Glimpse of Hope, Immediate Advice!

[dartanian lives]

Well if you haven't read into my story, don't worry. In short my ex turned into a s-lut after dumping me and her life went down hill (bad grades, skipping school, became a s-lut, etc.) Well recently she has told her friends she misses how things used to be in her life. How she had REAL HAPPINESS, not just the fake happiness she has now.

 

Is this good news for me since I took up a great portion of her life before she dumped me? She has yet to mention me specifically, but I think she is just ashamed.

 

What should I do going about this? Should I contact her (I have had the no contact rule in place)? Any advice on what I should do after finding out how much she misses how things used to be?

 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[DaManiac]

hmm... truthfully i think you should contact her, i think this a time of depression for her and i'm sure she would appreciate you being there maybe just to talk to.

you know when she said that she had true happiness before well, she might have been implying something, if i was in her situation, yes i would be very ashamed and i would want someone there to understand me and tell me that i haven't been acting stupid and everything. so good lucks and hope you guys get back together

[Para_Pryncess]

Hm.. In my opinion, I'd try the no contact for just a little longer. If she's depressed and wants you back or decided she made a mistake she'll contact YOU. Besides, she's the one who changed, not you. Giving her the satisfaction that you'll be a sucker and still be there whenever she gets done going through her phase only causes you pain of not knowing whether she'll be back for you or not. If she was going through a hard time and needed you now, why didn't she stay with you and let you help her through it before? Just a thought and my advice to keep up the no contact and see how things are going to play out. Women change their minds quite frequently so wait and see when she knows what she really wants before you get yourself hurt.

[Hopingpraying]

I would have to agree with the second post. If she has changed like you say she has, why would you want a girl like that back? Do you think she is going to be the same girl she was when you dated her?

 

Have any of the issues you had broken up for been fixed? Things just don't go away.

 

If you really believe that you want her back I think doing no contact is still the way to go. She will contact you when and if she is ready.

 

Good luck.

[kathyk]

i am so happy for you. do as beec would tell you. do a little then back off. i am happy to see a rreal man go after what he really wants. don't put your heart too much in this. go slow. make her want you. congradulations. hey, even if she doesn't do what she should you made it. you can have anyone you want now. i am so happy to see that the posts are coming back with positive outlooks. it even gives me some hope. even though we still haven't contacted each other in almost 8 weeks. i have time to do my improvements for myself. i am feeling so much better. good luck to you.....

[dartanian lives]

Thank you everyone for your support and advice. I am still undecided on what I am going to do. With the no contact I have been healing, so if she decides that she just wants her old life back without me I won't get hurt again, yet she is/was my best friend for two years (its hard watching her up).

 

Q & A

 

If she has changed like you say she has, why would you want a girl like that back?

 

I am unsure. I think it is because of how the relationship ended. I had to force her to break up with me because she left my hanging in the balance and didn't call me for two weeks. It always seemed to me that no matter what excuse she gave for the break up she was very unsure if she wanted to end it. After all of her antics (within a month she has only known for a week, making out with 2 guys she only knew for 2 days, screwing up one of her friends relationship with her boyfriend) she seems to see that her life is headed down the wrong path. In reality I was her stability in life, for the most part. I love the girl more than some of my family members; she means the world to me and I would do anything for her.

 

 

Do you think she is going to be the same girl she was when you dated her?

 

She may not be the same girl, but what she has become definitely is not who she is. She has recognized that her life turned into something she doesn't like, and she wants things how they used to be in her life (before her little "experiment fest"). Whether or not she is the same, I know who she is and what would occur. Her ideals might have changed to a degree, but if she came back I think things would run like they used to. We were actually like a married couple to be honest.

 

Have any of the issues you had broken up for been fixed?

 

Here is the kicker, there really isn't any reasons for the break up. I fell in love with her when she was overweight and not very attractive to the masses. Well she lost quite a bit of weight and started feeling confident about herself. A reason for her departure was vanity for sure, but I think she has come to realize that isn't going to solve her problems --- it only creates more. She says she "doesn't love me anymore" a day after the break up, but in actuality I end up being a focal point in her life when it comes to certain things (unfortunate). The only other reasons she has given are:

 

I don't listen --- she took that back knowing she was just lying.

I didn't let her be herself --- again, she took that back back.

I am not good in bed --- this i am not worried about because we only had sex a handful of times and she didn't give me any "advice" on how to please her and she didn't let me have any foreplay time (my better area). So if necessary I think that could be fixed.

 

I have tried to discuss things with her friends about why this happened, and she really doesn't have an answer except she wanted to go out and answer "what if" questions in her life. Well these "what if" questions have brought her to a place she doesnt want to be right now.

 

Hope that clears up some things, and please feel free to reply again. I would appreciate as much advice as I can get since I definitely don't have the insight on the situation since I am retarded for this girl.

 

Thanks.

[woobiegirl]

I wouldn't be so quick to forgive & forget. After all, were your feelings considered when she broke up w/you and thought it was greener on the other side? Besides, you don't want to take her back because it was "easier for her with you"...she should want to come back because she realized she made a mistake. The last thing you want in the back of your mind is whether this will happen again.

 

Let her come to you, it's part of taking responsibiliteis for your actions.

 

Good luck & take care,

Woobiegirl

[kathyk]

if you can forgive her then do so. if you have doubts keep her at arms link. go slow. watch for any signs that she may be doing the same thing again. maybe she needed to get out there to see if she could proof a point to herself. grass isn't always greener. but remember to watch for the same signs as before. she really needs to show you she really wants you back. so if you back off again and she goes to another then you'll have your answer. you can not live your life this way. it is torment. besides after time you will feel like a real person and not someones doormat. believe me i do feel alive now. didn't a few weeks ago it feels good to breathe without worrying about someone besides myself. just be careful and do not injure yourself again. remember what beec says. you have to be able to look at a person and not need them so you can love them again. soif it doesn't work yu can walk away not hurt and with a clear mind. take care!!!!

[dartanian lives]

At the end of the relationship (and right now) she didn't care about my feelings any longer. It was more about her and what she wants, and she just ignored me till she felt like dumping me. Even afterwards she contacted me once to ask me to not make her feek awkward, which I was just acting myself and she happened to be around --- although I didn't know she was there. Anyhow, so I agree that she has a lot of things she has to take care of before she can realize she made a mistake dumping me and doing what she is doing now. Yet, I want her back in my life because I am honestly in love with her. Right now I am going to keep the no contact going and hopefully I'll heal fully if everything doesn't play in my direction. Recently everything has been getting harder, so I am thinking good times are right around the corner.

 

Also --- anyone know how to deal with another situation I am in:

 

My ex started to realize her life was becoming something she never wanted after she did something with a certain person. Of course I have heard the same old "she slept with this guy, sucked this guys thing, made out with, etc", but someone told me the last guy she fooled around with involved something concerning me. Naturally, I dont want to know because I dont want to hurt anymore but it has something to do with me now? Should I forget about it or should I just bear through it to figure out insight into what she has done and if she is coming back?

 

Thanks everyone.