THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[bitebenot]

Day 178

 

It's in the morning but I know for sure I won't contact him today. 2 days till I complete 6 months. Woot woot!

 

Happy birthday to you ! Good work by the way,im proud of your achievement.

You are a great women..someday a great man will get that beautiful you !

Thats in and out of course.A bad experience that has turned positive for the rest of your life.It will serve you good.

[bitebenot]

Two months today here as well I basically feel exactly the same as you, although i have been seriously considering contacting her for the last few days, don't know why, and don't know if i will crack or not ](*,)

 

Hang on,dont listen to your needs ! Stay in NC for your own good ! Trust me on this,if you do you will get hurt a lot ! Just remember the first two weeks...you dont want to go there anymore !

[Loxxt]

This thread should be renamed "Ask bitebenot' lol

 

Thanks for your reply, as always.

 

So it's been a week today. Still somewhat mulling over how frustrating my ex makes me feel. But doing better. I know what people hear over and over is to go NC and work on yourself. It is the best thing for yourself and for any chance of reconciliation. But what I find isn't stressed as much and should be stressed more is that although we (the dumpees) will be feeling disposed of, that one man's junk is another man's treasure! He/she may have thrown you away like you were nothing and made you feel that way but there are many people who would love to have a shot at you. So if you think this way, you will begin to work on yourself. So in one aspect hearing someone say to work on yourself is a hard pill to swallow (especially when you used to have 2 people to work on and are feeling down) and easier said than done, but will eventually make you attractive to others once you find the motivation to do things to improve yourself. But if you think that you are admired and wanted by others, I've found that's a bigger motivation to work on yourself even more. Hope that made some sort of sense. ^.^

 

Knowing I'm wanted is a little ego boost and propels me to focus on myself. For example I went on an unofficial date yesterday and the day before bumped into a couple guys who asked me for the time and asked me if I was watching the hockey game (btw go Canada go!) then I heard one say to the other that I was hot while they were walking away. Haha, again, it's these little things, knowing you're valued (even at such a superficial level) that is making me feel better about myself and not like my ex was and is the only man that will be able to love me.

 

Just remembered something somewhat ironic today. When my ex left me, the next day he bumped into my coworker and said (among other things) that I need to learn to open up more and that if I don't I'd have to marry a military man. Okay there are a few ironies here..

 

1. He just sent his application to the Canadian forces!

2. He's very emotional for a man.

3. He thought of joining the army 2 yrs ago and I supported him but stressed it won't be easy (I have a few friends and family members in the forces) and he decided against it about two weeks later. He said I was right and it wasn't the career for him.

4. I was told he only reconsidered the army because he lost his job and it seemed like a sure thing.

 

Just thought I'd mention that. I found it kind of funny.

[Loxxt]

Also, a little tidbit that helped me motivate myself to NOT fall into a rebound:

 

I went out yesterday with a nice guy, but I don't find myself attracted to him. At first I found myself trying to force myself to like him, and trying to see a future with him but this isn't the way to think.

 

When it happens, it happens and there's no forcing it.

 

The reason NC works to get exes back and reconciliation is possible is because you have both let go and moved on past the breakup. As I read somewhere on this forum, the reason this is possible is because the "reconciliation" is in fact a fresh start. It may also happen when they "come around" but to me this isn't genuine. It's panic, fear, regret, hurt, etc.. But when you've both moved on, grown, let go and have at that point reconnected, that's true reconciliation to me. That's another reason why holding on does no good. Holding onto an idea means you're not moving in any direction. You might not be doing anything negative but you aren't doing anything positive either.

[bitebenot]

I agree fully with you. It looks like your mind in clearing up ! You can analyse easely and thats good.For now forget your ex and concentrate on yourself only.Whatever you do dont force yourself to love another guy.Its natural,when it comes u will know for sure.Take your time and be very picky !

Even if it takes 2 or 3 months,slow is the way to go ! If u think you found the right one put him to the test.NO rebounds for sure,i really agree with you on that one lol ! Im proud of your achievement,i told you before,yes you can !

