THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Alone Now]

I miss him desperately right now. He was my rock and he was going to give me the world as he used to put it. Now he is being married again. I feel so used by him because I get the feeling I was just someone who he could toy with when things weren't going well in his marriage. I feel used and hurt and that all the love I offered him was just to amuse him. Is this what new guy is to me? Just entertainment while I work through MW? Why did I even think about dating the new guy so soon? It is turning into a tragic mistake because my GF has stepped back and I know he is waiting in the wings for the bottom to fall out of the new guy. It may be a week or several months, but I know that he will be there for me. That's what best friends do for each other and the weird thing is, I am confident that GF will actually just let me cry on his shoulder as I often have. He will be strong and show up with breakfast from the dive up the street from my apartment. He will knock on the door and go directly to the dining room and set out the bacon and eggs like he once did before.

 

I am such a fool for getting close to the new guy. It is just too soon!

[Slowjam35]

Day 3

 

Woke up feeling horrible. Hung out with a friend. Felt Ok for awhile, but shut down in the last couple hours we hung out. Every single thing reminds me of her. Even the most obscure things; I find a way to relate them to her. I literally think of her from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. I keep thinking about everything I should have done in the relationship. I don't know if I can take this...

[IAmFCA]

day 14

 

I have resolved to replicate the quality of our physical connection in my next meaningful relationship. it will take some intent, willpower and effort on my part, but maybe I can do for someone else what he did for me, in a good way.

 

I had always appreciated his mind and his energy. now I am just relieved, don't even miss the good stuff. it was just all too much with him.

[IAmFCA]

day 14.

I spoke too soon. he is on my mind today. don't know why. Then I realized, oh, it's his birthday tomorrow. somehow the body knows what the brain has chosen to forget.

 

Okay, this is annoying and I will just wait for him to go away.

[axgunner]

Day 1

 

Keeping myself occupied. Thought about her little. No assumption of her and her future. Presss on!

[james31]

Day 20 or 21... I dont even remember anymore.

 

Today was meant to be our 12 month anniversery, i completely forgot about it today, was so busy with work and it just slipped my mind even though i found myself thinking about you at times.

 

 

I am dating someone new, she makes me happy when we are together and i am unusually comfortable with her... something just feel right.

I only remembered when she mentioned todays date, all i could do was laugh.

 

 

I just hope these images i have of you will cease to haunt me for much longer... im finally happy again, i dont deserve this punishment from within.

[BMarie89]

Dya 3 (yesterday) went alright, but I sent a text message around 2am this morning. Nothing he would need to respond to, but a quick, straight to the point, emotion filled message. Of course he didn't respond, but ok I guess. Just trying to move on and get over it all. Tired of crying and caring. Good luck everybody!

[El3216]

Day 2 of NC

 

She keeps texting m about "business related things" she's moving out and still has some stuff here.. So does hat count? It's been about a week since I've initiated shy contact but I have had to respond to her.

 

I keep trying to put her out of my mind. The firsts 2 nights sleeping in my apartment alone have been very rough. She left with the cat and the dog and it is very lonely.

 

She's supposed to come today to pick up some random things she left behind ( I don't know what time and I don't want to break nc to ask her)

[Alone Now]

day 14.

I spoke too soon. he is on my mind today. don't know why. Then I realized, oh, it's his birthday tomorrow. somehow the body knows what the brain has chosen to forget.

 

Okay, this is annoying and I will just wait for him to go away.

 

Maybe find something fun to do with someone else? Celebrate Day 15 without thinking of anyone?

[IAmFCA]

Maybe find something fun to do with someone else? Celebrate Day 15 without thinking of anyone?

 

yes ma'am!

[Alone Now]

yes ma'am!

 

Do you have a someone who you like hanging out with who is fun in their own right? Someone who you can completely be yourself with and who makes you happy and you can do goofy things with? Rereading your post about the concert ticket issue - is R feeling better to go and hang out with?

 

I am so glad to see that you have entertained the idea that B is still foremost in your mind. I know how hard that can be ITIC. MW is still around and putting on pressure to see me and GF stays strong in the background. How do I switch their positions?

[IAmFCA]

Do you have a someone who you like hanging out with who is fun in their own right? Someone who you can completely be yourself with and who makes you happy and you can do goofy things with? Rereading your post about the concert ticket issue - is R feeling better to go and hang out with?

 

I am so glad to see that you have entertained the idea that B is still foremost in your mind. I know how hard that can be ITIC. MW is still around and putting on pressure to see me and GF stays strong in the background. How do I switch their positions?

 

Um, B is not foremost in my mind, actually, but the fact that he was on my mind as more than a passing thought was new this time around of NC. Last time around was a bear. This time really is not a big deal, so I would not say foremost. Tomorrow? I will be working hard, as I am now (!), hanging with the kids, and working some more. Unless there is a family event / compelling performance - last weekend was both. I don't usually go out when the kids are with me - and sometimes when they aren't. Having nobody on my calendar is quite the luxury for me, but then I miss my friendships, so I try to make myself schedule something with friends when I am not with my family.

 

So, no, nobody on my calendar tomorrow night. I did not bother to clarify some of the things from your prior message re tickets, but just fyi R is fighting advanced cancer and is again in the hospital. And if I were free to hang out, I would choose a woman. I miss my intimacy with women the most and find it very difficult to develop a balanced social life, dating life, and home life as a working mom. Most of my peers in my industry are married or single / no kids. I think I have met one person, ever, who is in my industry and parenting. Its tough.

