Do younger women like guys with kids?

[king6]

I’m asking because it seems like women my age (without kids), kind of shy away from men that have children. I’m 25, and have a 2 year old son. I kind of fear that it will be difficult finding someone that fits what im looking for, that will accept my child. I’m currently fighting for joint custody of my son, so he will be around, I wish him to be around always. I’m a quiet type of guy, and don’t meet new people that easily. To tell the truth, I don’t know that many women at all.

To add to it being difficult, I don’t want to get involved with someone who has a child of their own. Maybe that’s mean, but I just don’t think I can go through all that again. My last ex had a previous 8mth old baby, that I accepted and helped raised for the past 6yrs, and now its like im no one to the child, even though I love her as my own and she calls me dad. My ex even recently told the child that I’m not her father, and now I don’t know what to do.. Since when I do see or talk to the child.. We both still want me to be dad. Its heart breaking,

 

I feel, that I am a good catch, and that many women.. In my mind are wishing for a guy like me. I actually told my ex, (before she was my ex) that many women would kill to have a guy like me, that pissed her off quite a bit. But then again, I look around at the guys most women are going for, and they are nothing like me.

My honest opinion is they are immature, dumb, not interesting, not successful and not really doing anything for their selves. I think a lot of them are caught up in drama/party, look at me- im so cool cause I can get wasted all night, lets talk about face book/myspace and walk around the mall all day buying junk- lets watch reality tv shows all day phase.

 

I am a very creative and intelligent guy, im healthy, I don’t smoke, rarely drink, I work very hard. I’m honest and I make a honest living. I own a very nice house (have for 3yrs now),live a upper middle class life style, many cars/outdoor toys that I had to work hard for,-buy’n broken & fix’m. Full Time job + Part time job, I have a great family- That is very giving and successful. Im very mechanically inclined, I am a can do anything type of guy, and I literally can do anything, Many skills and talents. Over the past years I have built many very cool mechanical projects that get a lot of exposure and attraction. Many people cant believe that Im the mastermind behind them. That’s one thing that always bug’d me with my ex, she never appreciated those things, or made a big deal of it, While everyone else like worshiped me for it. I love my kids (yes kids, still consider the other mine) and I do everything for them, providing a great lifestyle and giving them the best child hood I can. Im not a big talker and I don’t get involved in other peoples lives/drama.. I prefer to be outdoors and do things for my self., by my self. My biggest flaw is I don’t ask for help and I find ways around not needing help. A lot of people like to party all weekend, Im the type of guy that will spend the whole weekend alone sanding/painting his boat, or tilling up/raking/reseeding his lawn. I believe I have many nice things because of that. I take pride in everything I do, and I do my best to make everyone happy when they are around me.

 

Feel like im typing a dating profile, But I guess its hard to explain the type of guy I am. I see a lot of other guys my age with kids, and they are pretty much dead beats. BUT, that seems to be what women want. Those guys.

 

Im confident, I believe im attractive, (got a pic in my profile now) however I look younger then I am, I take care of my self and I dress.. Eh normal. I don’t get excited about the trends or clothing with pictures/words all over it.

 

So am I wrong? Are women not looking for someone that has their priorities straight, has life on track?

Or am I seeking out the wrong women. What kind of activities should I be getting involved in to meet women of the same position I’m in?

 

I’m clueless, because honestly I’ve never really had to try dating, My first and only gf (my ex) pursued me and at a very low point in my life (very depressed/kind of social outcast). I didn’t want her because she had a child, but she kept pursuing until eventually I gave in, and at the time.. I never planned on it being more then a few dates. Ended up being 6yrs. Being with her, made me change my life. It wasn’t her, but it was the life we started together, that got me to who I am now and what I have now. I was always capable of it, she having a child, just kind of motivated me to get it faster.

 

The funny thing is she left me, to live the exact opposite lifestyle I was providing for her.

[waveseer]

There are women your age who would appreciate a man like you.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Any guy that takes the responsibility of a child in a world where he could easily leave it all to the woman is a great guy in my book.

 

I'm a bit younger than you, but, if I were 25, a child wouldn't scare me away. I like guys that are good with kids.

[shikashika]

There are plenty of women who do not mind this at all.

 

When I was 21 I had a boyfriend for two year who had a child (he was 24....the child was a high school 'oops') I never even met the child as he lived in a different province.

 

It bothered me then.

 

Now, I would not want to date a guy with a kid. But many women won't mind at all

 

Wait.. I just read that you were asking about *younger*women.. I guess that's not me anymore!

