THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[xxmacbethxx]

About five years ago I posted to the original thread, Today for some reason I was reminded of it so I thought I would come back and take a Look. I wanted to let all of you know, who are going through hard times right now, that it gets easier you just have to do it, mind over matter. I haven't spoken to the girl that made me post here in years. after a few weeks of NC I was getting on with my life didn't even think about her. Since then I have done some great things and been around the world a few times.

For those struggling stay strong. Its a big world out there to discover.

 

We are friends on facebook so I see what she is up to in life an honestly she hasn't improved her life much in years and thinking about it that makes me feel pretty good about my self and my accomplishments.

[nhoj]

Day 6, came accross a picture of her on tumblr, almost liked it, surely it'll be harmless?

 

Probably not, but I am tempted

[Firesite]

My ex just drove by we're we used to work. I haven't seen her since we broke up. She didn't stop but I'm sure she saw me. To big of a coward to even say anything to me.

[TheD87]

My girlfriend and I broke up 3 weeks ago. In my mind I always thought we were going to get back together, and we still might, but it is becoming clearer as each day goes by she isn't planning on it anytime soon. Since we broke up, she has basically called me everyday (I think every day but 2). The calls increased in frequency and were up to 2-3 times a day. I have told her twice not to contact me again if she wasn't interested in trying to work it out, because I couldn't do the just friends thing with her, but 3 weeks later she still hasn't tried getting back together nor has she tried hanging out with me. I see the writing on the wall. I had gone limited no contact with her before, I answered her call, but only initiated maybe 4-5 conversations with her, while she initiated probably 1-2 a day over 3 weeks. One of the conversations I initiated though was after 48 hours no contact between us, the longest we had and I simply told her maybe we should keep no contact unless she wanted to get back together. She called me later, but a week later still no plans to see each other. We had another talk about how I was getting frustrated Friday, and she was very apologetic and told me she didn't want to see me unhappy with her. However since then she only texted me Saturday, no calls. I initiated contact with her Sunday with a simple text and she called me that night and we only had a brief chat, maybe 5-10 minutes, and she usually called me every night before bed and we talked usually for 45+ minutes. Then yesterday she called me when she got off work, we talked for 10 minutes again maybe and she told me she was making dinner and would call me later, didn't get another call from her that night. So the past three days contact has been significantly less than before. I am thinking maybe she realizes she doesn't want me back and after our conversation on Friday she realizes it was bugging me that she was kind of leading me on and is starting to try and slowly limit her contact with me.

 

So that is why I am here. I don't think I am fully ready to go full no-contact with her. But I pledge I will no longer initiate any contact with her. If it goes 48 hours again with no contact, I won't stupidly send her a text saying we should just call it, I will just let the no contact say it. I am also going to try and limit the times I answer her calls. If she starts calling me a couple times a day again, I am going to ignore some of them instead of leaving the room and dropping what I am doing to answer, and stop texting her why I can't answer if I don't. It's not full no contact but it is a start. Hopefully it turns into full no contact soon enough.

[confusedlove77]

Day 5

 

Do you even remember me...do you know who i am...if i passed you in the street would you even acknowledge that you ever knew me?

 

i doubt it and this doubt is killing me

 

how can you say you love me and want to be with me yet be so cold?

 

i just want to get into bed and stay there forever but for who? Someone that dont want me

 

I just want this hurt to go away. i want you out of my mind forever. i trusted you and believed in everything you said to me. you betrayed me and i dont know if i will ever forgive you

[Fredd]

Day 4 for me, Day 10 for him.

 

I could have messed up in the beginning, but now I'm sort of "happy" I did.

As at least I have said to him what I had to say.

I made it clear to him how much he hurt me, that this time he went to far and that I wouldn't have closed my eyes as always.

 

I messed up when I tried to save the friendship and not to let any issue behind, as I shouldn't have contacted him as I did in the beginning... but once again maybe this is for the better, or he would have kept me in his net, somehow, as at some point I would have ended to talk to him normally, once again.

