THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[HereIGoAgain]

i still have a lingering feeling from never confronting him for cheating and lying to me. other than that, i don't want him in my life ever again.

 

Read this and it struck accord with me. Posted on this thread a long time ago where it's been nearly 18 months since our break up and there's been very little contact, nothing substantial. I'm too left with residual feelings that I let her get away with not telling her the reasons our relationship failed, that ultimately after the things she had did during it that I never trusted her. Subsequently found out she had signed up to dating websites long before we split up and that during that time she was pressuring me into marrying her.

 

Now I've had time to look back and reflect, there are many things I'd like to say to her that the relationship failed not because of me but because of her actions. However, after such a long period making contact for that reason would probably come accross wrong anyway and do more harm. As a result, will stay NC with her forever where I'm fairly sure this will be mutual

[1guygirl]

Day 2....

 

and i woke and while i straight away thought about him, i also remembered some mad sh*t that an old mate and i got up to....i was laffing out loud for real....that set the tone for the day

 

poured some Jack Dee, and later some baileys and then some guinness. I played some really old choonage and i was just thinking of all the old happy memories....was good.

 

i did send the ex love on the astral, but today the drinakge had effect in a good way and im still going....taking advantage of it cos i know by monday i will be sober and getting down to bizness

 

just pleased for today....and hes respecting my wishes for time. God hes such a beautiful soul, and its such a shame we couldnt do nowt about it...i get pangs of anger but thats natural, i guess i wanted him to fight but he has ties, just wish the gorg barsteward was honest in telling me BEFORE i got close, but hey. but i think hes so diff to last ex with his hurt and cheating and face rubbing in it...

 

will contact the site where hes moderator tho on monday to ask to be deleted, i get the feeling he will suck up the female friends attention after our split and i dont wanna be party to that....will kill me...talk about a turd in the punchbowl....

 

so no....im gone...totally....let him miss me yeah?

 

but i am doing this for my healing and maybe we can be friends but probs wont go there....

 

 

ahimsa to you all.... xxxxxxxxxxx

[supercalifragilistic]

Day 60

 

Well, look at that...I made it. 60 days. It was not the NC I had hoped because I had to contact him twice about some money he owes me but not once did I contact him to hear his voice, talk to him, see him...it was strictly about the money.

 

I have to say I thought I would be MUCH better by now...but I am not. I feel horrible and I've spent the past few days crying a lot and being really sad about this. Today wasn't much different. A little better than yesterday, but not by much.

 

Back when I started NC I was thinking about breaking it by now but I'm nowhere near ready for that and I know (from checking FB and the like) that my ex is not even close to missing me or wanting me back, so what's the point? I'll just stick to NC and only contact him if it's about my money or anything else unrelated to the relationship that has to be done. Maybe by day 90 I'll be ok? Here's hoping.

[1guygirl]

sh!t now i wanna contact him and have a connection with him....grrrrrrrrrr stay strong gurl....divent dee it *geordie speak*

 

gawd i cud melt in him......

 

gawjuss beautiful man .......be easier if he WAS a bast*rd

[1guygirl]

ok hun....how much money does he owe you??? can you do without it? money is material but not important when your healing and happiness comes ino it?

 

sack the money....ask the universe for it and you will re-gain it in other ways....last ex i had to say goodbye to soooooo many material things but it was worth it just to not have to deal with the flak and the chew of it all...yeah money is $$$ but your healing and progress...well thats PRICELESS

 

hugs hun xx

 

also....the fb thing i made that mistake last time round...ok it worked in my favour regarding child custody crap in court cos i proved he was liar thanks to my stalking....but unless youre in that situation...NAH...it tears you up and prevents you moving on healthily....i know by going on the site my ex was mod on, i would see him and be deflated and hurt....its jus not worth it...its hard when all you want is at least some bloody connection, yeah i kna and feel that, but in the grand scheme of things, its like a hit of heroin, but the next hit and youre gone, youve lost the fight and you tumble down to the pits of hell.....youre worth sooooo much more hinny....dont give your power away...jus dont xxx

[CuZiNeeDYoU]

52 days...it isnt really hard to stay nc but what hurts is that she hasnt contacted

me yet...i reaally thought she would have

[supercalifragilistic]

ok hun....how much money does he owe you??? can you do without it? money is material but not important when your healing and happiness comes ino it?

