He comes to quickly..What's wrong?

[OrangeMoon]

I have been dating a guy..

 

Last week we had sex for the first time together. After he entered me, he came within 2 minutes.

 

So I thought..ok, doesnt matter, its been 6 months since you have had sex (so he said)..can happen..right?

 

So we waited, kissed etc..so after a while we are good to go a second time..yep again it happened after he penetrated a couple of times..no more than 2 or 3 minutes.

 

Ok..he embarrassed, i kept reassuring him..so we wait again..

 

3th time..and yes it happened again! here he came again too soon for me to have the time to enjoy myself (let alone reach an orgasm)..

 

So we stopped, he was tired and claimed that his penis got sore and sensitive..( in my mind i was like..'sore from what?")

So he said that he would make it up to me the next week, because he was too sore now. Ok..i was frustrated ofcourse..but enjoyed the intimacy given another way as well. So for now left it at that.

 

 

So now came the second weekend..And yes..worse than before..he could not even thrust 3 times i think..and then he came.

He embarrassed again. So once again i was patient..and thought ok..1st time jitters.. So after a while we tried a second time...and yes HERE WE GO AGAIN..

 

So now i am getting a bit upset and dissappointed..I am like..ok..whats wrong..because i am not getting a good deal here. I noticed that he felt awful about it so ..being the kind of woman that I am..i tried to assure him once more..But i guess he already felt that i was actually a bit dissappointed with him.

 

So after a while..( me still being horney) i got him up again...he tried and..yep here went again for the 3RD TIME.. he claimed that it must have been the soreness..because that was still bothering him a little.

 

Is this really so? Or is he just really insecure or hasnt had sex way longer than he actually claimed. Because i am thinking about ending it..because if it happens again i dont think i can trust that he will be able to satisfy me..

 

I am used to it happening on the 1st go with guys..but never that much.

Can you guys explain what might be happening here?

[Cognitive_Canine]

Is he truly embarrassed? Or do you think he may not care if you enjoy yourself or not?

 

I would really talk to him about it. Come into it being understanding. If he is embarrassed, most likely he will be defensive or blaming it on other things. So, make sure that you are as understanding as possible.

[yellow_sweater]

Premature ejaculation.

 

If you want this to work out, you're going to need to do a few things:

 

1) GENTLENESS. His ego is as bruised as your sex drive. Don't make him feel more inadequate and insecure than he's already feeling.

 

2) PATIENCE. Things can get better, but it will take time.

 

3) COMMUNICATION. You need to tell him how he can please you... be open to other fun things besides intercourse.

 

I've been there/ am there right now... see my thread here:

 

Good luck!

YS

[Iwantittoend]

I used to have this problem early on in my relationship. I think about the first 3 or 4 times we had sex I came within minutes. Now I can go for 15-20 most of the time if I want to. It all came back to me being comfortable with her and more about my nerves than anything. Now that I know her and what she likes, it's easier for me to just let loose and not be so tense.

 

That could be happening here. Maybe he has some other problem mentally that is making this happen. It could be a variety of things. Just try to be as understanding as possible. It's a very embarrassing issue for guys.

[OrangeMoon]

he truly is embarrassed...i can tell about the way he behaves..its like the pressure is up in his head with each time...but that might make him his penis get soft i think instead of ejaculating.....

 

 

I am not in love with him and he not with me either..we just have a good time together and added the sex to it. So i dont feel like being too patient anymore. And my guess is..that if it happens another time..it might do something to him as well. So i have said to just take it slow and wait until his so called soreness is totally gone..

[Blanco Nino]

That's pretty amazing he goes so quick on the 2nd and 3rd round. Can I ask how many minutes would be good for you? Just curious.

[OrangeMoon]

Premature ejaculation.

 

If you want this to work out, you're going to need to do a few things:

 

1) GENTLENESS. His ego is as bruised as your sex drive. Don't make him feel more inadequate and insecure than he's already feeling.

 

2) PATIENCE. Things can get better, but it will take time.

 

3) COMMUNICATION. You need to tell him how he can please you... be open to other fun things besides intercourse.

 

I've been there/ am there right now... see my thread here:

 

Good luck!

YS

 

Well..we started dating knowing that we wanted it to have sex with each other on a regular bases exclusively..

We dont have a romantic rels..we have a lot of fun talking and doing activities..but in the end its about sharing the sexual side of things...he was supposed to my F***buddy..

 

I have noticed that he is not as experienced as he claimed..so i am not getting enough out of the other aspects. Next to that..i am a "meat and potatoes"- kinda girl... meaning i am highly stimulated from penetration and just having the potatoes..doesnt cut it. He is getting satisfied and i am not..

 

But i do understand the sensitivity in this...but i am not in love..so the patience has an ending with me..

 

I guess..that we just dont match sexually. But i am trying to understand (best from male point of view) because if it happens again..i think that he will feel terrible about it. Maybe he has not been honest with me about his experience and we should have an open talk about it. Its hard..i dont want to hurt his feelings, but i dont want to feel like i am just the giver..

[OrangeMoon]

That's pretty amazing he goes so quick on the 2nd and 3rd round. Can I ask how many minutes would be good for you? Just curious.

