THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Big Bear]

Hello. This is actually my first time posting in here. I have been following and reading this thread mostly since the beginning. Myself, like many of you in here this same boat; broken hearted, and trying to seek some advice while trying to heal as life goes on.. Finally today, I decided to post my own story and share with this online world..

 

Here's my story.. My gf and I had been together for 16 months since she broke up with me in the beginning of February. She was my first TRUE love, everything was meant to be perfect and connected very well. We had so much memorable happy moments together, including Disneyland went 17 times, Vegas, etc.. We loved each others very much, we always thank that we finally found each others and so glad that we always happy together.. The last few months together, we had more fight/disagreement along the way of our relationship. We never got into a point where we would yelled at each others. It was myself (what i think) pretty much cost this breakup. I got impatient on things doesn't went smoothly, sometime being immature, and always had some stupid thought and jealously that her and her ex-bf still in contact together (Even thought she never mention him but I found out about him in her facebook profile when we first met). Every time when had we argument, it really made her upset and hurt.

 

So this one February night, she called me that wanted to break up. I was in shock! She told me that main thing was that she doesn't want be hurt anymore, so she wanted to break up now then if not, later on will be even more hurt. Also, she said we're incompatible, we doesn't agree things how we used to be. And also lastly she doesn't think we both can change personality. We both have some bad habits. We talked for like more then 2 hours and I basically was in shocked the whole time and never really believe it was happening and never really think clearly about ask for forgiveness and want to have another chance. I remembered I asked her if she's seeing anyone, she said No, and the breakup wasn't she had someone else in interest. To cut story short now, at the end, I asked her when i will see you again, she told me not for a while (What that means? I still clueless..). We both ended up in a very sober notes and she told me let's get some rest and hung up..

 

Since then, I have been contacting her by calling (she never pick up the phone, so left long voicemail about how sorry I am), txting (a few text here and there), and week before her birthday in Mid-March, I wrote her a 6-page long handwritten letter with some pics together in a recorded-your-own-message love card and mailed it to her. But she still never call me or response to me in any ways..

 

We both have facebook together. She took off her "in-relationship status" 3 weeks after breakup and just recently right after her birthday, she took off the pictures we have together. So when I saw it, I was really sad and I took off mine as well in facebook. And then she hasn't been gone on facebook since there.. I wonder all what that means...

 

Well now, ever since I tried to call her again was last sunday, that was it.. I read many websites about relationship rescue and they all suggests that the best way you can do it's to No In Contact mode, give each other space and move on. If the dumper decided to call you again and miss you, the dumper will.. If you keep on doing everything else trying to get back with him/her, you can just make the situation worst..

 

So now I decided to be in contact.. today should be Day 3.. I will take it until 30 days and see what happen.. Now it's already been more then 42 days since breakup and she never calls me back so I guess chance being back together is slim..

 

Now what I can only do now it's to have to improve better of myself, being more confident, work on a new hobby, do more exercise (i been going a lot to gym since), and stay healthier..

 

I really appreciate those of you read my long post here, and I will try to follow up with you guys post and together we helping each other going through this..

 

Thanks for reading!

[Loxxt]

Back to day one.

 

I know, I know... why you might ask. Well in all honesty I've decided to say f*ck it. I really don't care anymore. I'm done analyzing, worrying over how he might or might not come back. Done being happy at how he's having doubts and how their relationship is headed into the deep end. I'm done having headaches.

 

Here's my reply to his email:

 

,

 

The thought of you smiling at me, or even you being around me right now makes me cringe with disgust. You're tainted and a disappointment. I don't understand what could have possessed you to write this to me with hopes of anything good coming out of it. You're right when you used to ask why I was with you because you had nothing. Now that I look at you bare and for what you have to offer... well I can't think of anything that can't be replaced. I know you heard me say I felt like your mother sometimes. I didn't mind doing most of the stuff for us but really when you didn't carry your weight or show any appreciation for me that's what bothered me the most. You asked if I was happy with you and you asked why I flirted with those other guys well here it is. I felt like you were my child. Like you were my problem and that thing I had to take care of. You weren't a man to me and it's sad that I had to take care of you constantly and I got nothing out of it. You say we needed a better friendship? Well think about this... how can we have a friendship when our whole relationship is so one-sided and I looked down on you constantly. You're irresponsible, unreliable and self-centered. It's called a partnership. Not a one-person-does-everything-ship. I admit I got short tempered and frustrated easily but there's only so much I could take before I gave up asking nicely or asking at all.