 

sack the money....ask the universe for it and you will re-gain it in other ways....last ex i had to say goodbye to soooooo many material things but it was worth it just to not have to deal with the flak and the chew of it all...yeah money is $$$ but your healing and progress...well thats PRICELESS

 

hugs hun xx

 

It's what I used to make in three months of work...it's quite a lot (to me). I don't need it, it's not going to kill me to go without, but it's mine and I want it. I could take a pretty decent vacation with that money, I'm not about to give it to him, just like that. I would forget about it if I thought that would help me move on or cause me less pain, but I would feel much worse knowing that not only did he dump me, he kept all this money that belongs to me. I wish I could just let it go and not care, it would be much easier...but I cannot let that go.

 

And you are right about FB...it's an addiction...it's a good thing I checked it because I had high hopes he would come back and now I know better. But it's probably best that I stop checking it.

[1guygirl]

It's what I used to make in three months of work...it's quite a lot (to me). I don't need it, it's not going to kill me to go without, but it's mine and I want it. I could take a pretty decent vacation with that money, I'm not about to give it to him, just like that. I would forget about it if I thought that would help me move on or cause me less pain, but I would feel much worse knowing that not only did he dump me, he kept all this money that belongs to me. I wish I could just let it go and not care, it would be much easier...but I cannot let that go.

 

you have jus said you can do without it....so fcuk it off....it will come back some way or other in other ways....you just wait and see, and if it dont then fine inbox me and i will coff up *yikes lol*

 

LET

 

IT

 

GO

 

.....it has no relavence in your healing....

[1guygirl]

52 days...it isnt really hard to stay nc but what hurts is that she hasnt contacted

me yet...i reaally thought she would have

 

as much as it hard to get ya head round this, they have done you the biggest favour in the long run...contact = pain and set backs to your journey

 

i am sending you love and was gunna say i will ask the angels to be with you, anno that will seem like bollocks but they are with ya....

 

your ex is prob hurting tooo

 

chin up....its so bloody hard and hard to deal with but when you come out of this, and you will, you will be thankful of the space to re-find yourself

 

painful tho anno ](*,)

[CuZiNeeDYoU]

as much as it hard to get ya head round this, they have done you the biggest favour in the long run...contact = pain and set backs to your journey

 

i am sending you love and was gunna say i will ask the angels to be with you, anno that will seem like bollocks but they are with ya....

 

your ex is prob hurting tooo

 

chin up....its so bloody hard and hard to deal with but when you come out of this, and you will, you will be thankful of the space to re-find yourself

 

painful tho anno ](*,)

 

I doubt shes hurting...shes got her new guy to make sure of that unless theyve broken up...i really dont knoe and i like it like that

[1guygirl]

I doubt shes hurting...shes got her new guy to make sure of that unless theyve broken up...i really dont knoe and i like it like that

 

well my ex ex was with someone and after the honeymoon period and serious grass aint greener afterall-age.....guess who he contacted....yup me...

 

but i was in nc and ignored him....jus be ready for it jus incase

 

they always come back...even if it takes years...my ex ex when seeing me said he regretted letting me go so easily and wanted to try again...blah blah frikken blah...

 

too lates baybee xx

[dudeinlimbo]

Finally starting this... day 1!!!!!

 

Quick points:

- Together 14 years, married 13

- Separated "physically" mid October due to a myriad of circumstances it would take too long to explain

- She separated with me marriage-wise a month later, begun partying and seeing a series of guys. Explained she needs "space" and not sure if "we work"

- Devastated initially and for about 3 weeks

- Within past week, really came to clarity.

