THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[GrowingUp85]

I must move on. But I don't wish to give up the hope. Not yet at least.

 

Like CF said, this is the crux of the situation. For me, I'm starting to realize that the only hope I have is if I do move on. I need to move in order to have hope. I need to grow from our past relationship, but we both need to forget what happened for us to have another chance. The thing is, as you move on, that hope will fade. Eventually, you may move on to the point where you meet someone who obliterates that hope you had for the ex.

 

So, that's what I tell myself. I need to move on before I can have hope. If I don't move on, hope is just holding me back.

[Neil123]

Like CF said, this is the crux of the situation. For me, I'm starting to realize that the only hope I have is if I do move on. I need to move in order to have hope. I need to grow from our past relationship, but we both need to forget what happened for us to have another chance. The thing is, as you move on, that hope will fade. Eventually, you may move on to the point where you meet someone who obliterates that hope you had for the ex.

 

So, that's what I tell myself. I need to move on before I can have hope. If I don't move on, hope is just holding me back.

 

Nail on head in my opinion. Obviously i'd like to her come back (actually not so sure) but i'm also aware that I wouldn't have grown and it'd be cowardly to just accept her back. Hence I know I need to move on first if we're ever gonna work and if the opportunity does ever arise, I may not even be interested anymore.

[GrowingUp85]

Odd thing happened last night. I had a dream that my ex was back with her ex. In my dream, I saw them together on a date. My ex dated a guy for 6 years (starting at 18), and dumped him 6 years later. Apparently, it took her 2 years to break up with him. She had mentioned that he was a great guy, etc., but that she liked me more. When she BU with me, she went back to him for comfort, had dinner with him.

 

I don't know how she feels about him. Part of me thinks that she wasn't completely healed from her 6 year relationship, and that's part of the reason why our RS didn't work out. I saw her a few weeks ago, and she was with yet another guy, so I don't think she ran back to him after our BU.

 

Just a weird dream all together.

[Streetbob]

I believe that it is ok to keep some hope....you just have to make it about 5% on the scales 95% should be moving on. You never know what might happen along the line and until something happens - you don't know how you will react.

 

I believe that as hope subsides recovery progresses.

[xmen777]

Like CF said, this is the crux of the situation. For me, I'm starting to realize that the only hope I have is if I do move on. I need to move in order to have hope. I need to grow from our past relationship, but we both need to forget what happened for us to have another chance. The thing is, as you move on, that hope will fade. Eventually, you may move on to the point where you meet someone who obliterates that hope you had for the ex.

 

So, that's what I tell myself. I need to move on before I can have hope. If I don't move on, hope is just holding me back.

I may have to learn a lot from what you have posted. I guess you must be right. Otherwise it's useless to "hope" like I'm doing.

I must move on and forget.

[Chinafish]

 

I believe that as hope subsides recovery progresses.

 

Quite right Bobalicious

 

 

I'm on DAY 7!!!!!!!!!

Can't believe I've lasted a week - woohoo yes, yes, I know it doesn't exactly count as he is away on hols BUT I've also not checked his fb or any of his other on line personas. That, I think, has been more of a challenge. I never initiate contact anyway.

 

So, he's back Sunday. Gotta keep this up. I expect a how are you text on Tuesday I think. Gonna be strong

 

If he turns around and says hell come to the cricket with me on Tuesday I don't know what I'll do. I don't think he will though cos he's opening his restaurant back up that day, can't see him missing a day having had a week off. He's probably forgotten I bought us tickets anyway.

 

Ho hum, another Friday night OMO.

[happyheart]

Quite right Bobalicious

 

 

I'm on DAY 7!!!!!!!!!

Can't believe I've lasted a week - woohoo yes, yes, I know it doesn't exactly count as he is away on hols BUT I've also not checked his fb or any of his other on line personas. That, I think, has been more of a challenge. I never initiate contact anyway.

 

So, he's back Sunday. Gotta keep this up. I expect a how are you text on Tuesday I think. Gonna be strong

 

If he turns around and says hell come to the cricket with me on Tuesday I don't know what I'll do. I don't think he will though cos he's opening his restaurant back up that day, can't see him missing a day having had a week off. He's probably forgotten I bought us tickets anyway.

 

Ho hum, another Friday night OMO.

 

A week for me too!!!

 

I'm getting ready for the weekend. I have to stay busy. Otherwise, I won't be able to get out of bed.

