THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Chinafish]

Day 8. Ouch ouch ouch. Feel as if I've slid back 10 weeks in the last few hours. How bizarre. I could almost cry I long for him so much. Is this what I'm to expect from NC? I feel WORSE today.

 

Never not spoken for 8days since the night we met. Feels horrible.

 

Wonder if he misses our daily banter? Wonder if he's fed up with Miss FAR? Wonder if he wishes I were on a beach with him?

 

Somebody slap me 😭

[xmen777]

Day 8. Ouch ouch ouch. Feel as if I've slid back 10 weeks in the last few hours. How bizarre. I could almost cry I long for him so much. Is this what I'm to expect from NC? I feel WORSE today.

 

Never not spoken for 8days since the night we met. Feels horrible.

 

Wonder if he misses our daily banter? Wonder if he's fed up with Miss FAR? Wonder if he wishes I were on a beach with him?

 

Somebody slap me

here.. *slap*!

 

I've wondered the same too except in my case there's no new guy instead of me. Seems my ex has given up on relationships for now.

[Chinafish]

X, I don't know if that's better or worse buddy

[xmen777]

X, I don't know if that's better or worse buddy

yeah. We are supposedly "friends" but she never initiates a message. Haven't seen her for some time now. Hope she's ok.

I'm afraid if I contact her I'll push her further away.

I keep hoping to hear from her.

[SkyNet]

Day 8. Ouch ouch ouch. Feel as if I've slid back 10 weeks in the last few hours. How bizarre. I could almost cry I long for him so much. Is this what I'm to expect from NC? I feel WORSE today.

 

Never not spoken for 8days since the night we met. Feels horrible.

 

Wonder if he misses our daily banter? Wonder if he's fed up with Miss FAR? Wonder if he wishes I were on a beach with him?

 

Somebody slap me 😭

 

One thing I've found out is that's it's getting better (with ups and downs). At least with me, In the last week I feel much much better. I don't think of her that much, I don't have that stong urge too look at her pictures, notes, etc...and if I do it feels like a part of emotion disappeared! Two weeks ago I was looking at her christmas gift (some booklet with her note on page 1) and I fell into tears. Last week I looked at it again, expecting to cry my soul out as the first time...but I just couldn't. I tried to force myself to cry, but I just couldn't. Now I don't even look at it anymore, I had for the last time yesterday and I hardly felt that emotions. So I can clearly say it's getting better, but the fact remains...I still love her deeply and I do want her back. I'm not getting my hopes up though, because if she wants to move on and so soon (!) I'm probably better off without her and she'll be with another just to feel better. But inside she'll miss me, I can say that for sure I'm a great guy, I never hurt her, sure I had my problems but nothing extraordinary that I wouldn't share with 99% of the population

[Neil123]

Hope everyone's ok today!

 

Seriously don't know what my issue is. I genuinely don't even think I love her as a person. What's there to love? I miss our kisses, our hugs, the sex. But ANY girl would give me those. She gave me nothing that another girl wouldn't.

 

So why am i struggling to let it go? I think I know. She's a gorgeous model. Seriously the most gorgeous girl i've ever seen. Tall, slim and blonde with a beautiful face and big blue eyes. She was my trophy girlfriend. The fact that I obviously saw her as integral to how others viewed me speaks volumes about my mentality. My ego just feels broken without her - she defined me in an unhealthy sort of way.

 

I read this on another thread which really is true for my situation:

 

 

I have moments of happiness, it's not constant, and there are sad moments now and then too. But the happy moments are valuable reminders that the real happiness comes from within me, not from another person. When one of the happy moments does happen, I try to remind myself, "wow, you can be happy without him."

 

At some point in the past, probably soon after you first met the guy, you made the decision that you needed him to feel happy. You may not have been aware you were making that decision, it may have been unconscious. But you did decide that. And then it became part of your belief system, the belief that you did need him to feel happy. And now that seems like a given: that you must have him in your life to feel happy.

 

So, your task is to make a new decision: that you don't need him in your life to feel happy. You may not believe that at first, because it contradicts the belief you still hold that you do need him to feel happy. So it may not seem real at first, it may seem like you're forcing yourself to think something you don't really believe. You may not believe it at first. Just keep making the decision as many times as you need: that you can feel happy without him. And that you will feel happy without him.

 

At some point within the last 2 years, I subconscious elevated her from just a person to something that makes me feel good about myself and how others view me. Now it's gone, I don't feel good. I need to start making me feel better for being me. I did say all this 3 weeks ago but I am moving on, even if it's slowly. I do feel more accepting than back then so that's a positive.

[Neil123]

Day 8. Ouch ouch ouch. Feel as if I've slid back 10 weeks in the last few hours. How bizarre. I could almost cry I long for him so much. Is this what I'm to expect from NC? I feel WORSE today.

 

Never not spoken for 8days since the night we met. Feels horrible.

