I feel like men are running away from me and i dont know why

[JadedStar]

And I do not agree with the fact that meepmeep gets rejected because she has this type of attitude. Come on.... Men are not mind readers. They would have no idea that she is calling other women as ugly or unattractive unless she explicitly tells it. Even then if meepmeep is really good looking men would still give it a chance. If she is doing it over and over again then yea that's a problem. But otherwise I do not see any issue.

 

I totally disagree. I know many women who are attractive that put men off because they have a vibe that they put off that is a 'you are not good enough for me' vibe and it isn't something men relish.

 

Men with low confidence will still chase a girl like that, but the ones who are confident wno't put up with it.

 

Gry, yes, a person's attitude can make or break them. I can't believe you don't realize that a poor attitude, a haughty attitude, or one that is shy and insecure, wno't come thru with your interactions with people.

[grymoire]

I totally disagree. I know many women who are attractive that put men off because they have a vibe that they put off that is a 'you are not good enough for me' vibe and it isn't something men relish.

 

Men with low confidence will still chase a girl like that, but the ones who are confident wno't put up with it.

 

Gry, yes, a person's attitude can make or break them. I can't believe you don't realize that a poor attitude, a haughty attitude, or one that is shy and insecure, wno't come thru with your interactions with people.

 

But meepmeep says that she feels that SHE is not worthy of a relationship.

 

I am not saying attitude and confidence do not play a part JS. But to be honest they are just being hyped... way over hyped than they are supposed to be. Its almost Confidence is the magic bullet that will solve the world's problems. And Attitude can bring world peace.

 

You know my story very well right? That girl rejected me not because I had an attitude problem or issues with confidence but simply because she will ONLY date white men. So I feel that it is not a good thing to straightaway assume that the person coming here and seeking help has attitude problem. That is a dis-service to the OP. The problem could very well be something else.

 

Be really honest here - If tomorrow your SO says he no longer feels attracted to you and dumps you and THEN goes for a very very fat woman are you going to be sitting there and thinking "It must be because of her attitude and confidence"?

[meepmeep20]

my question is,

 

nobody has considered the guy, the other person. maybe he has low self-esteem. maybe, just maybe, with a disability, he thought to himself, 'I

can't keep a smart and pretty girl next to me because I have a disability

and even though I

am smart, what if she finds another medical school guy who doesn't have a limp, and will be able to do more things with her than I

can...and hence she will leave me?'

 

how about that for a change of pov?

[meepmeep20]

I totally disagree. I know many women who are attractive that put men off because they have a vibe that they put off that is a 'you are not good enough for me' vibe and it isn't something men relish.

 

Men with low confidence will still chase a girl like that, but the ones who are confident wno't put up with it.

 

Gry, yes, a person's attitude can make or break them. I can't believe you don't realize that a poor attitude, a haughty attitude, or one that is shy and insecure, wno't come thru with your interactions with people.

 

my question is,

 

nobody has considered the guy, the other person. maybe he has low self-esteem. maybe, just maybe, with a disability, he thought to himself, 'I

can't keep a smart and pretty girl next to me because I have a disability

and even though I am smart, what if she finds another medical school guy who doesn't have a limp, and will be able to do more things with her than I

can...and hence she will leave me?'

 

how about that for a change of pov?

 

after 2 months, i did call him and you know what he said? 'well, you didn't call me back, so after two something weeks, i accepted it and moved on.'

 

and i didn't call him back because people told me, 'don't let it get to his head that he's a med student.'

[meepmeep20]

can you explain the above? what do you mean by not as smart as him?

 

well to be in med school, you have to have straight a's in all the sciences. and i'm struggling my butt off to pass orgo.

[grymoire]

A lower education or profession does not automaticly mean that they are not as smart as you are...

 

You are right. The janitor that works in my company is more intelligent than the engineers here. The world is an equal place... Everybody is beautiful and intelligent. Nobody is ugly and stupid...

 

Ok now I am logging off ENA........ hey the world looks very different. Its nothing like how it was described in ENA

[meepmeep20]

You are right. The janitor that works in my company is more intelligent than the engineers here. The world is an equal place... Everybody is beautiful and intelligent. Nobody is ugly and stupid...

 

Ok now I am logging off ENA........ hey the world looks very different. Its nothing like how it was described in ENA

 

you hit it right on the nail.

