THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[The_Seeker]

Almost 6 months of strict nc.

 

Apparently my ex is single according my bro idk why he is letting me know that.

 

I got me a date this Friday. Hehehe woot!

[Ryankeith]

I've come to terms with the fact that I am incapable of NC. The harder I try to stay strong, the more I fail miserably it seems. Even when I am incredibly hurt, I always end up taking her calls or responding to her texts because I will always have a soft place for her in my heart.

 

It is extremely difficult to try and move on from someone when that's the last thing in the world you want to do. I can't imagine my life without her in it in some capacity. I need to stay away from sad music. If I hear one love song it immediately hurls me into a depressed mood. I try to avoid it as much as possible but sometimes I can't. Oh well.

 

NYE was especially difficult for me. I went out with some friends and had a good time, but I must admit images of her continually flooded my mind, and at midnight I wanted so desperately for her to be there so I could kiss her. This is the first New Years in the past 7 years that I have not spent with her. Luckily my friends kept me from making a horribly stupid phone call late last night. I texted her at about 3 am and she never responded. She had just been texting my friend so I though I would wish her a Happy New Years. We spoke today and she said she went to sleep really early and didn't get my text. Lie. She didn't know I was with a mutual friend of ours who she was talking to pretty late last night. That STUNG. I couldn't help but imagine who she was with or what she was doing last night.

 

I think one of the worst parts is that I am so incredibly hurt, and she is able to carry on like I never even existed. She keeps saying that she is moving on and I should do the same. I reply with, "it's easy to move on when you already have someone with you." She already has this other guy, so everything is not that bad it seems for her. It is devastating for me because I am spending night after night cooped up in my room with all the lingering memories of the past 7 years. I know I'm still young (21 yo) but it feels like I will never meet anyone quite like her ever again. I can't even envision myself being with someone else. It feels like I would be betraying her and my own emotions by doing so. I am so messed up. I am so broken and I have no idea of how to put myself back together.

[professorplum]

Why does she keep calling you and texting you when she has someone else? Surely that makes it so much harder to undertake NC.

[perio]

About 3 1/2 mo

 

Using "thought stoping" to stop trying to make sense of things and worry about her. She knows she could reach out to me if she were in distress. I trust she is doing ok. At this point in time I have no idea of how her sister is doing. That makes things easier for me. Maybe she is doing me a favor ny not keeping in touch. Im sure its helping her too. I don't really think of her last night. I had a great with my new girlfriend. It feels good and is going well. Just on a human to human context, I still care for my ex and wish her all the nest and a happy new year.

[Ryankeith]

Why does she keep calling you and texting you when she has someone else? Surely that makes it so much harder to undertake NC.

 

This is one thing I am trying to wrap my mind around. She will say that she is moving on, doesn't want to talk to me, etc. But then she acts the complete opposite by talking to me. She is the one who initiates a lot of the contact between us. I don't understand this. Is she just playing games? Does she really care about me more than what she is showing? What purpose could she have for acting this way?

[piruru]

Day 9.

 

I feel lonely. I miss the ex but I feel like I barely remember him at this point. It's been a long time. Still... I miss him.

 

I realised now that he is somewhat of a narcissist. He's horrible to be in a relationship with. I knew this before getting into a relationship with him but somehow I let it happen. The whole BU and how it panned out is just confirmation of this. But was just too irresistible.

 

He still hasn't contacted me. Surprise, surprise. Not even to say a mere "happy new year, all the best." I'm thinking about going past the shop he works just to see if he still looks like I remember but I figure it's only going to set me back further.

 

We're not going to be friends. I'm forcing myself to accept that whilst also remaining optimistic about it.

 

I've decided to set a deadline for myself. I will contact him again in March if I still want to be friends with him. If by December he still has not contacted me, I will officially remove him from my Facebook and treat the relationship like it never happened.

[professorplum]

This is one thing I am trying to wrap my mind around. She will say that she is moving on, doesn't want to talk to me, etc. But then she acts the complete opposite by talking to me. She is the one who initiates a lot of the contact between us. I don't understand this. Is she just playing games? Does she really care about me more than what she is showing? What purpose could she have for acting this way?

 

Yes it could be that she is playing games and is missing the attention. Very hard for you when you know she has someone else. Not easy but you might have to tell her not to contact you unless she is interested in trying again.

[dedem]

Day 7

 

Having a little bit of an easier time. I still get sad when I think of him. But if I keep myself focused on something else, it'll fade. As of right now my favorite movie is on, a movie that DOESN'T bring to mind him, he'd hate it for the sappiness of it. I keep doing things he hates, eventually i'll be able to do the things that bring to mind him, but not yet.