[crazyoflove]

Day 13

 

Feeling angry at myself. I am angry because I gave myself completely to someone who gave up on our relationship on first opportunity when they had to put more effort. I am stronger in decision not to break silence every day but part of me still hopes that she will contact and say she is sorry.

[Iceman93]

Starting nc today wish me luck!

[Chinafish]

Starting nc today wish me luck!

Very, very good luck. Stay strong and talk to us when you want to talk to her

[Neil123]

Ahhh I just called her. What was i thinking?

 

We spoke for half an hour and had a very mature catch up and even joked around a bit. I sounded happy and confident and made her understand that I was calling with a calm rational head. I said I was doing well and she said she's doing very well too with about 5 parties this week! I put accross that i'd had time to think and thought we could work if she wanted to give things another go. She said she loves me and misses me but doesn't want to. I'm hoping her talking to me and hearing my voice might give her some food for thought...but hope aside, it will probably validate her and help her move on. Damn.

 

It sort of sucks. She's such a gorgeous 'it' girl that keeping busy is easy for her. She has invites to all the parties, gets free tickets to events and probably gets asked out by loads of great looking guys. It really does make things so easy for her. Suppose if she does come back one day it will be because she really really wants to but considering the above, that's a doubt.

 

Back to day 1. Sigh.

[Neil123]

Did I just give her permission to put me on the back burner? B*llucks!

[SkyNet]

Day 4 of partial NC. Why partial? Because I ran into her 3 days ago while cycling (we live 5km's away from each other), she said hi (very very nicely) and I just nodded back to her and drove by. I deleted her from favorites on my mobile, thinking of blocking her completely on IM programs. It's hard, but easier with every day!

[GrowingUp85]

Tonight was weird. In my last post, I mentioned how I dreamed of her back with her ex. Well, tonight, I was out with a friend. A very attractive, female friend. I'm not sure what's going on between us. Anyway, we were out, and I let her be for a few minutes. I come back, and who's hitting on her but my ex's ex? We know each other. We've met a few times. So we had this awkward "do I know you" moment where I'm pretty sure we both know how we know each other (the same girl dumped both of us). It was amusing. At best, I know that we have the same taste in women.

[Chinafish]

Did I just give her permission to put me on the back burner? B*llucks!

 

Haha, yes, welcome to the back burner there's loads of us here. You..... After all you've said to me and you go and ring her SLAPPED WRIST FOR YOU!

 

Start again, start with a clear deadline in mind. You asked me to do 2 weeks, now I want you to pledge the same.

 

Sorry you're feeling **** again, it's like having a pair of tight new shoes. Every time you put them on its really painful, but each time they get a little less painful until, after time, you can slip them on with no pain whatsoever.

 

Yours Sincerely,

 

Chinafish - contributing crap annalogies since 2012.

[Chinafish]

Day 4 of partial NC. Why partial? Because I ran into her 3 days ago while cycling (we live 5km's away from each other), she said hi (very very nicely) and I just nodded back to her and drove by. I deleted her from favorites on my mobile, thinking of blocking her completely on IM programs. It's hard, but easier with every day!

 

Hello Sky, is it 4 days since you broke up?

[SkyNet]

Hi Chinfish! It's been a month. I just posted my whole story here: /showthread.php?t=427983

[rattenkrieg]

Day 37 of NC. it's the weekend, I'm spending it in my bed with a laptop. not letting any light in. I've become nocturnal in the day...

wondering where is the old me. really wishing to find this person. even with knowing how irrelevant this is for me, I'm wondering today if she thinks of me, if she gets sad, if I'm just a passing thought. if she bumps into a song I like and gets reminded, if she deleted my number. probably not because it was easier for her and she said she'll always think of me as her best friend. yeah, right.

 

I'm thinking of the upcoming holidays, that in the last 2 years we used to spend together over at her place, watching endless movies, eating and making love. I know it'll be hard for me when the holidays come, thinking she's doing it with my replacement. I have no idea whatsoever about what goes on in her life and if she is with this guy. I am not sure if it is good or bad for me, to not know. I still remember: it's irrelevant. but maybe knowing that she is would help me move on? nah. I let the fact that she hasn't made any contact confirm to me that she is probably occupied in something else that is not me. otherwise I'd hear from her, I'm pretty sure.

