THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[bitebenot]

SNOW....i have this new g/f i met a few weeks back...when im whit her i dont even think of my ex !!!!! The ex is not hurting you,your hurting yourself because you are obsessed with the jacka$$ ! Use your pride and push him away for good ! He doesnt care about you,do the same towards him !

Hate him if thats what it takes to move on.Erase him from your life.

Remove everything around you that reminds you of him.

Dump him from your pc...erase his phone number.For you he doesnt exist anymore ! You can do this ! Be the one you were before you met him !

If you dont do this,depression will set in ! You dont want to go there,believe me ! Go to a gym if you can,did wonders on me ! You're intelligent,you know what it takes,so do it ! When its hard,come here for support or call friends or family.

[Snowgrrl83]

I'll stop trying to plot revenge. I need to move on and just ignore the jerk. I need a massage.. my shoulders are super stiff.

 

I guess I'm driving myself insane because when I saw him last time he was super sweet to me. I mean, really sweet! Like all the things that I had been craving for a long time, he fufilled on Weds. I contacted him, and asked if he was bored at home by himself. He said yes, so I suggested that we go shopping. We did, and he treated me the way I always wanted to be treated. It felt soooooooo good to receive compliments, to hear that he told his mom that we broke up because he wasn't nice to me, to hear that he would be hurt if I did move on right away. After that wonderful evenning, he told me he wasnt over his ex... It makes me go crazy. He cares for me, but doesn't want to be with me because he's not over his ex.

 

I told him that he needs to try it out again with his ex or go NC with her. He didn't want to do either.

 

Theres a part deep down inside of me that wants him to hurt... but I really don't want to do it on purpose. I'm just going to ignore him now and go out with my lady-friends tonight.

 

Maybe he'll realize what we had during this moment of NC for a month. Then, in a month, I'll be able to either fall in love with the man of my dreams all over again....... or move on as a stronger person.

 

I'm sorry, I have to go through this over and over again, but it does help.

[klafeoj]

So on a flight i got a chance to sit and ponder my situation. Thinking back on my relationship... I have come to the conclusion that the relationship wasn't worth saving or even hoping for a return. It wasn't abusive but we have broken up so many times that we really didn't mesh well. I still miss her terribly but this understanding helps me let go. I guess when this kinda thing happens you need to sit back and think objectively. I still don't know how this will play out. But I must move on even if the oppertunity presents itself.

[klafeoj]

I'm starting to miss my ex more not the girlfriend but just my friend. But will not settle. Nc must be maintained

[bitebenot]

So on a flight i got a chance to sit and ponder my situation. Thinking back on my relationship... I have come to the conclusion that the relationship wasn't worth saving or even hoping for a return. It wasn't abusive but we have broken up so many times that we really didn't mesh well. I still miss her terribly but this understanding helps me let go. I guess when this kinda thing happens you need to sit back and think objectively. I still don't know how this will play out. But I must move on even if the oppertunity presents itself.

 

Right on ! Exactly what you need to do ! The problem is that love makes us blind.After a while we do become objective and we can analyse with a clear mind.Thats when we see that it wasnt all that great and pure.

We only think about the qualities of our ex,but they were NOT perfect !

In a few months you will laugh at all this and you wont believe how much

you were willing to give her.It will become just another bad segment of your life.It will make you a better person really ! Come back in 6 months to read what you posted here,you wont even believe it was from you ! You'll see !

[klafeoj]

What ever happens. Reconciliation or moving on. Through the flames of perdition we stride hoping to come out the other side without a burn.

[Snowgrrl83]

Yesterday after work, I went to physio for my knee (on which I had surgery a couple of months ago). My physiotherapist is a really good friend. She is in her 50s (I'm in my mid-late 20s) and she had some really good advice. almost like my psychologist and my physiotherapist at the same time. I see her 2 or 3 times per week. Then, after physio, I went to eat dinner (yes, i actually ate a full meal!) with a pregnant friend to catch up. After that, I went to a ladies night for wine and cheese. It felt really good to not sit at work by myself to dwell on my problem/situation.

 

Its funny, because my thoughts and feelings change every day and every moment. This morning, I woke up before my alarm again, but I didn't cry. I woke up, and I thought to myself "if he does call me, and does want back in, why should I let him in?" I want him in, but he's been treating me so badly for the past 7 months and he's not over his ex. I don't deserve to be treated that way. Then, I got mad. He WAS really mean to me, why the hell would he deserve me!? I need a really big sincere appology and I need him to show me that HE WILL CHANGE.

 

Today is Saturday, and I'm pretty sure he's gone snowboarding. Although its my favorite sport, I can't snowboard this winter because of my injured knee. Its really hard to keep yourself busy when you can't do any sports (which are usually my hobbies of choice). I have another ladies night tonight. Dinner and then the club... but we might go shopping before hand.

