Daligal83 Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 So I'm trying to figure out why I have such a non-existent dating life. I'm social, I go out every weekend. I do a mix of bars, community activities, movies, restaurants...I'm everywhere. I know a lot of people. In the past almost year I've had two blind dates that did not lead to anything (one his choice, one mine) and a bad situation where I got screwed over. I think I'm a friendly and outgoing, happy person so I'm wondering where I'm going wrong. I think I just look too young. Guys don't notice me because of it. Today I was at one of the schools I work at with a preschool child and this woman walks by, does a double take and says she thought I was one of the students!! I know this school goes to at least fifth grade, but I don't know if it even has middle school students. And I was dressed professionally for work! I don't wear makeup to work because 1) I'm already running late everyday 2) I work with preschoolers and it doesn't matter and 3) I usually go to the gym after work and don't want to deal with that. But when I go out, I always wear makeup. I don't know if this is really the reason...but I don't know what to do about it! Link to comment
alli Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 I'm guessing you are kinda short if she thought you were a student. Do you wear heals? Some other things to consider: Your hairstyle... try getting highlights & getting layered, straight hair Makeup... I know you don't see a need to wear it daily, but it will make you look closer to your age. Go to the makeup counter at Younkers & have them help you figure out the best way to make yourself not look too young. I put on makeup everyday, it only takes 5-10 minutes & I also frequently work out after work. It's a bit of a hassle but not that bad! Clothes... that's good you dress professionally for work. Maybe have a friend help you look at your wardrobe & see if you could adjust your style to flatter you more, both for work and for going out. Link to comment
Forumzguy Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 can you show us a picture of you? that way we can tell. oh nvm i saw one in your profile. I would say you look your age. I would not say that you're one of the middleschooler students Link to comment
king6 Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 look good to me, Im the same age, and Id say you look perfect, where you from.. need a date?.. Link to comment
Forumzguy Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 look good to me, Im the same age, and Id say you look perfect, where you from.. need a date?.. Haha very smooth. Link to comment
servedcold Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 Wouldn't take that woman's comment to heart, lots of people go around throwing out backhanded compliment/insults when they are intimidated by someone's beauty or style, sounds like the case here. The fact that you look good without makeup will make lots of women envious. You are just going through a dry spell, will be funny when the tables turn and you have more attention than you can handle at once, happens to all of us. Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted March 17, 2009 Author Share Posted March 17, 2009 alli-I don't wear high heels because I work at a special education preschool. I need to be able to easily chase after the kiddos when they run down the halls haha. I'm just not that good on heels. I do usually where them if I'm out at the bars or something. Depending on where I go. And I think I dress pretty well. I get a lot of compliments on my clothes and jewelry, so I don't think that's an issue. I'm kind of disproportionate in that I'm super tiny on top (extra small) and larger on the bottom (size 6). Maybe that's a turn off? Forum-thanks king-lol thanks for the compliment. I definitely need a date, that's why I'm posting! lol servedcold-It's not just this one woman. Yesterday I met my friend's mom and we're all talking and all of a sudden she goes, you look like you're 12!! I get this comment constantly. Last year I was IDed to see a rated R movie. I hope you're right about the tables turning. I've never been the one to get a whole lot of attention. I don't think I'm attractive, so I can get frustrated easily. I'm confident in who I am as a person though so I feel like if a guy would get to know me, then I'd have a chance. Link to comment
top bloke Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 You know I have seen women post that theyre not attractive many times and yet the most attractive women seem to be the ones who smile a little. Dont be self conscious as we are all individuals and attractive in out own little ways. I have a question for you? Do the single dads ever seem to chat to you a bit more? Just wondering? Link to comment
servedcold Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 Cynically, I still think you are getting smoke from these women based on your beauty, especially if you have a nice rear (and unless you are shorter than 4'10", a size 6 rear end is nice). I've dated a couple of women who would comment about attractive women with young features, and would roll my eyes when they start with the "she looks like she's barely legal" stuff. All envy, at least in my experience. Your picture is lovely and doesn't say "Hi, do you like Spongebob?" to me at all. Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted March 17, 2009 Author Share Posted March 17, 2009 Hahahah served but I do say "Hi, do you like Spongebob?" to my kids all the time!!! It's a great icebreaker Thank you though, I appreciate it. Any theories on why I don't get approached by guys then? top bloke-I'm pretty smiley. Maybe not while I'm working out at the gym, because I'm concentrating, but otherwise I feel like I smile a lot. And I do tend to get hit on by older men, some that have had children. There's a guy at my gym who's always telling me he thinks I'm attractive and he's 37 and has a 14 year old daughter lol. I also generally get anyone creepy. Fun times. Why did you guess that? Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 I dont think you need to worry about your youngish looks putting guys off Just my opinion.. And your not alone with this "dilemma". (I think more girls can relate). I'm 5'3 and get ID'd to see R rated movies haha. I remember getting ID'd or hinted at (that I'm underage) by the ticket seller while on a date. To see: Good luck chuck. (I'm guessing due to the nude scenes..) I get comments that I look 14 or 16 by so many people. Even my voice! Usually always the "oh you look 16!" ever since I was 19. I think it's a compliment though. Or maybe not. I just cross my fingers I'll still look it at 33. Hey it can happen right!? And I don't blame you for not wearing heels. I can be a really girly girl when it comes to style but even working in an office it can be killer on your feet. So I prefer flats. If I where looking to pick up guys at work though I'd wear some kitten heels and some tight pants haha. Or a nice pencil skirt with top? Could you maybe wear A line skirts or something more feminine where you work? image removed Clothes choices are the easiest way to look older. I know I may get shunned for saying this but showing a bit of skin is always good. Not too much of course. Maybe some leg. Or shoulder. As well as make up. A little goes a long way and is a girls best friend haha. What about your hair? If you have a hard time managing it maybe you can look into a good straightner and use it ocassionally to get that instant chic look. Alot of times it can be the whole "be more confident" thing which can be a bit hard. Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted March 17, 2009 Author Share Posted March 17, 2009 Haha thanks Jeckyll Glad to know I'm not the only one with this problem!! I know I'll be happy about it later on. I'm not really looking to meet guys at work...there aren't any. We have one male sub and I'm not interested. I work with like 30 women. I can't wear skirts there anyway because I'm down on the floor with the kids a lot. So I stick to nice work pants. And my hair, I have straightened it sometimes and I honestly don't like how it looks. My hair is real thin and I feel like it doesn't flatter my face as well as when I wear it curly. I can't stand my hair, but others compliment me on it since it is curly. I know the makeup would help. I really do wear it when I go out. It's just not going to happen during the work week though. I already leave 5-10 minutes late for work practically everyday, I can't add onto what I'm already doing. I wear concealer to hide flaws and the bags under my eyes, and I put lotion with SPF on my face. That's about it. Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted March 17, 2009 Author Share Posted March 17, 2009 By the way, that skirt is SO cute!! If I wore skirts, I'd get it. I hate my legs and don't wear them unless I'm having a random day of confidence. Stupid cankles lol. Link to comment
servedcold Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 Any theories on why I don't get approached by guys then? I'm at a loss for words there (hey, it could happen). OK, not really. What types of bars and clubs are you hanging out at specifically? What kind of people are in your social crowd? Mostly singles? If so maybe vary things up. Have you tried going a bit older and cultivating a circle of young married friends? These would be the types who have dinners and casual parties at home and may invite interesting single guys. Also, if you are petite, dark loud bars may not be the best place for you to shine. You look like someone who might get more attention doing daytime things. For bars, stick to more open spacier, quieter places, not packed up loud places. One other thing, when you go out, is it in a group of several women? Or just you and one wingman/girl? The latter will get you approached more than the former. Many men, self included, hesitate to approach large groups that are usually full of "girls night out" women in relationships. I still do it, but usually have to make an approach plan, and am very tentative until at least one of the women in the group subtly identifies herself as single. If it's just two women, I will walk right up without a second thought. Finally, going out for meeting dates is different than going out with friends for fun. Took me many years to learn this. Try sitting at the bar with your solo wing-girl and having an open posture towards the room. Show signs of having a good time with your friend, but not too much fun or too engaged in a conversation. Don't run around the room, but rather stay in one place for at least 10-20 minutes, look around frequently to see men who are checking you out and smile, not at them, but -near- them. You are gonna get approached dear, if you do these things, I have no doubt. Link to comment
top bloke Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 My wife is a teacher and I am very biased because I think all teachers are gorgeous people lol. I think their proper manners and great innocent look about them makes them really nice... I just think that you have not met the right guy yet to be honest... Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 Yea I wouldn't want to pick up guys at work really either. Oh and don't worry so much about "cankles". Trust me, guys really don't notice that stuff. They're just happy to see some leg and a girl with confidence to show it haha. (j/k and no offense to guys of course). I was really a bit self conscious about my legs to be honest. I had a few small scars on them and it realllllllly limited what I could and couldn't wear (due to not feeling confident). I didn't let it stop me -after a few years of hiding my legs from the world haha. I always saw cute stuff like dresses and skirts which looked so good on other girls, and my heart sunk a bit when I didn't have the confidence to wear them. I was very limited to jeans, leggings and pants. Now I found ways to camouflage anything I'm happy with. Even a bit of make up. -->Are cankles thick ankles? There's alot of shoe styles in fashion now which can camouflage and look really good with skirts, etc. Just in case you had a change of heart. (Gotta work with what you got girl! image removed Also, a tip if you are feeling like you want to show leg but can't wear a skirt: get some nice bermuda shorts in nice fabric. image removed Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 My wife is a teacher and I am very biased because I think all teachers are gorgeous people lol. I think their proper manners and great innocent look about them makes them really nice... I just think that you have not met the right guy yet to be honest... I completely agree. Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted March 17, 2009 Author Share Posted March 17, 2009 served...I tend to go to very casual bars. I don't go to clubs at all, not my thing. Last time I went out, it was with three or four other girls. We're doing a biweekly girls night out thing, but it'll probably only be three or four of us. And I'm definitely always looking around the room to see who is there. That last time, one of the girls who was out is married so she was our wingwoman. I did end up talking to this one guy for most of the night, but I was also completely wasted so I don't remember much. And don't worry, that was a one-time occurrence. But usually when I go out, it is just with one or two other girls. I feel like I don't even get noticed at all. And a lot of my friends are in serious relationships (long-term or married). I've asked them if they know any good single guys and they always say no haha. But the next time I go out, I will try to smile more and be more open. I actually went into this local shop on Saturday with a friend and the guy who owns it is very very attractive. We talked with him a bit and he said that there's a sale going on and today is the last day. I did get a shirt that day, but I'm thinking of going back today with the excuse that I wanted to see if there was anything else I wanted while there's still a sale. We'll see how I'm feeling at the end of the day haha. top bloke-I'm actually not a teacher. I work as a social worker doing counseling with the kids, in home social work services, working with clinic patients (it's an agency that serves people with disabilities) and will be doing social skills groups in the classrooms. Jeckyll-thanks for the tips I have a pair of bermuda jeans, but I like those pants that you posted a picture of. I should get a new pair. I won't go shorter than those because my thighs are also very thick, I'm even more insecure about that part of my body than my cankles (which yes, are thick ankles lol). When I say I'm a size 6 on the bottom, it's a thick size 6. Link to comment
servedcold Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 With the nightlife, consider narrowing down the field to one GF that you go out with on nights to "meet." That woman should be single like you. Consider cutting the drinking way down, nurse a drink and try the technique I described, being open to the room. Choose a place that is easy to approach, like sitting at the bar, and stay put for awhile there. Have 3-5 places where you go and nurse a drink or even order a nonalcoholic drink. Alcohol tends to dull the focus on meeting people even though it lowers inhibitions. Maybe try going to places with pool tables, bar games like trivia, or dart boards, which attract men. I know one woman who meets all her dates by getting to a bar early and setting up at or next to the trivia game, can work with any kind of bar entertainments. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 With the nightlife, consider narrowing down the field to one GF that you go out with on nights to "meet." That woman should be single like you. Consider cutting the drinking way down, nurse a drink and try the technique I described, being open to the room. Choose a place that is easy to approach, like sitting at the bar, and stay put for awhile there. Have 3-5 places where you go and nurse a drink or even order a nonalcoholic drink. Alcohol tends to dull the focus on meeting people even though it lowers inhibitions. Maybe try going to places with pool tables, bar games like trivia, or dart boards, which attract men. I know one woman who meets all her dates by getting to a bar early and setting up at or next to the trivia game, can work with any kind of bar entertainments. i agree with the 1 friend thing. too many girls, they start gabbin and talking about girl stuff and she said he said crap and guys hate that. trust me. Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 For me clubs where the EASIEST way to meet guys and flirt. Of course the guys I met at clubs and bars weren't the greatest relationship material lol. I agree with served cold that it's best to go with one girlfriend vs a group when you go out. But if you do go in a group (which is usually funner) try and break away from them or try not to get too caught up with them and the convo. Who knows if there could be a cute guy in the room and you don't even see him checking you out. Guys find it easier to approach when a girl is by herself or with only one more friend. If I see a guy checking me out who I think is cute too, I smile. Maybe give a come hither look. Or just smile and hold the gaze a few seconds. Then glance over again a few times if he does too haha. If he's interested he'll most probably approach. Hope it makes sense.. in a non stalkerish way lol. Meant to be more flirty. Link to comment
cutiepie07 Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 I get this all the time, so I totally feel your pain! I find myself noticing guys who look to be around 26, 27 and they sort of gloss over me because I look like I'm 18. I just keep reminding myself that when I'm 35 or whatever I'll appreciate it. I think clothes are key to appearing older as well as makeup. I don't wear a ton of makeup, but I have found it does help. On days I barely wear any, I look especially young. I once had one guy tell me I looked 14, I was like really? I don't think I look that young. A group of girls can be intimidating to guys, plus it's hard for them to tell who's single. Going out with one friend is a good way to go. I agree with servedcold, find a place to sit/hang out and chat with your friend. Look approachable and someone will come over. If you see a guy who is cute, smile and hint for him to come over. It's much easier to be approached if you are with just one other person. My friend actually met her current boyfriend in a bar, so it can happen. She doesn't drink either but was just there for the social aspect. Link to comment
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