I feel like men are running away from me and i dont know why

[JadedStar]

Not many men would beg to wine and dine you.

 

That is part of the issue here. not all women are looking for a man to wine and dine her.

 

You like men for certain criteria - both physical, financial and intellectual - and you have been very vocal on this forum about the requirements you have. I cannot for the life of me figure out why you are so surprised that these men ALSO have requirements.

 

I can see some women perhaps being surprised by this, but not a woman whom herself has a pretty big list of them.

 

And for the record, I won't waste my energy if I am dumped whining about the other girl being so much worse than me. I have long grown out of that and know it won't help my situation at all. Sure I will be hurt, but that is far different than calling other people names to boost my self esteem.

[Honey Pumpkin]

Agree with this 100% - Jaded Star is right on the money here.

 

I honestly don't get the way some people compare themselves constantly to others, and see the grass as greener somehow. It's so unproductive, unless you use it to address stuff in you.

[grymoire]

To Gry, I think it best I not try to explain to you my stance on this thread anymore because you are clearly not picking up on what I am saying and at this point it is only frustrating me. If someone asks WHY something might be happening, I will respond with my thoughts on WHY. If someone disagrees with my thoughts, it is appreciated to just leave it at that and not nitpick it to death.

 

Can't I say the same thing JS? I am surprised that people are getting frustrated with me because I am expressing my opinions. More so when some of them have been vocal about everyone having the right to express their opinions. I have an opinion about this situation and I am expressing it. What's wrong with that now? Why snub me by saying that you are getting frustrated?

 

yes, i most likely will feel there is something about that woman's personality that he clicked with. I will be hurt that he left me but i will not beat myself up for it because I do not live in his head and can't be responsible for his choices. If this occurred I would realize there was something about this woman's physical or mental traits that woo'd him. There is little I can do if the reason he left me was due to his own internal changes and not mine. most people who break up with someone don't leave because their partner changed that much, they leave because THEY changed.

 

And I think change is necessary so while I might be hurt, i am not going to kill myself wondering WHY DID HE LEAVE ME!

 

wow, so not even for a moment you would think that 'why did he choose her over me? she is not as good looking as me'??? if yes then you are a noble person JS. people like meepmeep and me are only humans.

 

You know? we should stop admiring people like Bill Gates, Steven Speilberg, Brad Pitt etc.... Since it is so bloody wrong to think that someone is unattractive, not intelligent etc it must also be so wrong to think that someone looks hot, is very intelligent, accomplished etc... Fair enough.

[grymoire]

Agree with this 100% - Jaded Star is right on the money here.

 

I honestly don't get the way some people compare themselves constantly to others, and see the grass as greener somehow. It's so unproductive, unless you use it to address stuff in you.

 

But the thing is meepmeep never called anyone names. She never said "that other girl is a pig" etc. She merely said that compared to her the other girl is unattractive. It is so bloody wrong right? People should really STOP complimenting women. Since it is so wrong to think that some one is unattractive it must also be wrong to think that some one is attractive and compliment them.

[Honey Pumpkin]

It's not about looks. It's about chemistry, spark, zing - call it what you like.

 

When you fell in love with someone, Grymoire, was it because they were the best looking person you had met? If you fell in love with someone, would you fall out of love with them if a better looking person comes along?

 

It's not about looks. I wish that you could see this. That seems to be a key thing about this thread, looking at other people and judging them by external factors only.

 

Have you never met someone who you felt amazing chemistry with, stayed up all night talking, making love, whatever? That 'spark' isn't just about looks.

[Honey Pumpkin]

But the thing is meepmeep never called anyone names. She never said "that other girl is a pig" etc. She merely said that compared to her the other girl is unattractive. It is so bloody wrong right? People should really STOP complimenting women. Since it is so wrong to think that some one is unattractive it must also be wrong to think that some one is attractive and compliment them.

 

Yep. I think it is incredibly narrow-minded, to think that the man prefers the better looking woman, and discounts anything else, like how much they actually connect and spark.

