should you not date if you aren't reaching a certain income?

[Caterina]

Is it inappropriate to date someone if you aren't financially secure? I'm 26. I was in a professional job for three years. I was laid off. I blew my savings while looking for four months for a job. I found three jobs which were part time and paid a lot less. I got a roomate, a roomate who is much younger than I am...she's just entering college, she's 18. I wonder if I'm even worthy of dating right now? I mean, I just bought a car and I have just enough to get by every month. I have a very small amount in my savings. Is it even appropriate for me to think about love if I'm not living in a house, but in an apartment with a roomate at the age of 26, almost 27?

 

side note: i'm often asked out by men younger than I am. when I was a professional, there were no men my age around. now, all the men are younger than i am and they also don't have stable jobs...they are around 22. I want a relationship that leads to marriage but is this too much to ask?

[Mutley]

No. Date whenever you can.

 

Don't put conditions on it.

[Caterina]

Yeah but there are conditions...like, if I was homeless, I wouldn't think it would be appropriate to expect someone to date me.

[Mutley]

Yea...but that's a LITTLE different than your present circumstances....don't you think?

[Complication]

Yeah but there are conditions...like, if I was homeless, I wouldn't think it would be appropriate to expect someone to date me.

 

Except you aren't homeless, so that's not an issue.

 

Would you really want to pass up a chance at something worthwhile because your bank account balance wasn't up to snuff?

[nutbrownhare]

I'm not clear what your concerns are here - is it that your material circumstances are less than you think they should be, and this is affecting your self-esteem? You're not exactly on the streets, you're earning, keeping yourself and have your own transport - I don't see a problem with that.

 

If you're concerned that younger guys who ask you out don't have stable jobs, is it because you're worried that you'll end up supporting them? Are they guys who are never likely to have stable jobs, or are they simply people who are doing their best, regardless of the current economic climate? (Very different things!)

 

I can see where you're coming from (up to a point) because a few years ago I left employment to do a full-time MA course, and I wouldn't have felt comfortable dating someone while I had no income at all - I wouldn't have felt I was in an equal partnership. However, you ARE earning, keeping yourself afloat at a time when many people are not - so what's the problem?

[Jetta]

You are free to date. I'm not in my ideal situation either but I'm putting myself out there. A student at 35!? It gets worse but that I know is a big turn off for most. If the opportunity presents itself go with it. You never know where things will lead. My parents like to remind me that they weren't always well to do. They struggled through hard times. My mom went through some difficult times and it's amazing to me they even married after hearing how they met. My mom was barely getting by, needed a place to stay, my dad offered her a home (he was a friend of a friend and older than her by 9 years). They had a reasonably happy married of 33 years before he passed on. He was an educated professional by that time, and she was a secretary. He wanted to date her but she refused him initially, then she got to know him and things changed. She thought he would be boring, he wasn't at all.

 

Anyway my parents always give me hope that things can get better. And how things are now isn't how they'll always be. I think it's important to find someone with shared goals. So you develop a partnership.

 

Well anyway I think you should date, younger, older, give a guy a chance. You never know where things will lead.

[candykisses]

You don't have to be financially secure to date someone. However, I strongly believe that it's in a woman's best interest to be financially INDEPENDENT, which means that you maintain the ability to take care of yourself and depend on nobody but yourself for your livelihood. I know you mentioned you were laid off, but that you have just enough to get by every month. Do you have a job currently? Because when you have an income, however small, it gives you the power to call your own shots, and that is SO important in a relationship. You have to be able to go to a restaurant, have dinner with a guy, and be able to pay for your own meal, even if you aren't going to. If dating means you're going to be sexually active, then you make sure you have the financial ability to buy your own pills.

 

It's all about being self-sufficient and dignified... mentally, emotionally, financially. I was once addicted to gambling and broke to the point where I financially depended on my ex for EVERYTHING; trust me it wasn't a good place to be. As long as you don't have to depend on a man for your livelihood, and you're maintaining the basic ability to take care of yourself, you can date all you want.

[pinkrobot]

I'm a true believer in that the best relationships are ones where money isn't required to make either person happy.

 

Dates that require no money are often the best kind, because they involve more interaction and they're usually things that let you get to know each other better.

 

I've never dated a guy with a large income...I usually have more spending money than the guys I've dated...and it's never been a problem for me.

[iwishiknew]

I don't have a good job. I make less than $20,000 a year and I still live at home. I doubt any girl would want to date me because I don't make a living wage.

[shy2cool]

Aww, I would still date you. This is because I know that you have the capacity to have a professional job.

[Cloudyday]

I'm in a similar situation to yours. It's not necessarily about having large incomes or anything but that sometimes I dont feel like I have the right to date or to go out and spend money at the moment because my funds are so tight. Its more out of necessity than anything. Should you be going out when you're barely able to pay the rent and bills? I mean if someone amazing just happened to appear in front of me I wouldn't let the opportunity slip but I wouldn't be actively searching for someone to go out with until I can get myself stable.

[JusticeLaw9]

A relationship should not be conditional upon our success. The older you get in life the more things you have to leave behind. Success is a not permanent and at any given time we can fall down to our knees. So what does that mean? Does that mean we have to stop dating everytime we do? Or that we suddenly become unworthy?

 

The answer is no.

 

We're all destined to fall at some point. Whether it's in our professional careers or in our personal lives. The day will come when you have to face the other side. But that doesn't mean that you aren't worthy when you do.

[lady00]

You are by no means alone, so I do not think it is prohibitive as far as dating. Just don't go on dates that require spending a lot.

 

This is a bad time for most people. If you talk to career advisers, which I have because I'm about to graduate from grad school, or anyone in the working world, in virtually any field, very few people can rest easy right now and feel that they truly have job security in this market. And we haven't even seen the bottom yet...so I think anyone who feels like they actually have a stable job situation right now needs to think twice about that.

 

If I advised you to stop dating, I'd say the same thing to most people. But I don't think people should stop dating because of the economy. I think we just need to be more careful about spending money and spend less of it. But stopping spending time with people for purposes of a romantic relationship? Not necessary, IMO.