 

So I'm glad for this break.

Whatever it means, for how long it will last I don't care.

I'm glad.

 

As things weren't going anywhere and the whole situation was at his own advantage, not mine.

 

Plus, having said everything I had to say, I don't have any regrets.

And I start feeling really better, after one month and 13 days from the night the big mess happened.

 

I'm ready for the war.

I'm not going to hide.

I'm not going to stop living.

And if I see him with somebody else I will survive and think I'm better than anyone else he can find. As this is the truth. And I will feel pity both for him but especially for her.

 

If he ever come back he will now that he's not dealing with the same woman anymore.

[Red Tie]

Day 6!

Yesterday I thought a lot about her. Tried to get my mind off her wasnt easy. I even avoided coming here with day 5 because I would instantly remind myself of her.

But today I found a new strenght and decided to post day 6.

Weekdays are the hardest for me to try to get her off my mind. I would usually text her day when I was at work and I miss that texting part.

Still, its a healing process and it will take time. I already acknowledge that and I gotta give time to heal. I will get there!

Be back tomorrow for Day 7.

[confusedlove77]

Day 6

 

Missing you like..i dont know what to compare it to. But i wont contact you...you know where i am if you want me.

 

Feel like my heart has been torn out

[iDoctor]

Day 1

 

After three years my ex wants to enjoy being alone and have her own independence. She wants space and she can have it. Today starts my journey to give her that space. I am not going to talk to her or respond to her whatsoever. I feel confident right now, which is good because I was very attached to her over the three years we spent together. Do I want her back? Of course. We had so much going for us. But am I going to bend over backwards? Hell no. I am extremely successful and have a great future ahead of me with or without her. I'm done staying up until 5:00 AM losing sleep over this girl. I'll see her in three weeks (which is unavoidable), but I'm taking back control of my life. Time to hit the gym.

 

BRING IT ON!

[Fredd]

Day 5 for me, Day 11 for him

 

 

Sometime I miss our friendship, but after all it wasn't a real one.

I wish I had gone no contact from the very beginning, but I didn't... as I have found this forum when it was too late, on both parts.

I genuinely think this "horrible situation" can save us or kill us as it will show him how life is without me. It could be worst or better, but he has never been completely without me in the past 2 years... and I think in the long run he will be force to think back.

 

I think time will "heal" our friendship, but I'm sure I can't go back to what we were.

I think to him a lot, but in order to analyze what happened more than out of nostalgia.

 

To me it's quite clear that the problem, this time, is that I didn't just accepted his behavior and I wanted him to accept the consequences of what he said and did.

And he just ran away, as he's a kid. I don't want to deal with a kid, I want to deal with a proper 30ys old.

 

I don't regret not have been his friend as he asked. I wish I asked for no contact since the first days, but I didn't... but I guess it would have ended the same way, anyway, as the problem is that he is not emotionally mature and nothing I did or said could have changed it.

[TheD87]

I am awful at this...I have gotten into such a routine of talking to her everynight before bed, even for a month after we broke up. I should have gone no contact earlier because I can't do it right now. Its only been 24 hours of no contact and I can't help but being anxious waiting for her to call and thinking about calling her every second she doesn't call me.

[kmoua7]

After a 7 year relationship, I've been tossing and turning every night thinking and dreaming of him. I feel as though strict NC only get worse with time. I feel horrible, sad and depressed. I miss him so much. It has been about 5 months since the breakup and 1 month of complete NC. He 4 days after I went strict NC, and I never answered. Didn't say one word. I now feel regret for not picking up the call. I hope I will get better soon.

[iDoctor]

Day 2

 

Today I have been doing a lot of things for myself that I normally could not do when I was with her. I've been on a diet for months, lost a few pounds, and have really never felt better physically in awhile. I'm a bit bored, because she was a huge part of my life, but I'm sure in time that I'll get over that too. I am taking comfort in the simple things: work and my continued education. I look forward to both. I have deleted all photos of her and put everything we had shared in a box. There is virtually no possible way I could be reminded of her except by family or contact from her end.

