THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[deecbee]

Day 27

 

It would be Day 34 if not for the brief bday text message he sent to me.

 

This is kinda scary. We haven't gone this long without talking in a loooong while. It kinda makes me wonder if I'll ever hear from him again, or if he has completely forgetten about me. I do have a small urge to remind him of my existence, I guess I'm scared of the distance we're gathering between us.

 

Must stay strong.

 

I just try to keep reminding myself that overall, he is a miserable loser. He may have his good days, but he will always return to that hateful, miserable, boring a*hole he always has been. Maybe he has the attention of another female, but she will eventually see his true colors and move on. I know this in my heart. It's weird, but knowing he's likely to have a miserable life keeps me strong. Is that a horrible thing to think about someone?

[stormgurl10]

day 2:

what sucks is he answered when i called our friend. he did this on purpose. he ruined my NC. and hes a jerk. so really im at day 1. but day 2 is from me. not him. he always tries contacting me in some retarded way.

[Animelover6764]

day 9

 

hanging in there

 

i miss her though

[ev1782]

About a mont and a half of lc cuz we were in a band together. But our band is kind of at a stand still at the moment. So its been 2 weeks of no contact. And I plan to keep it that way.

[Rotxsen]

Why do you have to meet up with her on june?

[hellodoe]

Why do you have to meet up with her on june?

 

Her younger sister has cystic fibrosis, we started a team for a CF walk about 4 months ago and have been raising money. The walk is June 5th where we will both be attending, but i plan on bringing about 20 friends and avoiding contact as best i can.

 

funny, she's raised $50 and i've raised $700 so far

and it's not even my sister [-(.

probably because half her paychecks go to cigarettes

and half my paychecks go to CF.

i like to look at that as a reflection of how our relationship would have panned out haha.

[stillhopeful1]

I've been LC for about a month now. Had achieved 10 days strict NC until she sent me a happy easter text at 1am Easter morning. I was stupid enough to repsond to this text convinced it meant something for her to be texting me at such a strange hour. In the end maybe it did, maybe it didn't mean anything. Regardless, back to NC and today is day 1.

[Rotxsen]

Her younger sister has cystic fibrosis, we started a team for a CF walk about 4 months ago and have been raising money. The walk is June 5th where we will both be attending, but i plan on bringing about 20 friends and avoiding contact as best i can.

 

funny, she's raised $50 and i've raised $700 so far

and it's not even my sister [-(.

probably because half her paychecks go to cigarettes

and half my paychecks go to CF.

i like to look at that as a reflection of how our relationship would have panned out haha.

 

Wow, you are a wonderful person for doing that I don't see that much around new york these days and wow what a disappointment her paycheck goes to cigarettes she should spend it more on herself rather then a addiction that would only give her a quicker death but besides that day 4? stay strong you have come to the right place if you need anything I'll be glad to assist besides that focus on yourself for this month and the next until meeting day see what you can change in yourself or Improve but if that's you on your avatar picture there's nothing to worry about ;]

[hellodoe]

Wow, you are a wonderful person for doing that I don't see that much around new york these days and wow what a disappointment her paycheck goes to cigarettes she should spend it more on herself rather then a addiction that would only give her a quicker death but besides that day 4? stay strong you have come to the right place if you need anything I'll be glad to assist besides that focus on yourself for this month and the next until meeting day see what you can change in yourself or Improve but if that's you on your avatar picture there's nothing to worry about ;]

 

Yes, it is a terrible shame =/, it makes me sick to my stomach.

 

Thank you SO much it means a lot to me to have your support, I've done a month of NIC, all contact was on her part and I would keep my responses small, I've just recently decided to ignore her all together.

It's tough, I still think about her all the time but at least I can laugh and smile again.

 

Thank you! If I lived in a more populous area I would feel less worried, but it's a small homophobic town with a demographic of mainly old people haha.

[Rotxsen]

Gosh, that sounds tough but keep going it's only natural to think about them all the time but try to get your mind off her for example with me I'll take a big breath in and out and then either focus on something else or do something you like for example my daily ninjutsu workout but yeah quick question did you told her you were gonna do NC or you just disappeared like me all together? and mind If I ask what's your story why the break up? If you can share of course.

[hellodoe]

Gosh, that sounds tough but keep going it's only natural to think about them all the time but try to get your mind off her for example with me I'll take a big breath in and out and then either focus on something else or do something you like for example my daily ninjutsu workout but yeah quick question did you told her you were gonna do NC or you just disappeared like me all together? and mind If I ask what's your story why the break up? If you can share of course.

 

 

I didn't tell her, just disappeared off all social networking (didn't block her on any of them just stopped updating them) and stopped contacting her / responding to her contact.

 

I made a thread about the break up, it's kinda long.

 

 

I really want to accept the break up and move on.. I feel like I can't lose that way.

[Rotxsen]

I didn't tell her, just disappeared off all social networking (didn't block her on any of them just stopped updating them) and stopped contacting her / responding to her contact.

 

I made a thread about the break up, it's kinda long.

