This IS horrible counselling, right?

[blackgnat]

My son's counsellor decided that she wanted to take me on as a client. I felt uncomfortable with this and questioned how she could separate the two cases.

 

She assured me that she was a professional and would not bring knowledge of either case to the other one. I asked her several times whether it was okay that I would be telling her things about my son and vice versa. She said it wouldn't be a problem.

 

This has since become a contributing factor to the way I feel about telling my problems to her. I generally feel very uncomfortable with the situation.

 

Added to this is the feeling I have that she may be gay.She is a woman with masculine traits. She has a husband and children, but I cannot shake the feeling that she has a little crush on my family.

 

The very first session I had with her, we were talking about sexuality and out of the blue, she said, "I'd do you". I said nothing, because I didn't believe I'd heard her properly.

 

During the next session, she scooted her chair right next to mine-knees touching-and stared at me, saying nothing. After about a minute, I said "What the f$# are you doing?" She kept silent and fixed her eyes on mine. I was massively uncomfortable. I asked her if she was going to say anything, but she kept silent. Eventually she said "What would you like to do to me right now?" and I said "Get the f&^ away from me!" and I pushed her chair away from me. She was trying to illustrate the point that I need to push away the people in my life who are causing me problems. I get that, but I have rarely felt more uncomfortable in my life.

 

At the end of the next session, I began to write a check and she said, "Oh, you don't need to pay me". I said. "Yes I do" and at that point, she began rubbing my back. I was putting my coat on and she asked for a hug. I said No and she said "You are a hard person to love". I told her that I was easy to love (I was really insulted by her remark) and that I wasn't going to hug ANYBODY. I thought this was a real invasion of my personal space and that she had completely overstepped her boundaries.

 

I mean, supposing I had really needed someone to believe in me and tell me that I was okay and she told me I was "hard to love" ?!! If I had less self esteem , I'd have thought that everyone who had been negative in my life was right!!!

 

I am completely disgusted by her technique and truly think that she has a hidden agenda. I told her that I would not be seeing her again as an individual, but if my son wants to see her, that's his perogative.

 

What do you all think?

 

I think she is totally OUT OF ORDER. Unethical and unprofessional. Who the eff says to a client, "I'd do you" ????

[waveseer]

I've run into unethical therapists before, it happens. They are no better than the rest of us and some people claim they have even more issues on average. However, do you really think it's a good idea for your son to continue seeing her?

[browneyedgirl36]

Very unethical. I would strongly suggest that you find another therapist. Her behavior, no matter how she might try to hide it under the guise of making a point about something (i.e. about how you need to push away people who cause you problems), is NOT professional. There are other, better ways for her to make a point.

 

Definitely find someone else. She is stepping over ethical boundaries and getting into some very inappropriate territory.

[catfeeder]

Very sorry both you and your son had to deal with this person. She's manipulative and off her rocker. I'd drop her--fast. I'd contact one of your son's teachers or doctors for a referral to someone who respects both boundaries and clients as more than sick ego experiments. I also wouldn't mix family members with any therapist unless its specifically for family sessions.

 

In your corner.

[avman]

Completely unethical and inappropriate. A therapist should never see multiple family members like this for starters and of course her other conduct is completely outrageous. I'd report her to the licensing board in your area and never go back to her.

[laisla]

i'd take both you and your son out of it. who knows if she was being inappropriate with your son as well.

[blackgnat]

Unfortunately my son has to see her because she is a drug and addictions counselor (as well as having her own private practice) and counselling is mandatory, as part of his probation.

 

I don't know that she is being inappropriate with him. He seems to quite enjoy her sessions. I do NOT want to tell him what happened between her and me. I can probably do a little probing to see if he's comfortable with her and if not, suggest an alternative.

 

I also have to see her in her capacity as a court mandated counsellor-I got a DUI last year and have done all my hours as mandated by the court, except for what is called aftercare. I have to attend aftercare sessions once a month for 3 hours and will be done in December.

 

But in aftercare sessions, there are usually 8-10 people in the group, so it is not the intimate setting of one-on-one. I will just have to grin and bear that and do a great job of acting. I don't even want to be in the same ZIP CODE as this woman.

[avman]

Has counseling with THIS counselor been mandated? Or just counseling? I would think they wouldn't force you to see a specific counselor. Can't you just shift to someone else and still meet the requirements?

[blackgnat]

Yes, avman, I believe you are right. We don't have to go to HER.

 

I'm honestly so turned off by her that I'm going to look into alternatives for me and for my son, if he wants it.

[avman]

Yes, avman, I believe you are right. We don't have to go to HER.

 

I'm honestly so turned off by her that I'm going to look into alternatives for me and for my son, if he wants it.

 

 

Oh good. I think that's a wise move. She sounds like a complete loon.

[beejcee]

i can't imagine that counseling from someone who makes you that uncomfortable would do you any good at all.