Raoul Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 Today would have been my 25th anniversary. Instead, I'm single parenting 3, aged 17, 15 and 12. My ex uses them as weapon and sword against me both person-to-person and in the divorce. My 12-year old daughter is in therapy (depression) over all this. Both my boys are angry, confused and hurt. She left after I had PIs document it all and said she only wanted to see the kids every weekend or so. That changed as she 'lawyered up' and her attorney advised that if she wanted a good settlement that she should 'act like a good mother'. I get that she didn't love me anymore. What I don't get is burning everything to the ground (kids, home, her family, our friends - her life) on the way out with a seedy affair with an unemployed, multiple dui, faux 'bad boy' bum. What a loser! I take half the responsibility for the marriage, maybe more. Except that I had little clue that she was unhappy. I own none of the affair and the resulting collateral damage. That's all her. She's already gotten from me and will get anything she wants under the crazy divorce laws we live under. She screws around, leaves and takes me for half of everything (that's fair) and then HUGE alimony (ridiculous - she earns $90K). Our kids have no chance with her and money. She'll just continue to go to country music concerts and fall off bar stools. My work and life have always been about family. I guess I got boring to her. But now, I will get these children on their way in life without (literally despite) her. Talk about not getting it! What is she thinkin'? Just venting I guess. ______________________________ BS: Me 58 (180/Limited Contact 10/08) WS: Her 51 Married: 24 years, 3 children 17, 15, 12 D-Day: August 2008 (Detectives) She moved out October 2008 Divorce in process Link to comment
waveseer Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 If she were a reasonably good wife and mother she'd probably still be around. Link to comment
Raoul Posted April 28, 2009 Author Share Posted April 28, 2009 If she were a reasonably good wife and mother she'd probably still be around. She was more than 'reasonably good' for nearly our entire marriage. She was a great lover, wife, mother, daughter, friend. What happened? I guess she 'flamed out' somehow. Raoul Link to comment
TechResQ Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 wow, not sure what to say except, I am so sorry. Those that choose to cheat rarely look past the nose on their own face. It's a selfish, horrible act to those she is SUPPOSED to love and be loyal to. It really sucks. I've been there too and I will say time does start to heal your wounds, but unfortunately I found the scars never go away. The cut is way too deep. God Bless. Link to comment
greensleeves Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 I'm sorry you're going through this Raoul. It sounds like you're focused on getting your kids through this in one piece. It doesn't seem fair that you should have to pay alimony to her. What are the custody arrangements right now? Do you have your children most of the time? Link to comment
doyathink Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 Thank God your kids have you. You sound like a wonderful father. She will get hers...what goes around, comes around. Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 Damn, not sure what to say either except, I am so sorry for you. Karma baby... where's the Karma. Link to comment
Raoul Posted April 28, 2009 Author Share Posted April 28, 2009 Thank you all. Its nice to have the support. My kids are now with me alternate weeks (doesn't mean she won't get child support though, she will). I fought it, attempting to keep the original 'deal' but the shrink opted for half & half. I basically don't have a choice now. Its not all bad. They do need to see their mother, ahe needs to see them. But I worry because she's living like a trailer trash teenager right now. Not exactly safe or constructive of good values which we both worked hard on before she lost it. . NJ/USA is a cracked divorce state, income differrentials drive everything). I will do what's necessary but it will be very hard once the inevitable settlement comes. As for karma and 'what goes around, comes aroud', I think its interesting that the same religion that includes karma also includes reincarnation. Maybe one lifetime can't catch up with you sometimes. Not sure I believe in either. They are comforting but maybe not real? Thanks for heaaring me out. Advice is hard to come by when something ike this happens. Keep it comin', Raoul Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 Hold your head high...Her day will come. Link to comment
TechResQ Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 You will definitely come out of this the "Good Guy". She has just started digging the hole she has placed herself in...it'll just get deeper. You are the winner in this...because you will make sure your children are well taken care of and they will see that and they will remember that. Stay strong. Take care. Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 Okay that was all the bad in your life right now, how about listing what is good. You and I are in the same boat with these days coming and going. Hug you children and make sure they know you will NEVER let them down. Lost Link to comment
Raoul Posted April 28, 2009 Author Share Posted April 28, 2009 Well said lost. There is crummy stuff. But they are great kids. I will not fail them. i have some very good friends. And my family, though they live far from here, are supportive. There's a lot to be thankful for. Thanks, Robert Link to comment
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