 

Stayin' strong.

[confusedlove77]

I am awful at this...I have gotten into such a routine of talking to her everynight before bed, even for a month after we broke up. I should have gone no contact earlier because I can't do it right now. Its only been 24 hours of no contact and I can't help but being anxious waiting for her to call and thinking about calling her every second she doesn't call me.

 

I was the same but it does get easier you have to have faith in yourself and thats its for the best for you

 

Each day is a challenge but once you get past it you will feel a sense of pride

[confusedlove77]

Day 2

 

Today I have been doing a lot of things for myself that I normally could not do when I was with her. I've been on a diet for months, lost a few pounds, and have really never felt better physically in awhile. I'm a bit bored, because she was a huge part of my life, but I'm sure in time that I'll get over that too. I am taking comfort in the simple things: work and my continued education. I look forward to both. I have deleted all photos of her and put everything we had shared in a box. There is virtually no possible way I could be reminded of her except by family or contact from her end.

 

Stayin' strong.

 

You are doing really well keep strong. Ive still not packed his things away. Even though we never lived together permanatley he had a huge space on my dressing table and in my wardrobe, tomorrow if i have the strength i will pack it all away. only on day 7 of no contact and stupid heart still has hope even though head tells me no chance lol

[Fredd]

Day 5 for me, Day 12 for him.

 

Today I miss you.

I repeat inside my head the many reasons why I should stay far from you, as far as possible, how you behaved and everything.

But point is that today I miss you.

 

But I know there can't be anything btw us before you resolve the many issues you have.

I can't close my eyes and let you break my heart every single time, it's not fair.

I also know if everything started again as it was before you would hurt again.

 

I miss you so much, you are the one I loved more than everybody else before.

But to trust you again I need a reason and right now I have none.

[TheD87]

I feel so torn right now.

 

It has been 48 hours of full no contact. Our last night we had together before we broke up was the first time we were intimate together and the last phone conversation I had with her before she stopped calling me was great and ended with her telling me "we should go to bed, you need to get some sleep sweetie, you gotta get up early tomorrow". She picks really odd times to end things, which just makes it harder on me. I had been no contact on my part with for a little bit, but she was still calling me daily. Now all of a sudden she stopped calling me. I think she might have found another guy to call everynight, and its killing me to think about (whether she got back with an ex or found another guy). I really want to give her a piece of my mind, but I know it is probably best that we go full no contact and me reaching out to her would just send us back. She toyed with my emotions so much and it kills me, but I realized I only have myself to blame for letting her. I should have manned up and gone full no contact with her the day we broke up instead of answering her phone calls every night for the following month after we broke up.

[scarletkite]

Me and my ex broke up 3 months ago and every morning when i wake up my heart still feel hurt so bad. I made a big mistake that at first 1 month i called him, emailed him, text him, cried... so many time for begging him back and he ignoring me all. He deleted all of our picture on his facebook but still keep Engaged relationship. He posted pictures of fishing on facebook (he love fishing) and His sister posted one picture of him when they go fishing togerther. I leaved a comment said that i miss him and he he comment to another people said this "L and B, Ya'll keep sitting at home with the women looking at facebook and I'll keep enjoying my time on the water and a cold one afterwards. Missouri Bass are small though can't wait to get back home and do some proper fishing." I am now have a new facebook account and try to move on but its really hard for me to do it. still think about him, still hurt, cried... everyday.

[Red Tie]

Day 8!

Friday and a week without any form of contact. I feel good that I didnt sucumb to the urge of calling her.

But I still feel the pain of not having her with me.

Its a slow process.

[Fredd]

Day 6 for me, Day 13 for him

 

I didn't contact him, I'm starting to feeling better.

I would like us to be on good terms, but I'm aware this could be not possible for now, maybe.

 

I have great friends that want me around most of the time and a job to start on Monday.

I feel less alone, I wish he wasn't out of my life but I realize that he's like a cat: you are not going to make him coming closer if you run after him.

