Jump to content

I feel like men are running away from me and i dont know why


meepmeep20
Why Men Come Back - ALWAYS
Why Men Come Back - ALWAYS

Recommended Posts

I've dated around 4 guys ever since I got cheated on by my ex-boyfriend 9 months ago. I'm OVER my ex. Two of those guys were 'serious' dating me. One of them was so nice, the last one. Medical student, sensitive, but the problem was that I felt not good enough for him even though I am a science major and almost done with college.

I'm starting to sink into a depression. The medical student happened 4 months ago, just one day after seeing each other every day for two weeks, he stopped calling me. He seemed so into me and I mean really into me. No argument, nothing. Two months later, he posted pictures of him and this new girl. I called to ask why. He said he didn't mean to stop talking to me, but it just happened.

We are still FB friends. Why can't he just take me off of it already?

This new girl is very unattractive compared to him. He also wouldn't tell me what she did or what she studies or if she ever was in college for fear that 'it will get him'.

I'm a nice person, I'm not a monster, I'm sensitive, especially when it comes to others' needs.

The two guys that I have really cared for dating just disappeared on me.

I see so many girls- fat, ugly, less educated- with such good looking, successful men. I'm not a snob, I don't think looks are number one. But it's like, I know I'm better than those girls, and yet these guys just stop calling me.

I'm sinking into such bouts of depression. I just want somebody to be consistent, to call me, to care for me.

 

I'm not a superficial, horrible, emotionless person.

I'm not a blonde, blue-eyed bimbo.

I never show off. I don't boast.

 

Could it be my self-esteem? Am I projecting something wrong about myself to these guys?

 

Or are the guys just messed up?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 81
  • Created
  • Last Reply

meep, based on your threads i would suggest that the guys might be running away because they sense your need for very strict dating requirements, such as jewish men only and men who wine and dine you in very exquisite french restaraunts on first dates.

 

When it habitually becomes a matter of men running away the common denominator becomes oneself. It doesnt help to examine the men's behavior to a large degree if one's own behavior is causing their detriment.

 

In other words, if you keep turning up lemons, look for oranges. Change up your status quo.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm not a snob, I don't think looks are number one.

 

Sorry but you were the one that posted 8 things that you look for in a guy right? 7 out of those 8 things were about looks. The guy needs to be tall, with a beard and broad shoulders etc...

 

And also you were the one that wanted men to take you out to fancy restaurants and shower you with royal treatment? They got to wine and dine you right?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Maybe guys find that those fat, ugly, less educated girls are more fun to hang out with than you? Maybe even though they're 'fat and ugly', they're comfortable with who they are and their acceptance of themselves shows through.

 

Your comment 'I know I'm better than those girls' sure does make you sound like a snob.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Maybe guys find that those fat, ugly, less educated girls are more fun to hang out with than you? Maybe even though they're 'fat and ugly', they're comfortable with who they are and their acceptance of themselves shows through.

 

Your comment 'I know I'm better than those girls' sure does make you sound like a snob.

 

i don't know if you're a guy or girl but suppose you were dating, and the guy left you for a girl that was less smarter than you, and less attractive. you wouldn't be like, oh well. you a

nd al

ll of your friends woudl be like, '

 

don't wo

rry you're better than her.'

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sorry but you were the one that posted 8 things that you look for in a guy right? 7 out of those 8 things were about looks. The guy needs to be tall, with a beard and broad shoulders etc...

 

And also you were the one that wanted men to take you out to fancy restaurants and shower you with royal treatment? They got to wine and dine you right?

 

wrong. with this guy, it was a plain and simple date. we didn't go out anywhere fancy. we would mostly hang out at his apartment. stop judging

me from a couple

of threads.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Maybe guys find that those fat, ugly, less educated girls are more fun to hang out with than you? Maybe even though they're 'fat and ugly', they're comfortable with who they are and their acceptance of themselves shows through.

 

Your comment 'I know I'm better than those girls' sure does make you sound like a snob.

