THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[brandnewday47]

Day 16 NC, day 50 NIC;

 

I do miss her. The worst part, is that for the time being I have now become an outsider to a lot of our mutual friends. Multiple times lately I've been the one to have to make the call not to show up so that there would be no worry about any uncomfortable situations. Wasn't my decision to end it, but I'm the one to sacrifice. I don't remember anyone telling me that life is fair though.

[lolitalempicka]

I can hear your words going exactly from my mouth.

My friend's reaction to my break-up was along the lines: ''How you could even want him back, since you've been the only one who made actual sacrifices and compromises during your relationship?!''

 

I have the same questions, I hope the NC will solve at least that which is bugging me the most - was he really the one?

 

Is love really when you have to cry a lot? Shouldn't love be a positive feeling, not heart-stabbing one?

 

I'm on my 3rd NC day, yesterday was so busy with work and clubbing, I had ego-boost in the club because I'm attractive girl, both physically and mentally and I know it...but somehow, it wasn't ego-boost at all, I can't feed myself on that.

 

After convincing myself to enjoy the night and party, I've heard our song in a club which brought back all the memories, and I almost took the phone and texted. However, I put my last piece of free will and have chosen not to.

 

I'm kind of proud now on myself, just when I got back home in early morning hours, I started to cry hysterically. (I think my neighbours think they live with uncontrollable bi*** sometimes haha).

 

Aside from that hysterical moment last night, my morning is going pretty good, I like this challenge and place, at least I can spill it out and turn it into words.

 

Everybody, don't give up! We're the prizes, it helps to think like that

[lonelyheart2]

Day 28

 

 

 

Lonelyheart, you're doing very well. The days go by slowly, especially the first week of NC. Things are certainly looking up for you. The more you separate yourself from direct contact with him, the easier it will get. Trust in that. Then all you have to do is deal with is what your mind throws up at you- little fragments and memories of the past, recollections of the break-up, dreams, etc. These can still be challenging at times, but much easier than still holding onto contact with someone, who as you say "slipped out" of your life so easily. Slowly but surely (or all at once, nudge them down off of that pedestal and put yourself there.

 

DAY 5 aw thank you xcrunner It's so nice to be able to get support from others. I think it's the memories that are really difficult, but then you realise to yourself that it is all in the past, it's a very difficult thing remaining in the present. I still dream about him a lot which kind of annoys me but then at the same point my brain thinks of it as another connection when in reality it's really just me! I think if he doesn't contact me for the next couple of months it will also be a lot easier and I will be well on my way to moving on. Good luck with your nc, you are doing brilliantly already on day 28!! I can't wait to be there, *hands of celebratory balloon to you*

[diariescs]

Day 4 NC; Day 8 BU. Found out he slept with somebody sometime this week. Hurts. Kind of. But before I found out about that, my grandmother died. Yup. And he sent me an FB message almost as soon as I found out, saying he's sorry about grandma, he'll pray for me and my family. Wondering if I should break NC to say Thank You. I'm leaning towards no. I want to heal. I also want him back, but I accept that I don't want him the way he is right now. I want more. I want him on my terms. So I acknowledge the desire for his return, but accept that I must move on.

 

So what do you say? Should I even respond? Or do I wait till I'm a little less fragile? Maybe two months from now? >_> I already asked it on my own thread but want the opinion of those who support NC, as I'm truly afraid that breaking it even with something seemingly polite will cause regression (from my healing) and/or destroy our already minute chances of reconciling.

[lolitalempicka]

NC Day 4.

 

Last night went out clubbing again with two male friends. Men can be great as friends, without any pushing from their side, they are giving me ''male-side'' of the story. It was like ''Scr*w it honey, lets go have fun.''

They ended up hooking up girls around, while I joined two other guys playing pool. Had a good laugh, although still can't imagine myself hooking up with someone. I've never been a kind of person for one-night-stand, so it doesn't appeal me neither now, but I enjoyed making new friends.

 

When I'm around other people, my ex occasionally pops-out in my thoughts, however the hardest part is before sleep and waking up. Also, staying alone in the room makes my thoughts go mad. This morning I wondered where is he, does he even think of me, will he ever understand what he lost...? Has he really lost something? How does he feel? Will dating other girls make him forget me, or he will remember my qualities and how much I love him still?

