THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Loxxt]

Day two... Again! And just over 2 months after he left me. Honestly today I feel the best yet! Before I was smiling just to make myself seem happy. Now I'm smiling because I'm happy. I know my ex cares about me and wants me in his life but not willing to be with me for whatever reason. I'm not a sad puppy waiting to be rescued or that it's finally my turn again. Honestly f*** that!

 

I'm no where near ready to start a serious relationship but yesterday I met a nice guy who I enjoy talking to and it made me feel open and happy and lovable again. I've read it before and I know it's hard advice because you can't exactly make it happen, but MEET NEW PEOPLE! The first few weeks I felt like a zombie. I shut everyone out. Looking back on it I know it had to be done but knowing what I do now and facing it with a clear head I'm now doing what's right and good for me and not what will possibly win my ex back. His new gf wedged her way in and he took the bait. He made his decision. Now I'm finally making mine. I don't even know if i'd be able to see my ex the same way. I used to put him up on a pedestal, unwilling to admit to his flaws. Now I see them quite clearly and feel like I've grown up quite a bit. But he's still flip flopping, still doesn't know what he wants and he's happy being lost. He admitted this!! Why do I want someone who doesn't want me, left me, hurt me, I have no respect for, and who I now in fact look down on. I know I'm well on my way to moving on and I know this will not sit well with him when 6 months from now I haven't uttered a word to him. I admit this brings a smile to my face.

 

It's funny, I started reading a lot of these threads hoping to find the magic formula to getting my ex back. I kept hearing how he thinks the grass is greener and she's a rebound which made me feel better. But then I read how I would start to move on and ironically that's when I'm happy and when he'll try to crawl back to some degree. I know he values me as a person and will want me in his life, he's already wanting my support going into a new career path! But what does he have to offer me? He has always been very self-oriented and close minded so as a friend, in terms of venting, support or getting opinions he didn't have much to offer. I had to either shut up or talk to someone else. So bottom line is he seems to want me more than I want him.

 

When someone or something is ripped from our lives and we're used to it, we try to grasp at it and try to bring it back to us. But as I've learnt and as people on this forum say, the only thing you can do is to let it go (i.e. no begging, pleading, yelling, etc.). Only then do we see things clearer. Unfortunately for myself I'm realizing that my ex was lazy and selfish and unappreciative. I overlooked this because I loved him, he was my first LTR and I honestly didn't know better.

 

His loss. I put up with him and cared for him and would have done anything for him. He threw that away but is grasping at where I used to stand because he wants parts of me in his life. Aka, everything but the intimate side of the relationship. Ya know what? Enough about him. He's gone. /end rant

 

keep strong everyone, none of us deserve to be kept as a backup!!!

[1guygirl]

day 2, round whatever and 4 weeks since split

 

i thought it was 6 weeks since we 'split' but its not, dunno how i came to miscalculate that much but it feels like 6 weeks, but glad its only 4

 

not having a strong day today, wanting him sexually really bad, but last night was good, on cam with a mate (who split with his gf same time as me) and we got lashed and we both put our exes away for the night and had a good laugh actually and i didnt text him even tho i wanted to so im proud of myself that way

 

but reading others coming through other side is good...i just dont want this to be the end of the story for me and ex, not today anyway arghhhh!!!

[bitebenot]

Moving on is a 4 stage process. I like to measure my progress based on the following 5 levels.

 

1. You know your still stuck on your ex when your counting the days since the break up.

2.You know your getting better when you start counting weeks instead of days.

3.You know your doing good when you start counting months instead of weeks.

4.You know your doing really good when you start counting years instead of months.......

5. You know you've moved on when you cant remember how long it has been since you broke up.

 

I have made it to level 3. Just 2 more levels to go and I will be as good as new

 

I have to tell you this,i will not be counting years,no thank you very much !

[vertigoxo]

Day 174

 

6 more days...

[klafeoj]

day um.... 48 i think... anyway my ex again texted me with this...statement... It is in need of punctuation because I'm not quite sure what she is saying. Anyway...

"Something. A month or an i hate you wont break your anti [name removed] streak if anything i will leave you alone... "

[bitebenot]

day um.... 48 i think... anyway my ex again texted me with this...statement... It is in need of punctuation because I'm not quite sure what she is saying. Anyway...

"Something. A month or an i hate you wont break your anti [name removed] streak if anything i will leave you alone... "

 

Again trying to get a reaction from you.She will be back again with something new.She didnt forget you.Just hang on and wait.

[Anon333]

Day 5

BIG SET BACK,

went out last night and saw the ex with the other girl....I am not drinking anymore so was able to control myself, I put on a smile face...He gave me a big smile as he walked by with this girl....I smiled back. It was super hard at first, but I tried to stay in front of him so I couldnt see him and he could see me. Him and the girl were not acting lovey dovey or anything, in fact she was out smoking and doing other things while he was standing there...Not that says anything.....There were some guys hitting on me so I was hoping it would make him jealous....I dont think she is as cute as me, but guess that doesnt matter......I was proud of myself for getting by and staying strong...And I felt like if anything, he would leave maybe thinking of me.....But I could be fooling myslef......He was leaving with her...I havent heard from him in 5 days, and wonder if I ever will...