 

So that's how I've been. I've had a lot of time to think and I don't want all that responsibility and frustration back in my life. I don't know if I can ever trust you again. In all honesty right now I don't even like you. You really need to pull it together if you hope to one day lead the life of someone respectable and grown up. I really think this whole military thing is a joke. I don't think you'll last a month. You've given up on everything you've set your mind to when it gets too tough. I'm pretty sure I don't need to give examples.

 

Look, you need to back off. I was really upset to get this. You act like you did nothing to me and that really pisses me off. I don't think it's fair at all to go on about playing me music and claiming what we had is a testament to what life's about when you clearly ditched me for someone else. If that was truly how you felt you never would have hurt me this bad and slept with the first girl who threw herself at you. I hold little respect and a large amount of distain for you in my heart. You are a slew of broken promises. You made your choice and I'm not going to act like everything is okay because it's not. I'm not going to play second fiddle for a man who doesn't care. I'm not a choice, I'm a decision. Sorry to say but with me it's all or nothing and right now you've made it clear that you deserve and want nothing. Keep playing it safe. You'll look back one day and realize you have nothing to show for it.

 

Please do not respond to this email.

 

Unlike the reasons I had for wanting to reply before, now I really don't care. He opened up and this is what he gets. I don't want a reply, I don't care anymore. I'm done with this. It's a waste of time and complete bull to be treated as a backup plan.

 

I needed to stop tempting fate, biting my tongue, worrying how my words will affect him. No matter how he feels or what he says it won't change the fact that I can't trust him and like I said, I really don't like him right now. I dunno if there's a point in continuing this challenge. I have no desire to reach out to him whatsoever. This is the first and only time I've truly laid it out there. He really left himself open to this with his last email.

 

I did hear he's moving out to live with family and desperately searching for a job but this doesn't change how I feel. It's too little too late.

[comicgal]

Probably the most awesome email i've read all day. Way to go.

[Big Bear]

Hi Loxxt, the letter wording is so powerful.. I don't know the story between you too but I am in a situation that hoping my gf will comeback to me (I wrote a letter to her too). If I would gotten a similar mail like yours, it would definitely crush any hope from me.. depends on how the person takes this letter, it will have dramatically affect his/her life near the future. Consider the person has a strong will and willing to change, he/she can really improve his/her self's.. Reading your letter kinda feel getting a slap on my face too, even though the situation treating her a lot different, but end results are similar (break-up).

 

If i got a letter from her just like this.. I will pretty much not know what to do.. the first two sentences are too strong..

[NsKrewtable]

Bravo Loxxt lol

[manhood]

Okay, here is my story:

 

My ex gf broke up at the end of january without giving good reasons. But I guess she wasn't ready for a real relationship yet (she is 22). So the first week I tried getting her back by sending emails and calling her, we live far apart so I didn't visit her. After that we did some weeks of NC and LC.

 

When we were on LC she was the one mostly initiating a conversation on msn. Though she writes a lot about going out with her new male friends, and during our last conversation she even told me she has a new bf and goes on vacation with him this july. So I went into NC again.

 

Though I've heard from a mutual friend that the relation isn't that great as the relation we had in the past. Honoustly I would like to have her back, but I don't know if the NC is working, she doesn't hear from me anymore..so I'm getting out of her head I guess. If I'm online she will be thinking about me from time to time, and that will remind her of our relation in the past.

