Losing best friend of 5 years

[Max1]

It's been a long time since I last posted. My best friend of 5 years has just met a girl that he really likes at school. He went out of town with her for a week and before that he was gone for a week on another trip with family. So I haven't talked to him in 2 weeks until today. We were going to get a movie and hang out and on the way he told me to drop him off because he was going to go see this girl. He said he would come back but he has said that before and always leaves me hanging without an appology. They had plans tomarrow night and I got upset because he has ditched me so many times. I have been there for him for a very long time and I have needed him lately. All I asked for was one night to hang out. He acted as if it was the end of the world after promising to see me. It made me feel horrible and abandoned. We ended up getting into a huge fight over it because he said I was over reacting. I didn't feel as if I was at all. I was actually pretty calm. I just wish I knew where my best friend went to. I miss him so much and it hurts more than anything. I'm so depressed that I don't know what to do. I guess it hurts so much becaause this wasn't the first time it has happened. I feel like he is trying to get back at me for breaking up with him 4 1/2 years ago. We only dated for a couple of months and we were young but we got a great friendship out of it. I guess I was wondering what someone else would say or do. thanks

[Finch]

Alright, well you have to understand his prospective of this whole issue. First of all, he is probably no doubt really stoked about this new love interest that he has. I mean this is an exciting thing for everybody, especially when you aren't always getting involved in relationships all the time. It sounds like they're getting really close fast too.

 

I'm not saying that just because he found someone new is an excuse to "ditch" you, especially when you need him most. It's just an explanation of why he has. It should also help you to understand that he defiantly doesn't care about you any less, it's just that he's too excited to see the damage he is actually doing.

 

You have to explain to your friend exactly how you feel, without excluding anything. Then maybe he'll understand what you're going through and realize that he has sort of abandoned you lately, and from the description of him that you gave me, he will not want that.

[Max1]

Well, I talked to him calmly and told him how much it hurt me. He told me that I'm trying to ruin his life and I need to get over myself. So with him saying that I don't feel as if he understands. I don't know what to do because I feel as if this is one of my worst and most painful break-ups of all time. I didn't feel as if a couple hours was asking for much and that it was unfair of me. I feel as if he can walk all over me and treat me like I'm nothing and it doesn't matter. It's happened before and when the girl breaks up with him he acts like nothing has happened and we are still as close as ever. I had made plans with someone and cancelled because I thought I would see him and we could spend a little time together. I feel unwanted and very confused. I don't know if what I asked for or did was wrong. Or if what he is doing isn't right. I feel like I want to walk away from this and not look back but at the sametime I feel as if my life is over without him in it.

[Finch]

I think he might just be hurt that you might not be happy for him, or he might not understand how badly it is that you do need him. He might think that you are just trying to take him back because you are jealous or another reason.. I can assume and assume, but it's hard to tell what the real reason is.

 

I'm sorry that things didn't go well. He might just be upset and overreacted, but it appears to me that this hasn't been the first time that he has done this to you. It might not be a good idea putting so much responsibility in this one person who seems pretty undependable.

 

It seems like you are pretty upset, and maybe you should talk to someone else that you are close to like a councilor, teacher, another friend, parent, priest, anyone here, etc. Maybe they will be able to help you get over whatever is bothering you. In the meantime, try to make things better with your friend, but I wouldn't expect too much out of him.