Getting back together really does happen!

[moonbug]

Thats amazing! Congratulations on the getting back. Wish you two all the happiness there is.

 

Btw, is it possible for you to write down the whole process and how it happened? Right from how and why the breakup happened, how the both of you behaved right after the breakup, what you did during the time you were broken up, whether you were seeing anyone in the meantime, who initiated the getting back, did you take any conscious steps to get back or did it just happen out of the blue when you weren't expecting it....that kind of stuff. Basically a detailed account of your whole story.

 

I am sure everyone here will appreciate it a lot. A probably common (and quite dismal) phenomenon on ENA seems to be one where after getting back, people just disappear from here. No one has the motivation to right about how it all fell back in place for them. So we have comparitively very few success stories written in real time, or right after they happened.

 

Hope you find the time to do this. Congratulations again!

[bexcelant]

When breaking contact, I think even for the person who got dumped, it's ok to send an email wishing them well. Think of it as the initial opening. How much are you really risking there? A few lines on a computer screen and a finger to push send. Just don't come accross needy. Everything is going great etc etc etc. Think of this as the LC phase. It'll be awhile before you get to a face to face again anyway but look, outta sight out of mind.

 

NC is dangerous if you are employing it to get your ex back. If you are the dumper, it's easier to go back but if you're the one who got dumped, then it's harder to break contact. Still, there is a level of fear when breaking contact and I've been on both sides. Breaking contact from the dumpers perspective is unnerving cause you know they might be mad at you and that the ex might have moved on without you. Breaking contact from the dumped perspective is unerving because you have been well rejected.

 

Someone has to make the first move. As to who does it, it doesn't really matter. Just send a quick email. You might not hear from them, you might. Who cares. They will read it. Just to keep them in the loop to keep em thinking about you.

 

Extended time periods of NC can leave both people feeling like the ex doesn't care anymore. So they just move on with their lives and find other people. Bottom line is this...are you willing to get a little bloodied up? There are no guarantees in life in anything but as for me, I'd rather go down swinging. No regrets.

[gee]

 

Extended time periods of NC can leave both people feeling like the ex doesn't care anymore. So they just move on with their lives and find other people. Bottom line is this...are you willing to get a little bloodied up? There are no guarantees in life in anything but as for me, I'd rather go down swinging. No regrets.

 

I was the dumpee and it was hard for me to go NC at first. I just didn't know how to! After ~9months of letting her continue to hurt me I did it. I did and she called 1 month after..she called twice! I ignored it because I had enough of being in pain. Did it mean I didn't care? NO! I was still in love with this girl and she didn't do anything or show any signs that she wanted to try again...

 

4 months later she is engaged! It has been almost a year since she contacted. Do you think she moved on with her life because I didn't care? I seriously don't think so. She was already with this guy but she never revealed him to me.

 

So, many cases are different and you can go 2-3 years NC and people still do get back together. Some go NC to try to get their ex back, some to heal and move on. This stuff isn't easy at all!

 

gee

 

P. S. NC worked for me because I am in a better place and once again love myself!

[gee]

Wishing..., Good luck to you and God bless!

 

gee

[dimnickel1980]

i don't see why in the world the dumpee should contact the dumper. maybe it's just my pride.. but he rejected me! left to "be single" and date other ppl out of the blue!

 

if he wants to contact me than he can. i've given enough time, effort, and my heart to get hurt. it's their turn to put their necks on the line.

[gee]

Exactly! And it's not about pride! It's about guarding ourselves. At least this is how I look at it.

 

gee

[Jm2056]

Exactly! And it's not about pride! It's about guarding ourselves. At least this is how I look at it.

 

gee

 

You'll have to let your guard down to reconcile. Forgiveness is one of the first steps if you want it to last.

[gee]

You'll have to let your guard down to reconcile. Forgiveness is one of the first steps if you want it to last.

 

Once they have contacted and expressed sincere interest that they want to try again then things can make a turn for the better and guards can start to go down slowly! You just can't let your guard down the min they call or walk back into your life.

 

Trust me I have gone through hell! I have forgiven and moved on!

 

gee

[Jm2056]

Once they have contacted and expressed sincere interest that they want to try again then things can make a turn for the better and guards can start to go down slowly! You just can't let your guard down the min they call or walk back into your life.

 

Trust me I have gone through hell! I have forgiven and moved on!

 

gee

 

agreed. the girl with the original post sounds like she hasn't though.

[nauum]

Here's a MAJOR important question:

 

Is it necessarily crucial to have that 4-8 weeks break before you initiate LC as the dumpee? What if you never stopped talking since the break?

[Puckdog27]

Here's a MAJOR important question:

 

Is it necessarily crucial to have that 4-8 weeks break before you initiate LC as the dumpee? What if you never stopped talking since the break?

 

There is no true answer to this question because everyone and every breakup is different. The reason these timeframes are laid down as guidelines is they give time for the smoke to clear, for the ex to start to miss you, for rebounds to run their course and most importantly for you to heal a little and not be an emotional trainwreck when you have contact.