 

Wonder if he misses our daily banter? Wonder if he's fed up with Miss FAR? Wonder if he wishes I were on a beach with him?

 

Somebody slap me 😭

 

Here's a *SLAP* as well.

 

Though i'm proud of you! That's a looong time. Next time you get an urge to contact him or reply just remember you'll be back at day 1 and remember how sh*tty i felt after my lapse.

 

NC will feel worse before it get's better. You get comfort and hope from talking to them and when you don't, you get scared that it's over. But you need to get over that hump to move on. It WILL happen for you, just like it will for all of us. Just give it time - as it moves on, you'll think less and less and wonder less about him. Just soldier through with me!

[Chinafish]

X, I don't know if that's better or worse buddy

I've decided it's better for moving on. If I thought my man would rather be alone than with me I think it would hurt more, but I also think I wouldn't hope so much.

Because I really believe that the only reason we're not together is because he's with her, so in the back of my mind I think when he tires of her he'll come back. I could be setting myself up for a whole heap of pain if he dumps her (when) and starts to see someone else.

At the moment I know he's with someone fatter, poorer, uglier, thicker, and quite chavy. She was the first person who came along while I was in LA and everything screams rebound. However I didn't expect it to last this long.

If he meets someone great I don't know how I'll cope.

 

Bums for feeling ****e again. Thank you my boys, don't know what I'd do without you somedays x

[Chinafish]

✊me n my NCC boys....soldiering on lol

[crazyoflove]

Just saw her passing with car for the first time in three weeks. It was as if all the feelings rushed back and I actually felt pain in my chest. Had the need to contact her for the first time in two weeks. Guys help me on this. I need to stay strong and not break NC

[xmen777]

✊me n my NCC boys....soldiering on lol

 

 

yep. Tonight who do I run into, but her dad... He was very friendly with me. I think he misses me around.

Told me something which made me think that she's not as happy as she is making it out to be. She's not in a good state I think, she's worried because she got to move to another country in a few weeks and she isn't ready.

Perhaps NC is having its toll on her too... I should keep it up then, and anyway he will tell her he saw me.

[liselotte]

Started NC yesturday! So its day 2 but thats nothing unusual for us. We've stayed in contact but as i live in another country its not everyday. We werent suppose ta talk before tuesday anyway. Its hard now but im sure it gets a lot harder after tuesday as i've been looking forward to talking to him. Im not gonna say im gonna do this NC thing for a hole month but im gonna do it atleast as long as im not only thinking about when can i talk to him again. And also if i do the NC thing and he is not trying to contact me than that is it. Im not going after him if he shows no intrest cause he was the one not wantying me to cut off contact.

[Neil123]

Day 3

 

When I broke up with her, I opened up about my slight self esteem issues (maybe caused by temp unemployment - waiting to start job) and asked for another chance, but she refused. Was probably the worst thing she could have done to me at that stage for my fragile SE and I think that's why I've felt so low.

 

I never treated her badly because of it, we just fought a lot and I was going to try to beat it head on. Not quite sure if that was selfish of her or she did the right thing? Surely somebody in love would have given another chance?

 

 

Anyways, just had to get that down. I'm off to SW4 today with about 20 friends, CANNOT WAIT. Have a great day soldiers!

[Chinafish]

Just saw her passing with car for the first time in three weeks. It was as if all the feelings rushed back and I actually felt pain in my chest. Had the need to contact her for the first time in two weeks. Guys help me on this. I need to stay strong and not break NC

 

Did she see you too? Did she wave or smile?

 

Hope you've not contacted, you're doing great 😃

[Chinafish]

Day 10 I think fellow warriors. Feel sh*ty. It's like he's dumped me all over again. Don't know what to do with myself any more, the last four months have been a vain hope that he loved me and we would work things out. This last week has shown me that he's never coming back to me. It's a fresh damn pain.

[xmen777]

Day 10 I think fellow warriors. Feel sh*ty. It's like he's dumped me all over again. Don't know what to do with myself any more, the last four months have been a vain hope that he loved me and we would work things out. This last week has shown me that he's never coming back to me. It's a fresh damn pain.

 

I know how you are feeling.

I keep wanting to contact her. I'm fed up with myself and this urge.

I Was thinking she'd contact me today after her dad saw me. But nothing so far.

[crazyoflove]

Did she see you too? Did she wave or smile?

 

Hope you've not contacted, you're doing great 😃

 

No, she did not see me. I did not contact but all memories and feelings came back and I had dream of her last night. I am thinking about tomorrow. We work together and for past weeks both have been on annual leave so it will be first seeing in three weeks or so.

[crazyoflove]

Day 14

 

Well I made it two weeks. Yet, for the last few days I feel as if I went ten steps backwards. Seeing her yesterday brought all emotions back to surface. Also, today I noticed she put new fb status "another me". I saw her online but did not reach. Neither did she. Guess, it is another sign that it is really over...