 

For Valentine's, before NC, he admitted he missed me, but said don't get me wrong. So, even he's been missing me, he doesn't want to be with me? One side of me is trying to understand this, while other side is trying to move on for the sake of my own good.

[minimini]

It's been a long time since I posted. I did NC for a while, posted to this board every day. Then I let go of the NC Challenge when I became Facebook friends with him again. I'm happy to say that I'm doing so much better now!! Amazing actually! I think re-friending each other helped us both to find a common understanding. After re-friending, we exchanged a few messages back and forth and then about a month back I got a message from him saying that he is going into a rehab facility for psychological and alcohol treatment.

 

He hasn't been on Facebook nor have we had any kind of contact within the last month.... that is the first TRUE NC we've had since a year ago when we first re-connected (after jr. high). I hope the treatment does him good. I hardly think about him, nor does he cross my mind with every thought as he used to. For now, I know that I am over the relationship we had. I certainly don't want to go back to how that felt.... I won't let it happen. For sure.

[flatplane]

Just saw a photo of my ex and her new squeeze pop up on my news feed on FB. They went to an engagement party together less than four weeks after we split up. Me she was emotionally checked out long before she actually ended it. Why are girls like this? 7 years together on and off then bosh straight onto someone new.

 

Tempting to break NC to try and get some answers, but I'm not sure if I want them. The funny thing is we met for coffee a couple of weeks after we broke up and it seemed to go well, then I saw she was out on the town on the same evening, conveniently in the same pubs that this other bloke was.

 

NC Day 0.

[Little My]

Thanks for welcoming me.

 

I feel really silly now because after 7 days of NC I contacted him. Originally it was to sort out the money issue I mentioned but after that we've been in contact. Pretty basic "how are you" kind of contact. I don't know where to go from here.

 

I've been feeling horrible today and I spent most of yesterday crying. It was terrible because I went out with some people, it was supposed to be a lovely day but I just couldn't enjoy it. I just wanted to go home. I'm not sure whether it's because I heard from him again, because he's been kind and normal but seems completely unaffected by the breakup or because I just miss him so much. I'm also very confused by many things (the breakup happened out of the blue, we'd been very happy before it but he said he just lost feelings for me), and part of me wants to see him and talk to him one more time. I think I will go strict NC after we've sorted all the things we need to sort. Today I feel like staying in bed. It's almost 1pm now here anyways lol.

[lonelyheart2]

DAY 6...slowly realising I don't 'need' him in my life but it would be nice if he was....but you know what if he doesn't want me then dfjiojf to him....random surges of anger and hurt...

[JLKLEE]

Technically Day 7 but he texted me on Thursday to say he hoped I was having a good week and I replied "Thanks, you too". I'm kind of sad today. I would be lying if I said I was doing NC to get him to realize what a horrible mistake he is making and come crawling back. I feel like the longer we aren't in touch, the more angry and resentful I feel towards him. I hope he is thinking about me every second of the day and it drives him crazy. I large part of me wants to text him but I keep telling myself that if I do, I am just postponing finding out how he really feels about me.

[dumPI]

You know you've been too long NC when you start counting the days as months ... so ... 118 days ~ 4 months!

[lonelyheart2]

hahha that's great dumPI!!! You are so far I am very jealous! I can't wait till I'm there I'm almost positive I won't care by then, it's already been far too long since the break up for me!

[xcrunner]

Day 30

 

DAY 6...slowly realising I don't 'need' him in my life but it would be nice if he was....but you know what if he doesn't want me then dfjiojf to him....random surges of anger and hurt...

 

Lonelyheart, these are good realizations. The random surges of anger are a good sign as well. One more day and you'll have made it a week- a big hump.

 

Technically Day 7 but he texted me on Thursday to say he hoped I was having a good week and I replied "Thanks, you too". I'm kind of sad today. I would be lying if I said I was doing NC to get him to realize what a horrible mistake he is making and come crawling back. I feel like the longer we aren't in touch, the more angry and resentful I feel towards him. I hope he is thinking about me every second of the day and it drives him crazy. I large part of me wants to text him but I keep telling myself that if I do, I am just postponing finding out how he really feels about me.

