SincerelyHurt, today you ended one chapter of your life, and began a new one. As much as we do not want to hear those 'it is over' words, it does give one clarity.

 

As to the loss of your dignity - well that is rubbish. Would you rather be remembered as the one who did not have the guts to hear the answer to the question, the one he really needed to know? I don't think so!

 

And now you will start to build up a different life. There will be semblances of your old self and memories of your old life, but be sure that it will be a different life.

 

You know, deep down, in spite of this fog of pain, that it will get better, you will laugh and you will love and desire again. Hel, you're well on your way ... Canadian chickie ... Jess?!?!

 

You did well today, this was a test, and you overcame it.

 

G xx

[shockeddismayed]

Ooophhh....

 

Sincerly...

 

I've been reading through all of your postings lately. The similarities to my own situation are remarkable (see "Help: EXGF has really cold feet" if interested) 7 year relationship... crumbled due in part to lack of spontaniety as well, shortly after beginning shopping for rings... While it appears she isn't (yet) seriously dating anyone, I have some info that an old "curiosity" began emailing her and seeding doubts, and has visited her,... but that is another story.

 

I have to say that I read everything you had to say with such interest... I truly admire the way you've been dealing with this.

 

What I like most, is that even when you'd done something you weren't sure about, you didn't waste time on regrets... I hope that is still the case.

 

I agree, the response to your letter does seem fairly final. I got a similar set of words a while ago when I'd asked for a date too soon "I don't want to lead you on, if we went out right now I know that I wouldn't feel the spark again... it's too soon and I don't know if it will ever come back".

 

However, not to give you hope... cuz it seems that you DON'T need it, and for that you should be congratulated!!!!!... but since I got that response from my EX, she's still been quite messed up.

 

Since then, I wrote a similar letter to the one you wrote... more about inner peace, less about the relationship. I'm expecting a response but don't know when.

 

As for your situation... I am envious of the things you've been able to do to keep your mind on your NEW life. I admire that attitude and I'm sure that you can keep it up, despite the few down days you'll have.

 

Good luck!

Still shocked and dismayed...

[SincerlyHurt]

GeeCee, thank you so much for looking out for me and giving me hope for my future.

 

S&D, I will catch up on your story soon, like tonight. I read it early on but have not been back.

 

I did everything in my power to show her how deeply I felt about her, and I have nary a regret about my actions. It is better to know than to always wonder. I tried whole heartedly and she tossed my love aside for infatuation and 3 hour plane rides. She may come back way down the road but I am not going to sit around and anticipate that, life goes on, just at a funner, faster pace now. Really!!

 

This is sure to be an exciting excursion. It is fun to not know what my future holds now. Before I was the opposite, scared to death because I thought my life was planned and everything would just fall in place as we coexisted. New life now. With endings come new beginnings and they are scary, sad, but in the long run always better.

 

Now I just gotta figure out what kind of red wine the Canadian Chickie drinks, she had Merlot last night but says she usually drinks another kind. Im off to peruse the liquor store aisles, maybe buy one kind of each red, yeah.

[shockeddismayed]

Sincerely,

 

Good luck with the Canadian girl.

 

As a fellow canuck, I'd recommend this red... it may make her think of home:

 

Henry of Pelham, Baco Noir (personal fave)

 

Other Canadian vinters are: Oakridge, Jackson Triggs, Mission Hill.

 

Not sure if you guys carry those down south, but our wine industry is actually starting to take off. Not like the crud we produced in the 80s.

 

We are a quietly (usually) proud bunch, so picking a CDN wine might do you some good.

 

If not, go Aussie.... we aren't threatened by them , and they make some nice ones too! (Jacob's Creek Shiraz-Cabernet is good, and you can't go wrong with WolfBlass).

 

As for life moving faster.... man I gotta get to that point. I've been left here in a relatively new city... my work gets me introduced to 40 and 50 year olds and that's it. I gotta try to get out there a little more.

[SincerlyHurt]

S&D, thanks for the heads up on the wines. I actually went and bought like 10 bottles, I had the pretty lady in the store pick them out for me. But I will keep those Canadian brands close so next time I can get one. Again, Thanks.