 

Longer synopsis at

 

Glimpse of me coming to clarity at

 

 

And how do I feel??

 

REALLY GOOD!

 

Don't get me wrong. A part of me with always love her in some way. But, I have truly seen her for who she is and am 100% ready to move on and find my life.

 

LIFE IS DAMN EXCITING NOW! I realized what an awesome guy I am. I am getting in the best shape of my life. I am a software developer and have 5-6 really exciting projects coming up this year. I am going to make a LOT of money, ask my daughter where she wants to live, and begin an awesome adventure with her.

 

So, no. I don't think this will be much of a problem. My ex contacted me 2 days ago saying she thought it would be possible for us to be together. She talked about flying down to see me. She said she missed me so much. She said she wanted to work things out.

 

TOO LATE!

[Le MX5]

I'm in. Shouldn't be too hard to ignore her, since she's just another person to me now.

[1guygirl]

nice one dude!!

 

Day 3....

 

and boy....the anger has kicked in. i like anger better than hurt. it motivated me to ask the forum to delete my account again....when i went on their page there was a message left by the ex - felt awful so i know i have made a wise decision. really pissed off with him at mo...the leading me on, the false promises he didnt keep, just beautiful flowery words and no substance. F' that....after all i have been through he could have been more careful with what he said if he couldnt keep them promises.

 

i have stayed in bed today, laying on 'his' side, and 'his' pillow, and only jus got up....gunna have bath and chill. more drinkage or spliffage laters

 

pulled some angel cards and they were soothing....what with them and a 21 year old lad who did some inkage on me saying i was sexy/hot/good looking, yes was nice to hear but words dont mean jack anymore

 

cant wait til im indifferent to him, i dont want him back, how could i ever trust him again???

[peanutbutterandjelly]

Today is day 41 for me.... i havnt posted the last few days, as things have been mostly okay... though I did hear another confirmation that he is moving to colorado with his new girl... it's kinda hard for me to swallow that it really may be true and he really may be going through with it, but it doesnt matter. I can't stop him.

 

I'm planning on breaking my nc on january 4th. I have to get my stuff back before he leaves and he has been logging on to my website almost everyday and posting. He told me he wouldnt log on because he knew it would hurt me and then last night he posts

 

"link removed is the reason I am as awesome as I've become."

 

 

 

anyways i wont go into that too much as theres a whole thread on that in the GBT section under "my ex joined my secret santa?" incase anyone wants to read the whole ordeal that ive been going through...

 

anyways.. on january 4th i will be 49 days if i counted right. i hate to break it, but it's necessary. ive been thinking about it for a few days now and i am going to give myself another week to make sure it is something i really want to do.

[Melting]

Day 1 Round 4

 

Gosh Im just a sucker, every time he contacts me I fall for it... only to have my heart broken over n over.

 

Ugh I thought I was so mentally there, I thought I could cope with anything he could dish out and then he spent the whole w/e txting me.

 

He showed kindness, feelings... something that I havent seen for 7wks.

 

And then... Sunday night, he does a backflip n changes his mind

 

I REALLY REALLY need to move on, I am just being cruel too myself listening to what he has to say. I am only hurting myself.

 

So, here I am, back again at NC.... back to the first Day we broke up

[dudeinlimbo]

nice one dude!!

cant wait til im indifferent to him, i dont want him back, how could i ever trust him again???

 

I'm pretty much in a similar spot, except I've achieved my indifference to a certain level.

 

For me, getting treated badly (especially in the final month/breakup) was one of the biggest favors she could do. She took herself off of the pedastal I kept insisting on putting her on.

[teampunjabi]

Day 3 for me today I just cant get thoughts of losing her forever to her new guy that shes talking to Sigh.

[dudeinlimbo]

Day 2 - Still feeling good and ready to move on.

[1guygirl]

Day 4...

 

feel much better....argh these ups and downs eh?