[ellymay]

ready2heal is right. There are women who have been hurt by the stupid guys you described and would LOVE a lovely guy like you. It's just a matter of finder her. At 25 your still young have have a whole life ahead of you. You'll find her someday. Maybe not someday soon but you will. Then you be the happiest man in the world. You just need patience.

 

Good Luck-Elly

[JadedStar]

Yea, this isn't something we can answer for you> Some women who love kids won't mind at all. If a woman doesn't like kids, or doesn't want kids, or has grown kids and not looking to get into a situation with a guy who has them, she won't want to date a guy with small children if she is very young or very old.

 

If she likes kids, particularly small children, she probably won't mind at all. A lot of women find it very endearing to see a man who is a good father and they won't mind.

 

For me, I am young enough to still have kids, but old enough to have grown kids (and do), so if i was single i wouldn't date a man with small children, but that is just a personal preference because I have already done that and not the most patient person with toddlers. Lucky for you i do not represent all women's tastes. LOL

[king6]

well, im actually 24, 25 in a month. Thinking about it makes me feel like im getting old, buy I guess its not that bad.

 

I dont know how any guy can deny his child. I thought about it, alot.. because of what my ex is putting me through, she is awful and doing everything in her power to make it hard on me and my family. And shes doing it because she knows we all love my son very much.

But that doesnt matter to me, Ill sell the car ive been restoring over the past 7yrs and put alot of time/money into....just to pay for a lawyer. Ill do what it takes to have him in my life atleast 50% of the time.

 

I guess I dont know how to approach women, and let them know I have a child. Of the many girls Ive met, most of them already know through my freinds, anyone new.. I dont hesitate to let them know I do have a little boy. Even show them pictures, but once I do.. they usually do the Aww, and lingering end of conversation. Althought I cant be sure they were interested in me in the first place. Its not like Im about telling everyone, but I dont hide the fact that I have a kid.

Maybe im wrong about this, but I kinda believe anyone I do meet, must love him before they love me. If they just love me, they may never love him. I dont know?

This is how my dad met his new wife, and shes absolutely the best thing to ever happen to him/us

[shikashika]

well, im actually 24, 25 in a month. Thinking about it makes me feel like im getting old, buy I guess its not that bad.

 

I dont know how any guy can deny his child. I thought about it, alot.. because of what my ex is putting me through, she is awful and doing everything in her power to make it hard on me and my family. And shes doing it because she knows we all love my son very much.

But that doesnt matter to me, Ill sell the car ive been restoring over the past 7yrs and put alot of time/money into....just to pay for a lawyer. Ill do what it takes to have him in my life atleast 50% of the time.

 

I don't think you should deny your child at all. One reason I do not want to date a guy wiht kids is that I feel if I were to have a child, or if anyone would, especially a wee, young one like that, they should be fully devoted to their child.

 

I don't want daddy's date life or sex life to get in the way of time he should be spending with his son or daughter. Especially if he only gets the kid 50% of the time.

 

Other reasons (these are more selfish on my part)are that when i have a child I want it to be the first for both of us. And, for me, I don't think I want to date a family right now. I want to date a man.

 

I love kids, I hope to have kids one day. For me though, I just don't want to date a guy with kids right now.

 

I just had a look at your profile pic... cute guy, cute kid!

[JadedStar]

I think you should be upfront and open about it. It isn't something to be ashamed of. He's a beautiful kid, don't keep him in the backdrop to please some women, even in the early days of courtship. You are now a part of another human beings life permanently and that person should come first, dates second. There are a lot of women who will admire you for that, and be ok with dating you. But do make sure you spend that 50% of the time you have him with him and not trotting him off to a babysitter all the time to please some girl (not saying you would, just sayin).

 

If you need to hide this fact from a potential date she isn't worth dating and if she asks that you put him on the backburner for her, she isn't worth dating.

 

YOu might get a few fewer dating options but that is how it is as you have a little guy who needs you more. MANY men are single fathers today - it isn't a dating death sentence.

[jenny_mcs]

I think when you are looking to find a SO, you should not demand something that you cannot offer yourself. So, I do find it hypocritical that although you have a child, you will not date a woman with a child. I understand that you got hurt by this situation in the past, and fear loving a child you may eventually not be in your life anymore if you break up with his/her mom, but don't you think that women you might want to date might have the same fears about getting involved with you, knowing you have a small child?

 

i think you are making a mistake and really limiting yourself to say you won't date a woman with a child. A single mom might be the best match for you, as she will understand the demands of single parenting.

[JadedStar]

I agree about the hypocrisy. If you don't want to be ostracized for having a young child it should behoove you not to do the same to others.