[diabolik]

i'm angry because i constantly put myself down for not 'being good enough' for a relationship or for a man, and yet I see these girls who are less attractive, less intelligent, and yet they get the guys. I'm angry at myself, in the end.

 

and you know what, if another medical student asked me out, i would go out with him, but not for too long. I'd wish him to stop calling me because I'd once again, feel not good enough for him.

I don't care how pretty or smart or whatever you are - if you don't love yourself, you will have a tough time getting a well-adjusted man to love you. So the question is why don't you love yourself and feel like you are worthy of a great guy?

 

I am pretty sure that the people that give these type of advice would feel the EXACT same way as meepmeep feels when they get rejected and see the person they like go for some one that is clearly nowhere near them when it comes to appeearence. I am positive that women especially are bound to feel this way because they are primarily approcahed based on looks.

I'd agree that women are primarily approached based on physical attractiveness. But looks will only get a woman so far. Is it so hard to imagine that someone less attractive physically might be more attractive in other ways? In ways that OP's guy found attractive?

 

And I do not agree with the fact that meepmeep gets rejected because she has this type of attitude. Come on.... Men are not mind readers. They would have no idea that she is calling other women as ugly or unattractive unless she explicitly tells it. Even then if meepmeep is really good looking men would still give it a chance. If she is doing it over and over again then yea that's a problem. But otherwise I do not see any issue.

No, guys don't read minds, but we can tell if someone has low self-esteem.

 

my question is,

 

nobody has considered the guy, the other person. maybe he has low self-esteem. maybe, just maybe, with a disability, he thought to himself, 'I

can't keep a smart and pretty girl next to me because I have a disability

and even though I

am smart, what if she finds another medical school guy who doesn't have a limp, and will be able to do more things with her than I

can...and hence she will leave me?'

 

how about that for a change of pov?

Sure, he could also have low self-esteem issues. So if you're sure you don't have a problem, we should close this thread. Happy dating!

[meepmeep20]

I don't care how pretty or smart or whatever you are - if you don't love yourself, you will have a tough time getting a well-adjusted man to love you. So the question is why don't you love yourself and feel like you are worthy of a great guy?

 

 

I'd agree that women are primarily approached based on physical attractiveness. But looks will only get a woman so far. Is it so hard to imagine that someone less attractive physically might be more attractive in other ways? In ways that OP's guy found attractive?

 

 

No, guys don't read minds, but we can tell if someone has low self-esteem.

 

 

Sure, he could also have low self-esteem issues. So if you're sure you don't have a problem, we should close this thread. Happy dating!

 

nice stated. you know, in the end, no one will know precisely why this or that happened. like you said, neither males nor females are mind readers.

[grymoire]

meepmeep is that you in your avatar? if yes, you are a good-looking woman. i am sure you will be approached by lot of men.

 

however you do NEED to figure out why you think that you do not deserve the relationship. you don't have to answer here but you can answer it to yourself. most likely you are sabotaging things by yourself. it might be due to low self-esteem as some have suggested. so you can work on that.

[meepmeep20]

I don't care how pretty or smart or whatever you are - if you don't love yourself, you will have a tough time getting a well-adjusted man to love you. So the question is why don't you love yourself and feel like you are worthy of a great guy?

 

 

I'd agree that women are primarily approached based on physical attractiveness. But looks will only get a woman so far. Is it so hard to imagine that someone less attractive physically might be more attractive in other ways? In ways that OP's guy found attractive?

 

 

No, guys don't read minds, but we can tell if someone has low self-esteem.

 

 

Sure, he could also have low self-esteem issues. So if you're sure you don't have a problem, we should close this thread. Happy dating!

 

meepmeep is that you in your avatar? if yes, you are a good-looking woman. i am sure you will be approached by lot of men.

 

however you do NEED to figure out why you think that you do not deserve the relationship. you don't have to answer here but you can answer it to yourself. most likely you are sabotaging things by yourself. it might be due to low self-esteem as some have suggested. so you can work on that.

 

in russian, they have the saying, 'mother, don't make me beautiful, make me lucky.' that's kind of how i feel now.

[grymoire]

in russian, they have the saying, 'mother, don't make me beautiful, make me lucky.' that's kind of how i feel now.

 

i completely agree with you about luck. i strongly believe in it. you need a good dose of it when it comes to Dating.