 

So should I stick on NC or LC? I would like to write her: Get back to me, you new bf isn't that great..and stuff like that. But that probally will push her further away.

[Loxxt]

Hehe. Thanks guys.

 

Big Bear, he left me out of the blue after 3.5 years for a girl he knew for a couple of days. That's pretty much all there is to it. I hope it come accross as a slap in the face. He approached some friends of mine last week asking how to fix this cuz he wants to come back but doesn't know what to do because he screwed up bad. They told him to grow up, work on himself and leave me alone... then he wrote me an email (on one of the previous pages here). It really depends how he sees this email. I hope it's a wakeup call and re-confirming what my friends told him. I felt he should hear it from me. I needed to say it. I don't think it was too harsh... just brutally honest. I thought of toning it down but then I thought why? Because I don't want to hurt his feelings? Sheesh.

 

Hope you guys have a good day. I'm going to play some viddy games and kill some zombies. Maybe need a stiff drink too... /sigh

[Loxxt]

Definitely don't write her that. I know it's true: out of sight, out of mind but when you're with someone you can't help but think of the person you were just with and compare them. It's perfectly natural for that to happen and you don't need to be anywhere in the picture for her to think twice and compare him to you. So saying you're afraid NC isn't doing anything because she doesn't hear from you isn't necessarily true. Because you seem to be in a LDR, things will undoubtedly be different because you don't bump into them. In my case, my ex and I live in the same city, in fact a friend mentioned how he lived fairly close to me, but I haven't bumped into him once.

 

I'd use this NC time to change and grow for the better as much a possible. Whether or not her relationship works out and whether or not she's missing you or regretting leaving is all on her now. You need to think clearly as to the things that you can actually change. Focus on the positives. I know it's easier said than done but really as I've learned, bending out of my way for my ex's benefit and worrying/hoping he'll leave her/regret has gotten me no where. I know the fact that he's not happy with her and wants to come back makes me feel better but it's not what I want now so try not to hold onto any hope that she's thinking/doing things because if it doesn't happen you'll be crushed and if it does, like me, you might realize that it doesn't help that much and very possibly that it's not what you want right now.

 

Good luck, I'd keep NC for awhile and see what happens from there. Considering she hasn't been answering your calls/texts/efforts I'd definitely let it be and give you both time to reflect and grow. If you have any hopes of being with her again, be mature and respectful to yourself and her by using this NC wisely.

[TSandullo]

Loxxt....powerful Sh your email is.

 

A crushing blow upon whomever such words are addressed.

 

I don't think I have developed the testicular fortitude to send something like that to anyone.

 

Hence, I commend you, for how you have endured through all of this.

 

Well done girl, an inspiration to many.

 

I say this is a happy ending giving hope to many: hope that you will be well again.

 

All the best girl.

TS

[TSandullo]

TS

 

I really do think you analyse your situation too often. Many questions are left whitout answers no matter how much we scrutinize them.

 

A quote from Einstein : we cant solve problems by using the same thinking we used when we created them !

 

From Bernice Johnson Reagon : lifes challenges are not suppose to paralyse you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are !

 

A break up is like a broken mirror. It is better to leave it broken than hurt yourself trying to fix it.

 

No matter what, life is hard and complicated sometimes.

 

True say bite,

I must admit at times that I live too much in my head an overly analyse thing.

My ex used to say that I analyse things a bit too much too.

I think I ought to chill a bit more and wing it through life

[TSandullo]

Day 21 - A blur

 

The day went through in a bit of a blur. I can't seem to remember much of it other than gym, class, work and chocolate biscuits.

 

I'm feeling mediocre. Actually, feeling kind of good now. The work is tiring me quite a bit and I severely need rest.

 

TC all.

 

Damn...Loxxt, your email resonates through me...I think that message is for any guy that ought to shape up! Myself included.

 

TS

[TSandullo]

And Loxxt, I can guarantee that following your email sent to him, your attraction level will shoot up 100 fold and, reversing the situation entirely, you are now the elusive individual high up on the pedestal.

