waveseer Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Frankly, I am appalled at how people bend the truth when it comes to infidelity. I believe it's wrong even when: - Nobody ever finds out. - Nobody ever repeats it. - Nobody catches a std. - Nobody gets pregnant. - Nobody premeditated it. - Nobody liked it. - Nobody feels guilty. Am I alone? Link to comment
d24 Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 long and short of it: infidelity is wrong and inexcusable. I agree. Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 I am no fan of infidelity. Link to comment
odile Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Frankly, I am appalled at how people bend the truth when it comes to infidelity. I believe it's wrong even when: - Nobody ever finds out. - Nobody ever repeats it. - Nobody catches a std. - Nobody gets pregnant. - Nobody premeditated it. - Nobody liked it. - Nobody feels guilty. Am I alone? Nope, you are not alone! I agree 100%. It's not just about who-did-what-with-whom-- it's about a betrayal of trust. It's about completely disregarding a promise made. It's about taking for granted the feelings (and yes, health, though I know that that's not the discussion at the moment) of someone who has been led to believe that you would not do such a thing. Worst, it's about dishonesty. Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Sex with other consenting adults with the permission of your partner is not cheating. However, lying/hiding/misrepresenting your actions and having sex with someone else when the other partner does not approve is a very, very, very despicable thing to do, no question. Link to comment
PsychGirly Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Nope, you are not alone! I agree 100%. It's not just about who-did-what-with-whom-- it's about a betrayal of trust. It's about completely disregarding a promise made. It's about taking for granted the feelings (and yes, health, though I know that that's not the discussion at the moment) of someone who has been led to believe that you would not do such a thing. Worst, it's about dishonesty. I couldn't have said it better myself. Whether it's lying, cheating, emotional, physical...the worst thing to feel is betrayal. To believe so strongly that this person is yours, & that they wouldn't hurt you, & to be let down. Link to comment
waveseer Posted March 18, 2009 Author Share Posted March 18, 2009 Sex with other consenting adults with the permission of your partner is not cheating. However, lying/hiding/misrepresenting your actions and having sex with someone else when the other partner does not approve is a very, very, very despicable thing to do, no question. Infidelity by definition means in opposition of an agreement to be exclusive. Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 it is not cheating if the man is on the road for business or in war Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Infidelity by definition means in opposition of an agreement to be exclusive. Isn't that what I said? Link to comment
PsychGirly Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 it is not cheating if the man is on the road for business or in war It's cheating if his partner is not aware of it, regardless of where he is. Link to comment
waveseer Posted March 18, 2009 Author Share Posted March 18, 2009 it is not cheating if the man is on the road for business or in war Are you serious? You believe in infidelity if the distance is great enough? Would that be with or without a prior agreement? Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 I totally agree. And, they all have to sleep at night... Link to comment
mrmaximum Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Frankly, I am appalled at how people bend the truth when it comes to infidelity. I believe it's wrong even when: - Nobody ever finds out. - Nobody ever repeats it. - Nobody catches a std. - Nobody gets pregnant. - Nobody premeditated it. - Nobody liked it. - Nobody feels guilty. Am I alone? Not at all. And what odile said about it being about honesty is bang on. There is little that riles me up more than lies of ommision. IT STILL A LIE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD Link to comment
Casey13 Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 As each RS is unique, as all people are unique, infidelity holds no static definition and the sad but true reality is in fact that its open to interpretation. Link to comment
mrmaximum Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 it is not cheating if the man is on the road for business or in war By whose definition pray tell? Quite a few stories where the spouses are still upset when soldier boy and mr executive returns home. Link to comment
odile Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 As each RS is unique, as all people are unique, infidelity holds no static definition and the sad but true reality is in fact that its open to interpretation. Oh, please. Anyone who says as much is trying to sell you something. The definition is static: It is stepping outside the parameters of the relationship, whatever those parameters may be. Link to comment
DropToZero Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Oh, please. Anyone who says as much is trying to sell you something. The definition is static: It is stepping outside the parameters of the relationship, whatever those parameters may be. Yeah... I agree against cheating/infidelity. It is to me, always wrong... But you'd be surprised if you're not somewhere around the age of 14 - 25 how much we're all spoonfed the idea of cheating is a good thing, and that it's alright, because it's drama and exciting... and how fidelity is boring, and no sex before marriage is not the norm, and how sleeping with anyone/everyone is the way to go. People don't seem to understand... that when you start to bend a line, all it's gonna do it bend further until it breaks. ...and it's only getting worse. Infidelity is everywhere, and teens/younger adults are doing it all over... even some of my best friends think, and yes I mean THINK that it's okay to cheat on someone-AS LONG AS YOU'RE NOT MARRIED. ...now please, explain to me how you're supposed to have trust enough with someone, to get married in the first place... with that attitude?... and sure as hell what makes me not SO SURE you'll carry that cheating attitude onto marriage and not change your ways. People are fools... and the line's only bending further... watch it break. There is and never will be any excuse for cheating. If you have a problem, you work it out, if you're getting beat, you leave, if you have too many problems and you're both stubborn jackasses, you leave, if you aren't getting sex w/in your relationship-and seek it somewhere else-you don't have justification, you just are unwilling to grow up and talk to your partner and tell them what's wrong with you so you seek it elsewhere because you're afraid of issues. I'm done... I'll only get involved in an angry manner if I have to keep responding to bs like that... my peace is spoken. Link to comment