[meepmeep20]

i completely agree with you about luck. i strongly believe in it. you need a good dose of it when it comes to Dating.

 

may I ask, how old are you and where are you from? I'm 21. From NJ.

[JadedStar]

I don't care how pretty or smart or whatever you are - if you don't love yourself, you will have a tough time getting a well-adjusted man to love you. So the question is why don't you love yourself and feel like you are worthy of a great guy?

 

 

I'd agree that women are primarily approached based on physical attractiveness. But looks will only get a woman so far. Is it so hard to imagine that someone less attractive physically might be more attractive in other ways? In ways that OP's guy found attractive?

 

 

No, guys don't read minds, but we can tell if someone has low self-esteem.

 

 

Sure, he could also have low self-esteem issues. So if you're sure you don't have a problem, we should close this thread. Happy dating!

 

 

I AM VERY glad a male weighed in on this so Gry didn't think my point of view was primarily a female one.

 

my question is,

 

nobody has considered the guy, the other person. maybe he has low self-esteem. maybe, just maybe, with a disability, he thought to himself, 'I

can't keep a smart and pretty girl next to me because I have a disability

and even though I

am smart, what if she finds another medical school guy who doesn't have a limp, and will be able to do more things with her than I

can...and hence she will leave me?'

 

how about that for a change of pov?

 

Who ever said that DOESN"T ever happen>? YOu are a female and created this thread, naturally we are going to give examples involving a female meep.

 

What you said above....so are you saying these guys are chasing the 'fat and ugly women' because they find you to be out of their league because they have low self esteem?

 

I'm sorry, but i am very unclear how that example you gave above clears anything up but still suggests that there is a clear attitude problem that is likely what is causing you issues. As gry stated, if that is you in your avatar it isn't your looks....so surely you might want to consider that it is something about the way you are coming accross to men ?

 

Or are you now saying you believe they chase those women that you referred to as ugly because their self esteem is too low to chase you? If that is your stance, nah it doesn't work like that. There are men like that but for every man with low self esteem there are five men behind him who WILL ask out a female he finds attractive, so that is not the entire crux of your problem.

[grymoire]

I AM VERY glad a male weighed in on this so Gry didn't think my point of view was primarily a female one.

 

come on JS... i always value your opinion and do not think it is primarily a female point of view. i know you are unbiased...

[grymoire]

may I ask, how old are you and where are you from? I'm 21. From NJ.

 

i'm 33, from California.

[BrunetteBarbie]

You are right. The janitor that works in my company is more intelligent than the engineers here. The world is an equal place... Everybody is beautiful and intelligent. Nobody is ugly and stupid...

 

Ok now I am logging off ENA........ hey the world looks very different. Its nothing like how it was described in ENA

 

lol? You are totally taking out of context... I dont know whats your problem with me, but I dont think you need to quote all what I said and then make fun of it and be sarcastic about it..

 

And yes its very well possible that the janitor might be a more intelligent person than the engineer...... What level of profession or education does not always translate to the level of intelligence... I know a girl whos got the lowest degree of school and a bad job cause she had lots of problems to deal with and didnt rly put effort into getting good grades (but I know she wouldve made it if only she had tried)), but shes highly intelligent and probably smarter than alot of ppl who go to university and study.......

 

ANd Ive never said the world is equal and everyones smart and pretty.. Lol? Seriously, pathetic.

[BrunetteBarbie]

Again I have to say that I find it VERY odd when I read these type of replies. It is human nature to wonder why, ok? As I said earlier if I express interest in a girl, she turns me down and instead chooses a very fat guy how do you think I would feel? I would obviously come to ENA and say that she went for a fat guy instead. Should I lie and say that she went for a slim guy? I don't see why it is so bad to call a fat person as fat.

 

Ummm..? I havent even used the word "fat" in my post, didnt refer into it at all....

 

I am pretty sure that the people that give these type of advice would feel the EXACT same way as meepmeep feels when they get rejected and see the person they like go for some one that is clearly nowhere near them when it comes to appeearence. I am positive that women especially are bound to feel this way because they are primarily approcahed based on looks.

 

And I do not agree with the fact that meepmeep gets rejected because she has this type of attitude. Come on.... Men are not mind readers. They would have no idea that she is calling other women as ugly or unattractive unless she explicitly tells it. Even then if meepmeep is really good looking men would still give it a chance. If she is doing it over and over again then yea that's a problem. But otherwise I do not see any issue.