 

 

I really want to accept the break up and move on.. I feel like I can't lose that way.

 

I read twice your blog and what I can say yes you did your mistakes but who doesn't we are humans but you tried to handle it at best as possible and to tell you the truth I think you did but now you can do two things.

 

You can try to move on and focus on school you have and piano (which is a great hobby) and see how that leads later on into when she comes back in the summer and depending on how you see her then you can either try to work things out if she wants to work out in her end also or when she comes back you can set your foot down and be like it's over which I know it's hard but that totally depends on you on how you feel when she comes back which is most likely you still gonna love her.

 

about how she's feeling and how's she been acting towards you because of school and all I understand her completely because I went through the same I was stressed with school and family I stopped acting the same way I used to I tried to fix things but didn't work and she found another person and well move on, after that well I felt guilty obviously but I knew I had to move on and that's why I swore to do everything on my power to never let that happen again (ever since then I read books and followed suggestions etc) to improve myself not only in a relationship but as a better person for the next person to come I completely understand why she acted that way and why she's confused now but I know for sure later down the road she's gonna regret leaving you hence I did the same.

[NsKrewtable]

Busy busy busy.

[jaygirl]

NC day 27. Break up day 57. 2 missed calls from ex so far. one on day 14, thee other on day 26.

 

so a mutual friend called today. that my ex called her to complain that i refuse to pick his calls. that he wanted to know what exactly was happening to me and how i am doing.

 

Luckily she lied to him that she had no idea. so he said okay.

 

Thank God i didnt even pick! Freindzoning......lol. never

[hellodoe]

Thank you for the reply! I feel like you're already a great friend of mine!

 

I want to work things out but at the same time, I feel that if we reconciled and got back together I wouldn't trust her. She's a very damaged person with terrible coping skills, when she first broke up with me she laid in bed for days watching TV and googling my name just to find out what i was doing/feeling So I'm scared she's not growing forwards and is just going backwards..

But I guess like you said I'll see by summer time.

 

It's very nice to hear from someone that's been in her position.. It's comforting. I'm sorry about what happened with you and your ex. She clearly made an awful mistake in leaving you, you seem to have turned out to be a truly wonderful guy. Your next girlfriend will surly be blessed.

What books did you read, if you don't mind me asking?

[hellodoe]

NC day 27. Break up day 57. 2 missed calls from ex so far. one on day 14, thee other on day 26.

 

so a mutual friend called today. that my ex called her to complain that i refuse to pick his calls. that he wanted to know what exactly was happening to me and how i am doing.

 

Luckily she lied to him that she had no idea. so he said okay.

 

Thank God i didnt even pick! Freindzoning......lol. never

 

you're so strong for not picking up!

i could noooooooot do the same.

definitely admire you !

[snoopydog]

5 weeks nc here. Focusing on career, gym and rebuilding my social life. I miss her. Hope has dwindled to pretty much nothing now but I feel disinterest towards dating others since my feelings remain strong.

 

Beautiful day today.

[Animelover6764]

Day 11

 

Getting better

 

horray for this site

[TryingVeryHard]

Day 57....

 

Accidently saw that she changed her fb profile picture to her and her "rebound."

 

Maybe he's not just a rebound after all. I thought the NC had been making me so strong. I thought "oh, he's just a reboud, they never work out."

 

I read countless posts on here about how NC makes them miss you, and eventually they will have to deal with these feelings, and all of that * * * * ...

 

She texted almost a month ago "hey I just wanted to say hello and I hope you're doing ok. And I hope we can be friends one day soon." I thought this was maybe a sign that she was missing me/thinking about me... But her new relationship is only getting stronger.

 

What would make her think she has the right to say that to me after hurting me so badly? Especially while she's getting more serious with this guy?

 

I know I'm not supposed to assume things, but I couldn't help it as I was getting stronger I assumed that something good was about to come my way... People always say on here that right as you're about to forget about them, they come back... I was so close, I was feeling so good. But then I saw her new picture... I never thought I'd be the guy to get upset about facebook drama.

 

How could she not care about us after 4 years? How could she tell me all of those things at breakup ("I don't think this is the end of us forever, I'm still thinking about it, you've told me everything I've ever dreamed of a man telling me")?

 

I'm ranting, but I need somewhere to rant. I thought I was doing so well, getting so strong. I thought absence made the heart grow fonder. I thought the less we miss them, the more they miss us. I thought I could deal with these things. I'm hating myself for losing her. I feel so weak. I feel worthless. Who would want someone that feels this low right now?

[Rotxsen]

I read a few and still reading and blogs from AI turtle I don't know if you haven't heard from him but I first started with the empathy subject and later branched out to relationships etc let me give you the link

link removed

 

After you read this try to follow it was quite hard for me at first but the way you speak at the end it's amazing you feel so much liberty it's like you involve yourself in someones business but not really take a quick look at least and you gonna realize why.

