THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[yogi]

Well, I guess I survived day one. This morning is the start of day two, and I still feel like an absolute wreck.

 

I really regret going NC right now, because I know that my ex will think twice about calling because she is going to respect my request for space. All I want right now is for her to call and tell me that she wants to work on getting us back and past the problems.

 

I am waiting for a phonecall that I know if not coming any time soon

 

I am NOT doing ok...

 

If she wants to reconcile, she will call even if you asked for space.

 

 

If you're not at work and at home, I think you should go for a walk right now. When you're not OK, you have to get up and do something right then.

[brandnewday47]

And the work week starts again. I think it is time to crack the code for NC with an ex who you work with.

[brazilgirl21]

I'm back at Day 0. Ex asked me to the movies last night and we had a great time but he made it clear that he doesn't want a serious relationship with me right now. We've been on/off for 1 year and dated seriously for a few months but have basically been in an on/off non exclusive dating relationship. At this point I don't even know if I can call him a proper "ex".

 

I finally told him I need time apart from him since we want different things. He agreed to NC.

 

Now I need to be strong. But why is it so hard?

[Baurman]

its my ex's bday and im on about a week of NC but ive been getting messages asking if we broke up because i guess they notice her relationship status is single on facebook. would talking about her bring back feelings or will I still be able to heal? today is ultra hard because everyone is showing her love and I'm here doing nothing. I know that contacting her now will be worthless so im not even gonna contact her on her bday. I'm still hoping her alone time is over soon because I do miss her and I want to see her again, but I also hope I can just STOP missing her and move on already so I don't have to dwell on when she's ready and just focus on myself. I just wish the emotions can go away.

[brazilgirl21]

In my opinion, a happy bday message is ok. Seriously. Not a "i love you and want you back" but a simple, "happy bday, wish you well today".

[Baurman]

I still feel vulnerable and by contacting her even for her bday, i think is too soon. i dont think its a good idea for her to contact me unless she wants to give the relationship another go. but it's only been a week and she wanted time apart, so i don't think that's on her mind right now. she hasn't contacted me at all during this time so that must mean she still needs time apart and I think by just contacting her will ruin that. wouldn't it be better if I didn't and then she will start to wonder if I already got over her and surface her emotions and start thinking about me again? rather then sending her a message and her thinking "heh he still thinks about me..."

[brazilgirl21]

Baurman - I have been the dumper and the dumpee, and when I wanted to get back with the ex I dumped, it was because he did NC for most part, but, on some dates, like my bday, he would say something short and sweet. I think it's weird to pretend to be over someone after 1 week. You haven't forgotten her. You just have nothing to talk to her about and that's why you are in NC.

 

It's her bday though, I think not wishing someone happy bday just so they can "feel you forgot them" is a bit counter productive.

 

I'm all for NC. But, in special occasions, like deaths, birthdays, I think it's ok to break it.

 

My POV, of course.

 

Send a text: happy bday. that's it. or a facebook. don't call.

 

Anyone disagree?

[brandnewday47]

^^ No No, I agree with you fully.

 

It's really up to you. I did it, though it was 5/6 months out at the time... however it was within days of when I found out that she has been with someone else for at least 4 of those months. To me, it signified "goodbye", as there will be a vanishing act for the time being from me.

 

I don't see the harm in doing it.. I wouldn't think about this as "sending a message" or anything like that.. more of being an adult. In the end though, it all depends if you can handle ANY type of response. I think that's what you need to consider.

[yogi]

I agree. It's been just a week and I think not saying Happy Birthday makes it look like you're hurting enough and trying to prove you're not. Plus, I think it would hurt the dumper's feelings. I think you can go back to No Contact after the Happy Birthday text. But that's it. Nothing more.

 

I'm on day 5 (after a two month break-up) of NCand feeling OK. Rearranged the furniture this weekend, exercised a lot and cleaned out the old.

[brazilgirl21]

yogi - I completely agree with you.

 

Heck, I was upset my ex I broke-up with almost 1,5 years ago forgot my bday a few months ago...

 

I think bdays are just our bday you know?

 

I'm jealous of you for Day 5.

 

I'm back at Day 0 and we went to the movies last night. Talk about starting all over.

[yogi]

yogi - I completely agree with you.

 

Heck, I was upset my ex I broke-up with almost 1,5 years ago forgot my bday a few months ago...

 

I think bdays are just our bday you know?

 

I'm jealous of you for Day 5.

 

I'm back at Day 0 and we went to the movies last night. Talk about starting all over.

 

Good luck on your journey brazilgirl. Just remember what you can deal with from a man and what you can't. You deserve to get what you want from someone but we can't change their minds if they're unsure.

 

I've read that it's important to not provide any of the good relationship stuff (like outings, lots of phone calls, sharing jokes) when they're not giving you what you want and need. It seems they're more likely to come around when they see what they've given up when it's gone.

 

Though, I'm impressed you're strong enough to stay in communication with him.

[MalibuOne]

Day 9 is almost behind me. He emailed last week wanting to remain friends to whatever extent it's possible. I soooo wanted to say hey buddy, you were the one who broke up so you could get your head straight...keeping me in your life as a friend is just your way of avoiding your guilt for hurting me. But in the end I just deleted the email without responding. Maybe someday he will realize what he threw away and want me back. I know he is missing having me around but I'm not going to accept less than I want...or deserve.

[mrshuma]

Today is 25 days since the breakup and 20 days NC. She hasn't even tried to break the NC except an email 17 days ago about a router password. Is this pretty normal, I'm not going to break the NC but I was expecting her to try and at least contact me. Living together for 7 years this just doesn't seem real. I have been going out, exercising and trying to keep busy but it still hurts very much especially since I was going to marry this girl. I appreciate everyone's support.