Yes...go Canada go ! Lots of gold from the women ! Great ! Take care.

[1guygirl]

Day 7 of MOTBT

 

oooof what a mix of emotions....theyre really coming out.

 

didnt help i had been at that lady's caring for her (and sleeping over) jus wanted to be home healing...anyhow...

 

I at the moment have zero self esteem, i feel like sh*t in every way, looks, body, inside, spirituality, career etc. In the beginning, i was confident about myself and the ex made me feel like a goddess, then came the quips about every other woman, and over time i felt "not good enough" (this is synominous with me being adopted also and the other events in my life)

 

i would never be truly happy with ex, they way he talked bout other women so much i know i would never feel secure if he talked to a pretty woman, it would feel like he was having a mini love affair with them in his mind, i just would feel that. and that would feel awwwful!

 

i think in my heart and gut he played these games, he hyped it up, im 33 and he was 43 and was insecure with his looks and couldnt believe i was with him. he admitted i was a big ego boost to him. but yet my 'ego' was run into the ground so much so im seriously wanting cosmetic surgery. why has a man who supposedly loved me made me feel like utter sh*t???

 

and then theres that other thing, i do love him, but feeling like this knowing that i cant go back to that, and being so utterly bitterly dissapointed that it has come to this, coming second to a pretty face, the love i thought was there/what we had has just been wiped, devalued, unvalidated.

 

jus strange emotions right now...jus want it to be day 1000 NC!!

[.Q.]

Hang on,dont listen to your needs ! Stay in NC for your own good ! Trust me on this,if you do you will get hurt a lot ! Just remember the first two weeks...you dont want to go there anymore !

 

It's weird, i know what you're saying is 100% right. Tbh i havent even found NC hard at all up till now, i guess a part of me thought she would contact me, and now she hasn't and i'm thinking that she isn't going to is whats making me want to reach out.

 

I thought i was over her but i'm obviously not, thinking about it now.

[jj21]

It's weird, i know what you're saying is 100% right. Tbh i havent even found NC hard at all up till now, i guess a part of me thought she would contact me, and now she hasn't and i'm thinking that she isn't going to is whats making me want to reach out.

 

I thought i was over her but i'm obviously not, thinking about it now.

 

This is exactly how I feel! I haven't found it hard either really although I still think about her everyday. I thought she would have contacted me as well, I don't really get it. We are on really good terms and she wanted to stay friends. Before I blocked her on msn we would talk every two weeks or so, but now theres nothing...

 

She may have met someone, I have no idea or shes just doing it because she doesn't want to hurt me, who knows!? I shouldn't really care i know, but it does make me curious.

[1guygirl]

guys...your exes are prob jus trying to heal (and move on) like you are.

[Loxxt]

It's weird, i know what you're saying is 100% right. Tbh i havent even found NC hard at all up till now, i guess a part of me thought she would contact me, and now she hasn't and i'm thinking that she isn't going to is whats making me want to reach out.

 

I thought i was over her but i'm obviously not, thinking about it now.

 

There's no real way of knowing why she isn't contacting you. She may be thinking what you're thinking: waiting for you to initiate contact. She has nothing to lose by contacting you other than a bruised ego. You have your mental health and personal progression to lose. Believe me, this is the umteenth time I've gone NC. But now that I *somewhat* know where my ex stands, I can stay NC and move on without the jerk playing with my mind and heart.

[Loxxt]

Quick question!

 

I went out for dinner and we watched a movie at my place with this guy I met. Nothing happened, no kiss or anything and as I pointed out, I'm not really attracted to him. Since nothing happened, do you think I'm obligated to explain my intentions? Or should I just play it cool?

[uncomfynumb]

Quick question!

 

I went out for dinner and we watched a movie at my place with this guy I met. Nothing happened, no kiss or anything and as I pointed out, I'm not really attracted to him. Since nothing happened, do you think I'm obligated to explain my intentions? Or should I just play it cool?

 

You know what is funny? The first time that I went out on a date with my ex, I was like "meh." I felt nothing for him except for friendship. He kept at it and we hung out a few more times after a couple of months had passed and my attraction grew. Well actually, it hit me like a ton of bricks.