 

So I felt a little bit stronger for getting through it, but then I couldnt sleep all day...Had to go to work, and was okay until midday I started to feel like the tears and saddness were builing up and I couldnt tke it anymore..I went home early....Ive been pretty devistated still..No contact is much easier than I though though because I know there is nothing I could say to him, nothing I want to say. Yet, as the days go on and now I know him and this girl are more serious maybe, it is getting harder and harder.

 

On top of this...A friend I have had for a long time, who has been kinda in love with me, but has always stayed just my friend, kinda snapped and told me I was shallow for not wanting to date him and that I make him feel like an ogre...SO now I have lost two people I was once unbelieveably close with....It has been really really hard today...

 

Do people who move on with another person right away just forget about you? How can they so easily be with someone else.? and his stupid smile!

[Loxxt]

Do people who move on with another person right away just forget about you? How can they so easily be with someone else.?

 

From personal experience... I didn't do it to forget him. In fact I cared about him a lot but felt like I was being taken advantage of.

 

My experience on dishing out the s*** can't really compare to a LTR (all of this happened over a span of 7 months), but when I left one guy for another I did it to show how this guy was so much better than him in the sense that the other guy had what he was lacking. I admit I wanted to wake him up and make him jealous and value me.

 

Again, from what I did (and you'll see it mentioned over and over in these threads) I was able to be with someone else because I honestly thought that my ex would be there waiting for me. I didn't feel like I had anything to lose. I felt like I could just walk away and be with someone else and come back whenever I felt like I could. But when I came back he rejected me and when I moved on and started seeing someone, that's when he wanted me back. So a word of advice for dumpees: If your ex comes back, think long and hard about what you want (you probably are already doing this now). Stick to your decision. If it's maybe, tell them you need time. If it's yes, tell them you need time. And only say no if you mean it. Because if you say no, there's no taking it back.

 

This is my experience from when I was 17 so take it with a grain of salt. Although when I look at it this way, my situation makes a little more sense, lol.

[Anon333]

Thanks for the input...Think I should post that question maybe.... He told me it was over and to move on and he is with someone else....All signs point to "he is over me and has moved on"....And I know that this is probably true....But I have experienced boyfriends saying this to me in the past, and later change there mind..but they change there mind only after a long time.....Or after they know I gave moved on...RIght now, he knows he can be with her and if anything went wrong, he could beg for me back, or I would take him back......But thats not what he wants right now...I cant help but to wonder what he is thinking right now...His seeing me out, acting happy, getting hit on by other guys....Couldnt that almost be as hard as him being out with another girl? If he has feelings for me still, dont you think he might be questioning if he waits any longer I will be gone for good?

[Diagonal]

Day 2 complete.

 

Spent the day on both the up and down.

 

Had a nap and dreamt I was still with her helping her through her problems, which hurt a little when I awoke.

 

Recieved some good adivce and support from a friend and from the good people on here, so staying strong.

 

Can't believe it's only been two days though!

[ex sweatheart]

My new day one. Feels so sad.

 

Think of it like when you start to get fit again and try to go for a run, the first couple of days it ust like hell and you can only run for a few hundred mtrs... maybe a mile if you really try, but if you do it every day then slowly you realise you are running a mile easy then nearly 2.

Its a slow process to rid your life of something or some one and like all other things that we become reliant on and love having in our lives... caffeine, lollies, alcohol or whatever the fix is , its hard to break a habit.

We all berate ourselves here when we break NC for a second and yes the whole point is really NC but we are all human and entitled to slip up !!

Head up Jaygirl, your amazing and your doing a brilliant job

[kvb10]

Day 5

BIG SET BACK,

went out last night and saw the ex with the other girl....

 

all i have to say is major props.. i dont think i could have handled that! im doing fine as far as moving on right now, but am not ready to see my ex out with another girl.

[kvb10]

Day 2 complete.

 

Spent the day on both the up and down.

 

Had a nap and dreamt I was still with her helping her through her problems, which hurt a little when I awoke.

 

Recieved some good adivce and support from a friend and from the good people on here, so staying strong.

 

Can't believe it's only been two days though!

 

 

Dreams are the worst... I have dreamt maybe 3 times about my ex and they are always very frustrating dreams. in the dream, she is always being mean to me and i am always feeling very frustrated and confused. It's kind of restless. Thank goodness the dreams aren't happening too often though.

 

Keep truckin' D!

 

Before you know it 2 days will turn to 20 days.

