THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[trying2bestrng]

Day 5. I dont expect to hear from him for awhile. Perhaps never. Im doing better just trying to stay busy and not think about him. Its hard, that's for sure. I know he is with her and not thinking about me at all. Tomorrow he heads back to work. He works out of town during the week. I remember when we were together. I would miss him so much when he was gone. We talked on the phone for hours every night. He told me he doesn't talk to her as long and sometimes she doesn't even call him at all. He got her a bracelet for Xmas. So I guess they are pretty serious and I really doubt we will get back together. I just have to put my faith in God that he has plans for me. It hurts and I hope one day we can be together again. I truly believe its meant to be. Just doesn't feel like that right now.

[jlfyj]

Day 6

 

We agreed to go NC for a maximum period of 3 months and would contact each other once we are ready. We will then stay as friends and decide if we are compatible after hanging out for a minimum period of another 3 months. Despite this little hope of reconciliation, I'm still in this emotional rollercoaster ride as I want him back so badly. But I know I have to make full use of this time to work on myself and my insecurity issues. Argh

[DreamySkies]

No idea what day because of the LC I was throwing at him there last week.

 

Doesn't matter. I am so proud of myself. Maybe I wasn't classy with how I handle the breakup. One thing is sure, I know how to handle myself if I should ever be heartbroken once more! That's a positive take away from the relationship.

 

It feels good, it feels like a relief to have him out of my life. I feel horrible saying this, but it's the truth that I am uncovering. I don't doubt I loved him, I know how amazing that feeling was and how beautiful it made me feel inside. Now though being just about 3.5 months post BU, I am so happy with everything I am seeing and realizing.

 

To say he is a horrible person would just be lame of me, but I know he was a horrible person for me and to me. He's the most selfish person I have ever met in my life. It's scary to realize that only now. I felt it at moments, but would feel guilty I was just demanding. I should have listened to my gut... he was and he is. I am so glad I no longer have to deal with it. I don't have to care about him or what makes him happy.

 

I'm so excited that I have nothing but opportunity ahead of me. I'm so glad to be 30 years old and have had the experiences that I have. I am so glad that I've had my heartbroken too. Seriously, I know this sounds insane, but I am so thankful. I know now what that feeling feels like to know that I would never want to inflict it on any soul. This is so important, because now I know I won't waste my time nor anyone else's when the desire to love comes back to me.

 

I am so proud of myself. I am getting this motivation back that I feel I lost while in the relationship with him. I'm looking at grad school programs again. Something I didn't want to commit too while I was with him. Afraid it'd take too much of my time. HAH!!!! I hope grad school takes lots of my time and I learn so much.

 

I use to think that the smart successful man that he was, would be the best I could do. That I'd never meet someone with the motivation to quit their job, live on savings and become a business partner. HAH!! Why did I have such blinders on? He was a GOD to me... and he's nothing but a functioning alcoholic.

 

I was so depressed losing the 60+ friends when we broke up. This tore me up and made me feel so lonely. Now I am making my own friends and learning new exciting things in the process. I look back at those friends I lost and realized I didn't lose them, I was relieved of them. Not one of them. NOT ONE OF THEM reached out to me while sick. Not even to say hey, I'm sorry it's so weird right now but I was thinking of you. Those aren't friends. I don't care who their loyalty lies with.

 

I'm not over the moon happy but I see that light and I'm not stopping. I don't even cry about him anymore. The songs that would bring me to my knees in pain and torture don't even strike a chord with me. My life is NOT over because of him. I'm going to find new places to eat, new places to enjoy my new friends, i'm going to fall in love again. I'm going to be so happy and I won't be settling. I won't be arguing over the small stuff. He is truly missing out.

 

If he would have come back to me these past three months, I would have fought so hard and worked so hard to be the person I am going to be, without him now. just because I loved him and cared so much. Now, I'm excited to know that my friends and those who I will grow to love and be loved by get this.

 

I texted him last week that I never wanted him to contact me again. That I was blocking him from all outlets. The hardest part was I also told him to throw the ashes of our son away. That I never wanted them back and I don't care what he does with them. It sounds so horrible... but it's the truth. I will never allow him to be part of my life or anything important to me again... and with this I have to let go of my son and know he will always be in my heart and not in the ashes that I couldn't part with prior.

 

Life is getting so good. I can't wait to see where I go!

[trying2bestrng]

Day 6. I had a really good weekend. Of course I still thought of him every second. Rejection really sucks. He felt the rejection from losing me for months. Maybe this is the universes way of giving it back to me. I just have such a hard time not speaking to him. We were best friends when we were together andnow he is someone else's best friend. I try not to compare myslef to hisnew girlfriend but its hard not to. She will never be me but she is with him and i need to just let go..today is a new day. Who knows, it might be a great day.