 

Re MW? He will keep at it because he can. As long as he senses your engagement of any kind, whether its anger, rejection, or desire from you - they all are equal to him. I could not successfully douse B until I was free of my own burdens, and then I was able to get rid of him rather handily. Previously, my anger and hurt and whatever else he sensed from me let him know that he still had an impact. This year's reaction to him let him know that I was in control of my emotions and my actions and had decided, rationally, to move on. I couldn't fake that and had to wait until it became true.

 

So, for you, I would start within, like you are doing. You have been working hard. Identify what emptiness you are trying to fill with male attention and stare that emptiness in the face. You might never fill it. In my case, I just decided to own it. I want the company of a man (whose attention is elsewhere but still with me), I own that. I get distracted but try to remember that is just my character trait, and has little to do with the man in question. So I need to give a friendship time to percolate before knowing if I actually like HIM in particular.

 

I have gone off thread! If more comments, we should switch to PM.

[IAmFCA]

day 15. muddy headed.

[Amandacast57]

I think today is day 25.

 

Feeling ok today. Went and got sushi with my roommate last night. My work is having an outing Thursday night for one of the minor league baseball teams in my state. My friend is coming with me. I actually laugh at things like this because I get a lot of perks at my job like sporting event tickets, free happy hours, gifts, lunches, etc. My ex could be experiencing these with me and having a good time.

 

I'm actually feeling some sort of disgust towards him. He wasn't really fun to hang out with. I mean, he didn't want to do different things or have fun. All he wanted to do was anything revolving around soccer. Watch soccer, play soccer and ref soccer. Haha, I wonder if he thinks hes enjoyable to be around?

 

I love trying new things. I love being outdoors. I just remember all the times I'd invite him out like to my work's Christmas party or happy hour and he couldn't because he had a soccer game. I had 2nd row tickets to a hockey game and he turned them down because he wanted to play the soccer game. On a Sunday, I asked him to go hiking and he said he would have to see because his knee was hurt from playing multiple soccer games the day before. I just think about these fun things I like to experience and enjoy and although he says that he want to enjoy them too, he would never put ANYTHING before these soccer games.

 

And then most hilarious part of all this soccer playing, is he REALLY thinks he has what it takes to play professionally!!! HAHA!! Last week, I met some of our minor league soccer players and one of them told me he just retired from playing...............AT 28!!!!!! And he went on about how he really enjoyed playing but that is all he's done his entire life and is now 28 with no work experience. I just can't believe my ex really thinks he can play professionally. He's almost 32. I know its really selfish and mean to say but, good luck with the rock bottom buddy!

[swans]

DAY 100

 

Unless something bad happens to him or his family, I won't contact him ever again, I'm pretty sure.

[El3216]

DAY 100

 

Unless something bad happens to him or his family, I won't contact him ever again, I'm pretty sure.

 

Congrats! I think you can stop counting now. You are a success

[Firesite]

Day 67

Been going through ups and downs recently. Last night I felt really lonely, I wanted to see how she was doing and just hear her voice. Then I reminded myself of the way she treated at the end of the BU. It feels like I will never love someone the same way I loved her. And that know one could make me feel the way she use. I've been out on a few dates no girl has made me feel anything for them. Even sex with other women is dull. I just want her out of my damn head!

[axgunner]

DAY 2 (Yesterday)

 

She slowly found her way into my head through out the day. Like when I was waiting for the train or riding home on the bus. I kept unblocking her on Skype last night to see if she messaged me.

 

Overall day was really good, GOT MY MOTORBIKE LEARNER PERMIT! WOOOO! And parents agreed to helping me buying a motorbike. I can see my little steps to becoming a better Alex. Taking it one day at a time!

[Ne Moe]

Day 7

 

This is the longest I've made it NC before. I've always caved on day 7. But I know I won't today. I thought about him a bit this morning and felt a bit sad. But I've other things going on in my life to distract me. He's in my thoughts for a few minutes a few times a day which is a vast improvement.

 

Here's to the beginning of another week of NC

[Cakegirl12]

Day 28

 

Ok, so almost a month has gone by and nothing. And we've been broken up for almost two months. He's doing well. I'm not. So why would he ever want to come back? He obviously doesn't since he hasn't tried anything to keep in touch with me. Even though he told me he wanted to get lunch with me within a couple of weeks. Well it's going to be a couple of months and he hasn't followed up on it. Maybe he's focusing on himself. Maybe he just doesn't give a crap.

[El3216]

Finished day 2

 

I thought about her all day. Thinking to myself that we are not supposed to be together. She doesn't deserve me. She gave up and left. Then I thought about all my flaws and then blamed myself a little. After almost 3 years I don't want this to be the end. I want to have one more chance to be together. If she can find her way back to me she will be so pleased with the positive changes I've taken on. I know it takes 2 and ill stay NC until she says otherwise.

 

I hope she realizes that everyday that passes by with NC the stronger I get and the more I will burry my feelings for her.

[IAmFCA]

Day 15, you were a drag. it was his birthday, my job was hard, I entered my depressive hormone pattern, you were a crummy day. Still, I had 3 great client meetings and fun with kids.

 

Day 16? in the bag. well not technically, but I am SO over yesterday. I'll be fine today.

[figmentations]

Day 25

 

Almost a month...getting there. Feel I've gotten better in some aspects of getting myself to a better point but I still miss you. Although writing out a list of why you suck is pretty liberating.

[axgunner]

Day 3 "(yesterday)

 

I did in the morning unblock her from Skype to see if she sent any messages to me.... I need to stop doing this.

 

Thought about her a little in the morning, this usual happens. Then as soon as I got into the city it was fun ALLROUND! KB'd with the dance club, then went to eat, then chilled in the bar then my best mate and I went clubbing which turned out to be a very memorable night.

[El3216]

Today was hard. She texted me to ask if she could pick up the check for the security deposit refund. I said it will be under the floor mat. ( does this count as contact? If it was business related?