[1guygirl]

day 3

 

and he wasnt 1st thing on my mind ...he did pop into my mind but i had to conciously do it as i jus thought positively how i went into nc

 

went to view possible new home today, didnt want to leave it and come back here with all ex memories. may not be moving due to credit check crap...i hope that doesnt put the dampner on things, felt really positive about this new place...it will be the foundation of where i start again - bettering me emotionally and physically, doing my long awaited hobby, having my daughter, and get a cat!

 

and i have to let my beloved lil car go...it needed some repairs and had they been 200 quid then fair dos, but it was nearer 400, so as much as the engines great, ive let go of my trusty old friend - but the detatching hasnt hit me as hard as i thought it would. i am able to let go of so much - material things dont matter so much, its jus harder when somethings attached to your heart

[klafeoj]

So a philosophical or I guess psychological question. Why do the exes initiate contact if you clearly don't want it? You tell them that you really don't want to be friends and then you just cut them off for months. I'm interested in viewpoints.

[bitebenot]

So a philosophical or I guess psychological question. Why do the exes initiate contact if you clearly don't want it? You tell them that you really don't want to be friends and then you just cut them off for months. I'm interested in viewpoints.

 

in one simple word : ATTACHMENT

[bitebenot]

Annon333,

See " Reverse psychology and the rebound relationship " on ENA.

Go to page 25.....read the post # 250

[Loxxt]

Day 3. Not as good as yesterday, but still okay.

 

I'm not feeling sad, just frustrated. I don't understand my ex. I thought I clearly stated TWICE that either he'd have to work with me on us or get out, back off. When I said that the first time he replied by saying he wants to talk as friends and would really appreciate my support when he joins the army (IF he does...). Then I thought I'd make myself more clear but what I got as a response was that he was happy being lost and that he really appreciated me answering him and it means a lot to him.

 

I feel like this is our general sense of conversation...

 

Me: Yah, I'm really not hungry.

Him: We should go out to eat, I know this great place!

 

It's just frustrating. That's how I feel. And I hate being misunderstood and like to explain myself so I and whoever I'm talking to are on the same page.

 

Annon, like bitebenot said, it's about attachment.

 

My ex wants me around and is so ignorant he just sees what he wants.

 

I read this somewhere on this site, but men seem to want attention, whereas women seem to want their emotional needs met. That's why when we go NC they don't have attention but when we keep in contact we feel empty because our need aren't being met and they feel fulfilled because they have our attention.

[jaygirl]

And so my ex sends me a msg today. Says he missed me. He loves me, and he truly wants me back. But is still not ready for marriage psychologically. he left me IMs and texts. Said the NC really made him realise wat he had.

[Diagonal]

Day 3 almost complete.

 

She did text me today with some info, to which I replied thanks, but that was it. I think like LoveSoDeep said I'm not treating her like a leeper or exhile!

 

Had some real downs today but am finishing the day thinking that I know without being too big-headed that I am a catch for my ex!

 

I'm in great shape, good looking, intelligent, funny, successful, more than financially stable (self-made), don't drink, don't smoke, am good person, have shown I am still very much in love, attracted and want her back.

 

Yes, I had my faults and I do believe I've realigned my life balance and am working hard on the issues that caused the break-up.

 

If all of that isn't good enough for her, then what else can I do? I can't become someone I'm not and it really will be her loss and someone else's gain.

 

Not in an arrogant way, but you know....take it or live it.

 

Onwards and upwards eh?

[Diagonal]

Wow Jaygirl, that sounds promising, what you thinking of doing about it?

[Loxxt]

Still day 3, but I almost hit the reset button.

 

I'm starting to be annoyed with my ex. Really annoyed, to the point that I'd rather hit myself over the head with a bat than speak with him.

 

It has everything to do with

 

Has this sort of thing ever happened to anyone else? It's like he won't give me space, doesn't understand or just plain ignorant. But it's frustrating me and ironically making me feel like the typical dumper. This is coming accross as needy and is pushing me away.

[blitzkrieged]

wth?? why?! why did you make me break NC??

 

he called me, i didnt pick up.

Then here comes the stupid part, since i already ignored the last text i didn't want to seem like a * * * * * : I sent him a text saying sorry i missed your call. whats up

 

Him: nothing

 

5mins pass

 

me: k....

 

no response after that.. WHAT??i just dont understand ](*,)

[vertigoxo]

Day 175

 

5 more days. =]

[dazed_83]

coming up for 2 months of no contact from me or her............ I feel OK.

 

The realization that I may never see her again, is now kicking in, which makes me sad and makes me think of all the great times we had together, we had loads in our 6 years together. You dont just loose your lover, you loose your best friend too, double whammy!

 

It really will be done and dusted when I leave Scotland in June (hopefully) to live in Australia for a year.

 

She's hitting 30 soon and she wants to settle, because society says by that age you should be married with kids I'll bet everything I have she will be married by the time i return.