 

I've also been thinking about what I'm going to do next weekend. My lady-friends have organised a ski-weekend where we rented a condo at the local resort that is just 2 hours away. I had announced this to my ex about 4 days ago (last time I talked to him). Coincidently, his buddies had organised a weekend at the same resort too!!! I'm about 90% sure that I will run into him and that he will confront me. What will I say to him? I need to keep NC but what happens in a situation where you get confronted? I haven't told him about NC yet. Do I just tell him that "I need to think for a while" and then to leave me alone because I hang out with my friends? Advice please!

[klafeoj]

Day 10. Well we may not have been perfect but they were good times. I guess when u feel like this it makes me wonder if she felt this hopeless about our relationship when we were together. And if she did then all chances are gone. As you may tell I'm still riding the roller coaster

[syxx87]

Day 12

 

Its kind of weird because me and my ex have never gone this long without any type of communication. I went to some parties last night with my best friend just to get out the house. Had some fun and a couple of frustrating moments with a girl I met a week ago but overall it was good to get out the house so I wouldnt run the risk of moping around dwelling on the situation. Weekends are usually the hardest for me to cope with because I cant shake out of my head that she is likely spending it all with him or going to clubs doing who knows what. Also because it was a weekend in which where our relationship ended so I think I somehow subconsciously let that bring my weekends down.

 

The one good thing that NC has done for me already is that I dont have the impulsive urge to call or text her anymore. I still think about her alot but I dont feel the need to call and see what she is doing, to try discuss issues, or let her know how I feel. To help me get over her I just keep telling myself that she left me for her boss and told me she wants to see how far their relationship goes so with her saying that, she isnt coming back so to hell with her. She left a 3.5 year relationship that didnt have any significant issues for one with her boss so why would I want her back after she hurt me and then tried to justify it.

 

I'm eagerly anticipating getting through 19 more days to see how much more I have progressed.

[bitebenot]

Just tell him that you have nothing to say and thats it ! Ignore him,nothing else will do ! It will make him think.Dont give him the chance to torture you any longer ! So tell him your done with him,turn around and walk away !

If he wants you that badly,let him work for it and for a month,nothing less.

His actions has to prove that he means it ! Do it for your own sake and mental health !

[Snowgrrl83]

klafeoj and syxx87 - have your exs tried contacting you yet since you started NC? did you tell them you were doing NC? I'm curious... for my own sanity

[donr]

Day 2

 

I see some high numbers in this thread and wonder how I'm going to get that far. It seems like every waking moment I think of her, of her with the guy she left our engagement for. I don't even know if 2 is the correct number. I went to the gym yesterday and she was there on the stairmasters. I didn't see her at first and started my workout. I must've recognized her gait on that machine from the corner of my eye, because I knew she was there. I immediately went to the locker room and left. I don't know if she saw me or not.

 

She always goes in the morning, so I didn't expect to come accross her. Why would she go at night? I couldn't think of what to do, so I left immediately. Does that show weakness? I just didn't want to be in the same place with her after all that's happened.

[klafeoj]

I told her that we couldn't be friends not now at least. She texted a week later adking when we could. Then the next day saying she didn't want to be anymore. We shall see if ahe calls again. 10 days

[syxx87]

klafeoj and syxx87 - have your exs tried contacting you yet since you started NC? did you tell them you were doing NC? I'm curious... for my own sanity

 

I just told her that me and her cant talk or hangout as long as she is dating her boss. I told her that this doesnt have to be goodbye forever but until she figures out what it is that she wants and till I get my head on straight, we cant talk or hangout. She said she understood and seemed to be upset about it (she was crying but could have just been putting on an act). My ex tried to message me on facebook last Sunday as well. I think she was possibly trying to bait me into talking to her by starting the message off by saying "i know that you dont really want to talk and i understand if you dont say anything back". I just ignored her!

 

The only reason I told her that I was doing NC was because I figured that since that we had been in a mix of NC/LC for a month prior to that, that just up and disappearing doing cold NC out of nowhere would make me look childish, she would know that I was just trying to blatantly ignore her, and would help her move on for good since she has another guy to comfort her now. I'm doing NC because her mixed signals were setting me back and keeping me from truly healing and I couldnt take it anymore but I will be honest and admit that I also did it in hopes that after some time apart, she will realize that our relationship was fine and better than her current one, and if we are both open to it if the time comes, we can work things out and try again.

 

Its' tough because each day my emotions tell me two completely different things at different times all through the day. One minute I will be depressed because each day we dont talk tells me that she is still with him and thats her preference then the next minute I will feel on top of the world and feel great doing NC and feel that after some time she will come back. It sucks not being in control of your emotions lol.

[Snowgrrl83]

donr - hang in there! it gets easier everyday and try to keep yourself as busy as possible!!!!

 

syxx87 and klafeoj -- thanks for the answer! I hope my ex tries to contact me - but I wont answer.