 

If you are gonna just sit around and tick off the calendar waiting for a day to call, most likely nothing will have changed. So you have to decide what the best course of action is for you.

[Puckdog27]

Just wanted to add a success story to this thread. I spoke to a friend last night who was is 2 years into successful reconciliation. Her BF cheated on her with a coworker (they all worked at same hospital) and pretty much made a fool out of her. She closed the door hard and was disgusted by him. She dated some other guys (me included, thats when we met) and it took this time for her to realize she wanted to be with him. He came back asking her for a second chance and it took a long time for her to give it to him. They reconcilied 2 years later and like I said are now back together 2 years.

[Puckdog27]

I'm glad to hear it took a long time for her to forgive. It astounds me when people think they can walk out then just walk back in.

 

Yep, bet he has truly changed and she is very happy and in love now. People do make mistakes. And People do change. Thats seems to get lost around here.

[nauum]

What if they start to come around more...calling and seeing you (mainly sex...not activities like movies, walks) but they never have said anything about the relationship and you feel like it almost mimics your old boring thing you had....do you say anything or just go NC? I really feel as though I'm a puppet and even though we have been split since Dec. he's come to no real breakthrough.

[Puckdog27]

What if they start to come around more...calling and seeing you (mainly sex...not activities like movies, walks) but they never have said anything about the relationship and you feel like it almost mimics your old boring thing you had....do you say anything or just go NC? I really feel as though I'm a puppet and even though we have been split since Dec. he's come to no real breakthrough.

 

Up to you. Do you want to settle for just being for sex, or do you want more? Where's your breakthrough?

[Aldonza]

What if they start to come around more...calling and seeing you (mainly sex...not activities like movies, walks) but they never have said anything about the relationship and you feel like it almost mimics your old boring thing you had....do you say anything or just go NC? I really feel as though I'm a puppet and even though we have been split since Dec. he's come to no real breakthrough.

 

What breakthrough are you looking for? That he can get all the booty he wants without giving anything in return? Something tells me he's already figured that part out.

 

Don't settle for what he's giving you. Tell him it's not enough and go NC.

[zedtech]

Never, ever settle for being a Plan B. You are a prize, remember that

[gee]

Good story!

 

gee

[Puckdog27]

Just read this on Yahoo:

 

LONDON (AFP) – A British man and his Spanish former sweetheart have finally married 16 years after they drifted apart, reunited by a love letter lost behind a fireplace for over a decade, reports said on Monday.

 

Steve Smith and Carmen Ruiz-Perez, both now 42, fell in love 17 years ago when she was a foreign exchange student in Brixham, southwest England, and got engaged after only a year together.

 

But their relationship ended after she moved France to run a shop in Paris.

 

A few years later, in a bid to rekindle their love, Smith sent a letter to her mother's home in Spain. It was placed on the mantelpiece, but slipped down behind the fireplace and was lost for over a decade.

 

The missing missive was only found when builders removed the fireplace during renovation work.

 

"When I got the letter I didn't phone Steve right away because I was so nervous," Ruiz-Perez told the Herald Express local newspaper.

 

"I nearly didn't phone him at all. I kept picking up the phone then putting it down again.

 

"But I knew I had to make the call."

 

When they were reunited, it was as if time had stood still, said Smith, a factory supervisor.

 

"When we met again it was like a film. We ran accross the airport into each other's arms. We met up and fell in love all over again. Within 30 seconds of setting eyes on each other we were kissing.

 

"I'm just glad the letter did eventually end up where it was supposed to be," he said, after the couple married last Friday.

[Puckdog27]

And I forgot all about my best friend. Him and his wife split up for a time before getting back together and are now married for 10 years with 2 boys. I dont know how I forgot that one, I stood as Best Man at their wedding...LOL

[JonasWaingaro]

ha! I read that too. It's a sweet story.

[JonasWaingaro]

Got another success story

 

They were apart with no contact for around 5 years! I hope it works out for them

 

5...years?! I cave at 5...days! lol But I hope it works too. Another great story.

[Puckdog27]

5...years?! I cave at 5...days! lol But I hope it works too. Another great story.

 

This is more proof that you just have to move on, forget about it, heal, live your life and what will be will be.

[peterson5880]

I just have to say I love some of these stories...love does make it sometimes. No one knows the statistics so there is no point in saying stuff like this happens all the time or it happens rarely...I just think it's nice to see these stories, not only for hope but more importantly to see how beautiful love can be...esp. the lost love letter story...*sigh.

[Honey610]

I agree with both Peterson & Saffron. No one knows what's going to happen, much less someone who doesn't know all the details.

 

I know one couple who went out for about 6 years. They broke up constantly. They were from different backgrounds which at first was not a problem. The girl was the pursuer and the guy wasn't really that interested besides having sex. The relationship turned serious and the girl no longer wanted to be with him cause she was hoping to find someone the same background as her. That turned into a string of cheating binges from this girl (some of which this guy doesn't know) and they went through ups and downs for years. The guy was always upset yet always stood by her side. One of them always claimed it was over yet would get back together. Anyway, the ended up getting married last year and are very happy now.