angellight Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 it is not cheating if the man is on the road for business or in war WHAT??????? Soooo... It's ok if your girl/wife sleeps around while your working???? or fighting for our freedom???? Either you are VERY liberal or did you mistype that response????.... Link to comment
PsychGirly Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 One of my best friends, who happens to be a 24 year old guy, told me the other day: "You shouldn't look for a guy who's not gonna cheat on you, because reality is, the majority of men are dogs. You should just look for a man who's gonna treat you like a princess & provide you with all that you need...regardless of whether he cheats or not." Ugh...it disgusted me. He's in a "serious relationship" with a beautiful, intelligent woman he's head over heels for...but he says that if "the opportunity presents itself", he'll take advantage of it...but that won't "change the way he feels about her", & she'll be the "only one he treats like a princess". His motto is, "Men are only as loyal as their options". He's been trying to convince me to believe him...but it disgusts me. It scares me to think there's guys like that out there. What's even scarier is that he's a GREAT guy. His gf has NO idea about his infidelity. Link to comment
jul-els Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 I agree that cheating is wrong. But sometimes humans need to make that error. If they are fortunate enough then they learn from their mistake and move forward without repeating it. Sometimes people don't however and fall into a pattern of cheating. That's when it's really messed up because it's being driven by a pathological need that the person will place before anything or anyone else. That's when it's a real problem. In my opinion a person who is in such a devastating and traumatic environment as a war can be forgiven thier indiscretion. They are under an enormous amount of strain and might very well need that release and or comfort in order to maintain their sanity. A man who decides to cheat while on a business trip on the other hand I would consider sleazy. Link to comment
odile Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 One of my best friends,(..)His motto is, "Men are only as loyal as their options". He's been trying to convince me to believe him...but it disgusts me. It scares me to think there's guys like that out there. What's even scarier is that he's a GREAT guy. His gf has NO idea about his infidelity. Ugh, your friend sounds like trash. If that's the sort of relationship that he wants, then he should be with someone who's okay with 'sharing' in that way! Link to comment
angellight Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 As each RS is unique, as all people are unique, infidelity holds no static definition and the sad but true reality is in fact that its open to interpretation. Yeah...Like Bill Clinton..."I DID NOT have sex with that woman"...okay she just bl##W me.... Link to comment
PsychGirly Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 If that's the sort of relationship that he wants, then he should be with someone who's okay with 'sharing' in that way! I agree. I told him it's not fair to his gf, but he had the world of excuses & attempted rationalizations to try & explain to me that it's acceptable. Link to comment
NowandZen Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Slightly different spin: The problem with cheating is what it does to the cheater. It corrupts your soul. It turns you into someone who believes that YOU (yourself) are the center of the universe, and whatever works for you should fly. It also leads to the habit (keep in mind that I think all habits are bad) of choosing the path of least resistance. You don't look at the root of what would cause you to cheat, because it would cause you to look inward. Very scary for most. Imagine this conversation: Man: Betty Lou, I am unhappy with you and your emasculating ways. I deserve to be treated like a man, and admired and respected for who I am. Because you treat me like something you scraped off your shoe, I am going to have affairs with other women. This is totally honest, if raw. The reason this conversation rarely happens is because Betty Lou may likely tell him WHY she treats him as she does. In the end, it may come to resolution or dissolution, but either way, it removes the need to cheat. People, in my experience, do not want to get to the truth, particularly about themselves. They find it easier to make things MORE complicated, MORE painful, and turn themselves into something they don't want to be. Link to comment
odile Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 I agree. I told him it's not fair to his gf, but he had the world of excuses & attempted rationalizations to try & explain to me that it's acceptable. Slightly off topic (but I don't know how to start threads!) Here's a question for you-- do you feel guilty not giving her a heads-up on his "motto"? And if he ever did cheat, would you feel bad knowing, and knowing that she didn't know? And if so, would you do anything about it? (Feel free to move to new thread, if you know how to do it!) Link to comment
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