THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[flower888]

you left me in limbo by refusing to respond. i had to call psychic reading, even though it seems so stupid. but it gives me some comfort. she said you will contact me in 3 weeks time, and she picked up on some accurate details, kinda eriee.

i shouldn't keep talking about you anymore, it is not doing me good. i will try to take my mind off our issue and live normally. i won't come to this site again, not because i don't like the site. but i don't want to get obsessed with you.

i don't hate you, i still hope you will come back and talk things out. know you are on a driving trip, i know you still love me, love doesn't die overnite. i pray god to keep you safe.

[jeepman41]

Destiny, I have been emotinally unavailable all my life ( * * * * childhood, I guess) I never allowed myself to love but always let them know, every time I was in a relationship I made sure they knew I was not in for love, with my ex was different, something about him, I fell in love with him for the very first time at 31. I am scared I will go back to my old self and don't be able to love ever again. He also said that he was sexually attracted to his wife while with me, does that mean I am crap in bed? I have not idea what to think anymore. Why people think that sex is everything, and dont get me wrong i like sex lol but there is more than sex in relationships.

 

 

Sexual attraction can happen in an instant but love usually takes a lot longer to manifest itself especially true unconditional love. You can be sexually attracted to more than one person at a time. A relationship cannot survive on sexual attraction or just love itself. There has to be more to it, especially for communication.

[jeepman41]

I know. To be honest, I don't see myself changing my mind at all. Life gets a lot easier when you stop hoping for something you know isn't going to happen.

 

 

Seems like such a shame that we won't ever get to hang out together!! (Sigh)

[destiny0791]

Sexual attraction can happen in an instant but love usually takes a lot longer to manifest itself especially true unconditional love. You can be sexually attracted to more than one person at a time. A relationship cannot survive on sexual attraction or just love itself. There has to be more to it, especially for communication.

 

Well put, and much better than I did... agreed.

 

Seems like such a shame that we won't ever get to hang out together!! (Sigh)

 

lol...awww, jeepman. Indeed it is, a great shame. Sites such as these are great for making friends but y'all live too far away! Hey, if I'm ever in North Carolina I'll give you a call. We'll sink a few beers and b*tch together about our exes. Sound good?

[destiny0791]

Day 23

 

I had an epiphany yesterday, if that's the word. I've had very difficult experiences with men and been through a lot. But despite this, there isn't a thing I would change about myself. I like who I am. I'm a decent person, I have substance, I'm unique in a lot of ways, and I have a lot going for me. So, it truly is his loss!! He's the one missing out... not me. Damn, it feels good.

[LaceWing]

Having one of my "frustrated" days.

 

I have so much pent-up frustration due to the fact I went NC pretty quick, and therefore didn't say all I wanted to say.....nonetheless, tomorrow I will feel different, because each day is different to the last.

 

Frustration is a far better way to feel, than feeling hurt.

[destiny0791]

Day 23

 

I had an epiphany yesterday, if that's the word. I've had very difficult experiences with men and been through a lot. But despite this, there isn't a thing I would change about myself. I like who I am. I'm a decent person, I have substance, I'm unique in a lot of ways, and I have a lot going for me. So, it truly is his loss!! He's the one missing out... not me. Damn, it feels good.

 

Spoke too soon. Missing him acutely today, for some reason.

[bebop]

Day 23

 

I had an epiphany yesterday, if that's the word. I've had very difficult experiences with men and been through a lot. But despite this, there isn't a thing I would change about myself. I like who I am. I'm a decent person, I have substance, I'm unique in a lot of ways, and I have a lot going for me. So, it truly is his loss!! He's the one missing out... not me. Damn, it feels good.

 

Spoke too soon. Missing him acutely today, for some reason.

 

I had a similar feeling on Monday, decided I'd had enough with the "I have feeling for you still but I'm with ........ now and want to see how it goes." She was my ideal women and I threw it all away cos I was scared of getting hurt.

 

Tuesday was a bad day because I felt like I needed to tell her that i'd had enough and was moving on, if we were to be together we'd see what happened in the future, I eventually told her.

 

Today was much better thou, started to look ahead instead of back

 

You'll get there!

