mickydrip Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 1. I accept the challenge but dont believe i am strong enough. I read this challenge last night and decided on No contact but i have looked at her friends facebook that is posting pictures of them on their holiday. Today which it still is officially here. i finished my night shift and just slept all day, still moping around. Sadly i dreamed of us in the future things worked out and we are happier than ever. i just didnt dream of how it came to pass. as i know we can but she just is clouded by her friends right now i believe and we havent had the chance to really chat. which i dont know if i should ask her too when she gets back because 30 days is awhile. especially after we have already been broken up for 3 weeks and she takes everything i do wrong so no contact she could take as ive moved along. i dont know gah this is hard and lucky im at work with nobody else but im a mess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xmen777 Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 Good luck mickeydrip. It's not easy, I know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
needadvic12 Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 day 2...had to reply to a text about the apt yesterday, but was brief and did not say anything personal Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NjoyStick Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 Mickeydrip, no contact is very hard to do but sometimes it's the only thing you can do, if you didn't have a good chat with your ex about the break up then maybe you should to get some closure, or maybe you don't cause many times an ex will tell you things you didn't know before and stuff you really don't want to know. When someone breaks up with you there's almost nothing you can do about it, you can't change the way they think, the only one you can change is yourself, look back at some points in your relationship, take a hard look at yourself and try to find some things that you can slowly change for the better. Believe me, if you start no contact it will get better in time, i had a huge problem with no contact cause i wanted to talk to my ex, hoping that if she knows about my feelings she would come back but it doesn't work that way, no contact is for you, you have to get to a point someday where it doesn't bother you anymore and that day will come for sure. It's hard, i know, but you have to do it so you can spare yourself from more heart break, it will get easier, really. I'm almost at one month no contact and i know my ex is having the time of her life with her new boyfriend, but it should not bother me cause she will come to a point one day when she will hit the wall she started building after she dumped me, so i'm ok with the situation. If an ex comes back or not we don't know but keep no contact up cause one day you won't even care if your ex comes back and when that day comes the ex usually knocks on your door cause you broke of the emotional connection you once had and the ex will feel that. So the sooner you start healing, the sooner you'll be happy again, with or without your ex! Hold on, we are with you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunnywinter Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 Thanks G3minn1, I read some of your posts and I think we are quite similar in handling the relationship - did you completely break up with her? What caused it? 2nd day morning, feel a lot better than last night. Hello Sunnywinter, GL with NC challenge, currently you are in a very emotional state, so all the symptoms are there, but try not to let the interfere with you mind, you know. And I see there are a lot of new things happening ( new job / new country ) so focus on that. Keep your head up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skheehee Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 Day 13 Realized just how selfish my ex IS by trying to make me just a "friend" right after she got together with her new boyfriend... Putting me on the string all this time, toying with my heart and emotions while I was having some VERY, VERY important examination papers. PLUS, blaming me for not FIGHTING FOR HER during my revision/examination period??? Gosh... Sometimes you wonder why you want them back so bad in the first place. All the mind games and manipulation... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
g3m1nn1 Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 Thanks G3minn1, I read some of your posts and I think we are quite similar in handling the relationship - did you completely break up with her? What caused it? sunnywinter, each day is supposed to be easier or so they say i didnt break up with her, it was her decision. what caused it? i dont know really, but assuming bad communication, not enough time, bad timing, all mixed together. If you read my threads I am sure it will be more clear. But as far as NC goes, after my final msg i didnt contact her at all, she did twice, in a span of two weeks, but i guess nothing to get my hopes up. do i wish to be in contact with her? i do, but I can be her friend, bcs that would mean settling for second place. at the moment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
g3m1nn1 Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 skhee, i guess we can call it defense mechanism or something, trying to not look like the "villain" i guess. anyhow, keep it up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NjoyStick Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 Skeehee, that's the point everybody is facing, my ex did the same thing and i know how selfish and immature she is but somehow i still love her and miss her. We need to get past the point and just laugh about their decisions. Keep it at no contact so she can't have her cake and eat it to, that only makes it easier for her. When and if she falls if the new relationship doesn't work out she has to pick herself up and that's hard to do cause we are doing the same thing right now! Keep your chin up my friend! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunnywinter Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 G3minn1, why did she contact you? Do you think she started to miss you? Start to feel pain again.. 😢 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mickydrip Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 Good luck mickeydrip. It's not easy, I know. thanks. im just not sure if its the right thing to do. ive had breakups before but hse, shes different. and the situation is just a mess and things shouldnt end like this and its the reason im doing NC but i believe it may be the wrong thing to do but gahhhhh. glad too see you have lasted to day 17 man your going great. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mickydrip Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 thanks njoy. but yeah we need to talk but with her whatever i do after the breakup she has taken the wrong way and not understood and with NC im worried she will believe im over it or over her and that i will lose my chance at getting back with her. i mean i know life goes on and i know there is more out there for me and im doing things for my future before NC its just i have seen what i can have in life, and i want it with her. and I believe if we just talk things can be sorted out, if she will listen and talk more talk herself. and give me a chance. without the input of her new friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