 

hah. maybe. or maybe not. because this guy tends to want to be the

best in the relationship-

the

smarterst, the best looking one. etc. he's narcicistic. and look, if you're

a skinny g

uy going out with an

obese girl, you have low, l

ow self esteem.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

meep, based on your threads i would suggest that the guys might be running away because they sense your need for very strict dating requirements, such as jewish men only and men who wine and dine you in very exquisite french restaraunts on first dates.

 

When it habitually becomes a matter of men running away the common denominator becomes oneself. It doesnt help to examine the men's behavior to a large degree if one's own behavior is causing their detriment.

 

In other words, if you keep turning up lemons, look for oranges. Change up your status quo.

 

 

 

 

wrong. with this

guy, it was plain and simple dating. we would

mostly hang out at his apartment. there was abs

olutely

nothing

fa

ncy o

 

 

n the fi

r

st da

te.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

stop judging me from a few threads.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

stop judging me from a few threads.

 

Your threads are all I know about you, thus my advice will be derived from infromation you have provided, in your threads current and past. Your threads reveal a certain air of entitlement and certainly a lot of rigidity and if you truly want to know why men are running away from you, look at you first. Not them. Look at how you described other women in your initial post. I can only imagine what vibe you are putting off to people in the 'real world'.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Your threads are all I know about you, thus my advice will be derived from infromation you have provided, in your threads current and past. Your threads reveal a certain air of entitlement and certainly a lot of rigidity and if you truly want to know why men are running away from you, look at you first. Not them. Look at how you described other women in your initial post. I can only imagine what vibe you are putting off to people in the 'real world'.

 

thanks. i really appreciate your comments. but i've been doing some analyzing on my own. for example, deep down, I

do want a relationship but because I

feel like I

am not good enough for one, I

may be projecting my conscious in my behavior. second of all, my uncle happens to be a psychiatrist and he specializes in psychoanalysis. i have told him about this med student, how he always wanted to be the 'shining' star in his family, or rather, how he mentions how he is the 'shining star' in his family, him being 'pissed off' whenever I'd talk to him in spanish -he has difficulty with spanish- oh and also his physical disability which he told me upsets him on a daily basis. my uncle's input- the guy is narcissistic and has low self esteem. so jaded star, you are wrong on quite a few points. i know that nobody likes to be wrong, i certainly don't. but what you just said about me isn't conclusive. so maybe, just maybe, if you have watched law of attraction, or what the bleep do we know, i am pushing these men because I

don't feel good enough or worthy enough of a relationship. hm, talk about entitlement. :splat:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Your threads are all I know about you, thus my advice will be derived from infromation you have provided, in your threads current and past. Your threads reveal a certain air of entitlement and certainly a lot of rigidity and if you truly want to know why men are running away from you, look at you first. Not them. Look at how you described other women in your initial post. I can only imagine what vibe you are putting off to people in the 'real world'.

 

hm. also jaded star, do you think if you were handicapped, i.e. couldn't walk, your self esteem would be affected. of course. maybe you wouldn't think you have the 'stuff' to attract your 'ideal' mate. maybe you would lower your standards. people do it all the time. i would never, ever date a very handsome, very smart, and very successful young man only because i would be threatened- what if he leaves me, what if i'm not good enough, what if there's someone better out there for him and he leaves me for her, etc. you can deny all you want that that's just me, life is differ

e

nt, but tr

ust me,

most peop

le function this way. you don't want to date an einstein, and you a simple jane.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

there was abs

olutely

nothing

fa

ncy o

 

 

n the fi

r

st da

te.

 

 

 

 

stop judging me from a few threads.

 

meepmeep why do you feel you are not worthy enough for a relationship? and do not say that I am judging you ok? because I do not know you and can only understand you from what you have written earlier.

 

and what's with the broken sentences? its difficult to read

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm ugly and uneducated.

 

I still deserve love.

 

No matter what's wrong with someone they still deserve love.

If you feel like people have to be pretty or smart or skinny to be loved, to deserve it, I can see why you'd feel kind of crap about yourself and maybe chase guys off.

 

No matter what's wrong with you, you still deserve to be loved.

