THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[g3m1nn1]

Day 18 / Day 4

 

Well, it looks like that waves are doing their thing, not bad morning really. Anxiety is there, but it's slowly going away. Concentrating on project stuff helps.

I am not really in the mood for writing too much, 'cause I guess i am just going to repeat myself. Maybe later. Have a great day y'all.

 

@Sunnywinter, relax, give it time, even though you wish to call, at least give it a few more days, if things aren't resolved and then you will see. Don't rush it.

[tness]

Day 49 or 50, I'm not sure. Sitting at work writing. I have to drive to work everyday around one hour. And I'm banging my fist in the steering wheel every 10-15 minutes because of anger, I'm not angry at her, I'm angry about my self.

 

Why did I do all the stuff. I'm just hoping she will see the new me one day. I'm really trying to be a better person, perhaps not for her, but for my self and perhaps a future girlfriend.

 

Some of you have said that others are interested in you. I have sort of dated some girls after the BU. It's just making me feeling even worse. I don't want anybody else. I want her back In my life. But what can I do, nothing. If she had asked me bring all the stars on the sky and give it to me, I would have tried...

[xmen777]

Thanks NjoyStick...

 

Day 18. Tough day. Woke up thinking I still love her.

 

Still kept from contacting her, and she didn't either. Today I had some very strong feelings of missing her and wanting her in my life.

I ended up crying a bit when the radio played 'nobody wants to be lonely'.

I'm still not fully a 100%. Wanted to go to the gym but ended up not going because I'm getting ready for the trip.

[NjoyStick]

Day 29, again nothing special, had her in my mind for a short time but it's disappearing already!

 

I'm starting to let go more and more and i guess that i will be letting go completely in a few weeks to a month, atleast i hope i do.

 

I can feel that whatever i'm still feeling for her is still pretty strong but not dominating anymore.

 

There are plenty of girls out there that are better matches for me then her, i know that so let's just try to move on and smile towards the future!

[brickheart]

Wow, Njoy, congrats on almost actually completing the challenge! You almost never see that around here...

 

Day 2.

[NjoyStick]

Thanks brickheart, it's a tough road but keep at it and it will get better.

 

Talk about it if you need to, that's what i did, i had tremendous help from friends and family and even from my ex's family who are still on my side.

 

Day 2 for you and in a few weeks you will get to day 20, it's painful but much needed!

 

Keep at it and when you feel sad read the stories about my relatives who went through the same thing but are all so much happier now.

 

It takes time but we will get there!

[brickheart]

Well, the main thing I need to do right now is not just break off contact (that's turning out to be the easy part - it wasn't ME that contacted HIM first, but the other way around), but stop looking at his profile. How do I stop that? If you count that as "contact," I'm contacting him every day and this wouldn't count as day 2 at all.

[skheehee]

Well, the main thing I need to do right now is not just break off contact (that's turning out to be the easy part - it wasn't ME that contacted HIM first, but the other way around), but stop looking at his profile. How do I stop that? If you count that as "contact," I'm contacting him every day and this wouldn't count as day 2 at all.

 

Willpower, Brickheart. That's all it takes. Just remind yourself of how happy your ex is with the new "love of their life" right now and somehow, it will keep you from logging in to check up on him. Right now, our biggest enemy is ourselves. We are the ones pulling ourselves down now. And for what? For someone who doesn't care about how crappy we feel everyday??? It's not fair!

 

Pick yourself up, and start walking with us, Brickheart. We are here to hold your hand every step of the way. We are all here because we got screwed over, and we feel like we brought this upon ourselves. In some ways, yes. But it takes 2 to make or break a relationship, so right now, don't feel like its all your fault. Just take it that your ex does not want to acknowledge his flaws/faults. I know mine didn't. And she's bound to make the same mistakes in her current relationship.

 

Let him be. Sooner or later, our exes will realize their mistakes and we will be the ones who will have our heads up in cloud 9. What goes around, comes around.

[NjoyStick]

Try to do what i did, i blocked the profile of my ex , her new bf, most of her friends and stuff like that, it's much easier if you can't even see their profile!

[ConfusingEx]

Day 2 / 7

 

long slow day today, didnt get much sleep, my ex messages me early hours of the morning, i kept thinking what it is she actually wanted, she kept asking me about thursday if i was going over there, is there anything i wanted her to get, she got yogurt that i like, i havent replied, and im not sure if i want to go, i am curious to see what all her messages and that are about, i think shes realising that im not around and available at her every whim, whether its just boredom, i dunno im not going to get used if i do go. Im just going to take it how it is and TRY to not to let me feelings take over when i see her.

[NjoyStick]

Good thinking C.E once you go to her she has seen you and communicated with you and had her cake and then she doesn't have to see you anymore for a while until she get's bored again and does the same thing until she get's settles with someone new.

 

Keep it at no contact, you are doing an awesome job, don't make her feel good cause she doesn't deserve it!

[skheehee]

Good thinking C.E once you go to her she has seen you and communicated with you and had her cake and then she doesn't have to see you anymore for a while until she get's bored again and does the same thing until she get's settles with someone new.

