THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[ohsweetlove11]

Congrats, angie!

 

Me too, Day 30. Completed the challenge. Yay.

 

I don't feel jubilant, or elated... I don't feel proud. I'm just sick of the pain and I want it to go away, aarrgghhh! I don't want him back. I want him gone, from my life, from my head. Here's to Day 60, Day 90... NC forever.

 

 

Congrats!!!

 

Don't worry, it'll come. I didn't feel excited or anything either, just the same thing. I want him gone. I keep dreaming about him. It sucks.

[destiny0791]

I know I've been listing NC for myself in weeks instead of days but according to my calendar today is Day 70!!

 

Kudos, jeepman! 70 full days, woot! That sounds a lot better than 10 weeks, lol. I'm gonna keep counting it in days... seems like a lifetime since I last talked to him.

 

Congrats!!!

 

Don't worry, it'll come. I didn't feel excited or anything either, just the same thing. I want him gone. I keep dreaming about him. It sucks.

 

Amen, angie. I've had the dreams too, that are only now starting to taper off, thank God. That awful realisation when you wake up that the beautiful reconciliation scene that seemed so real, isn't after all. The dreams will gradually lessen, angie, I promise. Hang in there sweetie.

 

Day 32

 

I wonder if it's dawned on him yet that I really have gone, for good. I hope it has.

[jeepman41]

Kudos, jeepman! 70 full days, woot! That sounds a lot better than 10 weeks, lol. I'm gonna keep counting it in days... seems like a lifetime since I last talked to him.

 

 

 

Amen, angie. I've had the dreams too, that are only now starting to taper off, thank God. That awful realisation when you wake up that the beautiful reconciliation scene that seemed so real, isn't after all. The dreams will gradually lessen, angie, I promise. Hang in there sweetie.

 

Day 32

 

I wonder if it's dawned on him yet that I really have gone, for good. I hope it has.

 

 

YES, it is day 71 of NC for me with my ex. I don't feel happy, or excited or anything really. I do feel a strange sense of calmness that I haven't experienced before. When my thoughts do drift to her as they still do but less and less, I do not feel any emotion. I'm not angry or bitter towards her either. I realize as much as I cared for her and still do to a certain extent, she is no longer uppermost in my thoughts.

 

Destiny, you are wondering if your ex realizes that you are gone yet. Unless they harbor some false hope that you are still pining for them the answer should be clear cut. I'm sure that mine has come to the conclusion that I'm no longer in her life and trying to convince her to change her mind. Staying in contact with your ex causes you pain but utilizing NC will give them a certain amount of pain.

 

NC sends them a crystal clear message that you are getting over them. You no longer view them as you did before and it's a way to shut the door on the old relationship and essentially boot them out of your life. Some people use NC and think of it as a way to get your ex back. That is not the purpose. It is to allow yourself to grieve, heal and put the past behind you. Will NC bring your ex back? Maybe and maybe not.

 

But it has been written time and again that in order for your lover to come back you must completely let them go and let them be. Give them back to themselves and don't worry about what they are doing night and day. It's also been said that if you set something free and it comes back it's yours, if it doesn't it never was. But don't sit around with false hope that if you use NC that your ex will come running back to you within a certain amount of time. The real message it sends is that you are a person whose emotions can't be messed with. Use NC to get back control of YOUR life.

[Doofus]

Every situation is different. However, as someone on the other side of this (dumper currently enduring requested NC) there is no way that your ex has either forgotten about you or is too happy that you're not in their life anymore. Some of you may not have had much experience with relationships, but for those of you who have, you know that you never forget someone you were that close to. If you're in NC for sound reasons, those facts should give you strength to carry on with it. No matter how your ex may be acting, even if they've moved on to someone else, they still think about you. Really.

[destiny0791]

Destiny, you are wondering if your ex realizes that you are gone yet. Unless they harbor some false hope that you are still pining for them the answer should be clear cut. I'm sure that mine has come to the conclusion that I'm no longer in her life and trying to convince her to change her mind. Staying in contact with your ex causes you pain but utilizing NC will give them a certain amount of pain.

 

Understood, jeepman; but I have left him and come back so many times before, too many to count. This is the longest period I have gone without talking to him but it's not very long in the grand scheme. I know he was hoping I would return, he said that in my last phone conversation with him. I don't want him back at all, I never started NC with that intention; if I had reconciliation in mind, I wouldn't have cut all the lines of communication like I did. But I have to admit a part of me wants him to hurt because I've gone. I can't help it. That's normal, I guess.

[acertainseason]

Hi y'all!

 

Technically, this is DAY 3 of no contact.

Relationship has officially been over for 9 days, June 29.

 

On July 5, I found his bowling locker combination in my wallet and texted it to him, nothing more. He texted back, "Thank you. How was your fourth" and I fought with myself for 2 hours before I finally responded. I said, "Pretty good, and urs?" with no response from him. I feel like such a fool for even opening myself up to that -- yet another form of rejection.