 

Sigh.

[grymoire]

Yep. I think it is incredibly narrow-minded, to think that the man prefers the better looking woman, and discounts anything else, like how much they actually connect and spark.

 

Sigh.

 

then everyone should stop giving compliments. period. it is wrong to think that someone is beautiful.

[Honey Pumpkin]

then everyone should stop giving compliments. period. it is wrong to think that someone is beautiful.

 

Huh??? I just don't think it's the be-all and end-all of everything. You and Meepmeep seem to think that looks are the key factor in a relationship.

 

I just said that if that were so, people would constantly trade 'upward'. I asked you about being in love, Grymoire - were looks the most important thing to being in love with someone? Or was it something about *them*, and how you connected?

 

It's not wrong to think someone beautiful, but it IS shallow to think it's the most important thing. Ho hum.

[grymoire]

Huh??? I just don't think it's the be-all and end-all of everything. You and Meepmeep seem to think that looks are the key factor in a relationship.

 

I just said that if that were so, people would constantly trade 'upward'. I asked you about being in love, Grymoire - were looks the most important thing to being in love with someone? Or was it something about *them*, and how you connected?

 

It's not wrong to think someone beautiful, but it IS shallow to think it's the most important thing. Ho hum.

 

What many many people are not getting here is they think me and meepmeep are shallow people only focused on looks. I can't believe that even JS thinks that way about me.

 

Look, let me tell you very clearly - if a girl rejects me and instead chooses a very very fat guy then I WILL think and wonder 'why did she go for him instead of me?'. I think it is very natural to have these type of questions. I do not understand at all why people here see that as so offensive and judge harshly. When I see the other guy I can only "see" him. In the sense I can see that he is over-weight... I cannot know the chemistry or zing that is going on between him and the girl. I really cannot see. I can only come back here to ENA and say that he is over-weight and she still went for him. If I can 'see' the chemistry or zing or whatever that turned her on to him then I won't ask those questions here.

[grymoire]

Well, hand on heart, I find it offensive that you think weight is so ugly and hideous, and that someone who is overweight is ugly and doesn't deserve a partner. I've been fat and thin, and I've been out with guys no matter what. I used to find that some people were bitter that I always had great guys to go out with, as if being fat meant that I didn't 'deserve' them, as if I was somehow lesser than they were. I think maybe their attitude was the 'ugly' thing, but that's up to them.

 

This pretty much answers everything.

 

I mentioned the other guy as very fat. I never said he was ugly. Nor did I say that since he was very fat he did not deserve a relationship.

 

The only thing that I said was "why him instead of me?". It is very normal to wonder about these things.

 

You made your own projections and conveniently assumed that I was thinking that he never deserved a relationship... This is why I said meepmeep is being judged harshly.

 

Hopefully people can understand..

 

I am outta this thread....... it is giving me a headache... yikes....

[Honey Pumpkin]

This pretty much answers everything.

 

I mentioned the other guy as very fat. I never said he was ugly. Nor did I say that since he was very fat he did not deserve a relationship.

 

The only thing that I said was "why him instead of me?". It is very normal to wonder about these things.

 

You made your own projections and conveniently assumed that I was thinking that he never deserved a relationship... This is why I said meepmeep is being judged harshly.

 

Hopefully people can understand..

 

I am outta this thread....... it is giving me a headache... yikes....

 

no worries.

[grymoire]

no worries.

 

the feeling is mutual.

 

and its so interesting to see how you were so quick to delete your post that exposed your assumtpions about me and meepmeep

[Honey Pumpkin]

the feeling is mutual.

 

and its so interesting to see how you were so quick to delete your post that exposed your assumtpions about me and meepmeep

 

Nope, I deleted it because I wrote some personal stuff about me. I very rarely delete posts, but that one revealed too much about who I am, and I regretted it.

 

But thanks for that, Grymoire - there is such irony in your comment about me deleting one of my posts, as I'm sure you're aware, lol.