[Chinafish]

Day 10

 

The happy holiday couple are back do guess what? I got a text at 10.45 - ignored. Then a pm on fb at 11.45 - ignored. Why does he do this? He must understand that it hurts me? Should I ask him to stop?

 

Im surprised he texted today, and a bit pleased. I thought he'd only text me tomorrow when he's bored at work. Maybe he missed me ? Yeah right lol

[rattenkrieg]

Day 39. today is officially two months since we last spoke on the phone. 27/6 she called me after I sent her my long "give me another chance" letter, after she refused to meet me. never heard her so cold and distant, aloof. then there was practically NC but I kept her on Twitter/FB/Gmail etc. each time I saw her it was like a little knife.

so when I finally deleted and blocked because it was just keeping me in my place, she made contact asking how I was, I replied 4 days later, and from then - NC is solid. undeclared though, I think I won't be hearing from her no more. so it could almost be 60 days NC with a little interruption in the middle, though I'm not looking for shortcuts.

 

woke up from a dream about her today. it actually didn't involve her directly but rather a guy. thing is she left me after "starting something" (her words) with a guy. I have no idea what happened since because I didn't ask and do not want to know. but in my mind they're together. so this guy, who is faceless because I know not how he looks, was sitting in my house and dialing her on his cellphone. he was talking to her all mushy-mushy like and asking if he's coming over today. I was trying to get away and was going crazy. then I woke up.

 

this is my first dream about her with her not being directly in it, with me, rather a dream where she's "really" not me with me. a few weeks ago I had another "she belongs to someone else" dream but it included her directly. I don't know what my subconscious is trying to tell me. maybe it's letting go. I so want to get over her. she refused to break up with me face-to-face. she was very selfish about the whole thing. it should encourage me to go on and shake this. just having a hard time fathoming this sudden loss of the closest friend who talks to me everyday, all-day.

[crazyoflove]

Day 15

 

Trying to concentrate on work but she is still in my mind. I wonder how long did it take to other people on ENA to pass this stage. Those feelings of first few days when I felt relieved that all fighting is over and when I felt so determined I will never let her come close to me are fading away. As time passes it is coming to my head that it is really over and this makes me sad. I wonder how she feels. Does she think of me at all? I know that I cannot contact her but at this moment I would give anything to see her name on display of my cell.

 

She has a habit of putting lyrics as her statuses on FB. Last night she put "another me" as her status. In our country it is title of song which says something about girl who regrets realising something too late, wishes she did things differently and tells her ex bf that he is her soul-mate. Still, I was online for couple of hours and she saw me but did not initiate any contact. Could it be that I am reading too much into all this?

[Berglynt]

Day 10

 

The happy holiday couple are back do guess what? I got a text at 10.45 - ignored. Then a pm on fb at 11.45 - ignored. Why does he do this? He must understand that it hurts me? Should I ask him to stop?

 

Im surprised he texted today, and a bit pleased. I thought he'd only text me tomorrow when he's bored at work. Maybe he missed me ? Yeah right lol

 

It's hard to say he may be reaching out. If you shared anything siginifcant (time/event) with your ex, they will not forget you. It is only natural for them to miss you after you two have been together. If it means anything or leads to anything else, it is hard to say.

[Berglynt]

As I said to Chinafish, If you shared anything siginifcant (time/event) with your ex, they will not forget you. I know you want to talk to her, to hear her voice, but if is not for a chance at RC, it will do you more harm than good right now. It will be like a short term fix, and you will end up craving it more. Kind of like an addiction.

 

Posting the song means nothing if she doesn't act on it. My ex sent me multiple love songs (4 over a span of 3 days), but told me they meant nothing. I did not believe her but there was nothing I could do. I just said ok and moved on from it.

[liselotte]

Its 3rd day of NC for me. I dont find it hard not contacting him but maybe its because we weren't suppose to talk befote tomorrow anyway. Im kind of excited about it really how stupid is that? I think i just want to know what is gonna happen when i dont call him like we agreed. I probably be dissapointed if he doesent do anything to contact me but i think im sort of prepared or that. I know he has a big ego and i know if he realizes that i dont want to have contact with him he will respect that. So im not really hoping he's gonna start calling or texting me like crazy.

I think another reason why i dont really even feel like calling him is cause past few days i've felt really sorry for him. Sorry that he didnt understand how great he was and that he's so insecure about who he had become that he needed to change back to the person he was more than 2 years ago just to please his mates. Its sad to watch how he throws everything away and falls back to his old ways.

[xmen777]

It's hard to say he may be reaching out. If you shared anything siginifcant (time/event) with your ex, they will not forget you. It is only natural for them to miss you after you two have been together. If it means anything or leads to anything else, it is hard to say.

 

when I went with my ex, she told me she didn't miss me at all!

After all these months, I mean nothing to her!

Or was she pretending? Cause I can't believe her.