jazzy_b Posted April 3, 2009 Share Posted April 3, 2009 Hi I recently met this amazing woman. She has travelled all around the world, very well educated, is great looking and confident. We hit off from the first time we met and I asked her out casually. After our third date we started getting physical and unfortunately due to some miscommunication I did something that she did not want. She immediately freaked out , started accusing me of giving her disease or making her pregnant and left right away. I realized my mistake and apologized as well, even though I wasnt comfortable with all the accusations and wasnt feeling like loosing my self respect but felt that she is hurt emotionally. I texted her this morning asking if she is alright. No response so far and Im sure she wont respond going by the way she was pissed. I just want to make sure that Im able to convey my message to her that what happened was an accident and I did not deliberately do anything, it was the spur of moment. Would be great if we can start talking/dating again but if not thats fine as well. Any suggestions on how I should proceed? Link to comment
anggrace Posted April 3, 2009 Share Posted April 3, 2009 Im sure everyone is going to want to know what exactly what happened. It's hard to guess where her head might be at without knowing. I can say this though. Texts are pretty impersonal. Have you called her since this thing happened? Link to comment
ratfreak Posted April 3, 2009 Share Posted April 3, 2009 ...and does the age from your post title worry you? i dont think age is an issue. all depends on what happened but if she's not willing to talk about what happened... Link to comment
doyathink Posted April 3, 2009 Share Posted April 3, 2009 I take it you didn't wear a condom? Link to comment
jazzy_b Posted April 3, 2009 Author Share Posted April 3, 2009 Doyathink You are exactly right. I didn't call her since she wasn't willing to listen to me. And then accusing me of way too many things didn't help either. Link to comment
waveseer Posted April 3, 2009 Share Posted April 3, 2009 As a 40-something I can tell you that it gets really serious when you're almost out of the child-raising business. A baby is another 20 years of doing what everyone else needs instead of what you want. They are also cute, but if she's done it explains her paranoia and her over-reaction. Link to comment
doyathink Posted April 3, 2009 Share Posted April 3, 2009 well it takes two to do the deed. you cant take all the blame here. she sounds a little freaky to me anyway. give her some space for awhile, and see if she calls you. Link to comment
1MoreChance Posted April 3, 2009 Share Posted April 3, 2009 I don't understand how people get into these types of situations. When you chose to penetrate her without a condom on, either she knew you didn't have one on and participated willingly (which makes it that she overreacted when she got angry and accused you), or you forced yourself upon her, or that you said you put one on but didn't and she just didn't notice anything (very unlikely as when the "putting a condom on" moment is happening, it is very obvious). So which one is it? I fail to understand the situation. I have been with enough guys, sexually speaking, some long term, some one nights, some after a few dates, and the "putting the condom on" moment cannot be missed. and if the guy is respectful, he will never try to pretend it is on when it isn't and he will never slip it in quickly to get away with not wearing it. Why, because the risk of STI's , preganancy, and basically just respecting the woman. Link to comment
1MoreChance Posted April 3, 2009 Share Posted April 3, 2009 let,s look at this sentence again before deciding that the woman is a freak in the way she reacted: "... we started getting physical and unfortunately due to some miscommunication I did something that she did not want. She immediately freaked out , started accusing me of giving her disease or making her pregnant and left right away." How many people have unprotected sex on a 3rd date? For sure I think it is basic hygiene to use a condom, even if the woman is on the pill, or has a IUD, or has had her tubes tied. Personnally we both get checked for STD's before the condom comes off and that is part of the beginning of a serious commited relationship. If on a date a guy tried to slip it in before I had a chance to refuse, if this is what OP did, I would be pissed off to. How dis this "miscommunication" happen? I don't understand. How do you get into a situation where you stick it in without a condom? it just sounds weird that they would get into this type of "miscommunication". at best, it is very immature way to approach the experience of intercourse and at worse, their was some boundaries that were crossed in an unhealthy disrespecteful way. Maybe OP needs to grow up and be less selfish? Maybe the woman reacted appropriatelly. OP, appologize in person if you really want to have another chance with her. Link to comment
jazzy_b Posted April 3, 2009 Author Share Posted April 3, 2009 Well we explicitly discussed putting on a condom and she was ok about not having one though not right away. So I didn't force myself or play any tricks. What pissed her off was that I couldn't get out in time which again was not deliberate. Link to comment
jazzy_b Posted April 3, 2009 Author Share Posted April 3, 2009 And I did apologize in person but I guess I'm a little bit pissed as well .. Guess I apologized way more than I should. In my previous relationships when the condom came off my partner used birth control or explicitly said that she doesn't want me to come. I should have adapted a similar approach here but the "accident" happened at the heat of moment. Link to comment
1MoreChance Posted April 3, 2009 Share Posted April 3, 2009 Well we explicitly discussed putting on a condom and she was ok about not having one though not right away. So I didn't force myself or play any tricks. What pissed her off was that I couldn't get out in time which again was not deliberate. ok so if I understand correctly, she was ok with NOT using a condom, just not right away, meaning not on the 1st date? so no condom was agreed to on the 3rd date? that is waht I understand. I am glad you cleared up that it was consensual to not use a condom, that you did not force / trick her. so you agreed to use the withdrawl, or coitus interuptus method, which BTW, is a lousy contraceptive method, and which doesn't protect either of you from STI's. and it is hard for the guy to do it right sometimes (to withdraw on time). I think both of you need to know that you cannot avoid diseases and pregnancy, with the chosen method. Link to comment
1MoreChance Posted April 3, 2009 Share Posted April 3, 2009 And I did apologize in person but I guess I'm a little bit pissed as well .. Guess I apologized way more than I should. In my previous relationships when the condom came off my partner used birth control or explicitly said that she doesn't want me to come. I should have adapted a similar approach here but the "accident" happened at the heat of moment. Jazzy, I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but it sounds like both of you are irresponsible about having sex (because you do not protect yourselves from pregnancy and infections). And it sounds like she is uneducated about sex in general. She is 42, she ideally should know that the withdrawal method is not appropriate for protecting her against what she is accusing you of "trying to give her" (diseases, a bun in the oven) and that it is hard for the guy to predict exactly when he is gonna ejaculate and withdraw at this very las minute, especailly when involved in new and extremelly arousing sexual encounters. For her to get so angry makes me guess that she is ignorant (uneducated) and / or neurotic. Link to comment
jazzy_b Posted April 4, 2009 Author Share Posted April 4, 2009 So I guess I should then wait and see if she calls? Better to move on maybe. Link to comment
doyathink Posted April 4, 2009 Share Posted April 4, 2009 So I guess I should then wait and see if she calls? Better to move on maybe. She could take the morning after pill! Whats wrong with her?! Link to comment
jazzy_b Posted April 4, 2009 Author Share Posted April 4, 2009 That's what I told her when she was freakingout. She thinks she will be sick coz of that. So I emailed her saying .. If u don't want to talk that's fine but I just want to know that you are ok and not sick. If u r sick pls let me or someone else know I u need help. She replied back a one liner .. I'm ok thanks. Link to comment
doyathink Posted April 4, 2009 Share Posted April 4, 2009 That's what I told her when she was freakingout. She thinks she will be sick coz of that. So I emailed her saying .. If u don't want to talk that's fine but I just want to know that you are ok and not sick. If u r sick pls let me or someone else know I u need help. She replied back a one liner .. I'm ok thanks. She will be a hell of a lot sicker if she's pregnant. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted April 5, 2009 Share Posted April 5, 2009 Move on. I don't think she's interested anymore. Link to comment
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