 

Sometimes you don't know if you have chemistry or not until you touch in a tender moment. That was what happened with me. And look where I am now!

 

Glad that you are back in the game! I'm heading that direction my self!

[Rotxsen]

Day 1

 

It's been four months I deleted her two months ago but I will not see her pictures or anything anymore I will reject all her way of contacting by trying to text my phone

and today four months ago was the day she broke up with me.

 

Day 4

Well when I started the challenge I looked at her profile big mistake so I'm starting since Day 1 I haven't talked to her In one month though the memories are still here and I think of her everyday but it doesn't bother my every day life my confidence is at peak keep going to the dojo do my ninjutsu classes getting a job soon hopefully getting my life back together and everything seems fine without you.

[11everything2-1nothing]

Day 0

 

We had a bad talk today broke up friday. However I feel like the chat gave me some closure. I erased him from my face book. We only knew each other for two months, but it hurts really badly for some reason. I have never had such strong feelings for someone in a short amount of time. He cheated on me, and was a liar, and not a nice person. I don't want him in my life, but I am hurting. So this is day 0.

[Chris Knows]

Quick question!

 

I went out for dinner and we watched a movie at my place with this guy I met. Nothing happened, no kiss or anything and as I pointed out, I'm not really attracted to him. Since nothing happened, do you think I'm obligated to explain my intentions? Or should I just play it cool?

 

Explain to your ex? Or the person you went on a date with?

 

Your ex - No.

 

The date - If they expect more than yes

[Loxxt]

Explain to your ex? Or the person you went on a date with?

 

Your ex - No.

 

The date - If they expect more than yes

 

Yeah I meant the guy I went out with. I just don't want to seem selfish but I know I'm not that into him but he's into me. At this point, this is the last thing I want to deal with.

[bitebenot]

It's weird, i know what you're saying is 100% right. Tbh i havent even found NC hard at all up till now, i guess a part of me thought she would contact me, and now she hasn't and i'm thinking that she isn't going to is whats making me want to reach out.

 

I thought i was over her but i'm obviously not, thinking about it now.

 

I still get those feelings even at the 5 month mark ! And i dont even want her anymore ! What can i say,i miss her,her personality and all the sh1t !

She has to make the first move,not you ! Give more time,you never know !

First its about you,move on,dont wait for her ! Myself i have 3 girls in line,i have to make a choice soon.What an ego boost lol ! Do the same,go hunting and enjoy it,dont waste time its not worth it.Dont forget yourself,thats what im saying,enough with the bleeding ! You want to give blood go to the red cross,not your ex !

[bitebenot]

guys...your exes are prob jus trying to heal (and move on) like you are.

 

So very true ! I lived it...i know.Unless they are from another planet,lol.

[Loxxt]

This is day 8 and I feel like I'm about to break NC. *

 

last week this happened: and ever since then I've felt this building feeling in my throat. I'm frustrated and feel like he's just walking over me, playing a fool to get me to keep talking. *

 

The reason I want to break NC is to tell him that I'm not his friend, not here for him and to leave me alone! I know this would make me feel better and make this feeling in my throat go away but I know it would come accross as being angry and spiteful but honestly it's the frustration and him just acting happy that I'm speaking to him that is making me want to pull my hair out!!!

 

So, is me breaking NC really the best thing? I know he's no fool and knows me better than anyone so I'm torn between thinking either he's pushing my buttons to keep talking or if he genuinely thinks all's good between us. The only sign he's sorry for what he's done is in that link, but he hasn't said sorry to me. That sorry is more of a guilt sorry to me, to make me coddle him, get attention from me and lure me back in. *

 

I really need some input. I want to do what's right by me. I feel this frustration turning into anger soon (i'm already taking bets as to how long he'll last thru boot camp and wanting to see him fail) and I know that's not good for me but is ramming that down his throat going to be the best thing? I care about him but i feel like if I leave it be I'm hurting myself and I'm growing spiteful of him. Or I can lay it on him, potentially hurt him and our current relationship (which is very much one sided atm) but help myself but I don't want to hurt him. I'm so torn!!!