 

however, gawd do i wish him and his sexy bod were upstairs in my bed as was planned ](*,)

 

this time last week we were just all over each other, me blissfully ignorant of the fate that bestowed 'us'

 

still, got cpl of jobs done biz wise as i restart it up, will just keep up with the jobs that need doing for my future now

 

had planned on doing some exercise tonight but mr guinness got there first, not too worried bout this - i will get round to it in the next few days and i know it really helps big time

 

hope the rest of you guys are getting through it too xxx

[hopelessincan]

so I made it six days. he contacted me first (to pick up his things supposedly). He is now practically begging me to stay friends with him and admitted he is afraid to lose me. what to do now? I told him i cant be friends. however i do think there is a chance i can get him back if i do by some things he said to me today.......He doesnt trust me right now

[Melting]

Day 2 Round 4

 

You deleted me off msn last night and it made me cry for the first time in our whole breakup.

 

That definitely showed me that u have close the door on us forever.

 

Now I just need time to heal

[dudeinlimbo]

Christ..... what a mess.

 

Halfway through day 2 of NC the ex called today, and I stupidly answered. She started off the conversation trying to discuss a bill we are both responsible for. Then, she started down the path to our relationship. We ended up talking for an hour and a half.... a really great conversation with lots of laughs. She said a lot of things she hasn't said in a while, but the main points I remember are:

 

- She loves me and is IN love with me.

- She is sometimes 100% sure she wants me back, other times 75%.

- She misses me... misses my "scent" (whatever that means) and wanted me to mail a shirt

- She is not in love with anyone else

- She does not want to let me go

- She cannot go 30 days without talking to me, and begged me not to do this.

 

Yes, despite my earlier bravado, I got caught up in the nostalgia and participated fully in my half of the "i love yous" and "i miss yous". I did ask if she was ready to dedicate herself to saving our marriage, and this is when she pulled back a bit (although not as much as before). I tried to explain that the healing process for me is SO much better when I don't have these types of calls.

 

Got off of the phone, and felt weird. I had set a course to not have her in my life, but for the first time in a while, I was considering it. We do have a long history and a LOT of great times.

 

An hour or so later, clarity began to return. If she had said "I want you back" during that phone call, and I had agreed, it would NEVER work. She hasn't really worked on her half of the issues, and I would just be full of resentment.

 

Also, I did consider she was mainly worried about losing her security blanket, and was overemphasising her feelings for me to get me back on board in that position.

 

Bottom line, SHE HAS NOT COME TO HER MOMENT OF CLARITY. If she had, she would have said the right things. She is just missing me, and thinking about a future without me. But, the REALITY of losing your partner forever has not impacted her in the same way it did me.

 

Additionally, a small part of me was worried about the new me I am envisioning. I still want to see what that new me is going to be. I can picture happiness without her, which makes this process a little easier.

 

So, tomorrow is day 1 again. I've sent an email which explains in stricter and more emphatic terms my need to be alone right now. Will update later.

[dudeinlimbo]

Almost forgot the best part. I am Facebook friends with her brother (but not her) and he was tagged in a photo taken during a bar get-together. In the background of the photo was the ex, and the guy she is seeing.

 

A brief reaction of anger (I guess you can't suppress this) quickly turned to pity. This was a girl who had flown around the world for her job, hung our with corporate CEOs, stars, and media giants.... sitting with the biggest, fattest, goofiest looking New Jersey schlub I could imagine. A guy with no ambition, happy to pass his time hanging out with a bunch of Philly losers. WOW

 

By the way, anyone from Philly or Jersey please don't take offence. I know many upstanding, ambitious, cool people from those states. However, this guy is NOT one of them.

[bitebenot]

In NC for 3 months now,feel a lot better ! Spoke to her for 4 minutes max in that period.The second call from her was bad,like acid ! She was mean.She has a new b/f.So to her i became a virus lol ! Notice,she was really in love and clingy with me ! Shes pissed,i know it will pass but i dont expect anything from her now.Hope her rebound falls apart so she can have the same pain that i had ! I was replace 3 days before she dumped me over commitment.Never talked about it at the end,she planed it all ! B1tch ,lol