 

Ouch to him!

Sizzle and burn like a moth to the flame boy!

[Loxxt]

lol thanks TS

[Animelover6764]

Damn Loxxt powerful email

[bitebenot]

I would read that email 20 times if it was meant for me. Hes no different.

A message can be worse than a silver bullet.

[.Q.]

So, almost 3 months of hard NC down the drain. bad times.

 

My ex was on facebook earlier for the first time this year, and was messaging our mutual friends, making plans and stuff. Its weird, in my day to day life i feel like i don't care, but things like this put me back to square one.

 

So anyway, i kinda used that to justify talking to her over the facebook chat. We randomly chatted for about an hour. It was kinda good because when i think hard about my feelings for her, i think its her friendship that i miss the most. but then when she went she just said bye and that was it. It just made me feel really jealous that my friends are going to get to see her and i'm not. It also seemed obvious to me that she was a lot more interested with what was going on with them than what was going on with me. I mean the conversation flowed, but it seemed more like she was being polite than having a real interest in anything i said.

 

I kinda felt like Ross in that episode of friends where Rachael is leaving and says bye to everyone but him. lol.

 

I don't really know where i'm going with this. I just feel kind of * * * * ty that at one point i was closer to her than all of these people and now i feel like nothing. I think most of it comes from the fact that i miss her as a person and not the relationship. I think. I cant even tell if that's true or if i just tell myself that as an excuse to justify reconnecting with her again.

 

Anyways, moral of the story is, everyone on here is right, as usual, it makes you feel a lot worse by being in contact with your ex.

[WhatSetsUs]

Over 40 days...

 

Im feeling extremely down right now. I just dont understand why this is still such a problem in my life. I think I'm kidding myself by being in NC. I know what I want, and thats her. And I just dont think NC is for me anymore. It might be time to take the risk.

[bitebenot]

Over 40 days...

 

Im feeling extremely down right now. I just dont understand why this is still such a problem in my life. I think I'm kidding myself by being in NC. I know what I want, and thats her. And I just dont think NC is for me anymore. It might be time to take the risk.

 

You can take the risk of course..what do you think will happen ? Who will be hurt ? Why not wait at least 90 days ? Its for you, not her !

Read the post on top of yours,thats says it all !

[WhatSetsUs]

You can take the risk of course..what do you think will happen ? Who will be hurt ? Why not wait at least 90 days ? Its for you, not her !

Read the post on top of yours,thats says it all !

 

I don't know what will happen, but I know right now my feelings havent changed at all in terms of how much I still love her. Ive given myself a lot of time to heal and mature and we're going on to 2 months since the breakup. So I dunno, feels like I dont have much to lose.

[Rotxsen]

Wow Loxxt that message was just outstanding to tell you the truth if that was for me I would probably run to your house and try to get you back cause damn that would make anyone realize what they are losing

 

Day 60+? I don't remember

 

Well the 21th was my ex's and the dude she left me for 5 month anniversary I remembered but I was like ehh wish her the best and kept on going with my life still had that thought in my head the whole day

 

22th I was over thinking about her too much I was like what's the matter now ? why all of a sudden I'm having this heartache's and feeling so weak just like I felt after the break up I was like why now it's been 5 months already? that same day I get on facebook and I laughed at my friends epic fail quote of the day and replied two hours later she does the same I'm like ... she has done this before last month also I felt as if she is trying to contact me but not directly ...

 

the 23th I was insane.. I don't what the hell what was happening with me I kept on thinking about her to the point I start having headaches I couldn't take it anymore while taking a shower I yelled really loud "get out of my head" "you don't belong here anymore" " I don't need this anymore I don't need you" "The hell with you" after that I felt relieved and later on talked to my friend Sarah about it god she was a life saver since I don't really usually talk to my friends about my problems she gave me some great advice and told me pretty much how she's thinking right now I'm like wow you are good the next day and today I been feeling great and her thoughts have faded away... and when they come back I just look at it and smile and keep on going but now I have control once again over it...