[grymoire]

Nope, I deleted it because I wrote some personal stuff about me. I very rarely delete posts, but that one revealed too much about who I am, and I regretted it.

 

But thanks for that, Grymoire - there is such irony in your comment about me deleting one of my posts, as I'm sure you're aware, lol.

 

Of course.

 

When I asked you if you had an issue with me deleting some of my threads you responded "no, why do you even assume that?'. Only now to point it in an underhanded way.. very nice HP.

[Honey Pumpkin]

Of course.

 

When I asked you if you had an issue with me deleting some of my threads you responded "no, why do you even assume that?'. Only now to point it in an underhanded way.. very nice HP.

 

I think we're getting way off point, and close to flaming, Grymoire. Respectfully, I ask you to stop needling me. I will stop posting on this thread.

[grymoire]

I will stop posting on this thread.

 

buh bye....

[Salucious]

I think you're focusing too much on why these two guys rejected you, when it shouldn't matter anymore. Everyone faces rejection, often it doesn't make sense or doesn't seem fair; but you need to let yourself move on. Dwelling on it won't accomplish anything, in fact it will only frustrate you the more you think about it. I think maybe women take rejection harder since it is usually the guy that initiates a relationship, so it might not make sense the guy breaks it off. You can't take it personally, and you shouldn't look on it as though they're running away from you. From your profile picture, you are a very beautiful girl, and I'm sure there will be other guys interested in you. Try to be open to meeting people and don't LOOK for a new guy, just live your life and you'll know when you meet someone unique.

[JadedStar]

Can't I say the same thing JS? I am surprised that people are getting frustrated with me because I am expressing my opinions. More so when some of them have been vocal about everyone having the right to express their opinions. I have an opinion about this situation and I am expressing it. What's wrong with that now? Why snub me by saying that you are getting frustrated?

 

 

It's isnt your OPINION that is frustrating. It is when you misconstrue my opinion and dissect it to mean something it doesnt.

 

wow, so not even for a moment you would think that 'why did he choose her over me? she is not as good looking as me'??? if yes then you are a noble person JS. people like meepmeep and me are only humans.

 

You know? we should stop admiring people like Bill Gates, Steven Speilberg, Brad Pitt etc.... Since it is so bloody wrong to think that someone is unattractive, not intelligent etc it must also be so wrong to think that someone looks hot, is very intelligent, accomplished etc... Fair enough.

 

I don't admire Bill Gates and Brad Pitt. Maybe i have reached a level of maturity some haven't, or maybe it is more that i am realistic enough to know that those guys have a lot of pressure that I don't want in my life. i don't know..but i can honestly say i do not covet any celeb for looks or money. I don't want the pressure. And i wouldn't want to be a super model and i don't covet them. I KNOW the frustrations they have in their lives. I don't want to feel if i gain two lbs my career is over. I don't want to wonder "do they like me because i am a model, or for me"? I don't want to scorch under heat lamps for photo shoots nor do i want to be up early in the morning getting hair and make up done or sleeping in rollers.

 

And if I am dumped for another woman, can you tell me what good it will do stressing myself out that she might be prettier or smarter? What I will be spending my energy on is that WOW how did i land a man so shallow to leave someone who loves him and who he has good chemistry with for someone he doesn't even know if it will work out? Sure i will be hurt, even have some anger...but not over the reasons you would. My hurt and anger would be that i would feel i really failed in feeling i knew my SO.

 

And sometimes people fall out of love. Maybe because i had a 20 year marriage that ended and i know it wasn't that we were looking for someone smarter or better looking that i also have gained this realism in my life.

 

Gry i am not going to spend a lot of wasted energy coveting another woman or man. Even if my SO leaves me for her. My hurt will be on other things like not knowing the man i married...or ... maybe we BOTH knew it was time to move on and in that case why would i be so jealous over a new woman?

 

I used to be jealous in my teens but grew out of it. Now i have a healthy jealousy level but i don't let it rule me.

[JadedStar]

then everyone should stop giving compliments. period. it is wrong to think that someone is beautiful.