[klafeoj]

She may have contacted me but I doubt she will again. Sometimes I just wonder what she feels. Best to try to get used to not having that person in your life anymore

[bitebenot]

You did the right thing by leaving,best decision really.NC is hard,but if you would call her,what would you say ? Would you be hurt ? Could she hurt you more ? When you call, you dont learn anything that would help you.

The best its for her to call and says she wants reconciliation,nothing less.

That way you know its honest.Shes the one who has to chase you.

NC 3 months and 2 weeks for me and i will never break it.

To me shes gone,thats it ! Im moving on.

[Elephant]

Day 3.

 

He texted me saying he finally got my letter that I sent three weeks ago, and he thanked me for it, saying it was really nice.

 

I was kind of offended and depressed to receive that text, but whatever. I didn't reply. Hopefully that's the last I'll hear from him (in the letter I said that we both needed time and space). Sigh.

[anon12]

Day 5! would be 12 but i broke it when i saw her rebound out with another girl...

Then i got it in the neck, deleted her from facebook, and told her i dont want to know the person she'd become. I did also say, if you ever change back, then get in touch..

i left the door open slightly i think.. lol

 

Chatting to a new girl now, for about 4 days, met her once at new years with my mates, wasnt really in the mood that night though, seeing as it would have been my anniversary with my ex.

 

Ohwell, im still sorta hoping she comes back, but im not sure how id react if she did. But i do really hope something develops with this new girl, i mean, i told her i had a crush, and she hasnt run off yet. Good signs.

 

Still miss all the great memories, and all the little things still remind me of her, but there not getting me down anymore, Its not like i dont care, but im accepting that shes changed from the person i love, and i dont like whos shes become at all, so i guess its easier in that sense, but its a tragedy the worlds lost a person like her, and shes just turned into someone with such low respect for herself and others. Shes getting played. She'll realise one day, i just hope she does soon.

[bitebenot]

By the time she wakes up, you will be in a new relationship..its always like that.The dumper comes back months later to realise the dumpee is no longer available.The dumper tries hard but finally gets rejected. Sounds good for a finish huh ! lol

[bitebenot]

I surely know what it is to miss the ex..i went to places we use to go sometimes,still hurts.Feelings bigger than the universe.I had to do that to see if im healing ok, but i still need more time to overcome it.I felt the void she left in me.Loneliness is hard to control.The world doesnt look the same anymore.Seems everything is worthless and doesnt deserve my time.

I know i screw up big time and i cant do anything to rectify it.After 5 years she treated me like a waste you discard for the dump.No discussion to save what we had,no will to do so.How important was i to her ? I will need six months to get over the monster that holds me tightly.When you take someone for granted,you wake up one morning and find out your world is about to fall apart and you cant do anything to reverse time.The ex wont listen,she has turned into a brick wall.To me it was like doomsday,nothing less.Yes i can find another good women,but it will never be her ! That emptiness is there to stick for a long time.Maybe its harder on me because i never been dumped before.The worse is even if she wanted to come back my pride would reject her because she was way to cruel.That women wasnt the same anymore,she turned evil towards me.Her income now is over $50 thousand a year because of me.Theres no way she could have had that job whitout me pushing for her. I was generous...but to her it doesnt matter anymore,im just another man among many.Life stinks big time, but i will overcome the situation since i have no other alternatives.Im sure she hardly think of me anymore,she will try hard to make her new relationship work,shes can be very stubborn.I know she will regret it someday and i hope she will be hurt as much has i was.

[deecbee]

Hi everyone... first post here, but I've always been a lurker here whenever my ex and I were having problems. Finally broke it off for good a few days ago. I will start the challenge tomorrow, I already contacted him today, so too late for that

 

This will be a lot easier with support. I like this idea. Day one tomorrow!

[bitebenot]

Hi everyone... first post here, but I've always been a lurker here whenever my ex and I were having problems. Finally broke it off for good a few days ago. I will start the challenge tomorrow, I already contacted him today, so too late for that

 

This will be a lot easier with support. I like this idea. Day one tomorrow!

 

Welcome to the broken heart club !

[deecbee]

Thanks, bite!

[Snowgrrl83]

Day 4 but feels like forever.

 

I went out with a bunch of friends last night, there were maybe 15 of us. All these guys were interested in me - I'm quite the guy-magnet, I must admit....

but for some reason, no matter which guy I met last night, none were really interesting. None of them had anything in common with me like my ex did. It really sucked.

 

It just made me sadder and I had to leave the night early because the tears just came pouring down. Its like I can meet a really sweet guy that has a few things in common with me, but I'll never find the ideal guy that is sweet with me and that has the same hobbies/values.

 

Also, I'm extremely hurt by my ex. Its almost like I can never trust a man again. He really lead me on for a long time, just to find out that he wasn't over his ex. The hurtful psychological abuse that he had done to me is simply unimaginable.

 

Still I remain NC and he hasen't contacted me either.