 

You know now that I remembered when we were dating she did told me ... she put a spell on me.. always I shall be on your mind you will always love me .. I laughed it off at first but later on her mother told me she did it ... since her mother taught her and all not only that but several other spells ? I keep laughing about it but maybe I should be more skeptical and search around the net for such if they are true.

[Big Bear]

Loxxt, it certainly he showed no respect to you after 3.5 yrs of relationship and left for another girl only knew for couple days... I hope the letter you wrote put a big slap on his face, and wake him up. I suggest you should take a break for now, do something else you wish you wanted to do when your still together, and enjoy it! =D

[Big Bear]

Day 4.

 

I am feeling much better today. Still during the day at work, I would day-dreaming about her, thinking of what she's doing and etc... I have tons of picture stored in my phone, sometime I can't help myself to look it, but this time I forced myself not too.. It's a pretty good feeling that I have some control now.. I have a few of the love songs really touches me, and i would listen to it over and over again..

 

When I got home today, finally she signed on facebook somewhat.. We all play this Mafia War game, I noticed that I saw her in the status update news..

 

This saturday, I think she might go to this wedding. It's her ex-bf before me brother's wedding. I don't know them at all, and I am not sure how well she knows her brother. My guessing now she might try to reunited her ex-bf i guess almost 2 yrs ago..

 

Am I thinking too much? My friend said if she going to wedding doesn't mean they're back together..

[LLammas]

Days 4, 5, 6, and 7

 

Work has kept me incredibly busy this week. He creeps into my thoughts often. I had a sex dream about him last night. That was terrible.

 

Oddly, today I find myself missing his friendship. I want to call him and tell him how my day went, but I know that that conversation could only end badly.

 

This is more difficult than it was previously. While our break up wasn't explosive, we had been friends for a very long time. He was the person I could talk to when something strange or funny happened. We leaned on each other for support and looked to each other for guidance. I feel like I've lost part of my "foundation." I miss him. I miss him horribly.

[Saudade]

Week 3

 

Wow...it has been hard.... but I know I am getting better each day even though I still miss him every single day.

 

It has been 3 weeks today since the break up. Last and only contact was last week when I emailed him to say Happy birthday...I know I shouldnt have done that...but I did =( ... he replied saying that he really appreciated for hearing from me since I asked for no communication...and yes,he has been respecting that..What the hell!!! We see each other on msn but we dont talk. Did he already move on? I mean...doesnt he miss me ? what we had was a big lie? Did he never like me? Why does it look that this breakup didnt affect him at all? How come someone can be so cold? Only if he had someone else Id understand all this coldness...but I know he is not seeing anybody else...

 

Sometimes I think in contacting him in some way to let him know that I dont hate him. Maybe this is stopping him to reach me?!..But then I stop and think ..wait a min I have the right to be angry and even hate him....He hurt me really really bad. I trusted him when he told me he loved me. When he said he could see us together...all our plans...Then next min he was dumping me....Yeh, if we will ever get back together it has to be him who has to work for it...NOT me...I gave him my best...I truly loved him and he knows that... he will have to work hard to get my trust again.......and for now I will be working to improve myself....I am working on that...yesterday I started my Pilates class..it felt good....tomorrow I will be going to see a movie with a friend...Sunday I am going rock climbing with a couple of friends. Yeh I have to keep myself busy..that 's the key to maintain this NC.

 

Sorry if I make no sense...I am having a roller coaster of emotions still...sometimes I want have hope..but sometimes I think I just to face that he wont come back.

 

But tomorrow is a new day and I will be feeling much better.

 

Hang on there fellas...everything will be fine...with or without them...just believe it.

[LLammas]

Day 8

 

He's still on my mind, but I find that the more I have to do, the less I think about him.

 

I try to keep busy. I've been focusing a great deal on my work, my appearance, and music. Whenever I have a free moment, I think of him. I still hope that he thinks of me, even though I don't see a future with him.