[footballlover]

Day 1

 

Yesterday you told me that I was being too much and I needed to just give you your space and chill while I focus on myself. It's hard and it can't really be helped not wanting to speak to you when it was all I have known these past 5 months. I made such a horrible mistake picking my demons over you and the entire time we were together you had always been looking out for the real me. I have regretted my decision every single day these past three weeks but I am afraid I have already lost you.

 

I don't really know where to go from here other than to prove to you I can change and become a better man, especially the man that you need and not the boy I gave you. I'm starting to attend therapy, I am starting a 12 week program to get back into the gym and drop weight, and I have begun to rekindle my faith in God because I know how important that is to you. I just miss you so much and it's practically impossible to not think about you every day. I have fallen for you more than any other girl in my young life.

 

I hope this change in me will be enough to have you back in my life but I realize that if it is meant to be then it's going to have to just happen and I need to take a backseat. I'm sorry for breaking your heart like I did and being completely selfish. I don't know why but I think you could be my ONE. While you will never read this I want you to know that I will own up to mistake and I vow to you that I will become a changed man physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I was a fool to let you go once but I promise that I will never do it again

[sadbutrue]

Day 59

 

I dont know how people can feel ok after hurt someone...

[js0905]

**Day 37**

 

Yes, it does get easier but there are still ups & downs.

Mostly he is out of my mind but tonight for a little while I remembered how it felt when he had his arms around me.

I could not get enough of him, his body, his kissing looking into his eyes, even his voice......ahhh

 

Cried for a bit.

 

Ok, moving on....

[footballlover]

Day 2

 

What you said still resounds in my heart and I realize that if we are ever going to have a future I need to work on myself and remember why I am doing this. I'm talking to a girl who is on your side of the equation and it is almost like I am peeking from the outside of our situation to look in. She forgave her boyfriend but he didn't want to come back.

 

What I miss the most is holding you in my arms and the feeling of waking up to you in the morning. I hope I'll get that feeling back some day

[trying2bestrng]

Day 7. I had the urge to send him a text but then thought better of it. I remembered what you told me about your ex. Said that you stopped talking to her when you met your ex wife. I wondered if you still wanted to talk to her and wanted to still be in her life like you wanted me to. I never thought to ask him that. I was there for you through the roughest part of his life. Ex wife being so jealous of me that she moved in next door to us. Court dates and drunken fights with her. He found his grama on the floor of her kitchen. She died a dew days later. I was there for him. Through his bankruptcy. I was there every second of remodeling his house. I bought him a new furnace. Endured his drunken bowling league nights. When he cried I held him. Now I wonder if I am just a distant memory.

I wonder if this new girlfriend of his will ever be able to make him laugh and love the way he did with me. Its over between us and the thought of him being gone scares me. When I see him out my first reaction is to go up to him and give him a hug and kiss and sit by him. It feels natural...that is gone now and I dont think I will ever get that back

 

after reading what I just wrote I just want to say....

 

Screw you buddy...you dont deserve me!!

[footballlover]

Day 1 again. I really messed up telling you how sorry I was about my behavior last week and your friend has brought to light exactly how wrong I have been. If I ever hope to have something between us in the future I need to stay out of your life until you are ready. This new workout program I started is completely changing me. My personality, my happiness, my love, my heart, it is what I should have given you our entire relationship and it was everything you deserved. I pray you will come back to me my love and I will be waiting with open arms.

[trying2bestrng]

Day 8. I've been reading all these sites on the internet about how to get your ex back. They say this no contact is a must to get them to miss you. I thought back to my ex's trying to remember if any of them tried to get me back. I was always glad not to talk to them again nor did I ever want to. I was a lot younger and hadn't been in very many healthy relationships. I want to say my ex was my favorite. He made me laugh so much. I miss that. I love guys that are funny. He even made up a silly song about how about how much he loved me. I told him I wish I could turn back time and he said he wishes he could too. But he is with this other girl now. He still hurts and is lost a lot of the time and is so happy we can still talk. I need to just give up and realize we will never be together again. I cant right now. I have to believe he will miss me and reach out. Please please please reach out to me..

[korben]

Day 22. In bed sick all day. This is a hard one.

[LatteLove]

Day 16 - feels like it's been longer. Just got a text and my heart skipped a beat because I thought it might be you. Part me of wants to hear from you, Part of me never wants to hear from you ever again. I'm slowly feeling better and crying a lot less.

[trying2bestrng]

Day 9. We spent another day together in my dreams. I dont know if its reassurance that we will be together again or what to make of it. My mind playing tricks on me im sure. I had a day yesterday that so many things reminded me of you. Songs on the radio, things my daughter said out of the blue and names in movie credits. I miss you so much and pray a lot for signs that you may return. After seeing all the signs and then dreaming about you I hurt again today. My friend is close with Godand she is cconvinced that they are good signs straight from God. He hear my prayers and is proud of me for praying to him. I dont go to church but I pray a lot when im worried and scared. It helps ease the pain. I hope my friend is right. She has never been wrong before with her intuition. I hope you dream of me too. You were always a dreamer.