 

I've never told him how much he hurt me or how much I want him to back off. And with each passing day I'm growing more frustrated. In my head he's having a good 'ol time with the woman he left me for and thinking he has my blessing. The thing that bothers me is I honestly can't see myself taking him back. Especially now because I feel so misunderstood and used. That's why I want to break NC. For myself. To say goodbye, for real. Right now he seems like he thinks he can come back whenever. It's pushing me away an making me hopelessly hurt. I feel like he needs to know this.

 

This lump in my throat has tripled in size since I started writing this... *

[bitebenot]

Yeah I meant the guy I went out with. I just don't want to seem selfish but I know I'm not that into him but he's into me. At this point, this is the last thing I want to deal with.

 

Forget him,think of yourself.You dont like him dump him.Too early for him to get hurt. Who in his right mind would have expectations after a date or five !

If he does,its time to run. No kissing or anything lol...hes not to good at it.

Hes not me for sure.

[bitebenot]

Dont do that ! You will be regressing ! What will you obtain really ? More pain ? Show him you can do and you have a spine ! I mean it. If you do you will regret it ! He will know you that are still hooked on him no matter what you say,i know i would ! Think twice before you do. Its my opinion.

[Loxxt]

Dont do that ! You will be regressing ! What will you obtain really ? More pain ? Show him you can do and you have a spine ! I mean it. If you do you will regret it ! He will know you that are still hooked on him no matter what you say,i know i would ! Think twice before you do. Its my opinion.

 

The problem is that I know what you're saying is true! The hardest part is swallowing my pride and letting him believe whatever he wants/needs to so he feels like he is a good guy and like all is well in his life especially feeling content with the status of our relationship. By the looks of things does this seem like what he's trying to do? I've always been very self conscious and wanting my intentions to be 100% clear so this probably doesn't help me in this situation.

 

Thanks for your prompt help. I was feeling really weak today, especially when I wrote that previous post.

[11everything2-1nothing]

Almost day 1

 

I made a huge step...I deleted him from everything. I think the fact that I couldn't bring myself to delete him in the the past kept our relationship going, even though it was obviously unhealthy. I even cleared my call history on my phone. With the invent of cell phones I honestly don't remember anyone's number any more so it is pretty impossible for me to contact him. Unless I stopped to the email level. He usually calls me within minutes-hours of our fights. Not this time, and I'm happy because he won't manipulate me anymore.

[11everything2-1nothing]

The problem is that I know what you're saying is true! The hardest part is swallowing my pride and letting him believe whatever he wants/needs to so he feels like he is a good guy and like all is well in his life especially feeling content with the status of our relationship. By the looks of things does this seem like what he's trying to do? I've always been very self conscious and wanting my intentions to be 100% clear so this probably doesn't help me in this situation.

 

Thanks for your prompt help. I was feeling really weak today, especially when I wrote that previous post.

 

I contacted mine today for a similar reason. I don't know if your ex is stubborn, or dellusional like mine. I thought contacting him would make me feel better, give me closure, and i would let him know how he made me feel. None of this actually came from the contact. He was the same way as usual. The contact only made me feel worse about the entire situation, and I feel like I gave up my dignity by doing it. Actually I gave up all control I had. So don't make the same mistake.

[bitebenot]

I contacted mine today for a similar reason. I don't know if your ex is stubborn, or dellusional like mine. I thought contacting him would make me feel better, give me closure, and i would let him know how he made me feel. None of this actually came from the contact. He was the same way as usual. The contact only made me feel worse about the entire situation, and I feel like I gave up my dignity by doing it. Actually I gave up all control I had. So don't make the same mistake.

 

I agree,theres nothing to gain but a lot to lose ! Dumpers need to know we are not looking for crumbs.Once you ignore them they become like us,dumpees ! And then you get all the control back and they feel rejected.From there dumpers and dumpees are finally equal. Its a cat and mouse game.Playing well is the key if not fuc*** it ! After a whiile we come to the coclusion its not worth it and we let go for good.