 

Honestly people should refrain from simply saying "oh its because of your attitude", "oh its because you don't have confidence" and instead try to see if the person seeking advice has any other real issues.

 

I am worried that this fat guy has a girlfriend and is getting married. All these days I must have been rejected because of this attitude, right?

 

Okay... I dont think you understand what Im saying or what the OP is saying.

 

If you read right, in the OP it says "but the problem was that I felt not good enough for him even though I am a science major and almost done with college", which first indecating that YES, she IS insecure cause ppl who arent insecure usually dont worry about not being good enough..

Secondly, it does indecate that she puts very much emphase on profession ("[...]even though I am a science major") and from her overall posts seems to judge mostly by profession/studies and by looks....

for her, people who are less educated, or less attractive, are "worse" than her... And I dont know about you but people who talk down on others, saying "Im better than those guys/girls" its really a turn-off for me, and no, she doesnt even need to SAY it to guys, trust me, her attitude and behavior will reflect what she is thinking.. So yea men dont need to be mind-readers to tell if a girl is shallow, arrogant, vain, insecure... whatever....

 

 

 

So, secondly, you probably misread something...

in her post she asked

"Could it be my self-esteem? Am I projecting something wrong about myself to these guys?"

And guess what ? I am only posting what I think, I am answering to her questions and trying to suggest things.... Clearly she only hears what she likes to hear (no wonder why she ignored my post,and then kept to overly agreeing with everything u said), well, my opinion: if you arent ready to accept what type of advice you will get, stop posting on an online forum.

 

 

She asked a question, and my answer is: Yes, its her self-esteem, and yes, she is probably projecting something about herself which seems to drive guys away....

What shoul i say then? Should i lie and say, well girl, you are great, successfull, stunningly beautifull, extremely intelligent, and probably have great sense of humor, and yes youre better than those stupid chicks who are less attractive and less smart....Just forget these guys who went for them instead of you! Its their loss, theyre stupid NOT to see how great and awesome girl you are... Theres absolutely nothing wrong with you and ALL of these guys left you because they all know they aint good enough for you and went for someone worse than you!

 

 

Umm, sorry.... Im not the type to lie or sugar coat anything...

[JadedStar]

Yes, the OP came right out and asked this:

 

 

"Could it be my self-esteem? Am I projecting something wrong about myself to these guys?"

 

What you called judging Gry was only a bunch of responses to that direct question. I am not sure why you got so sensitive about it. There was a time you gave meep the same exact advice as well.

[Aqua Aires]

Hi Meep, to start with looks really don't matter. We never can tell the reasons of why we fall for that certain someone, even how different a person may look from the outside, it is more important to learn the inner self of one individual. In your situation, I think you have become too conscious, you've said it yourself that "you felt like you're not good enough", and maybe with you feeling that way affects your actions as well. Build your confidence back, with or without boys in your life right now. Help yourself to be better. In time, you'll find the right one... Just learn to be happy and enjoy

[grymoire]

Yes, the OP came right out and asked this:

 

 

"Could it be my self-esteem? Am I projecting something wrong about myself to these guys?"

 

What you called judging Gry was only a bunch of responses to that direct question. I am not sure why you got so sensitive about it. There was a time you gave meep the same exact advice as well.

 

When meepmeep talked about the need to be wined and dined I raised questions there, I agree. Not denying it.

 

However in thsi thread I am surprised that many people seem to be bothered/concerned about her wondering how the other girls get the guys but she can't. What is so wrong to think that way? I feel she is being judged harshly for that. All she is doing is why the unattractive woman gets the guy but she can't. What is so bad about it? As I said if a girl rejects me and then goes out with a loser then I would feel bad too. To be judged for that and be told that 'he is not a loser he may be more intelligent than you' etc is rubbing salt in the wounds. Weren't people jumping up and down in the other thread about how it is ok to have 'personal preferences' when it comes to Dating? You were one of them. Meepmeep wants to date someone that is good looking and successful and intelligent. What's wrong with that?

 

I had asked you this question earlier.. Please answer it honestly:

 

If tomorrow your SO says he no longer feels attracted to you and dumps you and THEN goes for a very very fat woman are you going to be sitting there and thinking "It must be because of her attitude and confidence"? won't you for a moment think "why her?"