 

a good 20-30..different positions..sometimes 15 min depends on how many times we have had sex that night..

 

But i am surprised about that yeah..the 1st round..ok..i understand that..but later?..

[Blanco Nino]

a good 20-30..different positions..sometimes 15 min depends on how many times we have had sex that night..

 

But i am surprised about that yeah..the 1st round..ok..i understand that..but later?..

 

Hmmm yeah I have to really fight to get to 10-15 minutes the first two rounds but the 3rd lasts forever but it's not very good. I've kinda checked out mentally at that point.

 

I feel for you both. It sucks. Maybe you should look into some things that make a guy last longer. I think there are some creams or something. I've never tried them myself.

 

Or like you said if he's just an F Buddy then just tell him it's not working out and find someone else.

[grymoire]

20 to 30 mins of stroking time is actually a LOT. the average time is somewhere around 7 mins.

[OrangeMoon]

Nah..

 

I guess i have already made up my mind. I am not going to do the creams etc etc...that kinda stuff comes only when you have someone you truly love. Then i have the patience and feel the creativity to come up with other solutions.

 

I guess we both know that our time is up. I just dont think that i will put myself nore him through that pressure again. Its just not worth it..I guess i am too impatient now because i know what i want and need right now in my life..

 

 

Arggh..

 

Being single sometimes sucks hahaha..

 

But i just wanted to understand...But i guess he's exaggerated his sexual experience

[OrangeMoon]

20 to 30 mins of stroking time is actually a LOT. the average time is somewhere around 7 mins.

 

as i said..in different positions...i switch it up..so in between the different positions..you could be right. not 20 min in one position in one go...that gets boring.

 

but furthermore..i have never had any problems in that area with guys...they love it when they are inside..

[doc wannabe]

When I am first with a girl, it takes me FOREVER. I mean like 30-45 minutes. After I've been with a girl a couple of times, I relax a bit more and am more normal in length (I guess) 5-15 minutes.

[Bkoguy07]

When I am first with a girl, it takes me FOREVER. I mean like 30-45 minutes. After I've been with a girl a couple of times, I relax a bit more and am more normal in length (I guess) 5-15 minutes.

 

 

 

Same I'm really nervous then I calm down the next few times but never under 10...

[live.ur.life]

My advice to you would be to give him oral pleasure (if you are comfortable doing that) to see how long he can last. If you are already doing foreplay before actual sex, then that is probably the issue.

[OrangeMoon]

yeah i give him some oral pleasure..but only to tease him a bit yeah..not that much to overstimulate....i know i want him to show some endurance when he is inside..

 

Sticking it in..with just doing some kissing does not feel right..

 

I have read the last posts..and yeah that is more common..that you might not even reach an orgasm right away..or that it gets soft more often due to nerves..

 

But coming that fast???

[live.ur.life]

yeah i give him some oral pleasure..but only to tease him a bit yeah..not that much to overstimulate....i know i want him to show some endurance when he is inside..

 

Sticking it in..with just doing some kissing does not feel right..

 

I have read the last posts..and yeah that is more common..that you might not even reach an orgasm right away..or that it gets soft more often due to nerves..

 

But coming that fast???

lol

 

I find it weird that he is able to have sex up to 3 times in one night, given how sensitive he is? Just strikes me as odd. I don't know what to say. Maybe he has a medical condition or is on somekind of medication that causes this.

 

I found this, it might be of interest too you

 

For many years, sex experts have tended to say that premature ejaculation is caused by early conditioning.

 

In other words, the man's early, rushed (and perhaps furtive) sexual experiences had to be quick so as to avoid detection. The idea is that this conditions him to climax as quickly as possible.

 

However, our own surveys have found that many men with PE did not have rushed early sexual experiences - though others say they did.

 

It's worth noting that from an evolutionary point of view, it's probable that males who climaxed quickly were more likely to have children. In other words, if you were a caveman who came very fast, you'd stand more chance of impregnating your woman and enlarging your tribe.

 

Some men seem to be highly triggered right from the start of their sex lives, and we have encountered instances where their fathers were much the same. Therefore, we feel that the tendency to reach orgasm quickly may possibly be inherited rather than learned.

 

Finally, there's no question that anxiety or 'nerves' play a part in many cases of PE. If you're nervous, you're likely to come too quickly.

 

This is why many males have discovered for themselves that a small amount of alcohol eases their nerves and makes them less likely to climax prematurely. But we wouldn't recommend alcohol as a treatment.

[grymoire]

for what its worth know that anti-histamines and pure vitamin E can make a man 'last' for a long time.

 

the vitamin E that you find in regular stores won't cut it. it got to be the pure vitamin E, the molecular chain with all the isomers - tocopherols and tocotrienols.

[OrangeMoon]

i have been googling some more too...and this PE is actually more common then i thought..

 

but this also means..that he must have had the same issues with other women and not just me...meaning he lied to me..

 

He gets hard, it doesnt take him that long to recouperate...

 

I think he lied about his sexual experience....when i look at the kind of man he is..he could be..because he is not as worldly as i am..so to speak.