 

Keep going JLK, focus on his actions. And for that matter, yours- stay productive.

[lolitalempicka]

DAY 6...slowly realising I don't 'need' him in my life but it would be nice if he was....but you know what if he doesn't want me then dfjiojf to him....random surges of anger and hurt...

 

That's how my day 4 went, too

I had a nice time with friends this evening, had a good laugh. The more time goes, the less I feel clingy need for him, random anger moments occur.

 

Oh, and I keep looking myself in the mirror and thinking how great catch I am. (I truly think so, with a risk of being a bit narcisstic.)

[Scuza]

You know you've been too long NC when you start counting the days as months ... so ... 118 days ~ 4 months!

 

I only started counting in months because I lost count / forgot which day I was on, so I estimated. I suppose I could go through the effort of figuring it all out, but why? No need to put that much effort just to count

[lonelyheart2]

xcrunner congratulations on making it to day 30!!! YAY!!! Have a big piece of cake

[Melting]

Day 4 again!

[missyD]

Hi,

I'm fairly new to this site but I have been reading this thread for the past few days. I think it may be time for me to start tracking my own NC/NIC on here, because it is darn hard on your own. I've been doing no initiated contact for a while now, but I broke it today Im not proud. I was doing pretty well (in terms of time...I wasn't feeling much better).

 

So I broke today and contacted him over chat. We had a short conversation (he had to leave for dinner) but ended it with him saying he would love to talk more later tonight. I said I would to, but now I feel like I shouldn't. When we talk on chat its all about nothing, no relationship talk, no drama, just fun things going on in our lives or stuff we have in common. Its nice to talk like this, because he will often say things like he misses me, but obviously actions speak louder than words. Even today, he said he thought about contacting me 1000 times this weekend. But the fact is, he didn't, right?

 

What should I do tonight if he does want to talk again? (for the record, I REALLY want to get back together. He has said he's having a hard time with this, but isn't changing his mind about the breakup..do I even have a chance?)

 

BU: Jan.8

NIC: Feb.1

Broke NIC: Feb.19

[lonelyheart2]

DAY 7 First Milestone!!

[lolitalempicka]

Day 5.

 

Busy, busy, busy. Beer after business. Ready to sleep.

 

I wish he could message me, so I can coldly reject him and tell him all the nasty and hurtful things he did to me, and walk away.

 

I know this will not happen, but feels nice to imagine such scenario.

[xcrunner]

Day 31

 

What should I do tonight if he does want to talk again? :S (for the record, I REALLY want to get back together. He has said he's having a hard time with this, but isn't changing his mind about the breakup..do I even have a chance?)

 

BU: Jan.8

NIC: Feb.1

Broke NIC: Feb.19

 

Actions, actions...actions. If you feel the need, bring it up one more time to him. If he still says that he's not changing his mind, then you have your answer. He may be "having a hard time," but so are you. You focus on you, without continuing to go through this cyclical pattern of false expectations, while maintaining contact with someone who is not changing his decision (his ACTIONS).

 

DAY 7 First Milestone!!

 

Well done, Lonelyheart. Keep taking a day at a time. And thank you as well for the warm words of congratulations yesterday.

[dumPI]

I only started counting in months because I lost count / forgot which day I was on, so I estimated. I suppose I could go through the effort of figuring it all out, but why? No need to put that much effort just to count

 

haha, same happened to me ... I was even using link removed to count the days & later I was like: what the heck?! Am I wasting my time in getting the exact amount of days since SHE DECIDED TO DUMP ME?

 

I mean, it's me who chose NC but was there a better alternative between PAIN (NC) & A LOT OF PAIN (BEING FRIENDS)?

[blueplanet22]

BU - 28th Jan

NC - 1st Feb

 

= 19 days

easy for me as I don't want him, we were not right for each other. The only contact I will have at some point I guess is to chase up my money owed and to arrange exchange of goods but to be honest, I can't really be bothered with that either.

 

Totally his loss. He is a loser, he knows it, he told me so the day after BU.

[JLKLEE]

NIC day 8!!!

[Melting]

Day 5.... He reached out with a breadcrumb and I ignored it. Im over crumbs