[Honey Pumpkin]

Some men like fat women.

 

I think anyone who looks at other people and scores them as 'less attractive' or 'less intelligent' than they are, and wonders how they score lovers, should maybe think that their judgemental attitude towards others is a turn-off. Well, it is to me anyway. I am not a fan of people who look down on others, it's a major turn-off.

 

I dunno, OP - I find that when I feel good about myself, I get a lot of attention; when I am down/depressed, I don't. Maybe you need to work on your self-esteem?

 

I think that people who post here and are down about their dating compare themselves far too much to other people. Forget it, there is no point. You are you, and the thing that is important is to be the best that you can be in mind, body and spirit.

[meepmeep20]

the crux of my problem is that in reality, jaded star, i DON'T want a relationship. and these men that are running away from me, well, i've wished they'd run away from the beginning. when i was dating the med student, i wished everyday he'd stop calling me for fear that i wasn't good enough for him. and he did. my wish came true.

so in conclusion, jaded star, i don't think i'm that arrogant, or overbearing, or better as you like to say compared to other girls. i'm just refusing to acknowledge that i don't want a relationship. i don't want one because i don't have the career right now, nor the money, nor the house, nor the car to attract a man. and please stop telling me all these things are irrelevant because you'd never consider dating the bum that lives in a cardboard box, would you?

i don't want to get overly involved with one guy, then for him to leave and for me to cry over him. i did that with my ex, he cheated on me twice, with such an unbelievably trashy girl. she knew all along what she was doing.

[JadedStar]

if you don't want a relationship then how can we give you any advice? If you are chasing these guys off subconsciously OR conscioiusly, then that is part of the issue, which obviously isn't an issue at all since you want it that way right now.

 

To Gry, I think it best I not try to explain to you my stance on this thread anymore because you are clearly not picking up on what I am saying and at this point it is only frustrating me. If someone asks WHY something might be happening, I will respond with my thoughts on WHY. If someone disagrees with my thoughts, it is appreciated to just leave it at that and not nitpick it to death.

 

I have not had an issue with chasing men off nor have I had an issue with retaining men, so I am giving my feedback and thoughts on what has worked for me and if someone here finds some good takeaways from it, great. If not, i've at most lost a few minutes of my life typing up a post.

 

I will answer your questoin, however,

 

If tomorrow your SO says he no longer feels attracted to you and dumps you and THEN goes for a very very fat woman are you going to be sitting there and thinking "It must be because of her attitude and confidence"? won't you for a moment think "why her?"

 

yes, i most likely will feel there is something about that woman's personality that he clicked with. I will be hurt that he left me but i will not beat myself up for it because I do not live in his head and can't be responsible for his choices. If this occurred I would realize there was something about this woman's physical or mental traits that woo'd him. There is little I can do if the reason he left me was due to his own internal changes and not mine. most people who break up with someone don't leave because their partner changed that much, they leave because THEY changed.

 

And I think change is necessary so while I might be hurt, i am not going to kill myself wondering WHY DID HE LEAVE ME!

[meepmeep20]

grymoire, i think that a lot of these people are emotionally detached from the situation. like, if they were in a similar situation, and let's say, with the best self-esteem out there, they would still be immensely hurt when a person they really really liked rejected them or just disappeared out of their lives and went on to someone else. they'd wonder, 'why' and maybe, to compensate for their anger and hurt, they'd comfort themselves by saying, 'well, i know i'm better than him/her.'

i don't think many would sit around and think, 'oh gee, i guess he picked the girl that was better than me, and so, there must be something wrong with me and i must accept that i wasn't good enough for him, and he's got a better girl now and all that yada yadaaa ydadaa...'

 

people are being overly critical of me. they act like everything is a bouquet of red roses and everything and everyone is beautiful, and smart, and successful and we're all equals...just like you mentioned in the previous thread.

 

when people say, 'oh, i like you for who you are,' ....wrong, wrong, wrong. if i was homeless, handicapped, etc. but i am who i am...how many would like me then?

but if i was rich, handsome, intelligent, highly successful, wouldn't more people like me ? oh, and for those who would intervene with a, 'you could be a total douche...', i am saying, with a great personality too.

 

Success is like a magnet and people are attracted to it. No one really really likes you for who you are. Because if you lost everything today and wound up somewhere living on the street, it would be a different story. Not many men would beg to wine and dine you.