 

I thought of resuming contact today. I couldn't, the pain alone told me I wasn't ready, that I'd do something that would potentially jeopardize any hope of anything. He may want to be friends and says he cares, but would a caring person cause me this much pain? The answer, I fear, is yes. If the relationship just wasn't meant to be then there would be no point to furthering it, and it'd hurt worse as time went on. He could very easily become one of those guys who simply walks out, no excuse except something incredibly lame. It seems however that he's gotten over it, that he's fine with letting me go. I don't understand this, but I won't ask him about it. I won't contact him until after 30 days.

 

I am still on the fence about being friends or resuming contact. I don't even know if he'll respond back when I talk to him next. I hope by then it's a "I gave it a shot, oh well" and not an obsessing over it until I drive myself insane.

 

Giving advice and taking it on this site is helping me. I'm not bursting into tears upon coming here to post. Perhaps i am simply numb again, or numbing myself to the feeling of hurt. Grief has always been short to me, however I desperately wish I had a guy to take my mind and heart completely off of him. Trouble is, I do care for him. But I need to make it so I don't, so that I don't care if he's with some other girl, or flushes his life down the toilet. Because friendship isn't love, and as a friend I need to let him make his own decisions.

 

And if he says he made a mistake and wants me back, I know what my answer will be regardless of the hurt I feel. It has to be a no. I cannot let him do this to me again and string me along. So no matter what, his breaking up with me ended all hope of love between us.

 

Doesn't change the fact that I REALLY wish I had a new boyfriend, even if it'll be a rebound.

[DanUK]

Day 1 - Missing her so much, already thinking of ways to get back in touch with her after a few months. Can't sleep having about 1-2hours a day and smoking about 30 cigs. Worst pain I've felt for a long while.

[piruru]

Day 10

 

Hit the double digits again. Yay! I'm going to go easy on myself this time, small goals. I'll try 2 weeks this time and after that, continue until Jan 18. Then set a new achievable and non-intimidating goal again.

 

I miss the ex. I'm trying to nonchalant and everything, but I don't think I know how. I guess the easiest way is to just keep doing NC.

 

I just realised again that the ex does not care about me at all. I have affected him so little that he doesn't even feel the need to meet up with me to be friends. It's already been 1 month post BU.

 

It hurts.

 

I'm going to look after myself and keep staying strong with NC. I'm going to fill up all my days and hours with things to do. I'm going to be so busy that next time he calls me I'm going to end it first!

 

He is not worth it. A really rubbish guy.

[Starrgrl]

1 month NC

Ok. Two month NC here I come. Gotta keep this up.

[dedem]

Day Nine

 

Feel like life is a rut without him. Want to break down, cry, do something to win his heart back. Have been able to laugh, and stay strong in front of others... closer and more caring friends have offered support. More or less emotionally draining friends shrugged and told me to move on to the next. I learned in class that I am not the only one who lost a boyfriend and love over vacation. Friends, even an on off enemy has gone through nearly the same thing as me, with a little variation into the reason why. It just seems that this time of year is the time to dump what you don't love, I suppose.

 

Was thinking about him and sad during boring classes. Have been spacing out, not hearing or saying things clearly. When I lapse back into my 'numb' stage, I become that woman people are scared of, I say things bluntly and honestly. At the moment i'm neither numb nor sad, just tired from said emotionally draining friends.

 

Today was the hardest day in my opinion. After this I can go to class and not feel as sad that I won't feel his encouragement and love to get me through the day. Of course, there will be rough days where I can't vent to him, but I have this site now. I'll use it as it is intended.

 

21 more days before I will reevaluate my feelings. Dreading it and wishing it'd come. I both want and don't want to be friends. How confusing.

[gez2705]

Well here I go I feel such an idiot.

 

Me and my ex split up 7 weeks ago since then I have been Mr Nice guy hoping to show her how nice I am and hoping to win her back .

I have not stalked her or pressureized her but have listened to her and even agreed with the break up because things could not have gone on as they where .

After the break up gave her all the space she needed and after a fortnight she contacted me , wishing me a good time one a holiday I was due to go on replied with just a thank you .

When I came back from my holiday She txt again again asking how it had gone ,all the next week we talked and txt and after 7 days I asked her out for a drink and she jumped at the chance, it went well at first flirting kissing the lot , but at the end of it said she still was not sure and still had a GUT feeling that our relationship would not work and we left it at that, she did not contact me till christmas day.

 

At christmas I sent her and the kids presents she txt me all christmas day and boxing day all pretty flirty stuff' after that nothing till new years eve

 

I sent her flowers on new years eve and got a txt thanking me, we txt and chatted all new years eve.

