I get upset when he wants to go out..

[jada]

Hi there, I feel like Im an insecure idiot. I always get upset when my b/f wants to go out by himself with his mates. Im 27 & hes 28.. we have a baby together. He doesnt go out much, but he gets the urge once every 2 mths. When he asks I get really upset, we end up in a big argument and then he just leaves and goes out drinking with his friends. He usually gets home at about 3 - 4am, but once when I was pregnant he didnt get home till 9am in the morning!!! We had a big fight over that.

 

Should that 9am in the morn thingee be a reason for me to not allow him out again?? I know that sounds stupid. My mates have told me that I should just let him go out and I should go out and do my own thing. Ive tried that but I dont seem to have a good time when that happens, Id prefer to be with my b/f. Weve been going out now for 4 yrs. What am I to do, I guess I dont trust him. When hes out I always feel anxious and find that I cant sleep. My minds awake listening to cars coming up the road etc. Its a crazy feeling. I always think hes cheating.. not that Ive ever found any evidence. What am I to do???? HELP......Is there anyone else like me????

[cakes]

I can't begin to tell you that i feel the same as you. I dont know why I feel that insecure about him too. I've been dating my bf for 2.5 years...

 

With your situation with him going out and not coming home til 9am in the morning that's quite the circumstance and i can see how that's left you that eery feeling. But I think as gfs, as their partners we have to realize that they do need their own space sometimes. They can't always do everything with us. I never tell him not to go anywhere when he does, and I know he would never cheat on me but i can't help but to think that he might..even tho i know he wouldn't.

 

I think almost every girl has that insecurity because of all the things we hear these days. And we can't blame it on all the hot slutty girls we see out there as much as I'd like to but yeah...its just that difficulty we have to step up to .....

[jada]

So what do you do when he goes out? How do you get over that anxious feeling? and what time does he usually get home? do you fight with him before he goes? When I fight with him I dont tell him not to go, I just fight with him calling him an alcoholic etc... bad aye..... Do you trust your man? Im glad theres someone else out there like me, cool....

[luxe_13]

Hi Jada.

 

I have gone through the same thing with my ex. I wish I'd found this website before it was too late!

 

I used to get angry when my boy went out without me too. I guess for me it was because I never wanted to go out without him. I could never understand why he would want to go out without me!

 

Anyway what I have learnt is that you need to let them have their freedom. Unless you do think he is up to something (another woman!), I would try and back off a little bit. You don't want your man to feel trapped!

 

Trust and are the key here. Maybe talk to him. Explain why you get upset and let him reassure you it's just a "boys night" nothing more!

I also think he should call if he's going to be out so late.

[laadied]

The more you hold him back, the more he will think he's missing something. You probably feel like you make time for him and he never plans anything for you guys to do together, blah, blah, blah, get your own life. Start making your own plans, get your own drinking buddies and I promise you that when you do this, you won't be so upset when he makes his plans, because you won't feel like your life revolves around your family, even if it really does.

[woopsydaisy]

i think that you have it preety good to be honest..going out once every two months is nothing really.I can understand you being upset if he doesnt come home till 9 am in the morning..i think thats pushing it.But as said in the other posts it would help you went out as well and had nights out and nights out together.Its really important that you dont smother him to much...every one needs friends and space from their partner.Even if its a night out on the town evey two months.

[wendygirl]

I go through the same insecurities you do. My boyfriend has never gone out with out me...except when we have been broken up..which has been a couple of times. But I still am always affraid he is going to cheat of me. Even though Im sure he wont. I still get that insecurity that he may have already and might someday. We have been together for almost 2 years and he says my insecurity drives him crazy. ITs always the reason why we break up. Im trying to stop feeling this way. I literaly have to force the insecure thoughts out of my head. I snoop in his things alot to make sure. I hate feelng this way, I even have gone to counseling because I want to be a secure person. It got too expensive, and they kept diagnosing me with something different.

Like right now we are having a little spat...but its driving me crazy. Its only been 2 hours since we talked, and I feel like he needs to be the one to apologize to me, but I have this anxiety that just because we are having a little spat he doesnt want to be with me anymore. Its really stupid I know. But I know how you feel when you cant sleep and your waiting to hear from him or something. I feel like that too sometimes. I just wait and wait for the phone to ring. I dont like being like this at all.