flasc Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 So here goes.. I was with a girl for close to two years. Around labor day we broke up officially. A few weeks prior to that, there was some distance between us. Overall, I felt that she did some things to make me question her. I had a few people die around the time we broke up, and had been worried about work. I work on Wall St and was (am) considerably worried about my career. Throughout the relationship, She felt that at any point that I would leave her for a better and hotter girl. She even would point at girls, and say that I should be with that type of girl. I admit that I didn't make it better. What I thought were harmless jokes, she took as signs that I wanted someone else. So we broke up and 5 days after the official severance, she began seeing another guy. I tried to get her back and after a month or so, I went NC. Its been about 4 months with no contact. My question is; is it possible for a relationship to be doomed when someone is that insecure? She said she was afraid to say she loved me , because she was afraid I would screw her over. Was she saying that just to pass blame? I am in a better place , but it hurts to know that she could replace me so quickly and be in a loving relationship. They have been together officially for about 4 months or so. I almost would feel better, if it were just a rebound. Has anyone had a similar situation where a party in a relationship was so insecure it doomed the relationship? Link to comment
melrich Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 is it possible for a relationship to be doomed when someone is that insecure? Yes for sure. Personally I could never be in a relationship with someone who was not confident and secure in who they are. But there are equally lots of people who like this sort of drama. Link to comment
waveseer Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 You gave her "temporary" signals and she wanted a more "permanent" arrangement so she left to find it and it seems like she did. Link to comment
AllissaD Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 I can relate. My ex couldn't take the fact that I went out, looked good, made friends and had a good time if he wasn't there with me. In the end I got sick of feeling trapped in a relationship with someone that wasn't happy with me, and the happy, outgoing, fun, flirty person I am. I guess my point is that if their insecurities go so far as to affect how you feel about yourself and what you do, then it is definitely problematic... Link to comment
Jaybake Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 Well it sounds like your ex has unresolved issues. Really bad. And I wouldn't say relationships are doomed... I suppose it depends (in my opinion) on how both parties handle the situation. I know, personally, that I have had some stupid trust issues where I found it hard to say "I love you" because I didn't want to lay myself out there and show all of my baggage to someone who could possibly throw it right back into my face or embrace it. But its a hard question. I gotta say... If I was that unsecure I would be wanting constant reassurance... but sometimes the other party would get fed up with proving himself to her. I don't know. Its a tough question to me. Link to comment
flasc Posted March 19, 2009 Author Share Posted March 19, 2009 but sometimes the other party would get fed up with proving himself to her. It was definitely tough. It felt like a full time job having to reassure her that she was good looking enough to be with me. I loved her for who she was. It was also a big turn-off to see that she jumped right into something. It makes me feel like crap that I could have been replaced so quickly. I was her first everything. I know now, that she isn't the right girl for me. I am over her and the relationship. The issue now with 4+ of NC is the idea that I was replaced so quickly. I had a few flings , but am making the point to be very picky and make sure that my next relationship (if it happens) is a solid one. She actually lives 5 blocks away from me, and she can't even look at me when we run into each other. I am fine with that, but think that she would think more of me. Link to comment
Jaybake Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 I don't think she replaced you. And I hope you don't continue feeling that way... Girls can play games with your head sometimes.... and sometimes they don't think it through thoroughly or mean to do things intentionally... She is making you question yourself for sure... hmmm.. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 YOu were with her for two years and she was with another guy in five days. Yes, that sounds like severe insecurity...she was terrified to be alone. Terrified to be alone but then when not alone she sounds too insecure to know how to even handle that. Not a happy place she is in for sure. Link to comment
flasc Posted March 19, 2009 Author Share Posted March 19, 2009 Naturally, after the breakup and everything else my confidence took a hit. I am more confident and productive now. As weird as it sounds, I am learning from her mistake.I am sure of what I want. I just I find it odd that an insecurity can be that much of a burden on a relationship when a guy shows that he cares for you. I guess it will just take time to be ok with the fact that she could move on so quickly. It seems as if she was trying to prove to herself she could get another guy.I guess whether or not it is a rebound is of no consequence. By all accounts, this guy is extremely insecure as well. So I guess its a good fit. They are in love and all, so I should be happy she found someone good for her and that she is very happy Link to comment
Jaybake Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 Good! I like the positive talk! Link to comment
maverick554 Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 MY ex was kind of like that. She always thought our relationship was doomed to fail, even when times were good she would make references to us breaking up that I didn't like. I remember one time when she bought this couples scrapbook you can put pictures and stuff in, I was really touched when she bought it, but then she said "well I guess now I'll have somethign to burn when you break up with me" totally killing the moment. I feel like she had to have all of the answers right away, and know immedietly if we were going to be together forever. And she would very occasionally also make references to how she would like to see me hitting on or getting hit on by another girl. I was like what the crap? Some poeple are just plain weird and have no business being in relationships until they straighten their craziness up. Link to comment
ToodlePip Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 My ex was like that. Out of curiosity, were any of your exes (to all in this thread) from broken families? Link to comment
maverick554 Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 To answer your question Toodlepip, yes my ex was from broken home. She was raised most of her life by a single mom who died when my ex was 19. And her father is a piece of crap who she hasn't spoken to or seen in years. So yeah I'd call that a broken home. I blame alot of her issues on her upbringing. Link to comment
flasc Posted March 20, 2009 Author Share Posted March 20, 2009 Funny things is my ex wasn't from a "broken" home. Parents are still together 20+ years. She was from a small town and never dated much in HS. In college, when she was approached by guys she said she never thought it would work out. I was her first in every sense of the word.That's why I question, if I made her more insecure. I guess the new guy has calmed her insecurities, because they've been together for a few months. I guess the "rebound" period has elapsed. Link to comment
ToodlePip Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 I guess my theory is still in need of proving them! Maybe it's right 90% of the time. Link to comment
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