 

i can remember one time when he came..it came between like 3 thrusts or something and he did not even notice it coming...suddenly he was like still laying on top of me and sighing out of embarrasment...

 

I am really embarrassed to say this here as well..but i just have to talk to someone..

 

I think he has been lying and he probably has a severe ejaculation problem. He can get help for that. But obviously i am not the right person to help him.

[OrangeMoon]

My ex always came within a couple of minutes whether it was the first time or the fourth time. We tried all sorts of things and nothing worked. Let me tell you that not having an orgasm for years from intercourse was a damper. He finally got a prescription for Viagra as he suffered from premature ejaculation. Maybe now that he's older the problem has gotten better but it sucked when we were together.

 

I admire your patience...i really do. I am not able to do that. Other type of stimuli just dont cut it as much as the penetration...I like it..but not as a finishing touch.

 

I hope everything is fine now...even if you guys did not make it..

[yellow_sweater]

I totally understand. It sounds like this is more of a physically based relationship, so if the physical part isn't working, there's no reason to continue sleeping together. That's fine if that's what you're looking for, and in that case it's probably best to be honest and just gently let him know that you're no longer interested in having sex with him.

[yellow_sweater]

I agree completely.

 

PE is very common, and (to some extent) it can be un-learned or an alternate behavior practiced. TMI alert... the last time I was intimate with my boyfriend, we both noticed that he was getting too close not even 60 seconds in. We both stopped moving completely, and I could feel how close he was. He breathed deeply for a bit while we kissed. Then we resumed. We went for another maybe 5-7 minutes. I didn't have an orgasm from the sex as I wasn't feeling well, but he did.

 

The other thing is I had to give up on the ideal of having an orgasm from intercourse EVERY time we have sex. I get off probably 30% of the times we have intercourse, and another 50% from his fingers after we've had sex. The other 20% I don't feel like having an orgasm.

 

We both had to work together to figure out what works for us, though. If you're not up for working with him, then it's best to let another woman take on the task.

 

YS

[Nixee]

I've been with someone who actually fits this description pretty much to a 'T' as well, so I find a lot of these posts interesting, and I can relate to the frustration.

 

I will definitely attest to the fact that it is most certainly possible for a man with this...issue.. to very easily go a 2nd and 3rd time and finish just as quickly though, as I've been there, and I've been just as amazed. Before encountering it myself, I'd always heard people say, "if ya finish too fast, just wait a bit and go again... the second time will last!" ... but that just isn't always the case for some.

 

However, IF you (meaning BOTH parties involved... and in this case, I'm not sure the OP sounds like she's up to it) think you can stand to put in some time and patience and communication, some progress can be made, just like YS has said.

 

Things I've noticed that have made a difference:

-positioning... sometimes a change can help, as long as you communicate (for us it was me on top)

-stopping before he was TOO close

-sounds odd, but trying NOT to turn him on any more than he already is (believe it or not, my guy actually asked if I was conscious of my own muscles contracting in there... which at first offended me a bit, but then I realized it was about trying to get in sync for him)

 

Other than that... it takes a large amount of willingness on his part, and understanding on yours. Its a sensitive issue. A woman can definitely help with things, but it is his body.

 

And of course, if it doesn't seem worth it for him to work on things or admit there is an issue, or for you to stick around and be patient with him... then its not worth it, and it could end up as more frustration than help for both of you.

[OrangeMoon]

Thank you for this...

 

I have been thinking about it all. I was wondering if i should give it a go one more time.

 

Knowing that it might happen again...i don't get excited anymore thinking about him. Now that i know that chances are big for it to happen again..i dont feel the excitement for him anymore.

 

YS is right...i wish i would not have been so cold about it. But i am feeling he's not living up to his end of 'the deal". I specifically chose this kind of rels because i came out of a very intense rels that left me heartbroken, i healed from that for the most part, but i am not ready to enter into a full on rels yet.

 

I wanted someone to spend and share nice moments with, going out, conversations and if the physical attraction is there ..sex (no making love..but just sex..preferably the porn kind lol ;-). So when we met we knew what we were looking for, because he was looking for the same thing as he was also recently single.

 

The guilt on my part comes from the fact that i do enjoy his time when we conversate on various topics and laugh...he's really like a buddy..but nothing more. But once sex has been involved ( especially if you know what the both of us were looking for) ..it is hard to go back to just buddies.. I dont need him in my life for that..i have other friends.

But because he is a good guy..i feel a bit guilty letting him go because of his issue or my impatience.

 

But i have to be honest and clear..this is what we went for.

 

We are not in a rels..i dont have to get in something heavy with him. I will just let it slide..i think. Should he try to contact me again..and some time for his "so called healing of his sore penis" passes...Maybe i will give it another go. Maybe it was all about the soreness and he was being honest with me.

 

Because i dont think he will contact me again if he knows that it will happen again. He knows that the pressure is on him..because then it will be the 3rd time in a row that he hasnt been able to satisfy me.

 

But if he does contact and i dont feel like engaging with him in any activity again..i will be honest about my feelings and let it go.

 

Thank you for your comments though....