[hpinky]

Day 3

 

I feel okay today. No urge to call you or anything. I think about you still but I'm adamant about leaving you alone. Will you come back, I don't know. Am I still hoping? Maybe a little. If I move on during this time, I won't stop myself. I still love you, but I love myself more. I might sound selfish with that but I want to feel better. Today I actually do feel better. I feel like I don't need you today. Will I feel like that tomorrow? I don't know, hopefully.

[destiny0791]

I had a similar feeling on Monday, decided I'd had enough with the "I have feeling for you still but I'm with ........ now and want to see how it goes." She was my ideal women and I threw it all away cos I was scared of getting hurt.

 

Tuesday was a bad day because I felt like I needed to tell her that i'd had enough and was moving on, if we were to be together we'd see what happened in the future, I eventually told her.

 

Today was much better thou, started to look ahead instead of back

 

You'll get there!

 

bebop, thank you... we both will. It's so damn hard though. Just when I think I'm getting past it I take a step back. Part of the healing process, I guess.

[Melting]

Day 3... Yes, I woke up thinking of you again, not sure why you don't deserve it. I have no urge to contact you and I won't, nor will I respond to you when you contact me.

 

When im busy I don't even think about you, its the moments when we are alone it all creeps back.

[bebop]

Today was a good day, really busy at work then off to footie with the lads. Didn't think about her much apart from the quiet moments or a song comes on. A mutual friend posted some photos again, none of them together!!!

 

I know I'm moving on it just seems weird seeing that, they were both out together too.

 

o well day 1 down!!!

[jeepman41]

lol...awww, jeepman. Indeed it is, a great shame. Sites such as these are great for making friends but y'all live too far away! Hey, if I'm ever in North Carolina I'll give you a call. We'll sink a few beers and b*tch together about our exes. Sound good?

 

 

Sounds like a plan but I don't drink beer. I'd be happy to knock back a few fruit smoothies with you though. And being from the UK, I'd bet you have a lovely accent. Us southern gents just love to hear you talk!!!!! You sultry vixen!!

[jeepman41]

Day 23

 

I had an epiphany yesterday, if that's the word. I've had very difficult experiences with men and been through a lot. But despite this, there isn't a thing I would change about myself. I like who I am. I'm a decent person, I have substance, I'm unique in a lot of ways, and I have a lot going for me. So, it truly is his loss!! He's the one missing out... not me. Damn, it feels good.

 

I believe that you are exactly as you describe yourself, so why is it that such a strong willed and opinionated woman has trouble maintaining a relationship? Maybe it's because the men you meet are afraid to accept you as you are and attempt to change you into something less challenging. My last ex always stated how much she hated arguing and confrontation. But she always gave vague answers which sometimes angered me. I should have been able to control it better, though. Anger is a toxic emotion. It doesn't allow intimacy to foster.

 

It you had a moment of clarity then epiphany is the correct word. Sometimes it comes when you least expect it.

[jeepman41]

I had a similar feeling on Monday, decided I'd had enough with the "I have feeling for you still but I'm with ........ now and want to see how it goes." She was my ideal women and I threw it all away cos I was scared of getting hurt.

 

Tuesday was a bad day because I felt like I needed to tell her that i'd had enough and was moving on, if we were to be together we'd see what happened in the future, I eventually told her.

 

Today was much better thou, started to look ahead instead of back

 

You'll get there!

 

 

When you first start NC it can put you on a roller coaster of emotions. I know it's a quick fix to pick up the phone, send a text or an email, but resist the urge.. If you have to, tape your dialing finger together or sit on your hands. You will feel a lot better if you don''t give in to the temptation to just "get another fix" with your ex. If you keep prolonging it you will never feel better and get caught in and endless cycle. Do this for yourself and you will begin to feel a lot better. Friday will mark week 9 of NC with my ex.

 

The barometer of how successful NC can be is when you get some kind of rinky-dink BS from your ex, the door is shut tight, I mean airtight. Don't nudge it one bit. Does this seem like it's mean? No way!!! Silence speaks volumes!!!

[ohsweetlove11]

Day 24.

 

 

Missing him today. Last couple days have been hard.

[hpinky]

Day 4

 

I am still missing you. Today I feel sad again, I want you back and not having u hurts me. Well see how the day goes.

[destiny0791]

Sounds like a plan but I don't drink beer. I'd be happy to knock back a few fruit smoothies with you though. And being from the UK, I'd bet you have a lovely accent. Us southern gents just love to hear you talk!!!!! You sultry vixen!!