 

I'm glad I found ENA but I think about how I write sad things in a website while she's probably out there having fun and not investing too much thought in me, the first guy to ever be so meaningful to her. if there was just a secret switch, a book on a shelf that you have to move, a secret safe behind a picture that contains the method to just let go, completely. to go on with life, 100%. 2 months of so much neurons spent on her while she's living her life. I was robbed of my summer. the girl who once told me I'm the driving force of her life, left me to rot. it feels like life ended in age 26. I want to go back to enjoy the little things in life, but to really enjoy them, as if they were the meaning of life itself, like I used to think.

[Neil123]

Haha, yes, welcome to the back burner there's loads of us here. You..... After all you've said to me and you go and ring her SLAPPED WRIST FOR YOU!

 

Start again, start with a clear deadline in mind. You asked me to do 2 weeks, now I want you to pledge the same.

 

Sorry you're feeling **** again, it's like having a pair of tight new shoes. Every time you put them on its really painful, but each time they get a little less painful until, after time, you can slip them on with no pain whatsoever.

 

Yours Sincerely,

 

Chinafish - contributing crap annalogies since 2012.

 

Hehe thanks. Not feeling too good today but will things will get better soon.

[xmen777]

Day 13 of NC, latest attempt. Today I feel better. better than yesterday. Still I tend to hope though like Neil's ex, she told me she doesn't want to try again. She just gave up on us without trying really. She always used to want to have her space and with nc I feel I'm giving it to her again.

Only she can change her mind and I don't really think she wants to. God knows why. Went to gym and stopped thinking for some time. Met some people there too including a woman. Can't believe it's almost 2 weeks since we last were in touch. I want to hear from her. Yesterday I wrote an email to her - almost sent it, but I didn't. It would have made me weak.

[Neil123]

I broke a 29 day NC for the first time. To all those that are considering it - JUST PLEASE DON'T.

 

I feel awful, sad, embarassed, weak and pathetic. Somebody posted a pic of her on fb and she looked gorgeous so I freaked and after a long search of my emails managed to find her number. Called her and she was so nice. We both said we're doing well and talked about our social calendars (hers is insanely busy I even brought up the BU and I said we could give it another go, but she said she loves me but she's happy.

 

Ahhhhhhh it hurts. I shouldn't have broken it. I've definitely put myself back in my recovery. Although on the other hand, now I know she's happy and I've heard it straight from the horses mouth that she's not coming back then hopefully I can move on with no hope. Today's a bad day.

[xmen777]

I went out with her - it was like our dates - and at the end she puts it that she's not coming back. So for me it was worse in a way, in person not on the phone.

I should move on thus and find someone more willing to invest in me than she was.

She'll regret her decision one day, I'm sure, but it will be too late.

[Neil123]

Day 13 of NC, latest attempt. Today I feel better. better than yesterday. Still I tend to hope though like Neil's ex, she told me she doesn't want to try again. She just gave up on us without trying really. She always used to want to have her space and with nc I feel I'm giving it to her again.

Only she can change her mind and I don't really think she wants to. God knows why. Went to gym and stopped thinking for some time. Met some people there too including a woman. Can't believe it's almost 2 weeks since we last were in touch. I want to hear from her. Yesterday I wrote an email to her - almost sent it, but I didn't. It would have made me weak.

 

Please don't send her anything. I'm a firm believer that if they want you, they will contact you. But I threw all that away yesterday when I felt weak and called her and now i feel pathetic and embarrassed. It's been said a million times, but let her go. If she comes back, it'll be because she wants to.

[Neil123]

I went out with her - it was like our dates - and at the end she puts it that she's not coming back. So for me it was worse in a way, in person not on the phone.

I should move on thus and find someone more willing to invest in me than she was.

She'll regret her decision one day, I'm sure, but it will be too late.

 

Hear, hear. I keep telling myself a line from a 'How I Met your Mother' episode I watched recently where Ted has to get over a girl who left him for another man. He says 'the love of my life is yet to come'. It helps. Don't put a name on it or envision her, but just think that THE love of your life is yet to come. Now hurry up and get over the pretender!!!

[xmen777]

Hear, hear. I keep telling myself a line from a 'How I Met your Mother' episode I watched recently where Ted has to get over a girl who left him for another man. He says 'the love of my life is yet to come'. It helps. Don't put a name on it or envision her, but just think that THE love of your life is yet to come. Now hurry up and get over the pretender!!!

precisely. I may have met her too! we're supposed to meet in a few days... Hope it happens and it works out as she's great, I Think.