 

Long story short: I'm 23, he's 27. Dated for a year, got engaged, moved to his homestate over 900 mi away, planned my life around him. In June, we both had separate trips planned. We came home, and he confessed he isn't in love anymore and hasn't been for awhile. I moved back home that weekend. This town is a dead end, and I feel like my life is going nowhere.

 

I'm not angry or mad. I feel like a failure. I wish I had done so many things differently to keep us happy. Instead, I turned into an uptight B* when we moved. Looking back, I can't blame him for not loving me the way I was, I can't even look back and fully process that I had such a poor attitude on living life and took such bad care of our love. I think the move messed with me, and I had some insecurities that went unresolved and the feelings worsened by some of his habits. BUT -- I think he should have opened up about his feelings on these issues before we became irreparable. I was always open and honest. We were in it for the long run -- spoke of kids and such. Talked about counseling. Found a counselor right before our travels. We took our trips, and when he came back, he suddenly didn't believe in counseling and didn't want to be married this fall. I'm left wondering which parts of our relationship were truth and which were lies.

 

...And that's how I'm feeling today! Had a bad dream last night... reliving the break up. Woke up jonesin' to text or e-mail him. I'm trying to get in touch with a counselor, but we are playing phone tag.

[Bella4]

Day 7

 

So today is my 7th day of no contact, which I had found ok until now, because he wasn't contacting me either... until this morning.

 

He's currently at a festival we booked together, because when he dumped me I sold mine and sent him his ticket because I didnt want to be that * * * * * ex.

 

He had thanked me when he received it, which was fine.

 

So why did he feel the need to contact me on my 7th day?.. thanking me AGAIN, and wishing me a nice weekend *smiley face*........ insensitive.

 

I thought I was coping really well yesterday, I started eating better, got a full night sleep, had a laugh with my parents, I felt happyish.

 

Today he just set me back by sending me that pointless message, acting all nice and friendly - like im going to be okay with that. I did NOT cave in and reply, which im sure he expects me to... but no. He left me - why should I give into his every beck and call. He'll expect me to reply to it, but no. No. Im stronger.

 

Today I am turning the damn table - I'm rejecting him.

 

I know I posted a day 7, but that was him not contacting me, this is day 7 of my own no contact, sorry for any confusion, I've also been getting confused with what day it is.

[Mellie]

Day 3. Yesterday was baaaaaaaad - armageddon stuff - but today seems brighter. Not thinking about him so much. Only checked my inbox, maybe 5 times? That's since getting up, not in the last 5 minutes

 

Making a concerted effort to poke fun at the situation. If you laugh at something, you take it's power away.

[jeepman41]

Every situation is different. However, as someone on the other side of this (dumper currently enduring requested NC) there is no way that your ex has either forgotten about you or is too happy that you're not in their life anymore. Some of you may not have had much experience with relationships, but for those of you who have, you know that you never forget someone you were that close to. If you're in NC for sound reasons, those facts should give you strength to carry on with it. No matter how your ex may be acting, even if they've moved on to someone else, they still think about you. Really.

 

 

 

Very well written and very thought provoking. I agree with you, if you had any kind of meaning to them you will never be completely fogotten.

[hpinky]

Day 12

 

I miss him today. I called in sick at work today so I had to speak to him cause he's the manager. Everything was fine, nothing special. I'm feeling hopeless again. I thought I'd move past this feeling but it's back. The desire to be with him is still there. The time I've had allowed me to evaluate my own feelings about him. I love him. That I know for sure now. I wasn't sure before while were together. I was comfortable but I've had time to think and I love him and its not the comfort of having him around. I miss him. I don't like that. I don't want to miss him anymore. I wonder if he'll think about me.

 

emotional roller coaster!!!

[Sharie]

it has been 4 days of NC i'm felling a little better but it is hard. to tel the truth i want him back but ifeel if i don not get the same feeling from him its no hope. i hope with this goal i will find myself and be happy the way i was.

[bebop]

Day 10

Thought about her a bit throughout the day, not too much as I kept trying to take my mind off her. Got home been gym and sorted my weekend out! logged on to FB n checked her/his profile n there is a new photo of um together and TBH she don't look that happy in it!

 

But nothing I can do!! Can't believe its day 10 though, only 4 more till 2 weeks and 2 of them I'm none stop!!

 

Mixed emotions today!!

[bebop]

Well saying she didn't look happy in the photo was a silly thing to say!!

 

Theyve both got it as their profile photos now!!! Think all hope has deffo gone out of the window now!!

[Escargot]

NC Day 3. First day I wasn't on auto pilot expecting a call or text from him. Getting used to the NC.