 

hahaha... I've always found that both perplexing and amusing, in equal measure. What is it about the English accent that Americans love so much? In my opinion the American accent is waaaay sexier.

 

I believe that you are exactly as you describe yourself, so why is it that such a strong willed and opinionated woman has trouble maintaining a relationship? Maybe it's because the men you meet are afraid to accept you as you are and attempt to change you into something less challenging. My last ex always stated how much she hated arguing and confrontation. But she always gave vague answers which sometimes angered me. I should have been able to control it better, though. Anger is a toxic emotion. It doesn't allow intimacy to foster.

 

It you had a moment of clarity then epiphany is the correct word. Sometimes it comes when you least expect it.

 

jeepman, I'm an Alpha female, I'm very unconventional, and I'm big on role reversal. I tend to act more like a man than a woman. Men have their own ideas about gender roles in relationships and I cross the line, I guess. It would take a strong man indeed who could handle it and not see it as a threat to his masculinity. It seems like I bring out the 'caveman' in them... that's the way I've seen it, anyway. Not saying all men are like that... just the ones I've associated with.

 

I know exactly what you mean about anger; it is toxic. I have my own anger issues that I've been struggling with since my brother assaulted me 3 years ago, and thankfully I'm now in the process of getting help to control it. I guess that's ultimately what drove him into her arms. There's nothing more unattractive than a permanently pissed-off female.

[tujna]

Will I ever feel what I felt when I was with you?? No contact forever but always with me, always here. You have not left, it has not been almost 2 years. You are here every day with me.

[hausser]

Day 29.

 

Saw pictures of you yesterday on FB, and felt very little in emotion, weird as I assumed NC wasn't working as well as I'd hoped but apparently it is.

[destiny0791]

Day 24.

 

 

Missing him today. Last couple days have been hard.

 

For me too, angie. I imagine it's '3 steps forward, 1 back' for all of us... hang in there. You'll be fine.

[jeepman41]

hahaha... I've always found that both perplexing and amusing, in equal measure. What is it about the English accent that Americans love so much? In my opinion the American accent is waaaay sexier.

 

 

Well I would have to respectfully disagree about which accent is sexier and I KNOW it is the English accent. Just the way you enunciate your words and some of the terms you use. Some of the slang and colloquialisms that you use. It's just the embodiment of sexiness. American woman from above the imaginary Mason-Dixon line also exhibit speaking a different type of English language but it doesn't compare to a genuine authentic UK accent. I just hang onto every word when a UK woman is speaking. I've had the occasion to meet only a very few in real life.

 

 

 

 

 

jeepman, I'm an Alpha female, I'm very unconventional, and I'm big on role reversal. I tend to act more like a man than a woman. Men have their own ideas about gender roles in relationships and I cross the line, I guess. It would take a strong man indeed who could handle it and not see it as a threat to his masculinity. It seems like I bring out the 'caveman' in them... that's the way I've seen it, anyway. Not saying all men are like that... just the ones I've associated with.

 

I know exactly what you mean about anger; it is toxic. I have my own anger issues that I've been struggling with since my brother assaulted me 3 years ago, and thankfully I'm now in the process of getting help to control it. I guess that's ultimately what drove him into her arms. There's nothing more unattractive than a permanently pissed-off female.

 

 

 

 

 

An Alpha female, hunh? I don't think I've ever met a woman I can describe as an Alpha female. I guess that would present a unique challenge to any male although I think I would be an exception. When two people are together you should be true to your gender. Men feel more masculine in the presence of a female who exudes femininity. You can still be a strong member of either sex and still have some qualities of the opposite sex and still be attractive in how you present yourself. I know society tries to compartmentalize each gender into a specific role but some boundaries are made to be crossed. There is a little of the female in the male and vice versa in my opinion.

[destiny0791]

Well I would have to respectfully disagree about which accent is sexier and I KNOW it is the English accent. Just the way you enunciate your words and some of the terms you use. Some of the slang and colloquialisms that you use. It's just the embodiment of sexiness. American woman from above the imaginary Mason-Dixon line also exhibit speaking a different type of English language but it doesn't compare to a genuine authentic UK accent. I just hang onto every word when a UK woman is speaking. I've had the occasion to meet only a very few in real life.