 

Keep it at no contact, you are doing an awesome job, don't make her feel good cause she doesn't deserve it!

 

I second that notion. They're the ones who screwed us over. We're hurting while they're havin all the fun.

[mickydrip]

Day 2. Still no contact from her. kinda understandable. kept myself real busy today, after finishing my night shift did uni, college (im studying at 2 different places, 2 different subjects), house hunting , getting my tax organised then caught up some mates and we went golf driving, mini golf and bowling. slept and now im at work only have like 2 minutes too write this. but i want her to contact me im going to check my phone. doubt it but shes on holiday busy and also with the friend.

 

I almost have decided though im still not sure. she has her first performance tomorrow with burlesque dancing and i was going originally have the tickets and all but now i feel like i shouldnt? i was going with my mum as also her mothers day gift but yeah now i may send her to go with a friend. i think thats a safer option than seeing her though i want too see her. But with my annoying and needy texts i sent her before i dont know. what do you guys think? and yeah day 2 whoo for me i still dont have the answer on whats the right or wrong way approaching this situation.

[needadvic12]

Day 3. Been doing really well but had a bit of a meltdown last night. Went out for a friend's bday and drank way too much. Ended up yelling at my last friend to leave and getting stuck at a bar alone. Don't remember much but I got home in cab alone somehow. Was really upset when I got back and weirdly ate part of my wedding cake which was in the freezer(supposed to be for our 1 year anniversary which happened recently after he left). Pretty shameful but I think just a blip as I have otherwise been pretty happy.

[ConfusingEx]

its so hard to not contact her, all i wanted was for her to be the one to contact me, a while went she didn't, but now she has, and it hasn't really stopped, i try not to get my hopes up, and take it as its just a message, I'm always thinking what is the real meaning of it, I've talked to her mother and she seems to think that it is she is really noticing my presence not around anymore doing everyday things i did for her, and just being there if she needed someone to talk to, i really do need to go over there to give her cash and get cash from her for mutual bills.

 

i think I'm just going to be there for a few mins and then go, i don't think i could handle it, i will ring up in the morning and speak to her mother see if i can arrange a time for her to meet me somewhere and just tell me ex i couldn't make it.

 

i need to deactivate Facebook i think, i went looking not at my ex's page because that is completely private, but her BF's, i dunno why i just did, the really funny thing i saw was his subscriptions, to thinks like "bikini girls","girls who play video games","sex-o-manic" I'm thinking ***, has my ex seen his page lately, because if she saw this the girl i knew would have something to say quick smart. his just proves to me what type of guy he is, still looking around and being his creepy self. she'll soon see it i hope

[NjoyStick]

Mickey, i personaly think it's best if you don't go, it's hard enough to not be with her so why make it harder by seeing her while you can't be with her?

 

But it's still your own decision...

 

Think about how you feel, i wanted to see my ex 2 after the break up but it never went the way i wanted it to go, it feels good to see them but the desperation kicks in pretty soon, she will expect you 2 be there so she can have a good feeling that she controls you.

Show her you are the bigger man and keep your distance!

[NjoyStick]

C.E,

 

If she is starting to miss the things you did for her make her work for it, be unavailable for her, being there for her makes it too easy for her.

 

Block her facebook, block his facebook, if the new guy is really a bad guy she will figure it out for herself.

 

Don't get caught up in her mind games.

 

Agree to meeting her mom for the money thing and keep away from any communication towards your ex.

If she sends you a message just delete it, you can read it if you want but after that delete it and don't send anything back.

 

She's just throwing her bait out so see if you are willing to bite and like with most of these games if you bite she will catch you and throw you back into the water and later on try again.

 

Make it hard for her, if she really wants you back she will show up at your door or atleast give you a call so you can hear her emotions.

 

Texting is just a simple way of communicating and it's emotionless.

[ConfusingEx]

thanx for the advice

 

yeah I'm going to block him,her this guy its just creepy all over, pulling every line he can out of the stalker handbook IMO

 

yeah the mind games are what kills me, i don't know if its a game or not hence, the mind game.

 

i'll arrange the meeting tomorrow, and just let it be, i'll tell her mum to tell her i rang and said i couldn't make it, at least letting her know i didn't show up and did contact about it.

all her messages are just out of the ordinary.

 

yeah i bite too easily with her, the slightest thing and I'm there.. sad really.

 

I'm trying to make it as hard as possible for her, atm she knows i don't have anything going on till monday when my course starts so she knows i don't really have anything to do on my holidays, so she messages me.

 

her showing up on my doorstep would be the biggest thing in the world, she didn't even come here when i was with her to visit my mate at least not as much as i wanted her to. a call would be the key, she doesnt call anyone so thats the big thing.

 

yeh texting is just emotionless, and always taken the wrong way, i prefer face to face. just hard when u don't want to face to face.

 

atm im depressed, its 3:20am I'm bored and my mind is on her, i dunno what to do to keep my mind off her. if she messages me anytime soon, i think i'll freak.

[ConfusingEx]

argh, i should delete my email aswell.