 

Seriously, whatever your low self-esteem hinges on doesn't put you out of the dating pool, any more than me being dumb and ugly, or someone being fat, puts them out. All those chicks you're seeing in relationships that you're putting down in your original post...all those things you see wrong with them are irrelevant to whether or not they deserve or belong in a relationship.

 

You seem intelligent and pretty... that's a start. Go easy on people. There is no one on this earth that's perfect enough to earn love. You can't earn it by being pretty or smart or thin. Really.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am not judging you either but I will say this. You are a pretty girl. A beautiful woman will get a mans attention, but it is her personality that will keep it. I am not saying that there is anything wrong with your personality. Just an FYI, most guys I know like secure, confident women. Many immature girls (and guys for that matter) mistake cockiness for confidence. When you judge these girls that you don't know, it makes you look shallow and insecure. It validates his feelings for wanting to distance himself from you.

 

I can tell you from experience, I have dated women who society would consider a 10, one was a published model, her pesonality was that of a box of rocks. On the flipside I have dated some women who many would consider a 6 but their personality made them a 10. You can have both. Romantic connections and true friendships don't require a degree in medicine, or a net worth of $1M or a body mass index of less than X. I think you may be missing out on many aspects of life by making judgments rather than having an open mind and heart. I could be wrong.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i don't know if you're a guy or girl but suppose you were dating, and the guy left you for a girl that was less smarter than you, and less attractive. you wouldn't be like, oh well. you a

nd al

ll of your friends woudl be like, '

 

don't wo

rry you're better than her.'

 

I'm a girl. And I've been in a similar situation - but I didn't think I was 'better than' the other girl. And my friends didn't say 'don't worry, you're better than her'. My friends said 'hey, you're awesome, but maybe he just felt you two didn't click and maybe he just doesn't see all your good qualities. They didn't focus on bad-mouthing the other girl.

 

Better than in what way? Everyone has good points and bad points, people are attracted to different things in others. This sort of attitude probably isn't helping you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The good looknig guys with the overweight girls do not necessarily have low self esteem at all! I have a guy friend who is good looking, funny, confident, and a wonderful boyfriend to his girlfriend. She is overweight, no doubt about it. But she is confident, happy with the way she looks, thoughtful, funny, and caring. They have a good relationship - he sees her for her good qualities, not that she is overweight. He is attracted to her personality.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm a girl. And I've been in a similar situation - but I didn't think I was 'better than' the other girl. And my friends didn't say 'don't worry, you're better than her'. My friends said 'hey, you're awesome, but maybe he just felt you two didn't click and maybe he just doesn't see all your good qualities. They didn't focus on bad-mouthing the other girl.

 

Better than in what way? Everyone has good points and bad points, people are attracted to different things in others. This sort of attitude probably isn't helping you.

 

hm. maybe if this was true. but he was into me. why else call me everyday, give me flowers, tell me he likes me, etc.? trust me, i know when somebody isn't into me. and so you know, i wouldn't date einstein. and me here on earth. :splat:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think people are being hard on meepmeep.

 

If I like a girl, she rejects me, and then goes out with a guy that is not as good looking as me, is a loser, not educated, has no job etc I would feel bad too... I would also wonder "why him?". And I would rant about it here in ENA. I wouldn't expect to be judged for that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think people are being hard on meepmeep.

 

If I like a girl, she rejects me, and then goes out with a guy that is not as good looking as me, is a loser, not educated, has no job etc I would feel bad too... I would also wonder "why him?". And I would rant about it here in ENA. I wouldn't expect to be judged for that.

 

thanks. i guess the whole thing is that I'm angry, still very angry at me, and at him. I'm angry because instead of beating myself down for not being smart as him, I should have called him when it wasn't too late. right now, i'm an angry person. i'm angry because i constantly put myself down for not 'being good enough' for a relationship or for a man, and yet I see these girls who are less attractive, less intelligent, and yet they get the guys. I'm angry at myself, in the end.