g3m1nn1 Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 G3minn1, why did she contact you? Do you think she started to miss you? Start to feel pain again.. well, 1st contact was just a request for a contact of my tattoo guy, the second time was on Sunday, informing me that she has arrived from vacation and what has been going on and asking whats up with me, we exchged a few msgs and that was that. pleasant, but still too short. I don't know if she is missing me, I can only assume, but i dont want to do that. she is very stubborn person, same as me, but from where i am sitting, if she does miss me that much, then picking up a phone shouldnt be a problem, but since that hasn't happened, who knows. Sunnywinter, pain will slowly go away, you just gotta allow yourself to grieve and to heal, slowly but surely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skheehee Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 skhee, i guess we can call it defense mechanism or something, trying to not look like the "villain" i guess. anyhow, keep it up. Yup. You're right. A few friends of mine made similar comments about not only my break up, but other people's break ups too. They wanna push all the blame onto you, and make you seem like you're the one TOTALLY at fault. This is where we usually start grovelling at their feet, crying and begging them to give us a 2nd chance. When you look at it this way, we don't deserve to be treated like this. We've got dignity and self-respect. Our exes don't respect who we are anymore, and thus, resort to lying and manipulating us. I say, TO HELL WITH THIS. It's my life now! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NjoyStick Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 Mickey, if you do no contact she won't just start thinking you are over her or anything like that, it's better to keep your chances at what they are right now then to hurt your chances by keeping in contact cause keeping in contact will only make you seem needy and weak and your ex won't like that. If you do no contact the chances are big that your ex will start to miss something and will check you out eventually. If you broke up on good terms (even though you got dumped) they will still be thinking about you in a year or even 2 years and when they are alone again they will think about the good times they had with you and how good you were treating them and that's one of the major points when they could return to you. If you really want to get back with your ex then there's nothing else to do then to move on and try to forget about her. I've seen so many stories about people who came back together after years and are happily married now. But the things is, don't get your hope up for a change of heart in the short term, the succes stories talk 99% about years after a break up. But by the time your ex returns to you (if it happens) after years the chances are big that you already have someone else in your life or maybe you are already married by then and very happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skheehee Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 Skeehee, that's the point everybody is facing, my ex did the same thing and i know how selfish and immature she is but somehow i still love her and miss her. We need to get past the point and just laugh about their decisions. Keep it at no contact so she can't have her cake and eat it to, that only makes it easier for her. When and if she falls if the new relationship doesn't work out she has to pick herself up and that's hard to do cause we are doing the same thing right now! Keep your chin up my friend! Thanks buddy! I still love and miss my ex too, but I don't think I can ever take her back now. The very thought of them in bed together just makes me sick to the very core of my soul. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
g3m1nn1 Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 The way i see it this is defensive approach to feel better and not accept responsibility, or perhaps they really do believe that, each situation is unique, so i cant put them all in the same basket you know. The best we can do is not to beg, cry and keep our self esteem, thats the most important thing. Sometimes its hard but in the end all that matters really is that we can be proud of ourselves either for doing our best and for improvements. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NjoyStick Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 Exactly g3m, we have to keep the honour to ourself. No beggin, pleading and crying to our exes about our emotions, they don't need to hear how sad and depressed we are, they kind of already know what they have done. Just leave them alone to live their life like they see it. Maybe it's better for them but most likely they will fail and especially if you were their first love like with me. I was her first but her next won't be her last for sure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NjoyStick Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 If you keep in contact they will add pain to the suffering when you are hurt! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mickydrip Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 I understand this, but its hard and again. the reason we broke up was us not talking about our problems, so no contact means we arent talking about them, or the things that still need to be said. we will have to soon enough anyway as she has my pet snake and some things of mine as i have things of hers. thing was when we broke up i went out of town for a week and she had originall told me i dont want to talk or see you again and i couldnt talk to her 6 hours later when i was already out of town she said she wanted to talk to me the next day, and it was my fault for running away. the thing is there are little things that make me think i have a chance now not later. We met up briefly when i got back, she had no reason to but she kissed me on the cheek and hugged me and also stated the things she had of mine she could of dropped off at my mums (who lives in town) but she was holding them hostage. But she keeps hanging around these new friends who are single and are making her have a blast, one just took her away on holidays. they never saw how happy we were together all they have done was be there on the night of the breakup and were the ones "keeping her strong" and then seen me be all desperate and needy trying to contact her and them once or