 

Well, I guess we'll have to agree to disagree, lol. I think what it comes down to is we are all fascinated by foreign cultures and accents, although there does seem to be a particular fascination with Americans with regard to the English accent... and we're all kinda bemused by it. Perhaps because we hear it all the time, we fail to see the novelty in it? I remember talking to a guy from New York online a while ago and he said to me, "speaking as American guy, an English woman could pretty much have a face like a horse's ass but all she'd have to do is open her mouth and speak and I'd do her". Very amusing. There are a range of UK regional accents that are too unattractive for words, though. Have you heard the Birmingham accent? There are no words to describe what a hideous assault on the ears it really is. Apologies to any Brummies that might be reading this!

 

An Alpha female, hunh? I don't think I've ever met a woman I can describe as an Alpha female. I guess that would present a unique challenge to any male although I think I would be an exception. When two people are together you should be true to your gender. Men feel more masculine in the presence of a female who exudes femininity. You can still be a strong member of either sex and still have some qualities of the opposite sex and still be attractive in how you present yourself. I know society tries to compartmentalize each gender into a specific role but some boundaries are made to be crossed. There is a little of the female in the male and vice versa in my opinion.

 

I guess by 'Alpha female' I mean strong and dominant, although that was probably a poor choice of words. It's not so much that I am unfeminine, but rather that I am unladylike, almost embarrassingly so. It's like LaceWing said, men don't like to compete with their women, and she was right. They like to dominate, they like to be in control and feel superior. I understand that we all have qualities of either gender but from my standpoint, we still live in a rather sexist society that expects men and women to behave a certain way. For many years now I've been feeling like I have to follow rules that I had nothing to do with setting up, and that's been difficult, to say the least. I wish I could be gay, because it would make life easier... but I can't. I can't change who I am, and frankly I don't see why I should have to.

[jeepman41]

I don't believe I'm quite as enamored as that New Yorker you met. I'd never sleep with a woman because of an accent, or ethnic background. I take everybody at face value and I know she would have to have some good qualities and I'd actually have to like her. The English accent is SEXY but it all depends on the woman. I think Americans will always be fascinated by an English or Aussie accent. To me it's the way you pronounce and enunciate your words so perfectly. In this country there is a lot of broken English and in some places, just plain murder of the spoken word.

 

 

 

 

 

So...what is male and what is female? They are gender roles placed on us by society saying females behave this way and males behave another way. If you want to be an Alpha female,(who says you can't be?)be one!! Be as strong and confident as you can. If you are looking to attract someone the right person will find you. Some men may feel threatened by you because of this. Then they don't deserve your unique charms and you shouldn't allow them into your life. Don't change who you are. You are denying what makes your the wonderful person you are and these men just can't see it. Remember there is none who are so blind as they who refuse to see.

 

To be honest, I would like to assimilate you and and add your uniqueness to my own. Resistance is futile!!!

[destiny0791]

I don't believe I'm quite as enamored as that New Yorker you met. I'd never sleep with a woman because of an accent, or ethnic background. I take everybody at face value and I know she would have to have some good qualities and I'd actually have to like her. The English accent is SEXY but it all depends on the woman. I think Americans will always be fascinated by an English or Aussie accent. To me it's the way you pronounce and enunciate your words so perfectly. In this country there is a lot of broken English and in some places, just plain murder of the spoken word.

 

lol.. ok, I see your point. And Brits and Aussies share a plethora of slang words. Apparently British slang is a particular favourite accross the pond but what really cracks me up is hearing Americans using it.. "w*nker, git, tosser, b*llocks" etc. Incredibly funny.

 

So...what is male and what is female? They are gender roles placed on us by society saying females behave this way and males behave another way. If you want to be an Alpha female,(who says you can't be?)be one!! Be as strong and confident as you can. If you are looking to attract someone the right person will find you. Some men may feel threatened by you because of this. Then they don't deserve your unique charms and you shouldn't allow them into your life. Don't change who you are. You are denying what makes your the wonderful person you are and these men just can't see it. Remember there is none who are so blind as they who refuse to see.

 

To be honest, I would like to assimilate you and and add your uniqueness to my own. Resistance is futile!!!

 

ok, ok, I give in, lol!!! jeepman, you're a character... and a sweetie. Thank you so much for your kind words.