 

 

and you know what, if another medical student asked me out, i would go out with him, but not for too long. I'd wish him to stop calling me because I'd once again, feel not good enough for him. so i think that the whole phrase, 'she's/he's not that into you,' isn't necessarily true. you can really

re

ally like the other person but for fear of

losing them, for fear of not being good enough for htem, you just cut it right then and there and never see them again.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

thanks. i guess the whole thing is that I'm angry, still very angry at me, and at him. I'm angry because instead of beating myself down for not being smart as him, I should have called him when it wasn't too late. right now, i'm an angry person. i'm angry because i constantly put myself down for not 'being good enough' for a relationship or for a man, and yet I see these girls who are less attractive, less intelligent, and yet they get the guys. I'm angry at myself, in the end.

 

less attractive by your standards... The guys might think theyre very pretty or prettier than you. Its all about taste, and opinions.. and how do you know theyre less intelligent? A lower education or profession does not automaticly mean that they are not as smart as you are... Actually its very hard to judge someones intelligence if youve only seen pics/social site profile of them, and even if you know them, some ppl are MUCH more smarter than you woud ever guess..

 

 

Your problem is your lack of self-esteem. maybe guys tend to distanze themselves from you cause they prefer girls with lots of confidence, which these "ugly, unattractive, unintelligent" girls might have. Insecurity can make a person be (or appear) shallow and arrogant.. once you start to feel good about yourself, and be confident, you wont feel need to talk down on other girls (sorry, but you do), and you will see you will be able to keep guys interest......

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think people are being hard on meepmeep.

 

If I like a girl, she rejects me, and then goes out with a guy that is not as good looking as me, is a loser, not educated, has no job etc I would feel bad too... I would also wonder "why him?". And I would rant about it here in ENA. I wouldn't expect to be judged for that.

 

IT's how you take it tho. YOu think it is people judging you when it is people giving you feedback on some of the things you say that might be alarming. In meep's case, referring to "ugly and fat" women getting all the guys and happiness, it is good feedback to suggest she take a look at how she views people and understand this type of mindset might show thru in her interactions with men and be a real turn off. It also seems she is attracted to wealth, or guys with wealth potential (such as guys who are med or law students, they might not be wealthy now but there is going to be that potential). The girls she is seeing so happy with their b/f's might not put such a strict requirement on that, thus they have more opportunities.

 

That isn't a judgement, it is sound advice...and since she created the thread asking the question of why she might be scaring men off, why wouldn't we share what we think could be an issue? And if i recall, you were pretty alarmed on her thread about not being wined and dined on a first meet up, but that was an observation that was allowed to be made, was it judging or feedback? There is a fine line between judging and feedback when people solicit replies to threads.

 

THis is part of why you get upset on your threads Gry. You take feedback as a judgement, when it isn't a judgement to answer questions that a person asks about in a thread. If people walk up to you in real life and start telling you this stuff unsolicited, that is a judgement. If one is seeking responses and opinions, it is feedback that they requested. There is a difference.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Again I have to say that I find it VERY odd when I read these type of replies. It is human nature to wonder why, ok? As I said earlier if I express interest in a girl, she turns me down and instead chooses a very fat guy how do you think I would feel? I would obviously come to ENA and say that she went for a fat guy instead. Should I lie and say that she went for a slim guy? I don't see why it is so bad to call a fat person as fat.

 

I am pretty sure that the people that give these type of advice would feel the EXACT same way as meepmeep feels when they get rejected and see the person they like go for some one that is clearly nowhere near them when it comes to appeearence. I am positive that women especially are bound to feel this way because they are primarily approcahed based on looks.

 

And I do not agree with the fact that meepmeep gets rejected because she has this type of attitude. Come on.... Men are not mind readers. They would have no idea that she is calling other women as ugly or unattractive unless she explicitly tells it. Even then if meepmeep is really good looking men would still give it a chance. If she is doing it over and over again then yea that's a problem. But otherwise I do not see any issue.

 

Honestly people should refrain from simply saying "oh its because of your attitude", "oh its because you don't have confidence" and instead try to see if the person seeking advice has any other real issues.

 

I am worried that this fat guy has a girlfriend and is getting married. All these days I must have been rejected because of this attitude, right?

 

link removed

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...