 

Tomorrow I will probably go out with common friends or so I think.

I will try to be polite, just polite, and to ignore him for the rest.

 

I had a couple of weeks of "emotional madness" but now I want to be back to be myself, even better that what he remembered... as I was too scared when I was with him.

Now I'll be back to be the nice happy girl I've always been

[TheD87]

Day 3 of no contact

 

Longest stretch of no contact with her since the first day we met. I have gone from missing her to kind of being mad at her. I am shocked she stopped calling me, but I guess she is over me now. Hopefully that will make it easier to ignore her if she tries to contact me again. My urge to contact her is a lot less today than yesterday too, but I am still thinking about her as much.

[iDoctor]

You are doing really well keep strong. Ive still not packed his things away. Even though we never lived together permanatley he had a huge space on my dressing table and in my wardrobe, tomorrow if i have the strength i will pack it all away. only on day 7 of no contact and stupid heart still has hope even though head tells me no chance lol

 

As long as you focus on yourself you can live without any regrets. It's alright to hope for reconciliation, but I wouldn't advise waiting around for it! One thing that has helped me is to try and push thoughts of my ex out of my mind. I still think of her throughout the day, but I know she has most likely moved on and so I try not to dwell on how much she hurt me. In both our cases, we should think of it as a lesson for the next time.

 

Day 3

 

Today I had a bit of difficulty. I kept thinking about whether or not we will get to be together again. I am open to the idea, but the rational side of me knows there is a lot she would need to work on in order for both of us to be happy in the hypothetical relationship. I can't always bend over backwards to please her, forgive her, and let her turn the blame on me when she is the one at fault. I am very much in touch with the reasoning aspect of everyday life and I have a hard time getting along with others who cannot reason or refuse to learn how. The latter describes my ex perfectly: she refused to try and better herself for the sake of our relationship. I was never critical of her, and always gave her someone to confide in. Even then, she was always able to find silly reasons to be unhappy and pessimistic. If she ever does ask to get back together, I seriously need to weigh whether or not I can trust her with my heart. I only have one of those.

[TheD87]

Day 4

 

I still think about her almost constantly. Its taking a lot of will power not to call her. But knowing it would be a horrible idea plus knowing her, she gets in kind of mood swings and went through stretches of ignoring me instead of telling me something I didn't want to hear, so even if I did call, she probably wouldn't answer. I really hope this means she is over me and its not a stretch of her thinking she is ignoring me. Although this is easily the longest we have gone now without communication. The first three days I was kind of waiting for her to call and was expecting a call eventually. Now I realize she probably isn't going to call. I can't believe how much of a fool I was, answering her calls and talking to her every night for a month after we broke up, thinking it meant she wanted to get back together, while everyone I knew kept telling me she was using me and keeping me on hold until she found someone better to talk to. I wanted to think she was better than that and she told me multiple times that isn't what she was doing. I am a sucker for believing her and it just pisses me off that she lied to me.

[hopelessincan]

Well I'm actually having to think about how many days now. Monday will make four weeks. So I guess today is day 26.

This sucks. I'm now starting to worry that he really just doesn't care. And he's too proud and strong. Or still angry.

 

I want to make it at least another week. As I am now thinking that he really wont contact me again. I think I haven't said everything I needed to. Even though he told me more than once that men always come back.

[poppa kief]

Day 1

 

After 5 years my GF left me 10 days ago.

 

We hard a hard go, lot's of passion, intense ups and downs.

She was always ambivalent, tried to leave a few times. I always fought tooth and nail to stay in the game, always worked, but this time I give up. I'm letting her go.

 

It's hard because she was the first person I wanted to grow old with. She was my family, my friend, my lover.

 

10 days of NC and emails an NC left me empty and raw. I can't do this anymore. Gotta grieve and move on.

Of course she wants to be friends. She's friends with all her exes, although she her longest relationship was 2 years and by her own admission she never really loved someone like she did me.

 

Anyhow, day 1, sent the NC email and will stay with it. Nothing else to do.