[hpinky]

I've done some thinking and realized I've changed a bit. I'm able to control my emotions better. He has changed too. He doesn't flirt with other girls at work. Especially in front of me. I've noticed that of him. He's been very flirtatious with me but no one else. I'm not trying to give myself false hope Im just stating to myself a noticible change with the both of us. I believe NC has allowed me to see things a bit more clearly. Maybe hell come back and maybe he won't but I'm able to be ok for now. Still there's an emotional roller coaster. Wish I could stop that completely.

[bebop]

I've done some thinking and realized I've changed a bit. I'm able to control my emotions better. He has changed too. He doesn't flirt with other girls at work. Especially in front of me. I've noticed that of him. He's been very flirtatious with me but no one else. I'm not trying to give myself false hope Im just stating to myself a noticible change with the both of us. I believe NC has allowed me to see things a bit more clearly. Maybe hell come back and maybe he won't but I'm able to be ok for now. Still there's an emotional roller coaster. Wish I could stop that completely.

 

Maybe he feels he's loosing the grip on you and slowly diverting his attention back to you! take it slow if anything does happen. My rollercoaster has stopped!

[jeepman41]

I've done some thinking and realized I've changed a bit. I'm able to control my emotions better. He has changed too. He doesn't flirt with other girls at work. Especially in front of me. I've noticed that of him. He's been very flirtatious with me but no one else. I'm not trying to give myself false hope Im just stating to myself a noticible change with the both of us. I believe NC has allowed me to see things a bit more clearly. Maybe hell come back and maybe he won't but I'm able to be ok for now. Still there's an emotional roller coaster. Wish I could stop that completely.

 

 

What you are experiencing is the gaining of self control over your emotions. He's noticing he doesn't have any type of sway over you like he used to. I know it is hard to use NC when you see someone on a daily basis but I admire your tenacity!!

[hpinky]

Thank you bebop and jeepman for your encouraging words. He's assured me multiple times already that he's not getting another girlfriend or looking for another relationship. I don't know his reasoning in telling me this other then just stringing me along. Sure it makes me a bit happy but it doesn't rule over me. NC works, for my own sanity it works. It's hard!! Very hard cause temptation is always there!! Especially when I see him at work.

 

To any one whose starting this challenge, I started hoping I could get a response from my ex but I got my head clear and that's what matters most to me. I can see myself happy later on with or without him.

[Escargot]

Oh, ugh...I am having a REALLY HARD time with NC at this very moment. My fingers are itching to dial the phone and ask to talk. I put the cell phone in the CAR and locked the door. Really having a challenge, maybe a Tylenol PM and quick-sleep will remedy this urge.

[jeepman41]

Oh, ugh...I am having a REALLY HARD time with NC at this very moment. My fingers are itching to dial the phone and ask to talk. I put the cell phone in the CAR and locked the door. Really having a challenge, maybe a Tylenol PM and quick-sleep will remedy this urge.

 

 

The urge and temptation is almost overpowering. But think how much better you will feel if you don't give in so you can get past this stage. NC will help you regain your willpower and self respect. Every day it WILL get a little better.

[destiny0791]

Day 33

 

I'm taking a break from ENA for a while. I think posting in here every day is stopping me from moving on as much as I would like. Take care, my fellow ENA'ers... stay strong!

[jeepman41]

Day 33

 

I'm taking a break from ENA for a while. I think posting in here every day is stopping me from moving on as much as I would like. Take care, my fellow ENA'ers... stay strong!

 

 

Take care my friend. You will be missed. Enjoyed your posts and interacting with you. But do what you feel is best for you.

[Bella4]

Day 8

 

So today I found out the ex has been stalking my online blog, which I didn't think he looked at anymore. And the fact he took the time to download the app and find my posts on his iphone whilst at a festival. Why is he even doing that? He left me, I shouldnt be his concern anymore. He broke my heart, so why stalk me online?

 

And why "like" the post, because it was an angry post - because I found out how shallow he is yesterday, about money.

 

I miss him so much today, I just want him to come back and hold me and make a real go at things... but deep down I dont think this is on the cards.

[Chuck Bartowsk]

Today is a milestone. It is officially 2 months since I have seen her and since we broke up. It is also day 19 of full NC. Not sure if I will hear from her again but getting to the point where I will stop counting the days of Nc and just live my life as if she doesn't exist. I guess she doesn't any more.

[Mellie]

Day 5. Pretty crappy. Angry/sad. Thinking back, it's pretty clear he was distancing himself over the past couple of months in preparation for this. There were no arguments or anything like that. I'd ask if everything was ok and he'd smile and say fine, and we'd go on joking around. I'm starting to feel like a complete pratt. I knew he was lying deep down. So all the I love you so muches are most likely BS too. Even in the breakup email there were three of them! I love you so much, but I'm going to walk away now and never look back. I'll bet he hasn't been sitting there all this time feeling this way. I'm more angry with me than anyone else. Not sure you can really trust anyone anymore.

 

I think this is probably me just realising that we're done here.