[king6]

I think when you are looking to find a SO, you should not demand something that you cannot offer yourself. So, I do find it hypocritical that although you have a child, you will not date a woman with a child. I understand that you got hurt by this situation in the past, and fear loving a child you may eventually not be in your life anymore if you break up with his/her mom, but don't you think that women you might want to date might have the same fears about getting involved with you, knowing you have a small child?

 

i think you are making a mistake and really limiting yourself to say you won't date a woman with a child. A single mom might be the best match for you, as she will understand the demands of single parenting.

Well Id prefer not to, but I guess if I did end up meeting someone that I liked, Its not out of the question.

 

Thing is, I actually havent met a single mother of my age group YET that is even on track in their life at all. And Ive met quite a bit, many through my ex, and some through my freinds and family.

It seems like they are all over the place, being ho'ish, pawing the kids off on people, keeping the kid out of the picture.. thats something I just dont like. I guess generally, people that have kids at a young age.. tend to just have to much problems with their self. Im probaly wrong, but its just from my experience. Also seems like they kinda let their self go..since they have kids..its an excuse. (my ex used it) I also dont know if I can accept another child as mine, or if its possible. Even with me ex's child, she alwase made it known to me, that it wasent my child, she was in charge, I had no say so, I cant do this, I cant do that, Dont talk to her kid that way.. Yet she insisted that I be a father, play the father role and treat her as my own. It was very frustrating.

 

Also a second (or more) child in the picture also just makes it that much harder. Try toteing around 2 children, and finding time to be alone. It doesnt happen. I think thats a huge reason my ex strayed from me... We didnt have time for each other, when we did, it was late, and we were tired.

 

 

Its so easy for SOME single women with kids to find a guy. My ex has 2 kids (full time now), and she found a guy in just a matter of days of breaking up with me. Its sad really. And shes pawning both kids off on anybody she can.. so she can go out and party.

I know this girl (was a friend) and she finds new guys every couple weeks, she has a 5yr old, and shes constantly battling her ex. Yet she manages to find guys, and keep them around.

I also know another girl, most shallow person I know, She got preg and sat on a IV for 9mths because she feared getting fat, she had the baby, , but her baby is never in the picture, shes out running around with guys, going on trips, (recent spring break), going to partys, clubs, bars..shes to consumed with her self. Shes very attractive, but like I said.. problems.

Yet the child doesnt limit her to what guy she can get

[JadedStar]

Well king6, you probably wouldn't want the ladies generalizing about all single fathers with kids being deadbeat dads, so you might want to have a more open mind since you also want others to have one with you.

[shikashika]

OK king, please don't go off on the 'women have it easier' tangent.. I've seen so much of that on ENA over the past few days it drives me nuts!

 

You honestly can't say that all the women out there with children are so messed up, yet you are on track and would make a good partner. Maybe that's how some women see you? I'm not saying you are like that, but to many women in their twenties, they would see a young man with a kid who has a messed up relationship with his ex as 'messed up'.

 

Despite how you try to prove you are not.

 

You can't, in any way, expect to have standards for a woman that you can't provide yourself, nor do you even want to!

[JadedStar]

Woman have it easier? This reminds me of another thread I just read. C'mon man - women can get cellulite! Don't pull that women have it easy card! LOL

 

But seriously, come on, both sexes have their own difficulties in dating. There is no corner of the market on 'easy' in this arena.

[king6]

lol. Sorry, I didnt say all. Just those that I have encounterd. Thats all I have to go off of. Im know there are alot of responsible young single mothers out there, but like said.. I dont know of any or where to meet them.

 

Just in my experience. Also I dont know any guys in their 20's that actually have their child 50% of the time or even full, so I cant relate. I will agree about all the dead beat dads, but im not that type. I know to many guys that are just child supporters, see their kid maybe 4 times a month. Thats what my ex wants me to be, but I will not have it.

 

Also I agree about being "messed up" with my ex. However in time, that should be void, and in the past. I only plan to progress and raise my son. the ex is out of the picture once I get legal custody. Shes the messed up one, I actually kinda fear that any women I do potentialy meet, she is going to go nuts on. Even if shes with a guy right now.

 

"Its so easy for SOME single women with kids to find a guy"

. Men pick up women, rarely do women pick up men. They probaly arent going to pick up the guys their heart desires, but its not like a child scares a guy away from a women very easily. I know alot of guys prefer women that have kids :shrug: (and im still talking about those in there 20s) eh, but I dont believe they do it for the right reasons.

 

Sorry, didnt mean to get under anyones skin.