 

haven checked it in days, i get an email from her of a digital image she has been doing for a book, looks awesome, with a note at the bottom

 

"finally finished, i get to go on my holiday now, going to be good to get out of here for a while"

 

i didn't know she was going on a holiday, if by holiday she meant visit her BF in another state, i knew about that but i know she wouldn't like it..

 

this 3 days ago, before our call i think, so i dunno if this email was something she is still doing or she had changed her mind and then all these messages started.

[NjoyStick]

C.E,

 

You should delete everything you have from her, i deleted my ex's emails, texts and messages.

 

The thing is, if you keep in contact you will never have the time to heal and nothing is so important at this moment then healing yourself.

 

The exes don't really care at this moment so we shouldn't care either, they are going on holiday with their new boyfriends and going places and having fun while were are a mess and being depressed all of the time.

If we want to be happy to we should drop all contact, and that works 2 ways, it's a great way of healing yourself and it gives our ex a message that we don't need them to be happy and believe me that when they feel that (they won't for the first 6 months) they will start to miss out on something, they miss their best friend, their lover...

 

But the reason why people don't get back together after alot of time after a break up is because the dumpee is over the dumper and doesn't want them back.

 

So it's your choice how to handle it, do you want to keep a small torch for the ex that walked out on you with the hope they come back or will you drop them and heal the way it's supposed to be.

 

I choose to heal, will my ex miss me in the long run? I'm very certain she will, but will i wait for that to happen? Hell no, it could take years and i don't want to be depressed for years, i got my own life to take care of!

[g3m1nn1]

C.E., Skhee and Njoy pretty much said it all, if you feel like not going and you not being there she might realize that you will not be around every time she jumps up.

Maybe its a good thing. but its a decision u have to make on your own.

 

So day is slooooooowly coming to an end, pretty good, been occupied, had a late lunch with family, of course she comes into my thoughts, probably because tomorrow i am going to see her at work, but i am not gonna sweat it, i am gonna play it as casual as possible and we will go with the flow or something like that.

[ConfusingEx]

Yeah I'm going to try and delete anything i have of her

 

i guess my biggest problem is that, she say she doesnt care, but her actions while i see her, and her messages i get that i would never get, tell me that she has feelings somewhere for me, after the mess that happened between us, the arguments, screaming, all the hateful words, the basically telling each other to go take a hike, my ex is one o those people that holds a grudge for a VERY long time, and when she gets in the situation we did, its basically cya later, i don't want to know you.

 

but after all of it, she still remains in contact, i duno how to explain it, its just we are these 2 type of people that are soul mates, no matter how it goes down we still end up together and close.

 

I'm trying for NC but something is keeping a torch for her, I've been speaking with a friend of hers just now, she said that, its a confidence thing, she lost all the weight she had and now she has this confidence she never had, her friend can see it, she said that its going to get her into trouble, now how long that takes noone knows, IMO its already happened and she's too stubborn to admit it to herself, to end it and admit she made a mistake, she'll never say sorry, she commits and thats that. i love her for it i do, its actually funny most times, when she fights to the point she knows she's wrong but still thinks shes right, her and her brother are the same, she's too proud and i think this is only something she can sort out, she's in this relationship with this douche bag, and it seems she feels she needs to give it at least some sort of chance to not look like it was a mistake on her part, we are human after all and its just her, but its heartbreak for me, heartbreak for her coming and she can see it.

 

i'll always have a place in my heart for her, and I'm not stupid to think that i won't meet someone, I've met friends i get along with really well, i dunno if that will lead to anything or not i don't care atm.

 

i want to heal, but dropping her is really hard. she doesnt have anyone that cares for her, not as much as they should, not even her BF though she thinks otherwise, with her way of thinking if she's there is nothing keeping her here, she might just leave and put up with all this dudes crap because she thinks he's the only one that cares. no matter how much i tell her that i care.

 

why does it have to be so hard, why can't we just erase thoughts and clear our heads.

[ConfusingEx]

yeah g3m1nn, they are, just hard atm, I'm missing her with just little things around this house, i haven't lived here for 8 years, and i don't know what it is that reminds me of her, i guess thats why i try get out of the house as much s possible.

 

hope tomorrow goes well, and things remain calm, i know how things can turn

 

need to find friends i can go out this time of the night with, i know i won't be able to stay up this late as of monday, but i need something to do.

[g3m1nn1]

I know, thats how it is, little things, and i can't even imagine how it is after 8 yrs. But hang in there.

yes 4am is wicked hour, to hangout

 

Thx, we'll see how it goes.i just gotta be myself and positive vibe and that should do it

[Blondie176]

Day 19

 

I didnt sleep well last night at all, i lay there thinking about him and her and all those what ifs came back, what ifs that i really shouldnt be concerned with, but i am.

 

Finally dropped off about 2-30 am ish and then when my alarm went off for work i felt like crap, struggled through work today because i am so tried. I am ok though, too tired to give a poop about him at the mo lol

 

Only a quick stop here tonight to make my entry cause Britains Secret Treasures is on the TV

 

Hope you guys are doing ok xxx