 

It is fine to give compliments. When it becomes unhealthy is when you give a compliment than walk away feeling like dirt that this person has more than you..looks, money whatever. I love to compliment people, but i don't covet what they have. I am ok with the cards i was dealt. That is how come i can be TRULY happy for someone else without getting caught up in jealousy.

[JadedStar]

What many many people are not getting here is they think me and meepmeep are shallow people only focused on looks. I can't believe that even JS thinks that way about me.

 

.

 

and you are still misconstruing my point. I never said i think any certain way ABOUT you. I said it was frustrating that you were misinterpreting me. And you still are. I never labeled you as anything, yet you are hung up on thinking i have. You are free to have your opinion and i respect it. I just would like for you to respect mine and not tell me how i should or should not respond to other people when I think my advice is not only valid, but very sound. That doesn't mean they have to TAKE my advice, but i am entitled to give it Gry. You give yours as well ... i just respectfully ask you let me continue to give mine without misconstruing my meaning or intent. That's all.

 

I like to think even when we didn't agree we still had a certain air of respect and understanding for the other mutually.

[grymoire]

It is fine to give compliments. When it becomes unhealthy is when you give a compliment than walk away feeling like dirt that this person has more than you..looks, money whatever. I love to compliment people, but i don't covet what they have. I am ok with the cards i was dealt. That is how come i can be TRULY happy for someone else without getting caught up in jealousy.

 

No. It IS wrong to say that someone is pretty or beautiful. It is so bloody wrong to say that someone else is unattractive/ugly right? In the same way it IS wrong to say that someone is beautiful.

 

How dare the OP say the other woman is unattractive? ](*,)

[grymoire]

then i guess you should follow your own advice and refrain from making statements like this:

[JadedStar]

then i guess you should follow your own advice and refrain from making statements like this

 

I said that to YOU because you were picking apart what I told her.

 

You are reacting this way, IMO, because meep is getting the same type of advice you get .. advice you don't like. So when you see her get it you are getting as angry as when it is on your own thread. And that isn't fair. People are allowed to advise accordingly.

[JadedStar]

No. It IS wrong to say that someone is pretty or beautiful. It is so bloody wrong to say that someone else is unattractive/ugly right? In the same way it IS wrong to say that someone is beautiful.

](*,)

 

Let's forget this. You have a narrow view when it comes to this topic and cannot see past your own frustrations and resentment.

 

IF you still think it is wrong to say someone is beautiful then you didn't read or comprehende a word I said. It isn't wrong to look at a person and think they are ugly in your mind, but when you get yourself caught up in this circle of saying "all the fat ugly girls get guys" then your own mindset becomes your own worst enemey. Even if she said "all the beautiful girls get guys" that is equally as crippling because it is also untrue. MY POINT has been and still is that maybe these guys (and girls in your case) can pick up on this self loathing and criticisms not only of yourself but that you have for other people. It isnt attractive Gry. Plain and simple.

 

I am not going to argue with you, thus I am done with this exchange.

[grymoire]

I said that to YOU because you were picking apart what I told her.

 

You are raecting this way, IMO, because meep is getting the same type of advice you get .. advice you don't like. So when you see her get it you are getting as angry as when it is on your own thread. And that isn't fair. People are allowed to advise accordingly.

 

Yet another incorrect assumption made about me.

 

You and HP and others can continue to make assumptions and put words in my posts that are not there but get riled up if I make inferences about your posts. Very nice!

 

Take a look at my post below in response to HP's post and you will understand what I am talking about:

 

This pretty much answers everything.

 

I mentioned the other guy as very fat. I never said he was ugly. Nor did I say that since he was very fat he did not deserve a relationship.

 

The only thing that I said was "why him instead of me?". It is very normal to wonder about these things.

 

You made your own projections and conveniently assumed that I was thinking that he never deserved a relationship... This is why I said meepmeep is being judged harshly.

 

Hopefully people can understand..

 

I am outta this thread....... it is giving me a headache... yikes....