[js0905]

Another Day...

 

You haven't bother trying to contact me again.

Funny because I know exactly were I went wrong. Gave you to much to fast, really thought that would let you see how much I cared.

Instead it drove you away, you realized that you had me in the palm of your hand and lost interest.

 

I have learned from that since it can't be taken back. You have moved on and left me behind, you no longer care at all =(

[Geekinthepinkx]

90 days NC, 4years together, 4months BU

[trying2bestrng]

Day 10. I get moments throughout the day that I'm at peace but then the sadness takes over and I am lost again. Im not getting any better. I just continue to pray and ask for signs. I dont know what I am doing. I have a tough choice to make. Im currently in a relationship and he loves me so much. Is it fair I stay with him when I'm so in love with my ex still? I don't want to make anymore mistakes but I feel so bad when I'm withhim but cant move to the next level. He keeps mentioning moving in together and getting married. Whoa!! Seriously? It just freaks me out! I need to end it but the thought of being alone and coping with my feelings is frightening. He is th the perfect man but he is not " the one" perhaps there is nobody out there for me. I can't put my life on hold waiting for my ex but I'm not ready to move on. Ugh!!! I hate my stupid life. Why can't God just throw me a bone and have him contact me. Every fiber in me is telling me he will be back and to have patients. Dreams, signs, feelings, my gut and my heart tell me its not over and to keep myfaith in God strong and he will answer my prayers at the right moment. Until then do I leave my current boyfriend and let him move on while I grieve? I just dont know what to do...

[Monkey ai]

Day 26

 

I am proud of myself, but last few days were hard, I think it is my PMS... Sunday will be one year that I met him, but I know I will be ok, as my sis with me, she keep me busy…

I am trying to find therapist, as it is not normal for me, with this short relationship, it should not take a long to recovery... I need work on myself, and be happy again. I know the happiness is within…

[trying2bestrng]

Im writing early to say he called today. He said he has a bunch of my things and wanted to know if he should put them on my door step. I didn't want him to do thay so I broke the nc. I told him (again) that I have lived without it this long and to just throw it away and we can be done. I said it nicely but his reply was " lets be adults about this" I laughed and said its okay silly. Just throw it out. I wont miss it. He then brought up that he started to restore the table I left and when he tore up the tile there was writing and it said "I will always be there" or something like that. He said it was so old he couldn't make it out very well. I said wow crazy, I got that from a garage sale 6 years ago. I told him goodbye and we hung up. I then sent him a text and said " thanks for asking me about my things, I appriciate it. Good luck he responded " your things will be here when you want them, good luck to you too" that's was it! One hour later he sent me another text saying John doe said hi. Hu? I haven't seen that guy since I was like 10 yrs old. So like 20 years. So anyways RANDOM. I didn't respond.

you may think I'm crazy but I was praying so loud in my head for a sign that he was thinking of me. At that exact moment he text. Not the text I was hoping for but still. I think I handled it well and I stayed strong. I want to thank my angels for listening to me and following through. I will keep praying and see if any other miracles happen. I will try and not get my hopes up.

[korben]

Day 22.

 

This had been getting really hard lately. I keep finding myself wishes she would contact me so that I could ignore it. Strange, I know.

[sadbutrue]

Day 22.

 

This had been getting really hard lately. I keep finding myself wishes she would contact me so that I could ignore it. Strange, I know.

 

 

I understand this

 

Day 64

[js0905]

Day 42 since I went NC and the last time he even tried to contact me was 24 days ago.

 

Why am I still thinking that I made such a huge impact in his life?

That is what still gives me hope that he'll comeback and apologize....

 

The truth is that I was probably just a pastime and nothing else =(

 

Why can't I see him that way? Why can't I let go?

[trying2bestrng]

Day 1. I dont regret answering his call yesterday. I do hate starting this countdown over again though. I think I was strong about it. I almost called him back crying and begging. So close. .. but I kept saying to myself. "Keep your dignity woman dont give him all your power." Ignoring his last 2 text helped me keep some power. Now that I told him to throw my things away he wont have a good reason to contact me again. Okay, I can do this!

[JA0371]

Trying2: just remember if you're his 'friend' right now, you're only helping him move on from you. That's not your place..

Good luck!!

[trying2bestrng]

Day 2. I was going through music on my phone this morning and came accross a recording that I did one night whe I still lived with my ex. He would come home drunk and start a fight with me for no reason. So I decided to record it so he could listen to himself the next morning. It was awful... all the name calling and mean things he would say to me. I had put the fights we had in the back of my mind and have been only thinking of the good times. Ugh!! No wonder I had the courage to move out! He was such a drunken idiot a lot! Antagonized me until I would flip out.. I can honestly say at this moment I do not want him back. I think I was meant to hear that today. Just my angels making sure having him back is what I really want. Today... I dont even care if I talk to him again.