twice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NjoyStick Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 Talking about the problems you had in your relationship now won't get you far, if you do and get back together it won't be for long i think cause you both have your own problems to figure out. I knew after my break up i had to try anything to get my ex back but the more i did the more she ran away, the problems in my relationship were also communication and when the 2 of you broke up (it happened for a reason) it was a signal that you had to take care of yourself in order to maybe get back together in the future. At this point in your life you are broken and sad and that's not what you need in a relationship, that's why you first have to heal in order to get back on track, you broke your arm while lifting the relationship up and you have to heal before you can try to lift it again, no use in trying again if you still have a broken arm ok? It's tough, it's painful but it's a major life lesson. If you 2 are meant to be together then now is not the time but the future will bring it. I'll tell you a little story about my dad. My dad had a serious girlfriend when he was in the navy, they were going out for years, he was about 20 i think. She dumped my dad while he was away, he got depressed and almost jumped of the boat but fortunatly they stopped him from doing so. 2 years later he met my mom and they have been marries for over 25 years with 3 children and the most wonderful family around us. What i'm trying to say is that everybody in the whole wide world will get their heart broken sometime in their lifes, some at a younger age and some when they are older but whatever happens, you will be happy again and even happier than you were. Life is too short to wait for something to happen, if you keep hoping you'll start feeling empty cause what has this hope given you at this point? The only thing you can do and everybody here will say the same thing is to give her space, give her the time to find what she is looking for. If you keep persueing her she won't find it cause she has to do it on your own. If you are crying and feeling helpless does she come to you to comfort you? No she won't so why would you do it for her? This is not only a major life lesson for you but also for her. Chances aren't made for short term happiness, chances are made for a lifetime so if you think that your chances are slowly dying, think again. By giving her space you are being mature and respectful and believe me, people love mature and respectful people! I know you don't want to hear this all but think about it, what if you left your partner for a couple of reasons and you know you have hurt them would you awnser any calls from them after you broke up with them? I wouldn't cause i know that i would just hurt them more and especially if i need time to figure out what i want to do with my life. Be mature and keep your distance, if you are meant to be then the chance to get back together won't ever die. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
g3m1nn1 Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 Njoy, what you have written is a universal advice and a lot of ppl can relate, i am sure. nice post, man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mickydrip Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 njoy thank you, and ive heard this multiple times now and i have had to do this before. I am moving forward now and i am not wallowing in my self pity but i am seeing just more and more that i want her in my future. now i know nothing can be definate but well our problem was us talking. i believe she is trying to find identity and i do want her happy and i do want her to find what she needs and i believe i have found what i need i know i dont need her to live or even have a good time. and i accept we dont need each other, but the thing is even if its meant to be or not there obviously is the chance when that will happen and i dont know when. We did break up a month before this, it was her cousin pressuring her into it but we got back the next day she said she wanted me to fight for her. THing is we were really happy together we wanted to get married but yeah i dont want to lose that and i believe it is still there. i mean hell she is still wearing the ring i gave her. thing is im fine with giving her space but i dont want to give her too much and lose her and this is what my head is trying to wrap around as we havent talked about these things, we havent talked properly. I dont know what input her friends are telling her and we still have to meet up at some point too exchange items. I just feel it can be saved now i just dont know what to do. im sorry it sounds stupid but yeah. oh and i see your from NL i had an ex gf who used to live in rijswijk about an hour from the hague. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NjoyStick Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 I understand you and it doesn't sound stupid. Now or never situations are for hollywood and not for real life, real genuine love doesn't dissappear, i know for sure. Real love get's pushed aside waiting for the right moment to shine again and as long as you stay attached to your ex, the love will stay at the side. People who take advice from others to break up a good and healthy relationship will find out what they really want sooner or later. My ex's best friend was always nice to me and i was always nice to her but when i got dumped she turned to me and start calling me names, saying i'm jealous of my ex and her new boyfriend and stuff like that. It's always people with a weak personality who have in some weird way a saying in other peoples relationships and what happens then (like what happened in my situation) is that my ex dropped everyone she knew and who cared about her and went to her new boyfriend and his friends she hardly knew. You can't salvage your old relationship with her cause the moment it stopped, it died and disappeared. You have to heal, take care of yourself and when the time is there you can try to start something new with your ex. But like i said before, there is a big chance that when you've fully healed and moved on you don't even want her back. My break up was over 4 months ago and it took me 3 months to feel a little better about myself and to stop thinking about how important i thought she was. She's just a girl and even though we were happily together for 4 years she doesn't have to be "the one" for me. We had great times together but there was too much from my part that i had to do to make her happy so it wasn't really 50/50, more 90/10... Anyway, getting back together is a long process and not something you can achieve in a short amount of time! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brickheart Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 Day 1... again. I'm sure he means well, but my ex keeps feeding my breadcrumbs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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