 

Yes it is imperative that you get out there more. Just go out and when you see a pretty gal just look her in the eye as you pass and smile. That is better than any come ons you could ever throw at her. It is mysterious, she will think "is he just friendly or does he like me," and then you can guage your next move by her reaction. If she smiles back she may be apt to talk to you. Be bold, build confidence without arrogance. Thats my motto.

[SincerlyHurt]

S&D, I may not be able to get to your story tonight, I just took off work and it looks like we are hitting the island at about 4:00.

 

I want to know your story now so I will be posting there tomorrow.

[GeeCee]

Look at you SincerelyHurt

 

Busy buying wine (Blossom Hill is lovely), busy going out, busy helping others.

 

What a recovery!!!

 

Now change your damned name!!

 

G xx

[SincerlyHurt]

Im still hurt Gee, no name change just yet. Is sure to be a down day and my e-mail will explain all. My rakishness needs to be diluted. Funny, my down days now are not about the ex, she is just a precursor to them. I will surely bounce back this weekend though. Oh, and on another note, does anyone recall the twins I met a few weeks back? Anyway, the band they follow will be back both tonight and tomorrow night. I bet I run into them. Gotta go get a haircut. LOL.

 

Here is the latest: Ex called yesterday at 9 am, I dont answer. Leaves message asking me to call her back. Nope. So last night calls again, I let it go to voicemail. She says she assumes since I have not called her it is ok to come get the dog and that she is on her way. Whatever, it kinda pissed me off but I did not call her. Went out last night and come home to this note:

 

-------------

 

XXXX,

 

I just wanted to thank you for all of the love and support you have given me the past nine years of us growing up together. I just wanted you to know that I appreciate all of the things you did for me and us. They did not go unnoticed. I will hold all of our memories, good and bad, very close to my heart always. I cant tell you enough what a great person you are. Things to carry over for the future: Thanks for taking care of me when I was seeing "Ralph" (her word for puking when she had too much to drink) or just because I was sick, thanks for giving me a 200 (I have no idea what she is talking about), thanks for supporting me, thanks for helping me with house chores or running errands, and many more. I hope that we learn and grow from the many situations we have made it through. There are so many things that I am forgetting to say, but I am at a loss for words. I hope that you know that you will always be special to me. Everything happens for a reason, and hopefully life will lead us both in the right direction without heartache. I will always be here for you no matter what. I hope that when everything is said and done that you have a good opinion of me.

 

Love always,

 

XXXX

------------------

 

Why bother, why did she leave this? Damn girls!!!

 

Oh well, Im at the point where I don't read anything into it or out of it. I just think it is unnecessary.

[GeeCee]

You know what, SincerelyHurt, she hurts too. It may not feel that way, but be sure that she does.

 

It is interesting, though, that she is reaching out for you as soon as you are letting go.

 

I think Majord summed it up nicely when he said

 

'Women ... can't live with them ... can't shoot them!'

 

I will check mail and reply.

 

G xx

[SincerlyHurt]

You are right Gee, she probably does hurt but how can the hurt surface when she is in another relationship. When does the hurt hit her head on? What if 6 months from now or longer this rebound long distance relationship fizzles and then she feels my absense? Is that too far away to realize the hurt? I really think she has not been through the brunt of what has happened because she has him supporting her and steering her his way, and she probably does not even see that he is doing that.

 

So much for "Good Friday"

[GeeCee]

Yes, you are right. Her pain cannot compare to yours. I am sorry. There is no comparison.

 

G xx

[GeeCee]

SincerelyHurt

 

I am constantly amazed by your words, your turn of phrase, your eloquency. It shows a man of great compassion, desire and tenderness. Don't lose sight of that.

 

Dikaia

 

You are soooo young and so open to love - it will come to you when you least expect it. And please - your Dikaiasm's - we all need more!! Much more!!

 

G xx

[dikaia880]

oh Dikaism...hmmm...

 

okay... "when life gives you lemons...make lemonade...if thats not good enough, add vodka..."

 

hows that?

 

I'll think of some more...I'll be home for the Easter weekend, but I'll catch up to you all sunday night...

Have a great weekend!

Happy Easter!

[GeeCee]

Oh Dikaia ... am so glad that you are back to posting your most profound Dikaisms!!!

 

Happy Easter to all of you!