 

As for the books:

"The power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle (Read this one after A New Earth)

"A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle

"Getting the love you want guide for couples" by Harville Hendrix

 

To tell you the truth if your ex used to do such things then I guess letting her go now would definitively make her stronger but you always most see all of the possibilities that can happen that maybe she will grow up to be with you later down the road, or maybe to forget you completely or who knows she will find someone else please be prepared of anything, last but not least she will just move backwards but like I said my dear she broke up with you that's her choice and now focus on you ok? and what happened to me I'm fine now it took me half of year to get over her but I did it and I'm proud of myself even though I still have that feeling that she's waiting for the right moment to strike to say something that will change my new life, weird huh?

[Rotxsen]

Brother you are doing NC at the wrong reasons if you are doing this to get her back and yet you still miss her the law of attraction obviously will not bring her back you must move on focus on yourself go out enjoy your youthful life because staying in one corner waiting the only thing you gonna get from that is your very soul being eating away..

[TryingVeryHard]

I know... And the whole time I've been doing it I've been telling

myself that it was for me and I've really been doing all of the right things... While at the same time remembering all of the other things I've read about how sometimes it does make them realize what they've lost, etc.

 

I really was starting to feel much better and even thinking of her less... But it's like I relapsed or something...

 

Then to add to that... I went ahead and blocked her on FB (I only had her hidden before)... But I blocked her because I didn't want to risk seeing even her user picture... I didn't do it to evoke a response from her... I was actually hoping she wouldn't even notice...

 

But then less then an hour later I get a message from her "really? You defriended me?" ...and then 2 minutes after that she sent another: "I guess I understand... I'm sorry.. I was just a little surprised."

 

so now I feel like I made contact without making contact... Which was not my intention at all... Now she probably knows that whAt she does still has an effect on me... I had done such a good job of disappearing and making no contact and now I feel like I broke it even without making contact... Ughh

[Big Bear]

hey there, i believe facebook is evil. It reveals too much info even if your not even the one making it.. your friends can do it for you, revealing pictures together, what all been up, etc. sometime, I just want to deactivate my account totally at all, but in doing so, I will lose some contacts of friends that hardly talk to sometime. I want to block my ex, but it's so hard to do it. I don't want to be mean, but at the sametime, it could feel so much better if i do so. And who knows what I can do next, delete every picture off my computer, phone, etc..

 

Yeah, I remembered it took my ex 2 weeks to remove her "In-Relationship" status, 1 month to remove her pix and I together in facebook. She removed the day after her birthday, I guess she felt that it's really time to move on after she celebrated her birthday.. It really made me sad she did it, then of course, it was my turn to do it.. I made me felt like she can tell I saw what she did and I seek revenge of it..

 

Well then afterward, I started this NC thing here.. since then I kept it that way..

 

Facebook is really a way to contact your ex indirectly.. Like some games Mafia War, you can still share stuffs among each other you know in facebook..

 

Sometime this type of social website got so much negative things value.. People started to lose how to really interact each other.. like face to face contact or talk on phone..

 

Hey TryingVeryHard, when you put someone as "hidden", what do you see their page and how do they view 'you' in facebook? I never try that before..

 

Thanks!

[TryingVeryHard]

When you hide some one from your news feed all it does is hide their status updates from appearing on your news feed... Their page still looks the same to you, so it's up to you to have the strength to resist looking...

 

I was doing great at this, I hadn't looked at her page or even seen her user picture in weeks, however, last night I was searching for a friend who has the same first name as my ex, so naturally my ex showed up in the search results... So I saw her new user picture...

 

After talking to a friend, I decided it would be best for me to just delete her completely... I figured she wouldn't even notice, but less than an hour later, she sent me two messages about it-- the first time she's contacted me in a month. It wasn't positive contact whatsoever, but the fact that she sent the messages so soon after I did it makes me wonder how often she was checking my page...

 

I hate all of this and I can't believe that this is how our relationship has turned out. It makes me incredibly sad/angry... But I guess I did all that I could.

[Big Bear]

I totally know how you feel TryingVeryHard... when my ex changed her profit pix to something else i never seen before, I literally texted her right away and asked her where did you took this??? Of course she never get back to me...

 

it's tough, i never thought the relationship will ended and never would figure out tonight I am just sit in front of computer and not know what she up to, etc! I used to talk to each other every every day since we known each other..

 

I think you just have to let it go for a while, give some space between you two, go do something else for a while, so it will take your mind off her, you know what i mean? Just don't think too much, keep yourself busy, work on your goals, make yourself important to her maybe one day she might come back to ya..

 

I know it's hard, I am trying to go through this too.. it's been just little over 2 months since we talked.. i have tried so hard to get her talk to him (phone call, send her card, etc..) nothing work! she never picked up or call me back! Well, think of this way, if there's a problem between us, wouldn't you want to solve it problems before getting back? It's like you just twisted your ankle and your not taking care of it and you rush getting back into the game and found out that you fracture it even more! So don't rush through things just to make yourself feel better. It could lead to permanent end of relationship.

 

So give each other sometime, think about what you really want, breaking up it's not really end of the world. You still have your friends and family, and I bet they all want to help you go through this. Best still yet to come! Enjoy life my friend!