At 11 jumped into my car drove to hers txt her at 12 that I was outside and asking her to come to the door and gave her a new years kiss and left immediately.She phoned me whilst driving home to tell me that was the nicest surprise I had ever given her.

We txt and chatted all new years .

On the monday I txt her to tell her I had Peter Kay tickets and would she like to come with me.

I have again met a wall of silence from her .

 

So have now decided that I must go NC to get myself sorted ,and let her get on with her own life.

And give me time to get over her.

The ball is now in her court if she wants me she will have to wait until I am sorted and if she never comes back I will be sorted so her loss.

I feel so stupied and embarressed at the moment I should have gone NC straight away.

 

So here I go DAY ONE, been out for a run and bought a load of artist stuff a hobby I used to do all the time and have let slip recently feel good just embarressed going to keep busy and work hard wish me luck !!!

[WhatSetsUs]

Day 16

 

I think I'm going to break NC. I really want to talk to her. Not sure what that'll get me, but you can't silence the desires of your heart, right?

[gez2705]

hey whatsets what are you hoping to achive by contacting her .

I know its day one for me but I am sure it is the way forward each time either me or my ex contacted each other I always felt s**t after

[WhatSetsUs]

hey whatsets what are you hoping to achive by contacting her .

I know its day one for me but I am sure it is the way forward each time either me or my ex contacted each other I always felt s**t after

 

I think she was too angry to hear things out when she broke up with me. I've given us time to let things cool off. I've collected my thoughts. I've come to terms with what I did to contribute to the breakup, and I am prepared to make things right. This is really the last big roadblock stopping my ex and me from having that "perfect" relationship we all want. And I think by contacting her now, maybe she can see that too.

[gez2705]

did you go straight to NC or did you do as I did try to win her back first like I did by being MR Nice guy ?

[WhatSetsUs]

did you go straight to NC or did you do as I did try to win her back first like I did by being MR Nice guy ?

 

I went straight to NC. This is the the third breakup I've had with my ex (two "successful" reconciliations already), so I've learned from past mistakes that NC is definitely the way to go, especially right after the breakup.

[gez2705]

Do you really think contacting will change her mind at the moment are you sure you ain't rushing things with her. How long where the last two break ups ? And are you sure you can put things right after only a short period

[WhatSetsUs]

Do you really think contacting will change her mind at the moment are you sure you ain't rushing things with her. How long where the last two break ups ? And are you sure you can put things right after only a short period

 

I may be rushing things...I thought I was going to contact her last week but I held off...

 

The first breakup didn't really last long at all, we spent only a couple weeks apart and then we got back together. The breakup we had last year lasted 4 months though, 3 of which I spent in NC.

 

I am positive that I have worked through the things that I contributed to the breakup. See, when you've broken up multiple times and worked through issues together, there isn't much left to work on. I really do believe this is the last issue that we have between us. If we can get past this, we'll be perfect.

[piruru]

I'm not entirely sure what day I'm on.

 

Day 11

 

Feel like crap. So stressed out about managing commitments. What the hell did I sign up for?!?! It's super draining. In addition, when your tenants are being annoying, it's so draining. I'm so sick and tired of them... Parallel with my ex being "sick and tired" of me. Ironic that they are both Korean too...LOL. That's what has been keeping me busy all freaking day. That and my little dogs, who have been keeping me company. They've helped fill an emotional void of sorts. Dunno if that's healthy, but it's helping.

 

I smoked a cigarette in the morning today. It was so satisfying, until I had a second one. Memories of smoking with the ex flooded my mind, overwhelmed my senses and knocked me out. It set the crappy mood for the rest of the day.

 

Miss the ex. I tried not to but when I had a spare moment, I thought about the BU again and how it could have been avoided... Or delayed, rather. What I did wrong, etc etc. Why can't I just get over it?!?!? It was only a few months in total (May to November, without July) that we spent together. Truthfully, we only ever spent one day a week together after July. The whole thing is ridiculous and didn't last long either. Yet why am I still not over it?!??!

 

I think I'm too emotional for this stuff. I guess I need to stick to long-term relations only.

 

It's really hard not to contact him. I want to hear his voice, see his face, know what happened during his holidays... But I guess it will never be as satisfying as I imagined it to be. I've pushed him too much to push any more. Not even a little bit will do.

 

I feel so down in the dumps about this. The fact that I have so much inside myself that I've had to bottle up. I can never be fully open with a guy ever again. I will be too scared that I will get dumped again.

 

I opened myself to him fully, showed him the little things about me that i hid from everybody else. He rejected me. I don't know how to deal with this feeling. It is a new part of my process of healing.