[DeenasRhino]

Day 2:

 

I came home tonight, went on my FB page and noticed all the pictures that my ex and I had together have been deleted. Now all I have are the 5 pictures from my profile pics. All the memories are gone. What an a-hole move she did.

[Kia-Kaha]

Day 2:

 

Emotional trainwreck still. Not sure what I feel right now. Mostly exhausted and confused.

 

I hope that she is happy where-ever she is and whatever she is doing. She deserves to be happy, I just wish I could have made her happy.

[brazilgirl21]

I have a question - is everyone here for LONGTERM serious relationships?

 

First time I did NC was after a 3 year serious relationship.

 

Now it's after a 1 year on/off serious/non serious back and forth relationship that never really genuinely left the ground.

 

It feels so similar to doing NC of the 3 year LTR though... its weird.

 

Anyone here with 1 year or so not as serious but intense/meaningful relationships?

[Baurman]

Back to Day 1 on NC for me. My ex called me and I told her that I'm not going to contact her after today until she is ready to fully commit at giving this relationship another chance, however long that may be. She originally broke up with me because she wants Alone Time and wants a break since we saw each other every single day. I told her that I want her to miss me, and whenever she feels like she misses me and wants to give the relationship another chance, I'm a phone call away. So now that I finally have closure... I can start NC again. And heal myself, and get over her. I'm not going to dwell on the fact that she will call me again, but know that I've said what needed to be said and she knows the ball is in her court to contact me when she's ready.

[the_dawn]

Day 20 something

 

Today would've been our 9 year anniversary. Trying to stay positive and keep my mind focused on something else. I have to say it is going pretty well so far. Glad it's not the weekend.

 

the_dawn

[FootofGod]

Day 5 billion

 

Haha, I'm so naughty. The only contact we ever have is pokes on facebook (since I defriended you but didn't block you) that I return occasionally, but only if the mood strikes me. I'll see the poke, go "meh," remove it, then 4 or 5 days later decide "eh, okay I'll poke her back" and then next morning, like clockwork, there's a fresh poke waiting for me.

 

...hehe, I'm the dumpee and I'm the one handing out breadcrumbs now I almost feel a little guilty, but for the most part it delights me. If you never poked me back, I wouldn't lose any sleep over it... but it seems like you really like seeing that poke on your wall. Afterall, it is how we first met - we started chatting on facebook after I saw you and your current bf's WEDDING (gee, girl, you sure don't learn lessons from watching others- look at how his marriage turned out) and poking each other nonstop! I wonder if you remember that. The past seems to be all out of whack for you.

[yogi]

My phone broke a few days ago and I'm waiting on a new one. This is a good thing. I'm on day 6 of no contact. So with the phone broken, I can't contact him and don't know that he hasn't contacted me.

 

Yesterday I was feeling strong. I felt like I was doing things for me to make me a better partner for someone someday (all looks stuff) but I don't know if that counts as "me time" or really working on me. It seems like I'm still doing stuff for me that's really for someone else.

 

Anyway, since I haven't heard from him in a week, I feel like he must be seeing someone. Just a week ago he said he wasn't. I might be losing my mind. Just need to get to the gym after work today and pound it out. PMS isn't helping. Maybe that's the culprit.

 

 

What is everyone's thoughts on when to use No Initiated Contact and when to use No Contact? I'm expecting a call in a couple of weeks.

[the_dawn]

Hi yogi,

 

I'd suggest this thread:

 

 

 

especially post #8.

 

the_dawn

[Kia-Kaha]

Day three:

 

I am still really struggling but am finding that the support of some of my new ENA friends is helping me through the day.

 

I still can not even focus on anything but my feelings for my ex, but I am starting to realise that this just means that our 3 1/2 year relationship was based on true feelings for me. Feelings I wish I could have helped cultivate in her.

 

Someone told me recently not to forget that my ex is also going through a breakup, I take this to mean that she is probably feeling the exact same emotions as I am. She is probably feeling just as confused, angry, sad and lonely as I am. This somehow comforts me, because it makes me realise that we do still have a connection to each other in some twisted way.

 

I still hope for her to break NC and try to contact me. But I am sure she is talking to her friends who are telling her only to call if she wants to work on the relationship with me, as per my wishes. Today though I wish she would not respect my wishes and would just call.

 

I also feel angry and sad that none of our "mutual" friends have kept in touch to check I am doing ok. I did nothing wrong, I never cheated, I gave her my entire heart, got dumped and now I feel like I am somehow the villain.

[MalibuOne]

Day 10.

Double digits. Sometimes I think I'm just marking time and at some magic number, he will reach out for me again. I haven't seen him in over three weeks...seems like forever to me, he's probably not even noticed.

[brazilgirl21]

End of Day 2.

 

This is the third time in 2 weeks I try NC and I never got past day 3.

 

I, however, feel very strong to do so this time.

 

I feel ok. I keep thinking of you people that were in 3+ years relationships. I keep thinking of my previous 3+ year break-up. This was just a 1 year yo-yo relationship. I can get past it.

 

It still hurts.

[pinkdinooo]

hellooo everyoneee!

 

its DAY 2 for me again, the longest ive been NC was 7 days so i'll try to really stick to it this time.

 

last time he IMed me online and was asking for my news and said he was still thinking of me and all. then at the end of our conversation he said that we should go eat someday just to talk and maybe share some stories on whats been happening since our breakup. so i said sure, just call me anytime

 

the thing is he still havent called. do you guys think hes waiting for me to call?

im thinking that maybe hes waiting for me to contact him since im the one who messed up in the relationship and that maybe i should take the first step to make things work out between us..