rich_1517 - its down to this - again

[rich_1517]

its down to this:

 

i have said take as much time you need to make your decision. (monday)

 

she left almost two months ago saying "i need time to decide". three years together, asked me to move in twice, i said no. i was afraid to commit.

 

i have kept contact to a minimum for me, she has not. she calls a lot.

 

this breakup was very painful for me, it still is. i dont know if i am willing to be "just friends".

 

since break up i have said i would marry, sent a "why i love you" letter, light on changes, light on apologies, light on begging. just why.

 

she has called but offered nothing of substance. does not do feelings well and has avoided talking about us completely. I do not bring it up.

 

she called four times last night, i didnt pick up, no message. left a note of "have a nice day" and a cookie on my motorcycle at the public parking lot. etc, etc. but nothing about relationship, not even i love you on note.

 

She will not change her date of march 15th as her deciding date.

 

i am afraid this is either a case, of i cant let go but i dont want you fully (her) or i just dont know what to do. her comment is "im not sure of the texture of my love for you".

 

ok ive had enough.

 

i can either, do nothing and blow her off. no call returns, nothing.

 

i can send the email saying, take as long as you want im moving on

 

I can play in the middle and get hurt becuase she cant decide.

 

option 4: the date is only 5 days away, i could leep contact to a minimum and let the date come and go. but since i said take the time you need, it could end up being longer (i did it to take pressure of me and her). hsowing i am willing to let her decide.

 

the thing is she is very removed, but she wants to talk, connect, but not too much. it smacks of trying to make friends out of a relationship.

 

on the other hand, people say this is the best way to rebuild.

 

but how do you rebuild if she wont even mention the relationship and i cant bring it up without being pushy?

 

thoughts?

[Athena]

Hi Rich,

As I understand what you've said, it was, "take as much time as you need to make your decision"

 

It sounds like you are suffering some anxiety in waiting for her to decide.

I don't think it would be unreasonable to say to her, "look, I know I told you to take what ever time you needed, but, the waiting is causing me alot of anxiety and I would like to instead, agree to a date when I can expect to hear your decision."

 

And in the mean time between then and now, agree to what the context of the relationship will be. Will you contact or won't you - what will the contact be and how often, will you talk about the relationship or not - agreed to those things together.

 

-A

[dikaia880]

Wait at least until her deciding date it's close, hold on tight, do what you've been doing...After that date see what she says...if she offers nothing in the way of some sort of decision, then go from there. Let us know what happens!

[rich_1517]

im really struggling with this. she acts so removed. the decision doesnt even seem like a priority. the whole thing stinks.

 

i called her today just to see if she would bring anything up. she called four times last night. nope, just chit chat.

 

it really looks like she is trying to move things to being friends and cant handle anything that looks like more. two months, and not a peep.

 

whats going to change in the next few days? ive seen this before, someone who leaves but cant let go all the way, trying to hang onto the parts they want and leave the rest. I know you guys are saying wait, but i dont see anything different coming from it.

 

its breaking my heart and its really painful to live a half love half life with her.

 

if i tell her i am moving on, not to call me if she wants to be friends. i will contact her when i am ready, that i want to start again, but i cannot wait for some sign from heaven. that if she is making some decision i cant see it from here.

 

i think she feels she is being kind by maintaining contact, and calling, and and. its not.

[needafriend]

hi rich,

 

i have been following your posts im sure evrybody has. now im going to be very blunt here and give you my honest opinion. you sound like a fabulous guy, loving, caring and commited to your relationship. she does not deserve you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AT ALL!!!!!!!

 

I am a woman and Im sure every woman here would agree that what she is doing is selfish, childish and just downright rude!!!!!! A woman DOES NOT need a set amount of time to decide whether she loves someone or not or whether she wants to be with someone. Im sorry if this hurts you (i know exactly how it feels babe) but she is just stringing you along incase someone beter comes along. sorry

 

in my opinion, you should call her and say that you deserve better than to be put on hold like this and deserve someone that loves and respects you as much as you do them. this is not fair on you.

 

trust me, i know whats its like to be in love with someone in a situation like this. as much as i did love him, i had a gut feeling that he was just stringing me along in your case so i cut all ties with him - as much as it hurt and now it has been nearly two weeks without contact i already feel so much stronger!!!! also, i have someone that likes me and made me see the light in how IM supposed to be treated!!!!!!

 

if you dont agree, or have any questions... im here

 

you are being very strong about the situation as gut wrenching as it is and i believe that no matter what the outcome, you will be better off in the long run.

 

chin up my dear