 

PS: I hate that this thread is in the GBT section. It's not only giving me false hope/expectations, it makes me feel kinda depressed since i know that we won't be getting back together again. I don't think everybody that undertakes NC gets back together with their ex...

[DanUK]

Day 3 - Back to work working in an all male jack the lad fun environment all was supportive was good to be back to mess about and just not think about her as much, but before that I had an hours sleep, woke up just panicing about her and me not being together. Asked mum if she could talk to her, saying how down I am, and the things that I was off to do to spoil her in the new year. She said she would. We went to town and I ended up buying myself some really nice designer clothes (ex brought most of my wardrobe but thought I need to change it if I want to get over her) Rambled on here asking for help and how to get her back. After reading some most posts from other people I told mum not to go to her work (casino and mother is always in there so they bump into each other alot of the time) and not say anything. I asked her to do it in a week. I looked at my flaws jealously, immature and lazy and decided to start making changes. I was so upset over Decemember before we broke up anyways last real memories of my father before he died and it was his birthday 2days ago. I decided I need to talk to someone about this so made an appointment to a therapist and a councilor to try and get over my flaws. I asked mother to "bump" into her in a week or two. Tell her I'm doing fine and have started making changes in my life. Not TO tell her I asked her too, that i'm not sleeping or not eating. Off to try and buy myself something nice each week and go out at least twice (we broke up because we never went out or anything) I just want her to think of me without me doing anything. She might be thinking of me too but she might not be, want her to know I'm trying to move on and change aswel. Maybe she'll pick up when I ring her in 4-8weeks, depending how I feel.

[WhatSetsUs]

Day 17

 

I fought off the urge to call her today. But I think tomorrow I will break contact. I just had to get my thoughts totally together today so that I can say everything I've been thinking about over these past three weeks.

[dedem]

Day 10

 

Head against wall, wham repeatedly ](*,).That's what I feel like doing lately. i've been doing more and more things to make me laugh, talking with people, the regular "don't think about it" sort of solutions, but I can't get him out of my mind. I want to mentally boot any memory of him out the door, and break off into my own separate stream of thought again, an uninterrupted program, and a steady stream of just me. He and I, and I don't understand how we did it, would be able to think the exact same thing the other was thinking at any one point... so it's a double wham to find that he's over me already and I'm still depressed and feeling lonesome.

 

At least my half-psychotic crazed angry lady rants in my journal relieve my stress And the smilies on this site, they make me laugh.

 

My personal favorite, besides the hitting the head on the wall repeatedly, is this: And it is what my mind is doing, constantly.

 

For now, I'm okay. One day without crying so far, though it wasn't the best day ever. And tomorrow is my b-day. So yay.

[perio]

Somewhere around 15 weeks.

 

I am doing well and am in a relationship with a wonderful woman. I am very happy now. I tend to be a positive person and a serviver. I don't have to resist trying to contact her. I really have no compulsion to. I have let the romantic componate slide away. I was a little emotional yesterday though. It wasn't that I was missing my ex. It was that I am really beginning to embrace some very deep feelings for my current girlfriend. I would call it being a bit garded. I don't like the thought of loosing faith in people or the idea of a truly loving relationship. I brought this up the her and I was amazed at how well she spoke about things. It was really comforting to share my feelings and have them heard. She is very practical and secure. I emerged from our conversation inspired. I think it times down to just accepting things as they are and not trying to fight for what you may think things look like. I really wish I could have a conversation with my ex. I have no compulsion to reach out but would to be able to connect on a mature, caring level. I have almost always remained in contact in some form with all my exes. I have treated them properly and this has always paved the way for some contact, however infrequent. About 6 weeks ago, a woman I dated reached out to me because she was having conflict with her ex husband. I suggested we meet for a bite to eat. We met up after having only one or two phone conversations over the last year. We both were comfortable and connected in a really nice way. I just listened and offered my input when asked. We hugged goodbye and that was that. It was really very nice and I was honored that she trusted me enough to share something so important to her. Another woman from last year keeps in touch almost monthly. She is in a 7 month relationship and is happy. I am so happy for her as well. I don't know what'll happen with my ex but I hope to someday be able to connect on some level. I just genuinely like her and care about her. I just think its too soon and maybe in another 6-12 months. Who knows. I justbwas sad that the woman I actually loved so deeply was so out if reach. I have stopped wondering how her sister is doing list completely. After my conversation with my girlfriend, I felt even more close to her. I don't like hiding what us going on in my head if its important to me. She say it for what it was and it turned into a very bonding discussion. I don't know if I'm making any sense here. I became even more at peace and that was facilitated by my girlfriend. How things wind around and come about is just amazing.