[shikashika]

Please retract this comment... I have seen too many threads recently on men moaning how easy it is for women.

 

Why are there any single women out there then if it is oh so easy for them?

[king6]

lol, done. though I think im entitled to an opinion, fixed those to.

 

Why are there any single women out there then if it is oh so easy for them?

I think your getting the wrong idea. I think im mainly ranting about my ex finding some one so easy I honestly think it will be a very long time before I can even find someone that will date me. It doesnt seem to matter who I am, or my status in life, I have baggage, and women my age dont want it if they dont have it. And I dont want extra baggage, so I guess Im kinda in a rut.

[shikashika]

lol, done. though I think im entitled to an opinion.

 

I think your getting the wrong idea. I think im mainly ranting about my ex finding some one so easy

 

Then SAY that!

[Samedy]

You can't, in any way, expect to have standards for a woman that you can't provide yourself, nor do you even want to!

 

Nice quote.

 

I have one female friend who is a single mom. She is a great mother and I had the pleasure of meeting her son this weekend past.

 

She works two jobs and takes care of her Son. I'm not entirely sure what her dating life is like, but I know she lives a busy life, and wouldn't have the time to sort through all the duds if she were to announcer her single-hood (if that's all there was to it).

 

And if at any point her life seems off-track, it's because she is so busy trying to provide the best life for her son that she can.

 

As for your original question. Some women will mind, some won't.

[king6]

You honestly can't say that all the women out there with children are so messed up, yet you are on track and would make a good partner. Maybe that's how some women see you? I'm not saying you are like that, but to many women in their twenties, they would see a young man with a kid who has a messed up relationship with his ex as 'messed up'.

 

Despite how you try to prove you are not.

Missed this. And I totally get it, because thats why I started this thread, because I believe thats what Im thought of when I meet new people.

I actually dont get that detailed into my life, many people I meet dont know nothing about me, and im not the type to brag. I dont glorifiy anything I do or even ask for appreciation for it. I dont run around expressing how Im the perfact catch.. Everything I do is for me and the way I want to live my life. Not to impress anyone or be the ideal guy.

Ive just alwase felt (maybe its from the media) that women would prefer a guy that is doing something good in his life, vs one that isnt. And perhaps, I do have my ducks in order to potentially find someone great in my life that will want a life with me.

 

For the most part, women know nothing about what I do, and I dont really share what I do, I try to keep conversations usually directed towards other subjects.

My version of a single mother being messed up is: Living off every assitance possible, doing the partys/bars, drinking, maybe a part time job, no further education, neglecting time with their child, putting their self before their child. Living a low standard of life and hooking up with any guy that will have them. --thats a version to me..because I know ALOT. (more then 10)

 

Also my son, was planned, I did want him. So i guess any female that thinks im messed up because I have a child so young.. isnt mature enough for me. What id like is to meet someone with the same values. But I dont know how. Everyone wants me to go to the bars with them to meet new women, I dont see that being what I want?.

 

 

Im new to all of this, any suggestions would be helpful. Dont take my opinions to strongly. Ive never dated before, and dont know the scene that well. Mainly what I know is from what I gather from people I know.

[dreamwarrior]

I am sorry that I am 44 not 24...I would date you...smiles...even worse to bad guys my own age aren't like you

[dreamwarrior]

There are plenty of women who do not mind this at all.

 

When I was 21 I had a boyfriend for two year who had a child (he was 24....the child was a high school 'oops') I never even met the child as he lived in a different province.

 

It bothered me then.

 

Now, I would not want to date a guy with a kid. But many women won't mind at all

 

Wait.. I just read that you were asking about *younger*women.. I guess that's not me anymore!

 

 

hahaha...shika...guess that's not me anymore...lol...sounds like something I would say...to funny..hehe

[dreamwarrior]

I think when you are looking to find a SO, you should not demand something that you cannot offer yourself. So, I do find it hypocritical that although you have a child, you will not date a woman with a child. I understand that you got hurt by this situation in the past, and fear loving a child you may eventually not be in your life anymore if you break up with his/her mom, but don't you think that women you might want to date might have the same fears about getting involved with you, knowing you have a small child?

 

i think you are making a mistake and really limiting yourself to say you won't date a woman with a child. A single mom might be the best match for you, as she will understand the demands of single parenting.

 

I totally agree...well said...and folks there you have it....great post!

[top bloke]

You just have to find someone more compatible with you.. My observation is that a majority of single women would like fresh start without a guy in your position with a child. You cant generalise on women either..while there are alot of loose woman who swap men like shirts there are alot of nice women out there as well. You just have to find her. Good luck man.